Three Seasons

by shakealchemist

Together, Still Broken

Author's Note:

Warning! light talk of past suicide attempts, talk of past depression.

A deeper dive into Dash's woes. Sorry for the wait. I feel like this is the slowest updating story. Hope it was worth the wait. Much love to all readers! <3

"All right, nice win everypony! We matched our record for wins we had last year and with one last game to go we'll be better." Dash high-hooved some teammates on her way to her locker from the showers.

"Hang on there Rainbow, while that may be true, this last regular game season game isn't important to us. We've clinched the highest seed in the playoffs already. We don't exactly need to win it." Hondo explained.

Dash did a quick job of drying her mane before replying. "Uh, yeah we do if we want to do better than last year." Dash tossed her towel into her locker and gave her mane a simple flick to style it the way she liked.

"The playoffs were the problem last year."

"True, but ending the season on a high note would keep sports high going into the playoffs." At that several teammates nodded and murmured their agreement.

"Look, I just don't want you all hanging your hopes too high on an unimportant game, because you're risking more on a loss than you'll gain from a win." Hondo gave a stern look across the room then smiled cheekily. "We'll still give beating that record a go of course." He added, setting off delighted cheers.

"Pretty exciting stuff, huh? This is totally our year, I can feel it." Sunbeam said playfully bumping into Dash who had her head in her locker.

"You know it." Dash answered, pausing to look at a hidden-away picture of Rarity before closing her locker.

"So hey, I know you like to split after games but I figured we could go out and celebrate?" He asked nervously.

In her quick thinking for an excuse not to go, Dash realized this was an excellent chance to push him toward Misty Dawn. 'And to do it so soon, cool.' "Hey, yeah . . . that does sound like an awesome idea." Sunbeam's face lit up at that response. "And I know just the pony to join us." Dash added to his disappointment and puzzlement. Dash trotted over to Misty Dawn. "Say, Misty, want to tag along with us? We're going out to celebrate."

"Can't, I'm busy tonight." Misty Dawn responded surprisingly coldly as she didn't bother to look up as she was busily going through her locker.

"Ahem! Are you sure about that?" Dash elbowed her roughly to get her attention.

Misty Dawn looked up to see Dash nodding toward the side where Sunbeam stood. "Oh, Oh!" Misty Dawn realized what she was trying to do now, yet her reaction was unexpected to Dash when she frowned. "I'm sorry, but I really can't. My family is having friends over and I'm supposed to be there as soon as I'm done here." She explained.

"That's ok. I guess it's just you and me then." Sunbeam answered all the more happier as he put a hoof around Dash.

'Oh no, what have I gotten myself into? He'll think of this as a date. I need a way out! Why do my plans always do this? ugh, if only Rarity were- that's it! Rarity will know what to do!' "Ha, ha, actually there's still one pony that'll be joining us as well." Dash said and headed out into the hallway. Sure enough, Rarity was waiting there. Her greeting smile turned into a look of confusion. Dash heard Sunbeam following right behind her. 'This can't look good to her.' Dash worried and raced up to Rarity then spoke softly into her ear. "Help, I messed up and he's tagging along."

Rarity stared forward for a moment then threw Dash way off with her solution. Her lips were on her's in a fiery kiss.

Dash was at a loss as to Rarity's reasoning for this and soon lost herself in the kiss as well. She had no idea how long it had lasted. It seemed to go on, yet ended as quickly as it had started, leaving Dash with a goofy smile. 'That was nice.'

"Of course darling, I don't mind him accompanying us."

'Wait, what?' That snapped Dash out of dreamland to see Rarity with a smug grin while she was staring down at Sunbeam, who shied away from it while showing how awkward he felt. "Rarity . . ." Dash muttered angrily yet gently prodded Rarity in the side, upset that she had used the moment to satisfy her own means.

"Sorry." Rarity whispered, not sounding sorry at all. She faked an apologetic expression and nuzzled her cheek with her own.

