Enough Reasons To Die

by Script Singer

Reason 5: Repetitiveness

I know I’m loved. I know I’m needed. I know the consequences of suicide. I know how people would react if I killed myself. I know people would blame themselves. I know I have so much to live for, so much to do with my life. But I don’t care anymore. I just want this pain to end, no matter the cost! I’m tired of needing so much help, always falling down only to be pulled up then pushed back again... I want it to all just stop...

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Here I am again, locked away in my room, refusing to respond to any of my friends... I know this just worries them more, but they don't really care enough anymore... I mean, it's not like their advice will really get through to me... it's the same old stuff they say to everypony else to keep them from killing themselves...I'm sick of hearing the same things over and over again...

I'm just stuck in the same process, learning the same lesson over and over again... so I'm doing you all a favor if I do this... you don't have to deal with my bull crap anymore...

But we love you

But we need you

But you can't get your life back if you do this

But you have so much to do with your life

But you have so much to live for

But you're still so young

But ponies would miss you

But ponies would blame themselves

You have such a big impact on others

Think of the aftermath

I know all of that already and I don't care anymore... I don't give a flying feather about anything anymore... everything is just so numb... I want it to all just stop... I just learn the same lesson over and over again if I stay…

I lean over towards my dresser and opened the drawer pulling out the knife inside. I brought it closer to my hoof as I slowly pressed it against my skin. I watched as the blood bubbled up and oozed down my hoof.

I pulled the knife away as I pulled out the drawer once more and put the knife away then went to bed.

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I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock. I get up and start to get ready for my day. I know the routine by heart now. I get up, shower, get ready for work, go to work, then come home and rest. Sure, every day something new happens, but it still falls into the same routine. The same old boring routine.

I slowly get out of bed as I walk towards the bathroom to take a shower. My body felt heavier than it did yesterday so I had to drag my hooves to the bathroom.

I got into the tub and turned the water on, letting it pour down on me. After a moment, I fell beginning to sob and wail at the top of my lungs.