A sexy Eeveelution team without Vaporeon? Especially in an MLP crossover where the egg group part of the meme is actually valid (there's a "humanoid" egg group)? Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit!

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Ahh yes. I'm familiar with this joke. Here's a repost of this meme for the non-Pokémon inclined reading this story:

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.

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That meme always confused me, because the phrase 'acid armor' just doesn't sound appealing for something I'm putting my dick in to cover itself with.

Besides, everyone knows that Flareon is the most fuckable Eeveelution.

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I'm a glaceon man myself but flareon is highly fuckable. Respect!

The vaporeon meme is widely hated and almost no one actually agrees with the logic. It's still fuckable, as all eeveelutions are.

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Your help was very much appreciated, Strong Man!

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Of course, everyone knows that the true thing that makes the eeveelutions great choices is that they're a natural harem when you have a Russian assortment¹.

1: That's Oneovich.

11191086
Well said.

Does anyone agree with me that the eeveeolutions are well established characters within the 1st 2 chapters?

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That's very kind of you to say, Sleepy. Thank you.

11191019
To be fair, the move has a very misleading name; it consists of liquifying the user's body in order to better absorb physical strikes. If she's using it properly, lining up with an actual hole becomes optional.

My own issue with the pasta is that the egg group for humanoids is mostly separate from Vaporeon's (a given Pokémon can have two egg groups; the overlap includes fandom husbando Lucario and the Vegas showgirl rabbit which I put in hyperlink form so that I can prove I'm not joking)

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A true Vaporeon afficionado knows the male vappy copypasta too! Even though I am more a Sylveon main myself~

And here is the copypasta in question!

The male Vappy is the real star of the show.

Those long slippery dicks. They have full mobility control with like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull off anywhere to the side of the road, or go into a public restroom at the beach. Get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone with that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.

And hat's only the dick. Due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.

There's still more though. Due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Me-owth, that's fucking right!

But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail, at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck!

Well, guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. F*cking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained. You don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.

Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (passed where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air, like a ghost type. But, who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving. You can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!

I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Sylveons may be my favorite. But, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.

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Sylveon is legendary fap fuel. Arguably the best-designed pokémon of them all.

I'm still Team Glaceon though. Just something about its face that speaks to me.

cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/564902206806032389/956687669746880592/unknown.png

Amazing. The story isn't even completed.

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There's also a distinct lack of Jolteon

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Again, I was referencing a copypasta.

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Guys, guys! How about a Jolteon copypasta?

Actually, I dunno how that would work. It's covered in spines that would make sex without a suit of armor pretty much impossible. Then there are the accidental current discharges...

Do I need to have any knowledge of the Pokemon mystery dungeon series in order to know what's going on here?

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I don't think it's covered in spines I'm pretty sure it's just hair, but it's all like spiked out like it got static'd

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No.

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Headcannon accepted. This is the way.

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Jolteon's spiked fur is so sharp and needle-like he can fire off his hairs to damage enemies in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon.

Jolteon is a quadrupedal, mammalian Pokémon. It is covered in yellow fur with a spiky fringe around its tail and a white ruff around its neck. Its ears are large and pointed with black interiors, and its eyes and small nose are black. It has slender legs and small paws, each with three toes and a pink paw-pad.

Jolteon's prickly fur is made of electrically charged needles and generates negatively charged ions, which create a sparking noise as it moves. It also has an electricity-generating organ in its lungs, and crackles of electricity can often be heard when Jolteon exhales. The static electricity in its fur amplifies the low-level electricity generated by its cells and allow it to discharge 10,000-volt lightning bolts. This Pokémon is most often found in cities and towns under the ownership of Trainers. However, its high-strung nature and tendency toward mood swings can make it difficult to train.

Source: Bulbapedia.

That's no reason you can't imagine otherwise, though! It's like the whole 87.5% male thing with Eeveelutions. It doesn't really matter. Have your fantasy lady eeveelution dream girl if that's what you want.

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well it says it right there. it's prickly fur, which is way different from SPIKES.

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The larger objective in bringing that up has nothing to do with nomenclature, but the fact the fur itself would likely be very sharp and thus dangerous.

11192345
I'm pretty sure nobody who was ever stabbed in the dick cared what the thing they were stabbed with was called.

11192372
Well said.

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I personally dont think of the fur being spiny or spikey all the time, only when the jolts electrify their bodies does it become spikey/spiney. Like ya cant tell me in the pokemon world that if you got a pet jolteon that you gotta fear always petting it for you might hurt yourself.