"Uh . . . you know what Dash? . . . I'm actually busy tonight too. I got . . . plans." With that poor excuse, Sunbeam took off toward the exit.

"No, wait!" Dash called out to no avail. She stomped her hoof angrily and shot Rarity a glare that made the unicorn recoil away before she took off after Sunbeam. 'A good thing I always win our races.' Dash thought to herself, bitting down on his tail right before he reached the main exit. They both landed down and Dash spat out his tail. "Sunbeam, wait, let me-"

"No! No . . . just leave me alone. I really want to move on from us, but . . . I still love you." Sunbeam interrupted her to admit.

"I know."

"And- wait, what? Really?" Sunbeam asked surprised.

"Dude, if you were trying to hide it, you did a poor job." Dash said not revealing she herself had to be told this information.

"Oh . . . yeah. I guess you're right, but still . . . seeing you with coach's daughter . . . I felt so jealous and I can't be around that. It makes me want to be in her place . . . but I guess that's never gonna happen is it?" He asked defeatedly.

"Who knows what would've happened if we dated before Rarity came into my life. we could've had something serious. You're not a bad guy, it's just I love Rarity with all my heart. She gives me more than I could ever expect from love. It's not like you failed. It's just that Rarity is a better fit for me. She and I complete each other. I know there's a mare out there that loves you as much as I do Rarity and knowing you, you're going to make her really happy."

". . . Thanks, Rainbow, that means a lot." Sunbeam smiled.

"You and I will always be friends. I got your back if you ever need me. In fact, if you still want to join us . . .?" Dash extended the offer.

"No thanks. It looks like you two have some talking to do." Sunbeam said looking past her.

Dash looked back to see Rarity standing a ways back and looking ashamed.

"I'll leave you two be." Sunbeam chuckled as he turned to leave.

"Hey wait!" Dash turned her head back to him. "You do know who I was talking about, right?" She questioned.

"Huh?"

"The mare."

"That loves me? I thought you meant that as 'there are plenty of fish in the sea' type thing." Sunbeam said cluelessly.

Dash shook her head and whispered to him. "Misty, you feather brain."

"Misty?! As in Misty Dawn?!"

Dash nodded amused by his sock.

"Are you sure?"

Another nod. "I'll just leave you to process that. See ya around." Dash left him slack-jawed as she trotted over to Rarity. "So what do you have to say for yourself?" She asked her marefriend.

"I'm sorry Rainbow. I got protective of our relationship when I saw Sunbeam and I saw a chance to . . ." Rarity bit her lip, thinking of the proper way to word it.

"show I belonged to you?" Dash offered an answer in annoyance.

"What? No . . . That's such an unbecoming way to word it. . ." Rarity trailed off anxiously.

"Unbelievable, Rarity I told you I don't love him and never have. It's not a competition., because he can't win nor you lose. All you're doing is hurting his feelings. He's my friend and teammate so I'm not going to stand for it. You said you were okay with us still being friends, so was that true or not?"

It was not a side of Dash that Rarity liked to see, especially not when it was aimed at her. Yet this was all her own fault, so she accepted the brunt of it. "No . . . you're right. I was trying to make a moot point that was against my own previous word. Should I apologize to him?" Rarity asked, looking to Sunbeam who was paused right at the exit, clearly eavesdropping.

"No, I think he gets it." Dash said seeing this as well. "Besides, I'll have to talk to him more later to smooth everything out. Till then I think we should all head home." Dash finished.

"Wait, won't you be coming with me?" Rarity asked puzzled yet worried.

"No, I suddenly don't feel like it tonight." Dash said bitterly, turning away to the exit and leaving Rarity quite upset.

