Poor Glassie. She so badly wants to be popular but can’t stop stepping on toes. Or hooves. And look at our boi Ebon! Virile, brave, and bi. And like our resident Glaceon says, a big, black, huggable kitty.
... who just happens to fit in a box. Love this lore dump of chapter and looking forward to seeing our fabulous foursome in Equestria! Though it probably won’t be until they visit Rarity that the term ‘fabulous’ will be applied to them. I’ll longpost later, but until then, I enjoyed the preread of this one, even without any real action other than Ebon drooling over stallion strength. Good job!
11376028 Thanks, Sensei! I'm trying my best to pace this as deliberately as possible and do the "serious writer" thing of loading those Chekov's Guns, building up the world, and generally writing quality long-form. I've written plenty of fiction that people have liked but I've never written a proper novel, you know? I was going to go all out in this chapter and carry it all the way to Equestria but it just felt wrong - like I'm in some sort of race to get there. My rough draft overlooked the fact that I can say a thing or two about ponies without having to be in Equestria and it improved the final draft a great deal.
Breakfast had been cleared out and replaced with lunch as Team Allure and their pony hosts showed off their best moves.
A bubbling pit formed inside Ebon’s stomach at her words; one that may or may not have been related to overdoing it on poffins.
“You think that’s awesome? Watch this!” A stallion with neither wings nor horn, clad in heavy plate armor — larger and more powerfully built than the other two species.
I would change that to "said a stallion with neither wings nor horn"
“I’m going to show these pokémon why we’re called ‘earth ponies!’”
And later, why they're the sexiest of all pony types!
The crowd cheered with gusto, Ebon among them howling his approval and beating his front paws against the barrier.
“Now that is my kind of guy!” Ebon shouted ecstatically, his arousal barely concealed beneath his belly.
I think you meant to say 'gay', Ebon.
Several mares started laughing and having stood up on his hind legs, Ebon realized he’d been exposing himself to dozens of ponies, including Cold Steel himself whose face turned pink at the sight.
And his orifice puckered, even if he wasn't immediately sure why!
Eventually, they’ll all have to forget the inappropriate thing they’ve just seen… right? Ebon lied to himself, hoping for the best.
Sorry, Ebon. The internet is forever.
“My turn!” Glassie took her place in the circled-off arena and walked importantly to the center of it. “Behold, ponies. Here is a mere sample of what a glaceon can do!” Her body stiffened and her tail arched up as she focused all of her considerable power into a single fell stroke, chilling the air in the clearing until it was filled with puffs of steamy breath and pony figures trembling from the cold.
Worse, after she raised up her tail and cold air appeared around her, they thought it was her form of farting.
“Great form, Glassie! You still have what it takes to work at a ski resort!” Edelweiss called out to her, sarcastically.
Only if she gets a work crew composed of vulpix! I might also remove that last comma.
“Don’t forget those hardworking leafeons out there keeping the air clean and the soil healthy,” Edelweiss chimed in. “Not that I’d know, though. I’m a country girl; always have been and always will be. Right, country boy?”
AJ is going to love this girl.
“You sound like a certain earth pony I’ve met, Edelweiss,” a smiling Cadance said. “And you’ll get to meet her soon enough. I guess you could say there’s a lot of grass-type in her as well.”
And she's as big a badass as you, Edelweiss.
“But I’m not nice, Ebon. I’m ice!” Glassie protested. “I’m hard, jagged and unpleasant.”
But you can also be as soft and fluffy and pretty as newfallen snow, girlfriend.
“You? Oh, you’re just a big, black huggable kitty cat, Ebon!” Glassie sat on her rump with her forelegs folded, a supremely adorable pout on her face. “Of course, the ponies will like you.”
Ebon looked up at where Cadance had been standing only to realize that she was no longer there. For a big gal, she sure can make a silent exit. Ebon thought to himself.
It's a learned skill, and one she had to master quickly to escape unseen in the many instances she was teaching somepony proper lovemaking when their partner unexpectedly arrived.
“Run into any difficulties securing the camp and sending our letter to Treasure Town?” Ebon asked, trying to sound all business again.
Which was difficult when his ears kept picking up the pony mares discussing his briefly seen erection in anything-but-unfavorable terms.