Like if we took the Pokedex literally, theres alot of shit on there that would make it that having a pet pokemon is a super bad idea.

Umbreon - When they sweat they will sweat poison https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Umbreon_(Pok%C3%A9mon)

Right in the last few posts of the biology, meaning if you and yer umbreon pet are running around and working up a sweat, you could easily get yerself killed as you would get poisoned by the very vapors of a sweaty umbreon as its literally poisonous.

Glaceon also is a bad choice too, as its an ice mon its internal temperatures are super cold, and if it licks you, you will get frost bite from it. Which is also very bad, same to Flareons, getting burns from its tongue.

Like alot of mons are super dangerous IF you take the pokedex as factual everything and not think of other things.

Like Glaceons would obviously be able to control its body temperature, so that it wouldnt harm the ones it loves, especially if its mating a Leafeon its deeply in love with, Ice kills Grass remember, and same to Flareons too, controlling their inner temperatures to ensure no harm comes to the others they care about.

And now with jolteon, an pet jolteon is gonna want pets, ear scratches and butt scratches, it wont get that if we take the dex literal, after all Jolteons are just foxes/dogs, and we all know dogs love those kinda things. So it would make major sense if its fur was actually soft, and would only become spiney OR spike like when its using eletricity to fight.

Im only just putting logic into this whole discussion, like thinking outside the box and not taking what info we got as face value facts.

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All good points.

Ah, perfect. A PMD crossover, finally! I played most of them, with your quality this should be good

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I hope you like it!

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I suppose it's worth mentioning the "pet your Pokémon" modes that were added starting in X&Y. Where only Slugma and Regice are rendered functionally unpettable. (Presumably Jolteon is like sharks, where you have to be careful to pet along the grain. Or in the case of this kind of petting, make sure she shaved down there)

11192745
Ahh, I never played that. I'd think if you can pet it, you can have sex with it.

11192745
Ive played those games, and its super limited on where you can pet. After all its a 3ds game.

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But I've heard there's always somewhere that won't either injure you or make your 'mon react poorly, except for the two I mentioned. The corollary is that there's somewhere that you can pet Jolteon without stabbing yourself.

Well then so far so good, it is consistent with pmd time, i liked more pmd sky but thats just more quality of life things that it has, besides being able to pick riolu and eevee as playable characters. Hope to see more of this.

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I wish I owned PMD Sky. That game is the clear best of the series.

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Or it gets filled by other Eevees, Sike.

They will all get filled eventually. "E-boi!"

Can a girl have a bruh moment? I say yes.

Initially, I had it in my head that was just Edel interrupting herself while saying "brother" but prereaders pointed out, it could also be construed as Edel responding to an actual Bruh Moment.

"It's my fault, though. I'm just too hot an Umbreon."

<gets promptly frozen by an eyerolling Glassie>

I'm too sexy for my map. Too sexy for my map. So sexy, gotta take a nap.

Glassie's a class-traitor! And you know what that means!

Medieval Europe uses Stake Burning. It's highly effective!

They were two weeks late because Ebon and Edelweiss kept sleeping in each morning for reasons they weren't at liberty to disclose.

In that space of time, I'm betting Ebon had to deal with her heat cycles and had to abstain. Poor, poor Ebon.

Enslaved house elves from Harry Potter.

The way JK Rowling handled that entire subplot is one of the most baffling failures of Harry Potter as a whole. The slavery of the House Elves doesn't make any sense and is on its face appalling but Hermione is made to look like an honest-to-god fool over it. The hell was that woman doing? Why did we never get an explanation for where they came from or how they became enslaved? Why is JKR so bad at worldbuilding? Fulfilling Pinkie's Dream was explained better!

Thank God girls can't read guys' minds. If they could and were in charge, we'd all be locked up for life.

Especially if the girls looked like Espeons.

I jest. Ebon's trying so hard to be honorable here, but it only makes him all the more desirable.

Indeed it does. Mark my words, he'll claim all three of them and more by the time we're through.

So Glassie has a weakness other than fire types! Well, you don't have to worry, Glassie. They'd go right past your shaking form and make a beeline for Ebon as an Umbreon anyway, ravaging him with tongue and tendril mercilessly.

