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Critical Error

What Went Wrong?

Chapter 1 - Critical Error

"Dear diary,

Today is going to be a great day! I've got lots of shopping to do, though, but I've decided to treat myself with muffins. (Yay muffins!) Then I'm going to have lunch with Carrot Top at The Haybale. I'll try not to order muffins; I don't want everypony to think I'm obsessed with them. But they make really good muffins, so that might be hard...

Dinky's birthday is in a month. I'm so looking forward to it! I hope she's invited lots of friends, but Pinkie's running it so I don't have to worry about it too much.

Well, gotta go, Diary. See you soon! Bye!"

Derpy sighed happily through the pencil in her mouth, and slid the diary under her bed, next to her 'midnight muffins'. Smiling, she laid the pencil on the bedside table and folded up the discretely rune-edged glasses she wore, placing them near a framed image of her and her daughter, Dinky.

With a spring in her step and a beat of her wings, she bounced down from her room and through the kitchen, whistling her favourite pre-spring tune, Winter Wrap-Up. She didn't know why she liked it so much, and considering it was midsummer it seemed a little inappropriate, but she couldn't get that cheery tune out of her head.

Flinging the door open and breathing in the fresh, wholesome air of Ponyville, she took to the air and drifted towards the market.

One shopping trip later, Derpy was happily eating a professionally-baked and incredibly delicious muffin, sitting at a table with her orange Earth pony friend.

"Couldn't resist the muffin?" Carrot Top asked, sipping her cup of tea. Her actual name was Golden Harvest, but she much preferred her nickname.

Derpy nodded, smiling happily. "Yep. They make the best muffins in town."

Carrot laughed a little. "Well, yours are just as good, I reckon."

"Aww, thanks." Derpy softly replied, blushing a little. She took another bite of her muffin, chewing it cheerfully. "How's the gardening going?"

"Not too badly. The pegasi have been really good with the weather." She said, looking around for other pegasi. She then remembered the wings on the side of Derpy. "What about you? How's your job going?"

"Really well!" Derpy chirped. "I've been pretty busy. Post Haste's come down with a cold, so me and Mr Zippy have to work extra."

"Oh, that's a shame." Carrot said sympathetically. "And how's Dinky doing?"

"She's doing great, I think." Derpy muttered, taking another bite. "She's been playing a lot with 'the Cutie Mark Crusaders'."

"Those three fillies?" Carrot asked incredulously.

"Mhm. I'm glad she's making friends."

Carrot took another sip of her drink, then saw a lavender-coated unicorn mare trot briskly towards them. She hurriedly finished her drink. "Well, Derpy, I've got to go and work on my garden. I'll see you later, alright?"

"Aww, ok." Derpy said, then hugged her friend. "See you."

"Excuse me, Miss Hooves, is it?" the unicorn mare asked as Derpy released her grip, Carrot trotting off.

"Hi!" She replied with her usual bubbly enthusiasm. "Just call me Derpy."

"Ok...' the unicorn said, somewhat startled at the cheerful reaction. "are you free today?"

"Uh, yeah, guess I am." Derpy muttered. "Oh! Wait!" She took the muffin in her mouth and finished it off. "There, now I'm free."

Twilight levitated a piece of parchment in front of Derpy's eyes. "I need you to read this first."

"I left my glasses at home." Derpy said.

Twilight blinked. "Oh. Well, you can go get them if you want."

"Don't worry, I can read it... just might be a bit hard at points."

"How come?"

"My eyes go a bit... funny some times." Derpy said, quietly.

"Oh." Twilight muttered. "Sorry, I didn't know."

"It's alright!" Derpy quickly replied. "I'll try my best."

Focusing her eyes on the parchment, she began reading. She felt her eyes move on their own, blurring the words. She shook her head and closed her eyes, refocusing. After much time, she had finally read the document; it was basically a form saying she had agreed to do some sort of experiment on teleporting, and some legal stuff regarding accidents. "I can't teleport."

Twilight pulled the sheet away. "That's because it's an experiment on me teleporting you. Do you want to go through with this?"

"Sure!"

"Then I need you to sign your name on this."

Derpy took the pen in her mouth and scribbled her signature on it. "'ehr. Uhn." She laid the pen on the desk, an action she had well rehearsed.

Twilight started setting up some sciency-looking things; what they did was beyond Derpy's comprehension. "I have full permission from the princess and I've done a significant amount of research on this, but even so there haven’t been records of a teleother spell since Starswirl the Bearded's time."

"Oh, ok." Derpy said, trying to hide her ignorance. Being a pegasus, she didn't know much about obscure unicorn history. Heck, not even many unicorns knew that stuff either.