“Whoa, whoa!” Ebon held out an extended paw. “That’s pretty TMI, don’t you think?”
“Please tell me you don’t mention all sex that goes on as a rule, do you?” Edelweiss winced slightly as she spoke.
Somewhere across the portal, Roseluck was surprised to feel a sudden sense of righteous indignation at the idea of not advertising her sex life while in the other room, Lily Valley wasn't sure why she felt an abrupt urge to cringe.
Ebon couldn’t blame her. She’d surely known about him and Edelweiss sleeping together and he wasn’t entirely clear what Glassie knew or thought about it, let alone relative strangers now thousands of miles away.
Need a comma after 'together', since there are two independent clauses there. As for Glassie, as she's rather self-abosrbed, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't know. Hopefully that's something her visit to Equestria will help address, courtesy of her closest match in personality.
Ebon put on his biggest smile. "Please, Sike?"
Didn't you tell me that by some canon, Umbreons can't smile? Not that I'd want that here.
Sike closed her eyes momentarily and Ebon could feel his mind receiving a very thorough scan. Seemingly satisfied by this, she smiled back at him.
I might change to 'seemingly satisfied that his apology was genuine' just to make clear that's what she was doing.
"Apology accepted," Sike, replied, the two sharing a one-legged hug.
Remove the comma after Sike.
Ebon didn’t appreciate his sister’s patronizing tone but made no mention of it.
Siblings get a pass on that since insults tend to be the order of the day growing up anyway. It certainly was in my family.
“Hey, what is this about? What did I do wrong now?” Glassie shouted. Ebon peeked out to see her stomping one paw into the grass.
I'm reading this now and thinking it needs a tad more detail regarding why Glassie suddenly got indignant. She realized they were exchanging telepathic messages regarding her?
Edelweiss tsked at her espeon teammate. “Sike, you’re doing it to him again, aren’t you? Come on, Equestria is waiting for us! There are flowers to buy, ponies to see, berries to eat, and who knows what kind of treasures we’ll find?”
And ponies to screw! Hey, we all know why we're here.
“I just want to find the largest, most powerful creature there and knock it out!” Glassie jumped up onto her hind legs, bearing her fangs and claws before splashing back down with her front legs into the soupy wet grass. “They will call Team Allure the best. Like no one ever was.”
And I'm sure you'll catch them all, Glassie.
“We will heal their stricken forests from blight and save their people from darkness!” Edelweiss chimed in.
Actually, I know she's going to meet AJ, but I'd love for her to meet the flower trio as well. Especially Daisy, who makes redeeming the Everfree her life's work, at least according to certain other of your stories.
“We will seek out the long-eared damsel and win her affection!” Ebon said, puffing out his chest.
Can't imagine who that must be.
Cadance beckoned the four to follow with a wave of her hoof. “Then let us be off! Right this way, Team Allure.”
Ebon couldn’t take his eyes off the ribbons of light in the sky, their pastel ribbons twisting and undulating across the sunny sky. As they drew closer, they could hear a slight hum that seemed to emit from the central spire itself.
Reading this now, I'm finding the transition a bit jarring. I don't think we saw the ribbons of light mentioned before that. I'd also change at least one of the two 'ribbons' in this paragraph to something else to avoid repeating words.
“I can feel it too,” Ebon replied. “It’s like the warmth of the sun but it warms me from the inside!”
Run! It's radioactive!
The skin beneath his fur tingled pleasantly, reminding him of the restorative sensation he felt basking beneath the moon after a long, difficult day.
Just wait until you meet Moonbutt and bask beneath her, Ebon.
Even Glassie couldn’t resist, grinning proudly with her long, diamond-shaped tail suspended high above her head, seemingly basking in the flow of power and giving whoever was standing behind her a great look at her frosty fun holes.
Outstanding alliteration! I have taught you well, kohai...
Ebon couldn’t help but be slightly jealous, being almost half a day since his last sexual experience — a lifetime by his standards.
And that, right there, is why I love Ebon. Always horny, always eager and able. We'll have to see how much this translates to his Continuation and Chronicles counterpart!
“It looks like you keep your own sun there!” Edelweiss squeaked excitedly.
Oh, that's just Celly burning off some excess brightness, else nobody could even look at her.
