Can’t A Guy Get Some Privacy?
Hot showers. If primates became men when they discovered how to create fire, the primate that had the idea to heat water and pour it on one’s body was surely God. A blessing it was, to feel streams of liquid life pour over a body so tired and sore and weak.
Anon stood for what must’ve been an hour, but only felt like seconds, under the shower head. His eyes were closed lightly, his breath came and went in controlled inhales and exhales. Then, came the hard part.
A mere twist of the knob. That’s all it took to return to the world of the dreary and dour. The warmth of the water clung frivolously to his skin, before dissipating into the air as steam. The cold of reality enveloped him in its uncaring despair.
Anon sighed. He stepped out of the shower stall, towel wrapped around his waist. He looked around the dorm bathroom, making sure the coast was clear. He then started the chilling, cruel walk to his dorm room, shivering all the while.
He inserted his key into the door handle. Then, he waited. He slowly turned the key, the lock sliding out of place. Then, he waited. He slowly removed the key and grabbed the handle. Then, he waited.
He pulled the door open and he peered into the darken room. He looked left. He looked right. The cold nipped his nips. With no sign of a pink shade in the dark, Anon slipped inside the door and closed it behind him. He approached the clothes laid out on his bed and, yes, he waited. When the coast was clear, he slowly unwrapped the towel around his waist...
The book flew open just behind him, a portal to Equestria providing an inconvenient window into his reality. Anon quickly tightened the towel around him.
“Sonuvabitch!” He muttered under his breath. No matter how hard he tried to be cautious, life had a funny way of catching him with his pants down. In this case, off completely.
Pinkie jumped out of the portal, licking frosting from her cheeks with an over extended tongue.
“Hiya, Nonny!” She greeted cheerfully, waving her hoof in tandem.
“Hello, Pinkie.” Anon greeted less enthusiastically, his arms crossed as he glared at the pony. Well, one arm crossed, the other was securely gripping the towel around his waist. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I live here now, silly!” Pinkie answered.
“Yeah, we established that. I mean, why are you here now? Don’t you have work or friendship school to teach?”
“Nonny, when you’re a party pony like me, you have a knack for finding leisure time.” Pinkie stated simply.
“Leisure time-“ Anon was about to ask what that entailed, before being subsequently gut checked by a patented Pinkie Tackle ™.
“Lazy party!” She screamed, pushing Anon onto the bed. Anon kept his hand around the towel as he sat on the edge. Pinkie scurried into his lap, Anon given face-fulls of mane and tail hair.
Finally, she settled on lying on her back, belly up as Anon spat out strands of her bubblegum hair. She rested a hoof on her hair, imitating a dramatic pose befitting of Rarity.
“You just don’t know how hard I have it, Nonny.” Pinkie sighed, sounding as though she’s tired. Although, given the full puff of her hair, Anon was thoroughly aware that this was a show. “Having to attend to Sugar Cube Corner, teaching the Equestrian youth the difference between muffins and cupcakes, and especially all the world ending catastrophes that I have to stop.”
“Is this suppose to lead to something?”
“I’ve just been in such desserts-“
“Distress?”
“Distress! If only I had a good friend and new, bestest roomie who had a gift for giving belly rubs?” She gave Anon the biggest puppy eyes she could muster. Anon merely sighed.
“I don’t know why you put in so much effort when you know I’m going to do it.” Anon grumbled as he shook his head. How easily he has been reduced to such a pitiful, if enviable, state.
“Cause it’s fun~” Pinkie sang, presenting her belly in full. Anon gave his knuckles a good crack and started with a complimentary ear scratch. Then, he worked his hand, still warm from the hot shower, and petted the pony down her neck, her chest, and finally her belly. Pinkie’s leg kicked excitedly, her tongue lolled out of the side of her face.
Meanwhile, Anon looked over at the book, currently closed. It is amazing how such a simple piece of text has significantly altered his life. Then again, it was an object of great magical power in a world it didn’t belong in. He wonders what could’ve been if he had never received it, thus never going to Equestria. Would he be the man he was today? Probably not. Also, the book was rather worn, with a slight tear in the-
“Nonny,” Pinkie asked, Anon’s attention pulled away from the book he was staring at. “Why do you never look at me during?”
Thank God-both pony, man, and eldritch-that he wasn’t drinking right now or that surely would’ve been a spit take.
“I’m sorry, what?!” Anon asked, immediately flushed. It was a good thing that he kept the manhood tucked between the legs like a scared lion with his tail or else Anon Jr. would be making a guest appearance at the mere insinuation of sex.
