OK well this is to prevent first so yeah. Ok well if anything is spelt wrong could you please say it in a nice manner? I've had people over react to words that are spelt like nad instead of and so yeah. Please comment and spread the word if you liked it.

I was just a normal seventeen year old guy who had no family or life. I did backbreaking work everyday except on weekends where I would go to a bar the whole time and blow off my money on booz (booze) and other crap. But one day while I was going down a road I heard whimpering. Little did I know that it was a pony that I grew fond of since I was a brony. Trixie became my favorite almost once I laied (laid) my eyes on her.

~Sierra, TWE Admin.

Don't forget about the use of Capitals. Other than that, loved it!

It's okay, there are way too many spelling errors to count though, and incorrect uses of homonyms everywhere. Put it through spell-check before you post it and it will be able to catch those small errors; although some words are spelled horribly incorrectly. There are also some grammar mistakes here and there, and the story is moving too fast. Why is the character so accepting of the fact that a cartoon talking pony has just stumbled into his world? He doesn't seem to react at all, he just treats her like a normal person and while he is treating her wounds, he keeps forgetting what he is supposed to be doing! I'd think that if he did accept that she was real, he'd be more urgent to help his favorite pony who nearly got stoned to death; especially if she's whimpering and crying out from pain.

Your chapters need to be longer and more descriptive in the future. You should show us what is happening and describe it in detail, not just have a quick succession of you telling us about it quickly and then moving on. This chapter could have been much long and more satisfying if you had been more descriptive. Those are my two bits, so I will be off now, good luck with your story. I think that this could be good if you patch it up a bit.

1279128 ok thx and srry for all the errors i'm still in school AND i'm not that good at this kind of stuff sorry and i'll try to do better next time

Could use a proof reader and spelling/grammar check but other than that not bad.

1279150 I could use one...wanna help?

1279149
Not a problem man, as long as you're willing to try and fix it and take critisism, you can only get better.

this is good man aldo it reminds me of MLD I can't wait to see the next part

I like it but Even a Princess has feelings is better.

1279159
I wish I could but I suck at phrasing, I'm a good reader but a bad writer
But there's a group on fim that has proof-readers that can help here's their link
Proofreaders and People willing to proof read

1. At first, I thought the title said "Helping Beat Up A Showmare." I saw the description, and was proven wrong.
2. Despite some errors in the story, I found the overall development quite interesting. Keep up the good work, and try to improve on those errors.

1279253 ok thx and could u be a proofreader if u are interested? plus you could tell me wht to improve on

Alrighty, I'm Sierra and I'm going to be your reviewer for today! Well, if you want, that is. Still, 1279128 is pretty good (but not as good as me! ) So... let's get started. As always, if you don't like the criticism I give, feel free to delete it or ignore it. If not, there's not need to acknowledge or credit me. I do this to help all authors, not just you!

So, I'll be using my colour system for showing you the different flaws in your work. It's pretty basic but I'll describe it below.

Red shows a typo.
Blue shows something I'd add.
Green shows a grammatical error.
Purple shows something not described above.

Alrighty, let's get to work!

It was just like anyother (any other) day for me. Walking down a long street with allies ('Allies' is a synonym of 'comrades'. I believe you meant 'alleys') everywhere you would turn. It became a habit of wondering if I would get jumped. A few times I did and I would just give them what I had. Sometimes it wasn't and only a few times I would get beaten up by a group of random people. Sometimes there was just kids wanting to blow off steam. The only comfort I would have was in my own house that once belonged to my parents, who that are now deceased.

    The one show that kept me from going insane was "My little pony:Friendship is magic." (Use quotation marks, not speech marks. It is also spelt 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic') Now, at first I thought I was crazy for even watching a show like this. But as time went on I began to grow fond of it. I knew the backround (background) ponies quickly along with the mane six (Mane Six). But one pony caught my attention even though she was shown only once and seemed to be a boaster which I was once was (Make this into two sentences).

    Well back to walking down the ally (alley) ways (This sentence makes no sense)I was walking when I saw a group of damn kids throwing rocks at something. I then heard whimpering almost like , similar to that of a dog. SInce (Since) I loved dogs I went over to try and stop the kids. They took one look at me and sprinted away as fast as they could. I guess I looked intimidating with my short black hair, (add spaces after the commas)brown eyes,Medium (get rid of that capital! ) built,wearing a camoflaughed (camouflaged) pair of pants and an army shirt that belonged to my dad. Lastly was the scar on my face. It was on my left eye, thanks to a little knife fight I was in.

Well, now that the grammatical side is out of the way, about the story...

1) Pre-reader: As you said, you need to find a pre-reader. I'm sure you know the importance of this, so I won't go into it.

2) Capitalise your title: Replace the current one with Helping A Beat Up Showmare, it'll look better.

3) Practise: Practise makes perfect, so keep on writing and you'll improve considerably!