“Or a god-killing death ray!” Glassie said in awe, earning an odd look from Edelweiss. “What? I’ve read stories like that!”
Just wait until she sees Lily's comic collection!
The floor was as blue as a glacial cavern and equally as hard and smooth, while doors of solid amethyst lined the walls in every direction leading no doubt to treasures untold.
Or maybe buckets and mops? Even ponies have to clean their extravagant dwellings sometimes, Ebon thought to himself with a grin.
Actually, Ebon, those doors are there for Pinkie Pie to pop out of at any moment. Cadance needs sweets delivered hourly, and the Crystal Kingdom doesn't exactly have a Sugar Cube Corner.
“I now understand why no one has sought to drive you out of the mountains yet, Princess. They took one look in here and went blind.”
Cadance snorted before busting out in a fit of laughter. “I appreciate your candor, Glassie. You are truly irrepressible!
I'd put an aside between the two paragraph of a slightly mortified reaction from the other girls, and some form of admonishment from from Ebon (a glare or maybe a brief word or two) for potentially insulting their host again. That aside, Glassie and Sugarcoat from Equestria Girls would get along just fine.
“Like a ghost-type!” Sike said in a high-pitched squeal.
Ebon reserved the thought that Sike had good reason to fear ghosts being psychic.
I assume we'll learn why later, but in the meantime, I'd combine these two paragraphs to say "“Like a ghost-type!” Sike said in a high-pitched squeal, while Ebon reserved the thought that Sike had good reason to fear ghosts being psychic." Flows a bit better to my ears.
“It’d be a shame to waste perfectly good couches, so why not?” Ebon replied with a toothy smile.
They're psychiatrist couches she's collected over the years that she now uses for group therapy.
“So they can’t die, still?” Glassie asked. “I don’t know how I feel about that…”
Next to Ebon, he noticed his sister’s wilted demeanor — tendrils hanging limp at her sides like the branches of a weeping willow.
Nice description!
“I’m sorry but I really have no idea what you’re going on about,” Cadance said in what sounded like sincere confusion. “Are you talking about the mythological talking apes you read about in comic books?”
She really didn’t know. All this time in the realm of pokémon and she didn’t know what a human was?
I would assign that second paragraph as thought or voiced by one of the non-paralyzed characters. Otherwise, it doesn't quite make sense coming from an omniscient narrator.
Ebon tore himself away from his sanctuary of sisterly love to look up at the Pink Princess. “This place… was it built by humans? Please, tell us! Human dwellings are cursed!”
Because even after thousands of years, Chernobyl remains uninhabitable and off-limits to all types.
“If it eases your mind, Ebon, ponies built this place on top of the mystery dungeon located here. It’s one of the few permanent structures on this mountain.” Cadance lifted Ebon and Edelweiss up with her magical aura — “Arceus, she is a strong one!” Ebon thought to himself — “As far as any of our exploring parties know, your world is entirely made up of pokémon. There is no such thing as a ‘human’.”
I would change the inner aside to an italicized thought instead of a quote.
Ebon sighed, forcing back the shame welling up inside of him to face Cadance properly. His sister’s tendrils were still gripping him tightly.
I would extend this slightly by having him give a comforting gesture like stroking those tendrils reassuringly despite his fear. Never a bad thing to remind the reader that he does love and care for her.
“My, my, my,” Cadance shook her head slowly. “To think that mythological creatures once lived in alternate universes! Wait until our ponies hear about this!”
Lyra will be particularly pleased, since she's been trying to get funding for her human research for years only to be told that there was no point in investigating fictional beings. She's going to as irrepressible as Glassie when she hears the news!
“That it is!” Cadance said, walked up to one of the strange, corded metal boxes and stood behind it. Ebon spared the box a curious glance; it had a blinking light, a bunch of switches and dials, and a huge red button. “It’s really simple to use. I just tell the machine how many objects are going through and it creates a mirror spell in front of that pillar marked by that lovely Saddle Arabian rug on the floor.”
Of course it's lovely to her. She got a discount on it by allowing the Saddle Arabian merchant selling it to screw her senseless on it!
“Is this… going to be safe?” Sike looked over at Ebon and scowled.
Good question. I recommend donning a full-body condom to be sure.