“My belly rubs.” Pinkie answered obliviously. “You always look somewhere else if I’m lying on my back.”
“That’s because I’m trying not to look at, uhm...them.” Anon nudged his head towards the lower part of Pinkie’s torso, which prompted her to sit up and take a look for herself.
“You mean my teats?” She asked incredulously, an eyebrow raised as if that was a weird thing to not want to see. As some would argue, perhaps it was.
“Yeah.” Anon’s answer was brief. He continued rubbing the belly as if that alone was going to drop the topic from further discussion.
“Is there something wrong with them? Are they too big?” Pinkie asked, genuinely worried about her figure.
“No, they’re not too-“ Invasive thought alert: are they big? Like, as big as she thinks they are? We should check. Anon nearly looked down to confirm whether Pinkie’s...teats could potentially be classified as “too big”. However, he quickly squandered the thought, having sensed the violation to his moral code. “No. Just no. It’s just that I’m not used to seeing ponies naked yet.”
“But we’re naked all the time.” Pinkie stated the obvious.
“Yeah, and I’m still not used to it. That should tell you something.”
“Well,” Pinkie started, her hooves on her hips. “It tells me that you’re worried about your own teats.” To prove her point, she raised a hoof and pressed it against his pectoral muscle. “If it makes you feel any better, yours are nice too! Very squishy!”
Anon smacked her hoof away. “Hands-er, hooves off! Jesus, you ponies are so touchy-feely, I shutter at the thought of what a pony molester would look like.”
“Dark.” Pinkie responded, as she started to knead at the towel around his wait. “Is the towel also because your self-conscious?”
“No, that’s about modesty. I don’t just go about, waving my dick at people.”
“Well, I guess some stallions are like that, but that’s usually because they have smaller-“
“We are not about to imply that I have a small penis!” Anon shouted, perhaps a little too loud.
A unwanted silenced filled the room. Anon sat with one arm crossed, the other still stress-caressing Pinkie’s stomach. Pinkie herself looked away in contemplation. Despite the lack of a clock, Anon could swear that he could hear as the seconds ticked by. Then, Pinkie broke the silence with a simple question.
“Do you?”
Is this even real? Anon conjured the question in his mind, with the subject of this being purposefully ambiguous. Anon had completely disassociated. Good timing too, as there apparently was a clock in Pinkie’s mane, as she had removed it.
“Uh oh! Lazy party over!” Pinkie rolls off of Anon’s lap, landing on her hooves. She threw the book open, which opened the portal to Equestria. “I have a class in a couple of minutes. Ironically enough, it’s about teaching students the importance of respecting a friend’s personal space. Oh well, ‘Do as I say, not as I do!’ We’ll talk about your penis later! Toodles!” With that, Pinkie jumped through the portal, her vigor restored.
Anon lurched up from the bed, the towel nearly falling to the floor before Anon caught it. He held it against his crotch and shook his free fist as the portal closed on him.
“We are NOT talking about it later!” He yelled after her fruitlessly. His arms grew limp as he realized this fact. She’s fucking with me. She has to be fucking with me. There’s no way she’s not fucking with me.
Anon looked down at his hand, the one in which he supplied the pink devil with her coveted belly rubs. He watched with mild annoyance that his hand was covered in light pink hairs, having stuck to his skin. He followed the trail up his arm and down his torso as he slowly realized that he was absolutely covered in Pinkie’s hair. On his darker skin, it would be incredibly difficult to NOT notice it if he walked around the campus now.
So, with a frustrated sigh and more than a few grumblings, Anon wrapped himself in his hair covered towel. Then, he walked out of his room to go back to the showers to wash himself. Again.
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i'd say it was worth it
also, is this just gonna be ponk and avon, or will there be other characters
You should write more. This is hilarious. I like that even though ponies are touchy feely; there is a step even they don't cross where they label such molesters.
So, he’s not the only one that can activate the portal?
I can’t imagine that at all.
He has a moral code?
He is?
10535587
The main focus will be on these two, specifically in Avon’s world. Guess you could consider this a Pony On Earth kind of fic.
10535590
I try, but my brain is stupid and makes up excuses.
10535598
I’d like to think he thinks he has a moral code and Pinkie’s referring to ponies as a whole, not Avon himself.
Good stuf --heavy
The sexual tension is thick enough that you could cut it with a knife. Like butter. Soft, gooey butter. Yeah, try to get that out of your mind now xD. Either way, this was a funny chapter.
Geez, Pinkie really has reached a new level here. That IS pretty much molestation. But since this is her, she won't care and will keep doing it because its "fun".
I see.
10545871
do you?
I think i know where this is going. Imma need another batch of tea