Enough Reasons To Die

by Script Singer

Reason 1: Judgment

I don't have to deal with the pain, drama, stress, panic attacks, bullying, frustration, secrets, and lies. I won’t feel so empty and alone. I won’t hurt anymore. Nobody will be against me. This will solve everything.

---

I walk down the school hallway, staring down at the floor as I try to block out the sounds in my head. I walk toward the exit, heading home to get ready for a day out with some friends. I look forward to the small moments where I still feel slight joy and hope with others, but it's not much... I try to treasure any moment where I feel something other than my despair and misery.

I don't pay attention to the time when I'm like this, so the walk passes by quickly, which I enjoy since I'm eager to get home.

Do you really think you'll pass that test you did today? You were barely able to keep yourself together in there. I wouldn't be too surprised if you're the only one who fails.

I shook my head as I tried to ignore the thoughts in my head, but unsuccessful. I can't think clearly when I'm in this state, so what's the point in blocking it out...?

After a few minutes of walking, I arrived at my front door. I entered as I put down my school bag and went upstairs to grab a few things for my day out with friends. I walked up to my room, grabbing my sketchbook in case I wanted to draw in the shade of the park. I also grabbed a book and a few extra quills then headed back out.

---

I trot up to the park, finding Radioflash, Flame Flare, Fire Bloom, Ellie, and a few other friends waiting for me. I smile and wave as I'm walking up to them. I notice there are a few other ponies that I didn't know too well that my friends had invited to join us as well, one of them a dragon pony. I assumed he was one of Radio's friends.

"Hey, guys." I greet my friends with a smile. I didn't notice right away that one of the ponies was staring at me with a disgusted look on his face.

"Script, this is Emerald-" Radio started before he was interrupted.

"What is she doing here, who invited her?" Emerald said.

I stopped in my tracks as I felt like I had just been stabbed in the chest. I stared at him, dumbfounded as I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears and my face quickly turned to a quivering frown.

"Come on, don't be rude." Flame Flare uttered.

"She's a bucking liar and a loser, looking for attention! Why shouldn't I treat her the same?"

Another image flashed through my mind as the dragon pony continued cursing. I tried to block it out, but he only cursed more. Ellie noticed and tried to speak up.

"Emerald, I think you should stop-" Ellie said before she was interrupted.

"Why do you hang out with this loser anyway, Radio?"

I turned around dropping my things as I began sobbing at the top of my lungs. I ran as fast as my hooves would carry me.

"Drama queen!"

"Script, wait, come back!" Radioflash yelled running after me grabbing my things.

---

I sat under a tree hardly able to breathe due to how much I was crying. My mane was a mess and my face was all puffy. The flashing images of painful memories wouldn't stop, they were burned into my mind and I can never get them out...

I hear galloping and panting, turning around finding Radioflash running up to me. I quickly wipe up my face as I try to look somewhat presentable.

"Script," he said as he walked up to me. He paused for a moment when he noticed how much I was crying. "I uh, got you your bag since you dropped it back there," he said, handing me my bag.

"Thanks..." I say with a sniff. "Look Radio, I know you wanna help but... I really just... want to be alone right now..."

"But, Script-"

"Radio, please... just leave me alone..." I turned away from him, refusing to show my face.

"Alright, if that's what you want..." he said with a sigh. He then turned around and left me there alone.

Alone... that's what I am... I know I'm not alone, and I'm surrounded by others, but it's a different type of alone... one you only feel when your world crumbles on itself.