Twilight then started explaining how the thing worked, something about channels and brains and nets. Derpy zoned out, thinking about her daughter. Her eyes rolled around a little.

Twilight had just finished explaining how the spell worked when she saw Derpy's... expression. "Eheheh... you're not getting it, are you?"

"What?" Derpy asked, her eyes snapping back into focus. "I'm not really that smart."

"Ok, short version: this device-" the unicorn said, waving a hoof to her set up "-allows me to teleport you as if I was teleporting myself. However we both need to focus on it for it to work."

"Does teleportaling hurt?" Derpy asked, her brow furrowing in concern.

"Not really. You might get a bit singed, though."

"Like being hit by lightning, right?"

"How-"

"Ask Dash about it." Derpy muttered. "I don't recommend it."

"O...k...?" Twilight turned to the device. "I'll need you to stand in the centre there."

Derpy saluted and flew into the centre of the science stuff. It looked kind of scary, but she never let her fear get the best of her. "What happens now?"

"Now?" Twilight said, slipping on a labcoat and safety glasses. "Let's go practice magic." She flipped some switches and twisted some dials, and the machines started humming. "Now, Derpy, I need your full concentration. I'm going to try teleporting you to the balcony, so just relax and focus."

"Ok." Derpy said succinctly, and tried to focus. But with the humming of the machines and the encroaching fear of what might happen, it was not an easy task.

Twilight's horn started glowing more intensely, and she started funnelling energy into the devices. The humming increased. "Focus, Derpy..."

Derpy gulped, standing in faux confidence. She felt some weird feeling crawling into her coat and mane, and her eyes went odd again.

Twilight clenched her jaw and eyes shut, completely focused on the task. Unlike the grey pegasus, who was anything but totally concentrating on her task.

"Almost... almost... three... two... o-"

In a flash of light, the pegasus was no more.

The first thing she felt about teleporting - weightlessness. It was like she had jumped into water, but it had the viscosity of air.

The second thing she felt - a lurch as something pulled her out of the weightlessness.

The third - a weird tingly feeling in her body.

The fourth - the floor, which she hit rather painfully.

Her vision was a complete blur, her eyes spinning. She felt like throwing up, but held her lunch in. She stood up, stumbling around, before losing her balance and landing on a bed.

Wait... a bed?

She closed her eyes and shook her head, and instantly her vision refocused. She wasn't on any sort of balcony, but in a room. Her room. And by the looks of it, it hadn't been cleaned in some time.

"Weird..." she muttered out loud. She had cleaned the room two days ago. Darn dust bunnies getting into her room. She centred her balance and looked around some more. Everything was more or less the same, but with some minor changes. The framed image of her and Dinky was missing, for one, but her glasses remained. She took those and slipped them on, the magic keeping her eyes focused, except for the layer of dust on them. She wiped that off and replaced them on her nose.

She looked under her bed, and saw her diary was missing and her 'midnight muffins' looked more like broccoli now. Ew.

She looked everywhere for her diary, until she noticed it was right on the bed. She flipped it open; it was more or less the same as she left it. Good, now she could go back to Twilight and explain the problem.

There was a note on the door. She pushed her glasses up and read.

Mum.

I'm going to Canterlot. If you ever get this message, 'if' being the key word, then don't come looking for me.

~Dinky.

That couldn't be Dinky. The writing was too good, the language not like something she'd write, and it didn't have the sort of cheer she had.

"Silly Derpy, Dinky wouldn't… not want me to find her!" She said. "Outta my way, door, I've got to talk to Twilight." She pushed the door open...

...And was greeted with the sight of a barren, burnt and broken Ponyville where the stairwell was supposed to be.

Derpy blinked in complete shock.

"Hang on... where are the stairs?"

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Crisslunarflame

Crisslunarflame #1 · Sep 3rd, 2012 · · ·

FIRST!

This looks pretty interesting! I will definitely be reading this!
It's well written and goodly articulated. Also, I like your characterization of Derpy.

Inferno demon Dash

Inferno demon Dash #2 · Sep 4th, 2012 · · ·

Freaking love the way you made my favorite pony, this was funny as hell, poor Derpy, I'll be awaiting more of this and you have a few spelling and grammer errors in this chapter, nothing major though, on to the next one....wonder where Dinky went.

StormbadgerXIII

StormbadgerXIII #3 · Sep 4th, 2012 · · ·

1214602 Grammar and spelling mistakes? Darn.

Could you point some of them out, please? I would like to fix them up.

Inferno demon Dash

Inferno demon Dash #4 · Sep 4th, 2012 · · ·

1214800 No lie, I'm the worst one to ever point out mistakes to anyone, even myself. Would love to help, but I'm not sure where to look, very sorry bro.

SigmatheAwesome