The sheer number of things Sylveon can prod you with are overwhelming to consider. And if it's a male, oh dear.

That and being photographed while it's happening with his helplessness displayed for all to see.

Sum is a huge inspiration to this story. I really wanted to capture his version of Umbreon to apply to this story. And that video is amazing. My favorite by far.

Thanks for including this sequence. It defines the characters and grounds the story in at least a little more realism to start.

As much as I'd love for this to be endless fucking, it may as well be porn at that point. There is plenty of Pokémon crossover porn on this site and plenty of inoffensive stories about ponies and Pokémon going on adventures. I wanted story with sex here because this site doesn't really have a "Gentleman For Mares" for the Pokémon crowd.

Or maybe an Alicorn Princess several times his size...

I can envision how that'd go several different ways.

Sexy even without showing anything directly. Enough detail that I could visualize that scene easily.

Excellent opening chapter! It's the attention to detail that really sells this along with taking pains to establish the characters and their personalities as something more than total horndogs. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course...

Really looking forward to more! I'll hit the second chapter tonight.

Thanks! I look forward to hearing from you then and taking a peek at what you're working on...

Time to finish off my promised longposts.

When the ponyta walked into the center of the room and lit its horn, the torches lining the walls and ceiling burst to life, filling the room with warm, orange light.

Unfortunately, the Pokemon had a less than favorable reaction.

The ponyta giggled into one of her gold-capped horseshoes. “Now what kind of host would I be if I attacked my guests on sight?”

True. Even if you're evil, you'd be violating the supervillain code of conduct by doing that. You're required to wine and dine your victims first, boast of your plans, launch into a long monologue detailing every aspect of them and how brilliant you are, and then put them into some elaborate trap and walk off to give them a chance to escape it.

“No, umbreon, but I commissioned the messenger who sent it to you on my behalf. Or is that the same thing as me sending it? My stationery doesn’t spontaneously combust after being opened.” The royal-looking ponyta shrugged its equine shoulders. “I’ll leave you to decide that detail.”

She's right. It only induces you to have sex with the nearest individual you have favorable feelings for, even if it's your mother.

“Riiight,” Ebon replied slowly. This was surely the daftest encounter with a ponyta he’d ever had, though thankfully not the most threatening given his vulnerable position.

Be grateful it wasn't Luna. "When thou art finished rutting thy intended, if thou wouldst be so kind as to sheath thy stallionhood in our presence! Only our beloved may show himself to me! Him, and the occassional teenage colt in dreams..."

“Hold up!” Edelweiss butted in. “Sike, that stone you found is pink like this ponyta’s fur. You were right about it not being poison. It’s actually love!” Edelweiss pressed against her paws against her furry cheeks. “Awwwwwwwwhhhh!”

Ebon shut his eyes again. Will the embarrassment ever end?

Not until you appear in endless art galleries in all your naked and knotted glory on earth, Ebon. Oh, wait...

“Oh, don’t think that, Miss Sike,” Cadance said consolingly. “It didn’t make anything happen you didn’t otherwise want. It merely amplified the love each of you feel for each other so you could more easily express it.

Which is basically how zap apples work to me.

It’s also proof positive that your kind are harmonious beings!”

“Harmonious beings?” Glassie chimed in with a glance at Edelweiss. “You’ve clearly never faced us in battle!”

"Actually, we were hoping to hire you as mercenaries against the gryphons and Storm King. What are your rates? Will you work for Oran berries?"

“Violence is the one true law in Pokémon World, Princess Cadance,” Glassie said gruffly. “It makes us all equal under our God, Arceus.”

Just so long as it's not equitable, which is an evil word at this point.

No one’s seen Arceus in ages. Keeps to himself; lets pokémon do the work of managing the universe he created while he presumably creates more.”

Actually, he's in retirement without ever telling anyone, lounging on the surface of a sun somewhere and sipping tea with Celly.

Even though they all blushed, Cadance merely smiled. “Ah, yes. Perhaps a bath is in order for you two before we discuss why I’ve asked for you to come.

If you know what I mean...

They’d spent nearly the entire climb talking and even now Ebon still had questions, least of all was how they were speaking the same language, albeit with vastly different dialects.

Plot convenience. It's the same with stories everywhere, including the G4Mverse.

While no one in Pokémon World had any interest in dominating life on the entire planet — or even possessed the means to do so — huge wars followed by lengthy periods of peace saw the races of “Tellus”, the planet Ponies came from, decide it was a good idea to seek out new races through interdimensional travel.