Good luck with the story! Mail me or comment on my wall if you have any questions

~Sierra, TWE Admin.

1279282
As much as I'd love having the honor of doing so, I must confess that I have too many errands and family issues as of late, and I haven't even been able to update on my own fic. Believe me, I really am honored to have been asked to be a proofreader, but perhaps if it were during another time, seeing as the both of us are probably busy with school. Also, You just need to work on spelling, as some of the people commented before, and try to make your chapters a bit longer and with more clarity and detail. Readers like a deep story with good details, expression, a bit of humor, but most of all: plot development. I like the development of the story so far, seeing as it's still just the first chapter. Just keep your mind open for your imagination to help with good ideas to add to the storyline.

1279317 Ok thanks abunch for that I was waiting for osmeone to do this. Now i think you might say no but can't blame me for trying. Would you be my proof-reader? Or pre-reader however u wanna word it. Just until my main one gets back from....some problems he has?

1279338 I would, but I'm busy trying to keep some semblance of an update schedule for my stories, managing TWE and writing these reviews If you need help or advice though, I'd be glad to help!

1279338
I could help you proofread or pre-read if you want. Just don't expect me to immediately fix everything up within 30 minutes like some other people do XD

1279205 give it time my friend

1279092 your avatar is tht a mare and yor OC just asking cuz if thts a mare i might use her in a fic.....hmmmmmmm

1282284 Ummm . . . Okay? This isn't my actual OC though. Feel free to use the picture though.

1282638 Oh ok srry if tht freaked u out i guess i just assumed and i have problems with tht....srry again

That was great

1284701 No, it's fine. I found her on the intetnets. (Not to be rude or anything, but is that how you normally type?)

1287210 no not really i was typeing on my smartphone so thats why sorry about that

Sup ponylover I feel this will turn out great if you work at it and plan it out I can see HUGE improvements from your avp fic I'm liking it so far KEEP IT UP

three weeks later

this just in a group of kids have bein found hanging in an ally skinned alive

(moral: DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. TRIXIE!)

no tht made my day>>1299940

1304235 they will suffer

teke teke teke teke teke teke teke

I love it
good work as always

Nice start, I'm enjoying this.

I will not repeat the advice about pre-reders and editors. I'm sure if you put the call out there will be those who would be happy to help.

pretty decent start, could have had more of an introduction but its your first story. (better than what Ive got, NO STORIES surprise. now feel good about yourself)

a few spelling mistakes but interesting read so far

Can anyone plz tell what a dinging room is?

2460764 I believe the words you're looking for are dining room

So far so good, this certainly is interesting.
I noticed lots of "and"s and "then"s in there, which can get a bit irritating at times, but maybe that's just me. Meh, whatever.

However, I found some things you might want to take a look at. Now, don't get this the wrong way, I am not complaining or anything. I am just trying to help and my suggestions should be taken with a grain of salt, as my english is in no way perfect. Anyway, less talking, more helping:

"My little pony:Friendship is magic."

Should be "My little Pony: Friendship is Magic"

a boaster which I was once was.

like I once was. ? *shrug*

SInce I loved dogs I went over to try and stop the kids.

How about: Since I loved dogs, I went over to try and stop the kids. ? *shrug*

short black hair,brown eyes,Medium built,wearing a camoflaughed pair of pants

you forgot the spaces after the commas

I took it out of my pocket and flashed it into the whimpering creature

Maybe it's just me, but would "flashed it towards" sound better?

Now if it wasn't for the condistion she was in

condition

She was preety beaten up

pretty

few cuts and brucies on her body

bruises

She was shakeing in fear tears streaming down her face.

She was shaking in fear, tears streaming down her face.

On further excpetion I saw that her ribs were showing which wasn't a good sighn

I'd say: Upon further inspection, I saw that her ribs were showing, which wasn't a good sign.

I then remembered that I would have to try and help her.

I knew(or: realized) I had to try and help her

some thought but finaly came to a conclusion that I was her only chance.

finally, the conclusion

She nodded yes agaain

again

street that was abbandoned.

abandoned

to the gues bedroom

guest

along with a kitchen,dingingroom,and liveing room.

spaces after commas and living room

I nodded to myself as I new all she

knew instead of new

and grabed some apples for her.

grabbed

She must've been starveing.

starving

showed her the bag of peaze as

and bottle putting the peaze back

pease

and laied down in bed.

laid

Like I said in the begining, the first chapter is interesting, so I will continue reading. However, you should consider re-writing parts of it and extending it here and there. Flesh it out a little and polish it. Just food for thought, though.
Again, I am not complaining, just trying to help a little.
Thanks for writing! See ya!

nice start

The plot is awesome but you really need a proofreader

'Pease'? Really? You can't spell peas?

Holy fuck the grammar is horrid! However! I like this concept and will continue reading. I'm sure you've improved.