The Painless Murders

by bkc56

Chapter 4

I was badly out of my element. I’d been hired a few times by Fancy Pants for some very discreet and private work. He’d always been satisfied, at least based on the bonuses I’d received, but I’d never met the pony, and I’d certainly never been to any of his buildings. Now I was standing outside his Canterlot private office with several ponies looking down their muzzles at me.

When I’d arrived, the receptionist told me that without an appointment I could not see Mr Pants. I repeatedly explained how important it was. Her imitation of a brick wall was as impressive as it was infuriating. Still, if I kept beating on it, eventually one of us would break. Finally, she relented and said I could wait. Once all the other appointments were completed, perhaps Mr Pants would be willing to talk to me. It had been hours.

Finally, a meticulously dressed unicorn mare opened the double doors. “Mr Steel? Mr Pants will see you now.” She stepped aside as I entered, and closed the doors behind me. Then she moved to a small desk against the wall and picked up a pad to take notes.

It was a nice office. I’d seen some nice offices that reeked of a pony too full of himself. This was different. This was a functional office of a pony with wealth and influence, but also with responsibilities. Fancy Pants sat behind a desk probably four times the size of the one I had. As I entered, he jumped to his hooves and moved to meet me in the large open area mid-room. He extended his hoof, and we shook.

“Steel. It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person.” He finally released my leg. “I apologize for never having done so before, but the nature of our previous business just didn’t permit it.”

I waved my hoof back and forth. “Please, no apology necessary. I was just thankful for the opportunities to work for you.”

He furrowed his brow. “I’m sorry for the long delay, but my calendar was full today.”

“And I’m sorry to barge in without an appointment.” I respectfully bowed my head. “Thank you for seeing me.”

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit today?” He turned to head back to his desk.

“I’m hoping you can help me with some information relevant to a case I’m working on right now.” I followed and sat in one of the available chairs.

Once behind the desk, he also sat down. “Ahh, the Quicksilver murder case.”

I froze for a second. “How do you know about that? He was only arrested this morning. It won’t make the papers until tomorrow.” I fidgeted in the chair.

He gave me a broad grin. “In my business, knowledge is more important than even the products I sell. Being the sole supplier of a product nopony wants is pointless. Being one of a dozen suppliers of a product everypony wants is better, but nothing special. Knowing when everypony will want that product so you can be the only supplier able to fill the need without it going out of stock? That’s where bits are made.” He winked at me.

“So yes, it’s in my best interest to keep aware of what’s going on in Equestria. I do have a company and a lot of employees depending on me.” His smile faded. “This situation with Quicksilver is most distressing. I license a couple of his mixtures. A scandal tied to him could impact the products he created. That would be bad for business.” His eyes drifted up. “Plus, I like Quicksilver and Misty. I’ve met them both before to discuss licensing. They are wonderful as a couple, so clearly in love. And as scientists... Well, I wish I could get them on the payroll.” His focus snapped back to me. “If I can help you prove he is not connected to this nasty affair, I’d like to help.”

I blew out a little breath. “That’s reassuring to hear.” I bowed my head slightly. “Thank you. I’m actually here about two products you license. One is the Painless mixture. The other is called Message Fire.”

He turned towards his assistant. “Would you get me those files?”

“Yes, sir.” She trotted out of the room.

“This will just take a moment. Can I offer you something to drink?”

I glanced at a row of bottles on a shelf behind his desk. “Thank you, but no. I need to stay focused on this case.”

He slowly nodded. “You see, that’s why I like you. You retain your focus and priorities.”

The mare trotted back into the office, holding the files in her magic. “Here you are, sir.” She rotated and sat them down directly in front of him, then returned to her post.

He opened the first file. “Painless. Ahh, yes, I remember. It’s not a particularly groundbreaking mixture. But Quicksilver’s version was unique for its fast action and safety. Most medical facilities in Equestria have standardized on it. In addition, the E.U.P. include a couple vials in their personal medkits.” He flipped through a couple more pages. “It’s a reasonably profitable product for us.”

He closed that file and moved on to the other one. “Message Fire. This is not one of Quicksilver’s mixtures. What’s your interest in it?”

I wasn’t comfortable telling him too much about the case just yet. I decided to evade his question. “It may have some connection to the case. I’d rather not say any more as there are still too many unanswered questions.”

“I understand. Still, If we can get it to market, this one product could break all profit records for this company. The potential is nothing short of stunning. We’re deep into research and development on the mixture as the release notes specify. We also have started negotiations with both the Equestrian government as well as some foreign interests.” He looked at me. “This will totally change how important and time-sensitive messages get sent.”

I thought about that for a second and realized it just didn’t make sense. “You say you’re doing research. If the mixture is fully developed, what more do you need to do?”

“Ahh, there’s a difference between a working concept and a commercial product. Yes, Message Fire works, but there’s still a lot to do before it’s ready to sell. We need to be able to create the receiving artifacts, and tune the mixture to match it with a specific receiver. And we need to do it all in such a way that we are the sole provider of the mixture when customers need more.”

I flashed him a grin. “So, a third scenario where you need to be the sole provider of a product everypony wants.”

He smiled. “I see you were paying careful attention earlier, Steel.”

My smile faded. “What can you tell me about the license holder?”

He looked down at the file. “Let’s see. It’s a unicorn by the name of Kaafe Mane. All his paperwork was in order and confirmed by the Bureau of New Product Registration. We’ve made a number of initial payments to an account he specified. The most recent one was just a few days ago.” He pointed at a line in the file which of course I couldn’t see from across the desk. He glanced back up. “It’s a little unusual for payments to not go through the bureau, but that decision is up to the license holder.”