So they could spread their warlike ways to all!

And like any good diplomat, he was sizing up this pony as a potential rival, carrying on a constant conversation with Sike through telepathy.

He's not wrong. That is the definition of a good diplomat, of which we have very few remaining at this point. They're all toadies or sychophants now and usually get ambassadorial or foreign embassy postings as rewards for loyalty, not ability.

I’m more interested in her wings, to be truthful with you. She’s not registering as a flying type while she’s grounded but that could be because she’s also typed as fairy.

And you can’t be more than two types at once, I get it.

Maybe she has the Pokemon Type equivalent of Cutie Pox!

“You are too kind, Princess.” Edelweiss bowed respectfully. “Now I think about it, I’ve never seen you take a warm bath, Glassie. That won’t hurt you, will it?”

“Seriously? I’ve been blasted in the face with more flamethrower attacks than I can count. No bathtub could ever hope to vanquish ‘The Glass Cannon!’”

Sounds like a circus act! Hey, Glassie, mind bringing your show to the dragon realms? I'd love to see Garble's reaction to a small blue creature shaking off his full strength fire blast like it was nothing, then freezing his fire in turn.

Ebon exchanged a look with his teammates. This isn’t just some random human-turned pokémon intrusion. It sounds to me like an alien invasion! I better keep my eyes on these ponies. “How many of you are here? Are there more of you coming?”

“Not unless you ask!” Cadance said cheerfully. “That’s why you’re here. So we can finally speak to each other as equals. Forgive our intrusion on your lands. Our secrecy was an attempt to not disrupt life on your world.”

The Pony Prime Directive. I can't wait to see these guys meet Q--er, Discord.

Glassie nodded, apparently enjoying the show by the look on her face. “She’s got a point, you know. Ebon Umbreon: Career Diplomat. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

I prefer Ebon Umbreon: Raven Assassin and future lover of human eevees. You know of whom I speak...

Ebon blinked. “You… evolved?”

She smiled again, closing her eyes at what seemed to Ebon a pleasant memory. “It’s very rare in ponies but it’s true. When it happened, I gained the ability to fly as well as channel the power of love. Before then, I was just an emotionally confused teenager who kept being force-fed the feelings and emotions of everypony I came into contact with.”

"So I threw a tantrum, told my mother that nobody understood me, said I wished I was dead, then went off to cry in my room for a week. But that stopped as soon as she told me she'd take my smartphone away and I could no longer text with my friends."

Cadance smiled as Ebon’s eyes went wide–had she been reading his earlier thoughts, both when he’d been ogling her and trying to categorize her type? “My abilities are more empathic than telepathic.

So in other words, she's Troi from TNG, not Professor Xavier from X-Men.

Especially if they were going to ride the train in first-class again. And pay for all the alcohol the four were going to drink after this.

I've gotten to ride in business class twice class for short flights when they had seats opened up and offered a discounted upgrade for them. It was heavenly--wide seats, quick service, better food and wine.

“But there’s a treasure more valuable than I can possibly offer waiting for each of you in Equestria. This I promise you!” The Princess of Love winked at Ebon.

There are two ways I could interpret that!

Look, Sike. Steel-type ponytas! Ebon thought to himself.

Don't worry, they're useless, Sike. At least in canon. In my stories? Well, that's another verse entirely.

I really need to hunker down and learn how to open psychic communication between all of us at once. Sure would make this super-secret spy stuff a lot easier.

Sorry to say, the Equestrian Intelligence Service and Council of Crows are already monitoring your social media posts on Pokebook.

The room had no visible lamps, lanterns or fires. The entire room itself seemed to give off its own radiance. A matching tick-tocking wall clock read 10:25 PM.

I like genuine tick-tocking clocks. They're rare nowadays but I find them soothing.

When Ebon opened the door, he was greeted with a green paw clasping a fudge-coated ice cream bar.

Clasping to her mouth, or her...? Yes, I know she's eating it.

let’s hit the showers, everyone!”

Now Ebon sounds like a high school basketball coach!

“The only problem here is you, stinky! You can have fun with us tomorrow after a good night’s rest and thorough cleansing. If you get really lucky, you might even get a shot at studding that pretty, pink pony Princess!”