“Of course, it’s safe! We’ve been using it ourselves for many years.” Cadance replied to Sike. “Though, there is a chance you may turn into ponies on the other side. That happened to us when we came here initially.”
Slightly ambiguous answer. I know you mean that they turned into Pokemon, but it sounds like she's saying that they turned into ponies even though they're already ponies. I would clarify by saying “Though, there is a chance you may turn from Pokemon into ponies on the other side. That happened to us in reverse when we came here initially.”
The scene looked strangely copasetic for an alien dimension. He had the passing thought that it might even be a good place to raise an eevee.
Don't trust it! It's just the demo scene!
Bowing his head, to the trio,
Remove first comma.
he turned back to the portal and stuck his paw curiously into the visible outline of the portal, and instantly, he felt an invisible cord wrap itself around his body. Whatever their nature, he had no chance to resist them before they yanked him through, plunging him into not just a vortex, but an overwhelming maelstrom of swirling energy.
Welcome to the event horizon, Ebon. Try not to get spaghettified by extreme tidal gravity on the way there!
Good chapter, and sorry for not coming up with these obsevations/corrections before. I guess I needed to look at it with fresh eyes to see it all. But the scene and stage are set now, and may our Ebon survive the trials ahead. There are many mares to screw and even stallion tails to sample. Adventure awaits!
Appreciated as always! The first video you posted is by Patafoin, a great Pokémon comedy skit writer. I highly recommend all of his work. A bit of trivia about that video, the first song played is from an obscure cult classic GBA RPG called "Golden Sun" and the track itself is called Issac's Theme. I bring it up because it fucking rules.
Eat your heart out, Uematsu! Amazing song.
I would change that to "said a stallion with neither wings nor horn"
Fixed.
And later, why they're the sexiest of all pony types!
“Now that is my kind of guy!” Ebon shouted ecstatically, his arousal barely concealed beneath his belly.
I think you meant to say 'gay', Ebon.
Imagine being the sort of guy so constantly surrounded by gorgeous females, he has to escape into fantasy to find a male. There's no denying he's pretty overpowered compared to the experiences of most men in reality and this puts something of a target on his (and my) back for accusations of "Gary Stu" and wish fulfillment. And yes, all males in a harem-style fic are precisely that, but I think I can deliver Ebon Umbreon in a way that's not completely boring using the opportunities afforded by the naturally powerful gifts afforded to all Pokémon.
I guess you could say, I have to Micheal Bay my way out of this being completely shallow and predictable clopfic. How often does that happen to an author?
Sorry, Ebon. The internet is forever.
Eat your heart out, Anthony Weiner. There's a new king of impropriety in town!
Worse, after she raised up her tail and cold air appeared around her, they thought it was her form of farting.
Some Americans worry about the lake effect snow. Some have to deal with Nor'easters. For those living in Pokéworld, it's Glassie eating too many beans.
Only if she gets a work crew composed of vulpix! I might also remove that last comma.
Fixed. With Vulpix, it's going to be what's known in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon as a "Monster House" - a room you enter and get immediately ambushed by a large number of AI-controlled Pokémon. A tempting story to write to be sure!
AJ is going to love this girl.
It'd be wholesome to watch her use her vines to gather apples to spare tiny Apple Bloom the indignity of having to try and buck them down.
And she's as big a badass as you, Edelweiss.
AJ strikes me as a rock and grass type of gal. Stubborn and strong but also fertile and nurturing.
“But I’m not nice, Ebon. I’m ice!” Glassie protested. “I’m hard, jagged and unpleasant.”
Yo, Glassie. Freeze it one more time, boiiiii!"
"I am not a boy!"
Just ask Sylveon!
Just don't tell her 'no' or you'll learn why she's called the "intertwining Pokémon" in the Dex.
Somewhere across the portal, Roseluck was surprised to feel a sudden sense of righteous indignation at the idea of not advertising her sex life while in the other room, Lily Valley wasn't sure why she felt an abrupt urge to cringe.
Sike has one round of sex and now it's all she can seemingly think about. Some things never change about the way I handle females in writing.
Need a comma after 'together', since there are two independent clauses there.
I might be a product of me generally being a retard about most things but I've been writing since 2014 and I still don't entirely understand how clauses work. Fixed.
