Son, what's a conversion bureau?

by aegishailstorm

Father, we have new neighboors

Father walked home in the dark, alone. As he walked up to the front door, He swore he could hear what sounded like...laughter?

"NOT IN MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!!"He raised his leg and kicked the door off its hinges, he pulled out his shotgun and barged into his house, ready to execute his son for his heretical behavior. He dropped the bread basket at the door way, and barged into the front room.

"Hey there dad, I'm just reading." He held up a copy of King Author and the Knights of The Round Table.

"Oh, Good. GO TO SLEEP! ITS 10:30 FOR GODS SAKE!!!Oh, by the way, I bought some more bread, don't eat it all this time!"

"Dad, I'm 722 years old! I think I can decide when to go to bed." He turned back to see Father gone. He just got back to reading.

Serval hours later...

Son was almost finished when the book, and he got of the couch to go treat himself to some of that bread the Father had just bought. He turned to see distinct figure of fathers helmet peering out from behind the curtains, eyes glowing into the moonlight.

"Father, what are you doing back there?"

"GO TO SLEEP!" He shouted back.

"Alright, fine, gosh." Son walked upstairs to his room, and fell unconscious on the bed. All the while father kept standing there, waiting for his son to come back out.

The next day...

Son got up off his bed, and walked downstairs to find father with his templar kitchen apron on, a baguette and a sack of flour in hand.

"MONIN SON, HOW'D YOU SLEEP!? I've been experimenting with this new thing called, 'Flour bread', see?!" He held out a piece of toast, covered with a fine dusting of flour.

"I slept...ok-"

"Great! Sit down and eat!" The 2 of them took their seats at their dining table and began to devour their so called 'Flour toast.' When they were just about finished, Son heard a beeping noise coming from outside, and Father noticed it as well.

"Son, what's that sound?"

"I don't know, let's go find out." the 2 of them peered outside and looked next door to see a moving van next door. Its back door was open.

"Looks' like we've got new neighbors!" The 2 of them kept watching though the window. What they saw next angered both of them. A green unicorn, a Grey Pegasus, and a White Pegasus hopped out of the truck, and began to unload the back. Father looked back at Son with burning hatred.

"Son, why are the colorful horses moving in next door!?"

"They're not called horses, they're called ponies."

"What!?"

"Ponies, like you know, miniature horses?"

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CALLED!?"

"Because of the news? You watched it with me last night remember?"

"GRRRRR!" Father smacked son in the arm with the butt of his shotgun. He turned back to look at the ponies unloading their things.

"What should we do?" Asked Son.

"WHY, LETS GO OVER AND MEET THEM, THEY CAN'T BE THAT BAD RIGHT!?"

"Then why are your eyes glowing red again?"

"Uhh... Don't know!"

"Uh, If you say so..." The 2 of them walked across the street to meet their new Equine neighbors.

"Uh, Daddy, those humans are walking over to us."

Well, I'm sure they just want to welcome us to the neighborhood!" The 2 pegasi dropped what they were doing and hurried down to meet them. The grey pegasus approached Father.

"HELLO THERE, WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBOORHOOD!" Father shouted at the Newfoal.

"Why hello there, you're a loud one aren't you? My names Onyx, that over there's my daughter, Cloud Sweeper, and that back there's my wife, Ivory." The 2 of them stopped and waved at Father and Son.

"PLESURE TO MEET YOU, I'M FATHER, AND THIS HERE IS SON!"

"There's no need to yell like that, I can here you plenty with these ears of mine." Onyx chuckled. Father growled back at him. And turned back to see Son looking at the White one with dreamy eyes, who in turn was blushing. He Grabbed Son by the neck.

"WE ARE LEAVING!" He roundhouse kicked Onyx in the muzzle, and carried son back across the street, dumping him on the hardwood floor.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WHERE YOU DOING BACK THERE!?!?!?!?"

"Uhh, I was just going to ask her out on a date. Wait, FATHER WHAT are you Doi-!" Fathers eyes began to glow red. He unholstered his shotgun, and blew Son's head clean off.

"Heretic!" He walked back over to his bread, and kept eating. All the while, Onyx had been watching the whole thing from the cold sidewalk of his front porch, Muzzle bleeding.

"Cloud."

"Yes father?"

"I want you to help them."

"Ok!" She sped off towards her new bedroom.

Several more hours later...

"Owww... what happened?" Son came down from his bedroom, clutching his still aching head. One of the perks of having an immortal family, you can kill each other as many times as you want, and no one will ever care!

"I see your up, the rest of your food's waiting for you on your table, I have to go downstairs and... train...and do research!" He picked up his great sword and walked downstairs to the basement, locking the door behind him. Son sat back down at his spot at the table, and finished consuming his loaf of bread. Just then, He heard a knock at the door, and father came running back up from the basement like an angry Pitbull. If Pitbull's could operate firearms, that is.

"Son, open the door!" He did, and found Onyx and Cloud sweeper standing there.

"Hello there, just wanted to say I forgive you for hitting me earlier. My daughter was wondering if she could have your Son over?" Father thought back to the other times, He had "caught" Son with other girls.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT HIM FOR!?"

"Oh, Nothing much, I just- Heard he's into books, I've got a collection of them that I got when we went on vacation to Equestria, I was thinking he might enjoy them."

"Hmmm, Son, get down here!"