If ponies really are pokémon, and fit in the field-type egg class like ponytas do, we might be able to cross-breed. But an interdimensional being that’s reproductively compatible with an eevee? There’s no way Arceus would allow it!

Arceus might have something to say about it, except he's currently rutting Celestia on the surface of the sun.

The pieces on one side were mostly white, the other side mostly black. It looked like white was winning because they had more pieces on the board.

Yeah, Luna ragequit at that point.

Ebon chuckled. “So, you think sheer eeveelution sexiness is going to win the day?”

In this story? By definition!

“Because that which seeks to ambush the umbreon will always approach from behind,”

Unless it's a Sylveon, in which case they won't care which direction they approach from because they're going to capture and ravish you no matter what.

Ebon lowered his voice to barely a whisper. “It’s not that I don’t trust our hosts, it’s that I don’t trust anyone right now.

Batman approves.

A superb three-chapter intro to the story, sir. Their reactions here at the end ring true to me as none of this quite makes sense to them, but then again, they're still thinking in terms of their own world and society as opposed to the pony one, which they don't understand yet. But oh, will they!

Very much looking forward to more! And hope you enjoyed the longposts!

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Unfortunately, the Pokemon had a less than favorable reaction.

"No, no, no, Gollum. *Points to Flareon* It burns us. *Points to Glaceon* And it freezes us! You need to get your Eeveelutions straight."

True. Even if you're evil, you'd be violating the supervillain code of conduct by doing that. You're required to wine and dine your victims first, boast of your plans, launch into a long monologue detailing every aspect of them and how brilliant you are, and then put them into some elaborate trap and walk off to give them a chance to escape it.

Imagine if I actually took the "Based AJ" route of making the ponies evil just to take a shot at Seasons 8 and 9. But nah, I'm not going to do that. That's what we have Dibs on My Sister for.

She's right. It only induces you to have sex with the nearest individual you have favorable feelings for, even if it's your mother.

Knowing who she married, that's not a far stretch for Cadance. 💪

Be grateful it wasn't Luna. "When thou art finished rutting thy intended, if thou wouldst be so kind as to sheath thy stallionhood in our presence! Only our beloved may show himself to me! Him, and the occassional teenage colt in dreams..."

Luna would looooove Ebon! She's all about dark-types. You don't get much darker than a pokémon who's literally named "Blacky" or "Black Lucky" in Japanese and at least in part resembles Bastet.

Not until you appear in endless art galleries in all your naked and knotted glory on earth, Ebon. Oh, wait...

Umbreon is the single most popular Eeveelution on E621 and boasts not only a very sizable block of male models but a formidable female presence as well. Though, face it; Umbreon will always, always be a guy to us two.

Which is basically how zap apples work to me.

And now we know who I shamelessly stole this concept from.

"Actually, we were hoping to hire you as mercenaries against the gryphons and Storm King. What are your rates? Will you work for Oran berries?"

"Next thing you'll be asking us to provide you with MREs. Have you tried just robbing Sombra's supermarkets? Oh, you're already doing that. "

Just so long as it's not equitable, which is an evil word at this point.

Like the communist system, equality has more or less been discredited as a meaningful concept. Whenever it's tried, you get a class of people who are all equally worthless ruled over by a smaller group that's stupidly rich. The only true equality is death and that's the kind of realistic, if somewhat fatalistic, mindset I see the pokémon subscribing to. The strongest reach level 100 and the rest exist at their pleasure. A bleak outlook for a race of competitive magical beings.

Not going to lie, after 7 years of writing pony, it's a breath of fresh air.

Actually, he's in retirement without ever telling anyway, lounging on the surface of a sun somewhere and sipping tea with Celly.

Gamefreak will never let the poor guy retire. Every time Pikachu breathes, The Pokémon company makes another ten-thousand-dollars.

Plot convenience. It's the same with stories everywhere, including the G4Mverse.

I had lengthy discussions over Discord with one of my prereaders who was very unhappy with much of chapter three. In a lot of ways, this chapter is fundamentally flawed from a writing perspective. But not every piece of writing necessarily exists to be a perfect example of good writing. The inherent contradiction in story clop like this story is there are a number of story beats EMD must necessarily hit before the next thing can happen.