Didn't you tell me that by some canon, Umbreons can't smile? Not that I'd want that here.
In previous chapters, his 'smile' is described in detail in earlier chapters as him opening his mouth and flashing his doom-saw teeth at others. The inspiration comes from seeing his 3-D model in Sword and Shield utterly failing to smile properly even though the other Eevees can.
I might change to 'seemingly satisfied that his apology was genuine' just to make clear that's what she was doing.
"Apology accepted," Sike, replied, the two sharing a one-legged hug.Remove the comma after Sike.
Fixed.
I'm reading this now and thinking it needs a tad more detail regarding why Glassie suddenly got indignant. She realized they were exchanging telepathic messages regarding her?
Detail added.
And ponies to screw! Hey, we all know why we're here.
Sometimes, I still wonder.
And I'm sure you'll catch them all, Glassie.
All she's missing is the silly hat!
Can't imagine who that must be.
Would you believe there isn't a single long or large-eared drawing of Roseluck on Derpibooru? There are over 2000 draws with this tag last I checked.
Actually, Ebon, those doors are there for Pinkie Pie to pop out of at any moment. Cadance needs sweets delivered hourly, and the Crystal Kingdom doesn't exactly have a Sugar Cube Corner.
I love the idea that Pinkie Pie has access to every closet in that place!
Uh-oh. The Judge's brother from Ace Attorney is here!
You got me. I totally ripped that line from him. It would be funny to hear Glassie call someone a 'hoser' at some point!
Lyra will be particularly pleased, since she's been trying to get funding for her human research for years only to be told that there was no point in investigating fictional beings. She's going to as irrepressible as Glassie when she hears the news!
Sadly, I can't reply with what I'm thinking because it's spoilers.
Welcome to the event horizon, Ebon. Try not to get spaghettified by extreme tidal gravity on the way there!
So, I've heard that so long as the black hole is supermassive, you won't get spaghettified, so if you really did find a black hole like this and it doesn't have a molten accretion disk, you could fly into one. You just wouldn't ever escape to tell the tale.
Good chapter, and sorry for not coming up with these obsevations/corrections before. I guess I needed to look at it with fresh eyes to see it all. But the scene and stage are set now, and may our Ebon survive the trials ahead. There are many mares to screw and even stallion tails to sample. Adventure awaits!
That was quite an effortpost! Thanks for all the suggested edits. I haven't done them all but I will get to work on that. For now, enjoy my effort reply!
11738877 I will update it, I'm just not sure when. I've been in poor health throughout 2023. In 2024, I'll likely be in much better shape and pick this back up.
Poor Glassie. She so badly wants to be popular but can’t stop stepping on toes. Or hooves. And look at our boi Ebon! Virile, brave, and bi. And like our resident Glaceon says, a big, black, huggable kitty.
static1.e621.net/data/sample/6c/6b/6c6b7477cef8328e0e961a7ac33ad077.jpg
... who just happens to fit in a box. Love this lore dump of chapter and looking forward to seeing our fabulous foursome in Equestria! Though it probably won’t be until they visit Rarity that the term ‘fabulous’ will be applied to them. I’ll longpost later, but until then, I enjoyed the preread of this one, even without any real action other than Ebon drooling over stallion strength. Good job!
11376028
Thanks, Sensei! I'm trying my best to pace this as deliberately as possible and do the "serious writer" thing of loading those Chekov's Guns, building up the world, and generally writing quality long-form. I've written plenty of fiction that people have liked but I've never written a proper novel, you know? I was going to go all out in this chapter and carry it all the way to Equestria but it just felt wrong - like I'm in some sort of race to get there. My rough draft overlooked the fact that I can say a thing or two about ponies without having to be in Equestria and it improved the final draft a great deal.
Also, box Umbreon is best Umbreon.
Great chapter. I eagerly await your next update!
11376058
Thanks! Glad I could entertain you. Been a while since I've written. I'll get back on this shortly.
Hey! Here’s my promised longpost on the chapter:
I would change that to "said a stallion with neither wings nor horn"
And later, why they're the sexiest of all pony types!
I think you meant to say 'gay', Ebon.
And his orifice puckered, even if he wasn't immediately sure why!
Sorry, Ebon. The internet is forever.