"I'm right here dad, I heard the whole thing." Father ponied at the white and yellow mare.

"SHE WANTS TO SHOW YOU SOME OF THEIR BOOKS! Nothing heretical right?" The 2 pegasi looked at the Bread boys with confusion, and nodded.

"ALRIGHT THEN, BE BACK IN ONE HOUR!!!!"Son walked outside with the 2 pegasi and and entered into their house.

"YA KNOW, I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING I'M GOING TO NEED TO GO SHOPPING FOR MORE BULLETS AFTER THIS!!"

He watched the 2 pegasi as they led Son into their new house.

Exactly 1 hour and .00001 seconds later...

"WHERE'S SON!?!? HE SAID HE'D BE BACK BY NOW!!!"He jumped of of the couch, and stormed across the street.

"HEY! NEW HORSE-PONY PEOPLE, WHERE'S MY SON!?!?!?!" He didn't get any response. "THEY MUST HAVE TIED HIM UP!"

He rushed over to the side yard fence gate, pulling out his sword, he cleaved the lock in half, and rushed into their backyard.

"What the hay are you doing in our backyard?!" Onyx came running outside. He gazed up at the angry figure of father, greatsword in one hand, and deagle in the other.

"WHERE'S MY SON YOU PIECE OF HORSESHIT?!?!??!!?"The Pegasus began nervously sweating.

"Please, there's no need for that kind of language, I just sent him back over to you house, I even sent him home with some bread loafs which we got from Equestria a while back, you said your into that kind of thing, right!?"Father looked at him sternly.

"Alright... have a nice evening!" Father began to slowly walk away.

"You too sir!" Just then father stopped, and without warning charged the pegasus, jumping clean over him, he clamped on to the side of the house, and scaled it like a spider. He jumped up onto window sill on the second floor, and kicked in the glass. Inside he saw that...what was her name again... Cloud jumper....no that's not right, ah yes, Cloud Sweeper, and next to her was a dark red pegasus, flexing his wings, wearing Son's helmet. an empty bottle lie at the bottom of the bed nearby, bits of sparkling purple liquid dripped out of it.

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!" Both of the pegasi turned to look at Father.

"Oh,-" Father raised his .50 Cal desert eagle, and mag dumped all 7 rounds into the red pegasus's head, splattering blood all over the room. Cloud Sweeper just sat there on her hunches, witnessing the whole thing. She fainted right there. Father slammed a fresh magazine into his pistol and approached the pegasus.

"No, Please! Don't we only wanted to help your son, She just wanted him to be happy!" Onyx and Ivory came storming into the room. Onyx looked at the dead pegasus on the ground, then back at Father. Ivory reached into her saddlebags, and pulled out a vial of the same weird purple liquid. She tossed it at Father. To her surprise, it merely bounced off his helmet.
Father's eyes began to glow a deep red, he took aim at Ivory with his pistol, and fired a round at her. He found himself being grabbed by Onyx, Desperate to save his family, he grabbed Father by his chainmail coat, and took off into the sky.

"YOU FUCKING HERITIC, LET ME GO!!!"

"No, Celestia told us to treat others with kindness, but you've pushed me to fa-" Onyx was cut off when a Shotgun slug flew through his head. Sending both him and Father tumbling out of the sky. Father landed on Onyx, or rather, what was left of him. Standing at their front porch was Son, clutching the family's "Backup" Shotgun. "You're welcome!" He shouted at Father, who growled back at him. "We never speak of this again, UNDERSTAND!?!?!?!?"

"Yes Father, sorry about the whole... Pony thing."

"First thing in the morning-you know what, right now, We're going to this "California" to fix this problem for ourselves!!!!"

He slammed son's head into the wall, knocking him out cold. and charged back into the other house, Intent on..."Putting down" The other 2 which he had left alive.

"I'm BACK!!!!!"

Next time on Bread Boys...

"SON PACK YOUR THINGS, WE'RE GOING TO RENO!!!!!"

Comments

[iAml3g3nd]

I've only seen a couple of their videos, but I'm loving this.

[Derpynuke]

I hope the new say about the father try push though the barrier while alot witness him burning but making it past it and say it just a flesh wound

[Crystonian]

For once, Father's reaction was warranted.

[CasualReader]

11043854
How was any of that warranted lol

[MildlyDepressed]

11043902
Heresy

[Joe Toon]

This... This shouldn't work, yet it does.

[Jarvy Jared]

The only Conversion Bureau story I'm willing to read :P

[Crystonian]

11043902
They forcibly turned his Son into a pony. Agaisnt his will. His Fatherly instincts, plus his usual tendencies, were warranted to kick their asses. Plus he's really old so is common sense is different

[XerainTheBountyHunter]

I smell a Crusade!
Loads 45. with holy intent.

[Frazzle2Dazzle]

I feel like I’m dreaming while reading this. It… Why is it so good?

[CasualReader]

11044207
I wouldn't say against his will, since Son was obviously into it.
And on the videos Father has only killed Son, knowing he can just respawn, and the other guy who was obviously evil (and also immortal).
I didn't think he would kill civilians, but I guess it's up to the author's interpretation of the character.

[Scaryface45]

Please for the love of God and Bread continue this series

[notAperson]

11045306
Their not civilians, their HERETICS.

[Foxtrot315]

This story will be an excellent addition to my collection