Like Demon Eyes Laharl, I am left with the conundrum of balancing titillation to keep readers from being bored and solid fundamental writing to keep things from getting too stupid. And just like with DEL, I think removing the language barrier is a no-brainer because it takes us where we need to go at little cost. At the end of the day, while fancy Youtube criticism done by creative writing class graduates regurgitating their professor's lectures for clicks can be useful to a point, they aren't the ones buried elbow deep in horse pussy. Or Poképussy for that matter.

This is a hobby, not a mercenary exercise, and we're here to enjoy ourselves. Of course, you understand that as well as I do but it's worth repeating here.

So they could spread their warlike ways to all!

Pony conquistadors! Nopony expects the Lunar Inquisition!

Maybe she has the Pokemon Type equivalent of Cutie Pox!

It's all fun and games until every single element can deal super-effective damage to you which each attack.

Sounds like a circus act! Hey, Glassie, might bringing your show to the dragon realms? I'd love to see Grumble's reaction to a small blue creature shaking off his full strength fire blast like it was nothing, then freezing his fire in turn.

"Don't think I'll do my work for free! I only accept tubs of ice cream and Pocky sticks as payment!"

static1.e621.net/data/sample/c6/b2/c6b298d63f705582c56e9b4737d26a80.jpg

The Pony Prime Directive. I can't wait to see these guys meet Q--er, Discord.

Discord shows up and flips everyone's strengths and weaknesses. The first inverse battle occurs.

"So I threw a tantrum, told my mother that nobody understood me, said I wished I was dead, then went off to cry in my room for a week. But that stopped as soon as she told me she'd take my smartphone away and I could no longer text with my friends."

Clopficsinthecomments has some really awesome backstory of Cadance in his stories between all the crazed, highly detailed sex that I'm drawing on here.

So in other words, she's Troi from TNG, not Professor Xavier from X-Men.

And just like with Troi, she's made for fucking and not driving the damn ship!

There are two ways I could interpret that!

And you know which one I was thinking of.

Sorry to say, the Equestrian Intelligence Service and Council of Crows are already monitoring your social media posts on Pokebook.

Ukraine would have won the war by now and recaptured all of their lost territories if they just used the Terms of Service agreement against the Russian military. We all know it's the strongest force in the known universe.

Now Ebon sounds like a high school basketball coach!

Ebon will lead Dominion Academy to victory and fuck the entire faculty, man and woman alike!

Arceus might have something to say about it, except he's currently rutting Celestia on the surface of the sun.

Canonically, he could probably do this, as he's able to change his elemental alignment using a special tool he carries with him.

Yeah, Luna ragequit at that point.

Agreed. I can totally see Celly being the better chess player.

Unless it's a Sylveon, in which case they won't care which direction they approach from because they're going to capture and ravish you no matter what.

That is true on every possible level. I find umbreon to be one of the weakest eeveelutions in the game I'm playing. They're kind of boring and terrible honestly. No ranged attacks except quick attack which strikes enemies 1-2 tiles away. Pretty crap.

A superb three-chapter to the story, sir. Their reactions here at the end ring true to me as none of this quite makes sense to them, but then again, they're still thinking in terms of their own world and society as opposed to the pony one, which they don't understand yet. But oh, will they!

Very much looking forward to more! And hope you enjoyed the longposts!

They were fantastic! You certainly brought the level of discourse on this story up quite a bit. I must say to anyone reading this that Firesight's work on the Gentlemanverse and especially this story strongly influenced this one. Check it out when you're done here!

Note: everything written before reading the comments.

As she spoke, Glassie’s voice became higher and higher pitched as if she were genuinely in fear. “And to top it all off, their ribbons are all swaying at once! Like they could just jam every one of them inside of you at any moment and no one will even hear you scream!”

You sound like you've been thinking a lot about sylveons tying you down and making you scream.

Are you sure what you're afraid of isn't that it'll be too intense and you can't handle it?
Is that the reason you sleep with barely-legal starters? They're virgins, you're experienced, that puts you in control?

“Yeah… it’s so weird. I’ve never felt so… completely okay in all my life.” Sike replied blissfully. “This sounds crazy but I think this pink stuff is good magic. It feels like I’m somehow closer to all of you since I picked that stone up. Like I want to — Arceus, this sounds creepy — like I want to be somehow closer.”

Wow, that's creepy "I'm being mind-controlled" talk.

I really liked how the sex was built up to. I got a real sense of desire/horniness for each other. This is often neglected, frequently horniness is described like an annoyance.

The breeding aspect was a bit out of nowhere though, like it was just thrown in.