Worse, after she raised up her tail and cold air appeared around her, they thought it was her form of farting.
Only if she gets a work crew composed of vulpix! I might also remove that last comma.
AJ is going to love this girl.
And she's as big a badass as you, Edelweiss.
But you can also be as soft and fluffy and pretty as newfallen snow, girlfriend.
Just ask Sylveon!
camo.fimfiction.net/USHyP4YDMpZpiaH85HfULAiE5339vxopDgjCN5Kf0PQ?url=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic1.e621.net%2Fdata%2Fsample%2Ff6%2F1e%2Ff61e0f3357a0015d1f98f434a8b6f5cd.jpg
It's a learned skill, and one she had to master quickly to escape unseen in the many instances she was teaching somepony proper lovemaking when their partner unexpectedly arrived.
Which was difficult when his ears kept picking up the pony mares discussing his briefly seen erection in anything-but-unfavorable terms.
Somewhere across the portal, Roseluck was surprised to feel a sudden sense of righteous indignation at the idea of not advertising her sex life while in the other room, Lily Valley wasn't sure why she felt an abrupt urge to cringe.
Need a comma after 'together', since there are two independent clauses there. As for Glassie, as she's rather self-abosrbed, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't know. Hopefully that's something her visit to Equestria will help address, courtesy of her closest match in personality.
Didn't you tell me that by some canon, Umbreons can't smile? Not that I'd want that here.
I might change to 'seemingly satisfied that his apology was genuine' just to make clear that's what she was doing.
Remove the comma after Sike.
Siblings get a pass on that since insults tend to be the order of the day growing up anyway. It certainly was in my family.
I'm reading this now and thinking it needs a tad more detail regarding why Glassie suddenly got indignant. She realized they were exchanging telepathic messages regarding her?
And ponies to screw! Hey, we all know why we're here.
And I'm sure you'll catch them all, Glassie.
Actually, I know she's going to meet AJ, but I'd love for her to meet the flower trio as well. Especially Daisy, who makes redeeming the Everfree her life's work, at least according to certain other of your stories.
Can't imagine who that must be.
Reading this now, I'm finding the transition a bit jarring. I don't think we saw the ribbons of light mentioned before that. I'd also change at least one of the two 'ribbons' in this paragraph to something else to avoid repeating words.
Run! It's radioactive!
Just wait until you meet Moonbutt and bask beneath her, Ebon.
Outstanding alliteration! I have taught you well, kohai...
And that, right there, is why I love Ebon. Always horny, always eager and able. We'll have to see how much this translates to his Continuation and Chronicles counterpart!
Oh, that's just Celly burning off some excess brightness, else nobody could even look at her.
Just wait until she sees Lily's comic collection!
Actually, Ebon, those doors are there for Pinkie Pie to pop out of at any moment. Cadance needs sweets delivered hourly, and the Crystal Kingdom doesn't exactly have a Sugar Cube Corner.
I'd put an aside between the two paragraph of a slightly mortified reaction from the other girls, and some form of admonishment from from Ebon (a glare or maybe a brief word or two) for potentially insulting their host again. That aside, Glassie and Sugarcoat from Equestria Girls would get along just fine.
I assume we'll learn why later, but in the meantime, I'd combine these two paragraphs to say "“Like a ghost-type!” Sike said in a high-pitched squeal, while Ebon reserved the thought that Sike had good reason to fear ghosts being psychic." Flows a bit better to my ears.
They're psychiatrist couches she's collected over the years that she now uses for group therapy.
Uh-oh. The Judge's brother from Ace Attorney is here! https://aceattorney.fandom.com/wiki/Judge_(younger_brother)
Nice description!
I would assign that second paragraph as thought or voiced by one of the non-paralyzed characters. Otherwise, it doesn't quite make sense coming from an omniscient narrator.
Because even after thousands of years, Chernobyl remains uninhabitable and off-limits to all types.
I would change the inner aside to an italicized thought instead of a quote.
I would extend this slightly by having him give a comforting gesture like stroking those tendrils reassuringly despite his fear. Never a bad thing to remind the reader that he does love and care for her.
Lyra will be particularly pleased, since she's been trying to get funding for her human research for years only to be told that there was no point in investigating fictional beings. She's going to as irrepressible as Glassie when she hears the news!