***

Dash sat in the locker room and blew out a heavy sigh. What a difficult week it had been. She hadn't seen Rarity since their argument last week, this included not bothering to see her before or after practice as well. The whole team seemed to have personal business on their minds as the Junior Speedsters had a rough finish to the regular season with a bad loss leaving them matching their record for last season. Add on the fact that things seemed awkward between her and Sunbeam again made for Dash to be in a rather somber mood. The only thing that had lifted her spirits had been the extra time she'd spent with Gilda, though it hadn't gotten Rarity off her mind. But as Dash sat there Sunbeam passing by caught her attention. She watched as he trotted over to Misty Dawn.

"Hey."

"Hey."

They greeted each other simply.

"You gonna be throwing another end-of-the-season party this year?" He asked.

"Well, we still have the playoffs, but yeah. This is my last year, so it'll be nice to get the team together one last time." Misty informed him.

"Sounds nice . . . I'll miss you."

". . . I'll miss you too."

There was a shared silence as they both stared off away from each other.

"Do you want to grab a cider or something . . . just you and me?" Sunbeam asked.

"I have plans for the rest of the day . . . guess I'll have to blow them off." Misty Dawn replied with a sly smile as Sunbeam went from disappointed to elated.

Dash smiled. 'Nice, I guess that takes care of that. Now-'

"Rainbow!" Hondo's voice startled Dash as she quickly turned to him.

"Yes sir?"

"At ease." Hondo laughed, giving her a playful nudge. "I was just wondering if you were going to be seeing Rarity, cause if not we'll be leaving."

"No, yeah, I was just about to go see her right now." Dash answered and hurried to do so. She was excited to see her again. Upon opening the door, Dash was greeted by the sight of Rarity sitting politely at the end of the hall with her tail curled around her hooves. Even though she was clearly feeling down with her ears flopped low, Dash still thought she was cute and pretty sitting like that.

Rarity huffed out a sigh. "Are we leaving then?" Obviously by not looking she had thought Dash was Hondo.

"Sure, back to your place?" Dash asked with sly suggestiveness.

"Rainbow!" Rarity excitedly jumped to her hooves and Dash raced up to her and they embraced each other.

"By Celestia, I missed you so much!" Dash confessed as she held her tightly.

"I missed you too! I'm so sorry about how I treated Sunbeam. I was being such a jealous idiot." Rarity apologized, aggressively nuzzling Dash.

"We are never doing that again. I couldn't stand being away from you for so long. I had the worst week because I couldn't get you out of my head." Dash said breaking up the hug with a kiss on her forehead.

"I must admit I was having similar problems. It seems whenever we fight my inspiration for new designs dies." Rarity said with a shy blush.

Dash frowned at that. "Oh no. That doesn't mean you'll be too busy for me to stay over does it?" She worried.

"Oh, no, no, no, no. I have all the time to spend with you over the weekend. You'll stay the weekend right?" Rarity asked with her own worry.

"Of course." Dash brushed off her worry.

"Good . . . cause there was this one dress that I did make and I want you to try it on. And by the look of your feathers, you're in need of a good preening. Your mane could use a good brushing as well. Oh! And my mother picked up this special dinner . . ."

Dash smiled as she trotted alongside Rarity, listening to her growing plans stack up as she rambled on. It was a welcomed and exciting distraction for her stressed mind.

***

Rarity was laying in the grass as she watched Dash come down for a landing. It was a breezy day with a lazy feeling to it. Dash plopped down and laid down next to her. "You didn't do many tricks or a Sonic Rainboom." Rarity commented.

"Yeah, well . . . I wasn't feeling up to it today." Dash said not caring to come up with an actual excuse.

"Are you okay?"

"just tired."

"You didn't sleep well last night. You usually fall asleep before me but I could sense you were still awake while I was. Something is troubling you." Rarity determined.

". . ." Dash bit her lip, fearing her answer would make her sound stupid.

Rarity shifted over to where she straddled Dash's hips and placed her hooves on either side of her shoulders. She leaned her head forward, causing her mane to fall and create a curtain around Dash's head. They locked eyes, Rarity's so full of love that it overwhelmed Dash. "Tell me Dashie. I want to help." Rarity said smoothly.