And, I thought, there’s less of a paper trail that way. I leaned forward a bit. “Can you describe him?”

His eyes drifted towards the ceiling. “I only met him once when we negotiated the license. He’s violet in color with an orange mane. He was wearing a coat, so I didn’t see his tail or cutie mark.”

I stood up. “Thank you so much for your time. I apologize for being abrupt, but you have given me some critical information, and I need to get going.”

He also rose, and we shook hooves over the desk. “Think nothing of it. I understand the true value of time. If I can be of any further help, please contact my office again. I will let them know to interrupt me if you say it’s important.”

I nodded to him and turned to exit the office. The assistant was already at the double doors and opened one for me. We exchanged a smile as I walked past.

So, we definitely have another pony at play. A unicorn, probably with some alchemy skills. That’s how he would have been able to mix the Message Fire sample to include with his submission. He also would be able to prepare the lethal dose of the Painless mixture. He probably could produce multiple lethal doses. In fact, he may have already done so.

I broke into a gallop. The value of time he’d said. I hope I have enough of it left.

Comments

[Airy Words]

Aha! Time is running out for our detective!

Interesting take on Fancy Pants. Also interesting that Quicksilver’s latest invention still has a ways to go before it is ready for market!

[OConnerGT-R]

Former pre-reader here. I had a feeling I’d have to do multiple comments for this story, there’s a lot to point out in the first couple of chapters that I like so I’ll do my best to hit to highlights.

That being said, I’d like to say that this my favorite Dark Steel story. It works well for a number of reasons, which I’m hoping to point out here.

Do you know what today is? A simple question, but one that drives fear into the hearts of stallions everywhere. I’ve seen a hardened E.U.P. veteran reduced to a simpering foal under the assault of that question.

*From chapter one.

This is still a really good start to the story, I love how this is played as a light hearted joke for the audience, but for Steel it’s essentially a life or death question that he will most likely get wrong even if he gets it right.

The banter between Steel, Citrine, and Opal is fantastic and top notch. I especially like, and appreciate, Opal’s somewhat sarcastic and dry sense of humor. Often times, at least with the stories I’ve seen over the years, fail to get that humor just right, which makes the character come off poorly to the audience. You’ve managed to capture Opal as being playful with a dry sense of humor, which I like as it’s my favorite style of humor.

I sprang from behind my desk and knelt down in front of her. “Misty, what’s wrong? What happened?” My mind was already grasping at possibilities, none of them good.

*From chapter one.

One thing I enjoy about this story is that it doesn’t waste the audience’s time. Let me explain. The prologue sets up the mystery, and chapter one establishes the status quo, or Steel’s normal life, before Misty comes busting through the door. All of this is done in the most efficient way possible without giving the audience any unnecessary scenes.

A scene with Quicksilver being arrested could have been added here, but it would have slowed the story’s pace a bit. Misty’s actions here tell the audience everything they need to know, which is that something is wrong, and it more than likely ties into the plot. In short, this is a well thought out and efficient scene.

Another sob racked her body. “Quicksilver has been arrested. They say he… They claim he murdered somepony.” Her head dropped as the sobbing overwhelmed her.

*From chapter one.

This is still one of my favorite mechanics of the story. The reasoning behind why Quicksilver could be the murderer makes sense. He’s an alchemist and scientist, thus the murder weapon needs to be something that aligns with his skillset in order to be believable, which this story does, and does well as it directly ties into a product Quicksilver was making that could potentially hurt someone.

This is something a novice would mess up, usually because they want to tell a murder-mystery story, but fail to connect some of the dots correctly. The way it’s done here shows a good understanding of the logic that goes into making a mystery story like this.

Legal started, “Quicksilver doesn’t have much history, which is good. There’s an entry here for an event back when he and Misty were in school.”

*From chapter two.

I love when callbacks to other stories happen like this. Sometimes these are done when they don’t the story, but here it makes sense that these moments from previous story entries would be brought up because there’s an investigation taking place. I also love that a former antagonist is brought as a potential suspect as it makes sense due to their history with Quicksilver and Misty.

Ahh, there’s a difference between a working concept and a commercial product. Yes, Message Fire works, but there’s still a lot to do before it’s ready to sell. We need to be able to create the receiving artifacts, and tune the mixture to match it with a specific receiver. And we need to do it all in such a way that we are the sole provider of the mixture when customers need more.

*From chapter four.

I can’t remember if I said this when I read the first draft, but I’ll say it again. I really like your take on Fancy Pants. The way you write him shows a level of competency, safety, and nuance that comes with being a business owner.

I’ve seen way to many evil business owners in so many other stories that it’s become a really bad trope in my eyes. It’s refreshing to see a character written this way, and not have my mind immediately say that this is the antagonist, or at the very least connected to the antagonist in some wicked way.

That’s all I’ve got for now.

[BirdsBooksBrownies]

I can’t remember if I said this when I read the first draft, but I’ll say it again. I really like your take on Fancy Pants. The way you write him shows a level of competency, safety, and nuance that comes with being a business owner.

I agree, When he was first introduced in the show I was of mixed feelings. On one hand he seemed to be a pretty decent sort, but was his altruism legit or was it condescending?

This story shows him as a respected leader he might not be a saint but he isn't a money-grubbing capitalist either.