The gist of what he’d gathered from the flying magical pony was that the dimension she’d come from was dominated by a small number of so-called ‘nations’ that governed the affairs of everyone living there. This was vastly different from the heavily decentralized confederated states that pokémon lived under, filled with tribal nations, microstates and vast swathes of wilderness.

This is very weirdly described and I can't imagine someone with the sort of background described would highlight these parts of nationalism was unfamiliar rather than other ones.

Their stated goal was to share their message of cooperation and goodwill with the goal of achieving Harmony for all.

Frankly sounds kind of iffy. There are obviously a lot of good reasons to seek out new peoples, and and once you do you want to be in harmony with them. But if your stated primatry motivation is seeking new people to be in harmony with them, that sounds more like "we want new people to convert to our elightened culture/ideology".

Maybe she was right and this ‘harmony’ ‘peace’ and ‘tolerance’ thing could make things better for the pokémon?

It seems very weird to suggest the pokemon haven't heard of peace, and what is tolerance doing here? It certainly does not sound like the ubiquitous pokemon violence isn't motivated by intolerance at all.

It’s a completely undiscovered type but I can sense it.

Curious to see where you're going with this. Especially since I can't think of anything about Cadence that doesn't fit with Psychic/Fairy, unlike for example Celestia since Sun stuff is partly Fire and partly Grass. Is the other type Magic, Harmony, or Love?

“But we were surviving on assistance from Equestria for years before we could start producing our own food while still remaining inconspicuous. Once we concluded the creatures here couldn’t be tamed, I sent out agents to learn more about the world and discovered civilized towns and cities. We then disguised ourselves and integrated into pokémon society to study it.”

I was about to ask "Changelings, or Twilight's transformation spell?" but then the bigger thing got throught to me. The implication that Cadence and the crystal ponies do not consider themselves Equestrians, and consider Equestria a separate country they need to have food indpenendence from. And that the pokemon world incursion is a specifically the Crystal Empire's project?

“I can’t find anything wrong with what she’s saying,” Ebon replied. “But I never really thought of myself as some heroic explorer. Everything that’s happened to us seems like it should have happened to someone else like Team Raider. And besides, if you’re a Princess of some vast pony kingdom, why not summon the saviors of Time and vanquishers of Darkness instead? Aren’t they more on your level?”

Edelweiss remained silent but continued gently stroking his paw with hers as he continued to rant.

“No one’s ever really heard of us and yet we were invited all this way. Do we truly deserve this honor? Am I capable enough to lead us through Cadance’s challenges, or am I going to be a disaster? We’ve been picking over the leftovers of far greater teams for so long. I guess when I read your note and then Cadance was standing there asking me to be the representative of all life on this world, I lost my nerve.”

This comes off like foreshadowing for Ebon being chosen because he and his team are third-rate and frustrated, and therefore easy to manipulate when presented with an opportunity for becoming world-important.

Yes, I did notice that Cadence already said she tried famous teams and they only want to fight. And the implication that the real reason is this team appeals to Cadence personally, because they fuck and also are ripe to turn into a polycule.

This bit just sounds like that is all.

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Note: everything written before reading the comments.

Don't tell me what to do, Dad.

Are you sure what you're afraid of isn't that it'll be too intense and you can't handle it?
Is that the reason you sleep with barely-legal starters? They're virgins, you're experienced, that puts you in control?

You're the reader. You're free to headcanon whatever you like.

Wow, that's creepy "I'm being mind-controlled" talk.

That's an opinion.

I really liked how the sex was built up to. I got a real sense of desire/horniness for each other. This is often neglected, frequently horniness is described like an annoyance.

I only wrote it that way because I figured Ebon would want to actually do his job and lead his team. He's a working guy, ya know?

The breeding aspect was a bit out of nowhere though, like it was just thrown in.

That's an opinion.

This is very weirdly described and I can't imagine someone with the sort of background described would highlight these parts of nationalism was unfamiliar rather than other ones.

What? I mean maybe I could have explained it better but I can't even parse what you just said.

Frankly sounds kind of iffy. There are obviously a lot of good reasons to seek out new peoples, and and once you do you want to be in harmony with them. But if your stated primatry motivation is seeking new people to be in harmony with them, that sounds more like "we want new people to convert to our elightened culture/ideology".

That's basically everything gen 4 once the Friendship Map became a thing. Given the overall tone of your post, you seem pretty hostile to this angle. Not sure what to tell you there.