Dash blushed from being in such a position in public, even if nopony was around. biting her lip, she turned her head away to the shorter side of Rarity's mane so she could still see the outside world. 'There really is no harm in telling her.' Dash glanced back at her. "I-. . . I'm scared this year will turn out like last year." She confessed.

Rarity cocked her head looking confused by Dash's lack of context.

Seeing this, Dash clarified her meaning. "With hoofball, everything is going the same as last year; same record, same seed, and same first-round bye. All that is missing is the loss in the first playoff game, which I fear is bound to happen."

Rarity lifted her head, thinking for a moment. She gave her mane a flick to get it out of her face before replying. "Rainbow, if you lose it doesn't matter, nopony will think less of you."

"I will! And so will the Wonderbolts." Dash followed with muttering.

Rarity blinked. "The Wonderbolts? Dashie you are certainly the best flyer I have ever seen by far. They will be more interested in that than your goofball record."

". . . Yeah, but I want to pad my resume. Show them I'm a flawless flyer. I don't want anything to ruin my chances at being a Wonderbolt. I don't have a backup plan, being a Wonderbolt is all I want!"

". . ."

"Please don't say I need a backup plan. I hear that-"

Rarity put a hoof to her lips and hushed her. "I wasn't going to. Rainbow, what do you think I'd do for a living if I didn't make dresses?"

Dash thought for a second before shrugging. "I don't know." She answered not understanding the point of the question.

"I don't know either. So no matter what, even if I have to scrape Bits just to get by every day for the rest of my life, I'm going to make dresses. I know you have that same determination. No matter what, you'll be a Wonderbolt." Rarity said with a kind smile.

Dash was speechless and felt a little teary-eyed. It was nice to hear that sort of belief in her, from somepony other than her parents. she leaned upward, propping herself up with her hooves, and gave Rarity a soft kiss. "Thanks . . . for saying that . . . I still want to win though."

Rarity smiled humored by Dash. "Of course you do. Just think about it as another regular game and have fun, no pressure. If you do as well as you normally do you'll win."

"Yeah . . . I guess once again you're right. You always are." Dash then gained a cheeky smile. "Wise old Rarity." Dash barely finished speaking when Rarity hit her in the side.

"I'm not old. I am a beautiful, young mare in her prime." Rarity corrected vainly.

"In your prime already?"

"And will be for a long time." Rarity added, seeing where she was going with that.

"That's what they all say." Dash teased.

"Rainbow Dash! I swear! Sometimes you try me." Rarity huffed half humored."Speaking of which, I just remembered something. When I kissed you in front of Sunbeam, he looked so shocked, which I thought was odd. Do you have any explanation?" Rarity asked accusingly.

'uh-oh.' Dash swallowed. "Maybe because I never told him we were dating?" Dash offered innocently.

"Excuse me? You never told your ex we are dating?" Rarity questioned angrily.

"One, he's not my ex. I told you already I never loved him.-"

"Yet you dated him nonetheless." Rarity cut her off with a sharpness to her voice.

"I used him Rarity. Which was the worse thing I've ever done."

"I guess cheating on me is a close second?"

"Let me up. I thought we were over this." Dash said crossly.

"Clearly not since you can't tell your old coltfriend about us. And no, not until you explain why." Rarity said firmly, sitting on her.

Dash wiggled herself to see if she could free herself, but she couldn't without using more force on Rarity than she was willing to use. "Fine, it was because I was afraid my friends would think less of me for dating you. That they'd think I wanted to be all proper and wear dresses and make-up, and no more roughhousing . . . and that they would make fun of me because of it."

"You . . . you were ashamed of being with me?" Rarity said slack-jawed.

". . . Makes it sound worse than how I worded it, but . . . yeah, I was." Dash said apologetically.

Rarity stood and stepped to one side, allowing Dash to get to her hooves.