Of course it's lovely to her. She got a discount on it by allowing the Saddle Arabian merchant selling it to screw her senseless on it!
Good question. I recommend donning a full-body condom to be sure.
Slightly ambiguous answer. I know you mean that they turned into Pokemon, but it sounds like she's saying that they turned into ponies even though they're already ponies. I would clarify by saying “Though, there is a chance you may turn from Pokemon into ponies on the other side. That happened to us in reverse when we came here initially.”
Don't trust it! It's just the demo scene!
Remove first comma.
Welcome to the event horizon, Ebon. Try not to get spaghettified by extreme tidal gravity on the way there!
Good chapter, and sorry for not coming up with these obsevations/corrections before. I guess I needed to look at it with fresh eyes to see it all. But the scene and stage are set now, and may our Ebon survive the trials ahead. There are many mares to screw and even stallion tails to sample. Adventure awaits!
11377790
Appreciated as always! The first video you posted is by Patafoin, a great Pokémon comedy skit writer. I highly recommend all of his work. A bit of trivia about that video, the first song played is from an obscure cult classic GBA RPG called "Golden Sun" and the track itself is called Issac's Theme. I bring it up because it fucking rules.
Eat your heart out, Uematsu! Amazing song.
Fixed.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/2/23/559847.png
derpicdn.net/img/2021/6/8/2630792/large.png
Checks out.
Imagine being the sort of guy so constantly surrounded by gorgeous females, he has to escape into fantasy to find a male. There's no denying he's pretty overpowered compared to the experiences of most men in reality and this puts something of a target on his (and my) back for accusations of "Gary Stu" and wish fulfillment. And yes, all males in a harem-style fic are precisely that, but I think I can deliver Ebon Umbreon in a way that's not completely boring using the opportunities afforded by the naturally powerful gifts afforded to all Pokémon.
I guess you could say, I have to Micheal Bay my way out of this being completely shallow and predictable clopfic. How often does that happen to an author?
Eat your heart out, Anthony Weiner. There's a new king of impropriety in town!
Some Americans worry about the lake effect snow. Some have to deal with Nor'easters. For those living in Pokéworld, it's Glassie eating too many beans.
Fixed. With Vulpix, it's going to be what's known in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon as a "Monster House" - a room you enter and get immediately ambushed by a large number of AI-controlled Pokémon. A tempting story to write to be sure!
It'd be wholesome to watch her use her vines to gather apples to spare tiny Apple Bloom the indignity of having to try and buck them down.
AJ strikes me as a rock and grass type of gal. Stubborn and strong but also fertile and nurturing.
Yo, Glassie. Freeze it one more time, boiiiii!"
"I am not a boy!"
Just don't tell her 'no' or you'll learn why she's called the "intertwining Pokémon" in the Dex.
Sike has one round of sex and now it's all she can seemingly think about. Some things never change about the way I handle females in writing.
I might be a product of me generally being a retard about most things but I've been writing since 2014 and I still don't entirely understand how clauses work. Fixed.
In previous chapters, his 'smile' is described in detail in earlier chapters as him opening his mouth and flashing his doom-saw teeth at others. The inspiration comes from seeing his 3-D model in Sword and Shield utterly failing to smile properly even though the other Eevees can.
Fixed.
Detail added.
Sometimes, I still wonder.
All she's missing is the silly hat!
Would you believe there isn't a single long or large-eared drawing of Roseluck on Derpibooru? There are over 2000 draws with this tag last I checked.
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I love the idea that Pinkie Pie has access to every closet in that place!
You got me. I totally ripped that line from him. It would be funny to hear Glassie call someone a 'hoser' at some point!
Sadly, I can't reply with what I'm thinking because it's spoilers.
So, I've heard that so long as the black hole is supermassive, you won't get spaghettified, so if you really did find a black hole like this and it doesn't have a molten accretion disk, you could fly into one. You just wouldn't ever escape to tell the tale.
That was quite an effortpost! Thanks for all the suggested edits. I haven't done them all but I will get to work on that. For now, enjoy my effort reply!
Update?
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I will update it, I'm just not sure when. I've been in poor health throughout 2023. In 2024, I'll likely be in much better shape and pick this back up.