It seems very weird to suggest the pokemon haven't heard of peace, and what is tolerance doing here? It certainly does not sound like the ubiquitous pokemon violence isn't motivated by intolerance at all.

I can't tell if your post is overthinking it or just underexplaining your problems with it. In any case, I can't be held personally accountable for violating any headcanon you possess. This story is fiction and written in an AU; you as a reader are therefore responsible to accept whatever framing device I come up with or simply find something else to read.

I was about to ask "Changelings, or Twilight's transformation spell?" but then the bigger thing got throught to me. The implication that Cadence and the crystal ponies do not consider themselves Equestrians, and consider Equestria a separate country they need to have food indpenendence from. And that the pokemon world incursion is a specifically the Crystal Empire's project?

If it was specifically the Crystal Empire's project, why immediately sent the team to Twilight Sparkle? Clearly, this is a team effort among ponies.

This comes off like foreshadowing for Ebon being chosen because he and his team are third-rate and frustrated, and therefore easy to manipulate when presented with an opportunity for becoming world-important.

Yes, I did notice that Cadence already said she tried famous teams and they only want to fight.

That's not what I wrote. I mentioned Cadance seeking out Legendary Pokémon to claim some sort of authority over all Pokémon but no such Legendary made themself available.

I appreciate that you took the time to both read and comment on my story. I'm not going to reply to anything spoilery. I will double-check some of the wording in the paragraphs you highlighted but as I couldn't understand what your issue was, I'm not promising any changes. And I'm definitely not removing anything fetish in my story that's been clearly tagged as fetish. Good day.

Oh, I forgot those:

It didn’t stop his eeveehood from evolving beneath him

Has anyone told you you're very funny?

That means she has a move-set based on that type

Show of hands, how many immediately started figuring out her moveset?

Mutual Attraction - like Attract, but two targets that are attracted to each other. Requires preexisting attraction.

Light Bubble - blocks all Dark type moves and prevents Dark type creatures from approaching.

Everything else would require making choices about her build, because no other ability makes a sufficiently compelling argument to necessarily be included under a four move limit.

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Thank God girls can't read guys' minds. If they could and were in charge, we'd all be locked up for life.

Unless they also could read girls' minds, so they would see girls are just as filthy and everybody would be forced to chill about this.

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The Pokémon will be ecstatic to learn that there are sexy bat creatures on Tellus because there sure aren't any where they're from. Yeech!

Ebon would later lament how adamant he was that they can't make him go into the dark cave that has bat noises coming from it.

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I will double-check some of the wording in the paragraphs you highlighted but as I couldn't understand what your issue was, I'm not promising any changes.

To be clear, absolutely nothing I wrote was intended as a suggestion or demand for changes. It's just my reactions as I go through.

That's an opinion.

Man it sure is.

And I'm definitely not removing anything fetish in my story that's been clearly tagged as fetish.

I don't know what gave you the idea I want anything removed? If this is about the breeding I do want to mention I am a big breeding enjoyer, I've been following you since Don't Feed The Bats, and I'm definitely looking forward to the whole team and multiple mares swelling with Ebon's brood. I still feel Sike going "btw I'm fertile u cool with that?" ten seconds before climax was abrupt.

That's not what I wrote. I mentioned Cadance seeking out Legendary Pokémon to claim some sort of authority over all Pokémon but no such Legendary made themself available.

It was definitely not clear to me that

“Given you possess immense power and resources, you could easily have sought out many numerous pokémon with a lot more power and recognition than me.”

Cadance appeared caught off guard by the question and removed her wing from his back. “Now that you mention it, yes. I did attempt to contact others. Pokémon spoke of many champions of your race but those who answered our summons were more interested in fighting us than speaking with us.

was referring to Legendaries and not otherwise famous figures and explorer teams.

In any case, I can't be held personally accountable for violating any headcanon you possess.

i don't have a headcanon, I don't know anything about Mystery Dungeon, except what you describe.

What? I mean maybe I could have explained it better but I can't even parse what you just said.

I am definitely struggling to articulate this, will get back to you on that.

Any plans on an update?

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I have a rough draft at 4600 words.

Yeah, I wrote a blog saying this was going on hiatus for a couple of months but I'm breaking with that. I want to keep going.

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You just made my night, I have a soft spot for heavy romance with a plot and this one is feeding that need.