Dash could see how stunned and hurt Rarity was by this revelation, so she tried to offer some words of comfort. "Like I said, I was ashamed, but now that Gilda and Sunbeam know and neither of those friendships changed, I realized I was being silly."

At that last word, Rarity turned a teary-eyed glare on Dash. "Yes, how silly of you to be ashamed of me. You- you . . . Why don't you just go home? I don't want to see you anymore!" She shouted the last part before running off crying.

"Rarity wait! I didn't mean it like that!" Dash called out flying a short way after her and ended up letting her go. Dash hit herself in the head repeatedly. 'Stupid, stupid! Why did I open my stupid mouth, say stupid things, and be such a stupid pony?'

***

Dash didn't know if it had been luck or Rarity granting her a chance to redeem herself. When she arrived at Rarity's place shortly after she had run off, Dash found Rarity's bedroom window open. Resting her forehooves on the frame, Dash remained hovering outside while poking her head inside. She heard Rarity sobbing before she saw her curled up facing away from her in bed. "Hey. You want me to parade around town singing my love for you aloud for everypony to hear? Better yet I could do it around Cloudsdale. Though that will take a few minutes longer. Or I could do both?" Dash offered.

Rarity was silent, no more sobbing so at least she was putting in the effort to listen to her.

"You can hit me if you want . . . as much as you want."

Still no reply.

Dash pulled herself in, sitting across the windowsill and resting her back against the frame. She stared out at the beautiful day and sighed. "You hate me, that's fair. I hate myself too. Seems like flying is all I'm good at." Dash started in a monotone. "You know when we broke up I tried so hard to amend what I'd done. I told the truth to Sunbeam. Heh, did such a poor job handling that, that all my friends stopped talking to me. So there I was, I had lost you and for all, I'd known I was friendless. I realized I destroyed something I didn't know I had . . . happiness." Dash told her, sounding void of it now. "You know what I did next?" She asked not looking to see if Rarity was listening, but at this point, she had her full attention. "I tried to kill myself." Dash didn't quite know how she felt admitting that. It had been something she was sure she would take to her grave. There was some relief, a hint of sadness and regret, but mostly worry about what Rarity would think.

"Dashie . . ."

Rarity's soft voice sounded surprisingly close and Dash turned to find her right next to her. Rarity basically pulled her from the window when she hugged her. Dash reached a hoof out and comfortingly stroked her cheek.

"I only wanted you to say you respected what I do and who I am, But . . . I mean . . . I had no idea."

"Rarity, of course, I respect what you do. You make awesome clothes and work so hard at it, but my worry is that ponies who don't know you will think you're just an uptight diva and think the same of me for being with you. Also, I wish you said that sooner before I told you that last thing." Dash said pulling away and facehooving.

"No, Rainbow, that was good because this is serious. Was this a one-time thing? Do you have problems with depression?" Rarity questioned her, staying close to her.

". . . When it comes to depression . . . I really never have had any since I met you."

"Awww . . ." Rarity nuzzled her affectionately. "But you didn't answer my other question."

". . . To be completely honest, I've thought about it numerous times, but I only ever attempted to do it . . . three times. It was never serious though."

"Yes, it was! Dash, have you ever told anypony about this problem?" Rarity was much more panicked about Dash's nonchalant attitude to all this than she would've been otherwise.

"No."

"What about your parents?"

"Celestia, no. They are- . . . difficult enough to deal with as it is." Dash changed her wording last second, not wanting to talk about her relationship with her parents.

"Well if you are ever feeling depressed again you tell me, okay?"

"Rarity, it's not-"

"Rainbow . . ." Rarity cut off Dash trying to play it off as nothing with a stern tone.

". . . Fine. I promise I'll tell you." Dash sighed with a roll of her eyes.

"You better . . . and Dashie?" Rarity put her hooves on Dash's shoulders.

". . ."

"I love you." Rarity said with another nuzzle as she pulled her in close.

"I love you too." Dash nuzzled her in return.