The Seventh Sense

by LikeaSir

Motion; sickness intensifies

Ponies came in a gradual trickle, a few boarding our carriage as the train slowly filled. Even the ticket inspector made her triumphant (if tearful) return, having found and used a shower. I quietly occupied myself by taking in the sights as ponies bustled about, finding their seats. I know I'd described the carriage's decoration as obnoxious before, but now that I was inside, it kinda worked, y'know? All the extravagantly carved and varnished woodwork, the glitzy gilding, the bold primary red... it contrasted agreeably, bringing to mind images of opulent theatres, and old Edwardian opera houses.

After much jostling of passengers and stamping of tickets, the train hissed and barked into motion, rattling slowly out of the station and onto the line to Ponyville. A gentle breeze brought some relief from the still desert air as we clattered down the rails. Braeburn, thankfully, was still captivated by the window, working himself into an excited frenzy as we picked up speed. Soon, he was no longer able to contain himself, and hung his head out of the window, ears flapping in the breeze, jaw working manically in his excitement. It should come as no surprise to hear that he soon spat enthusiastically, and a fraction of a second later, the wind brought him back a taste of his own medicine. He reeled his head back in wide-eyed and sticky, and I imagine that's pretty much how he stayed for the remainder of the journey - grumbling morosely to himself in Redneck, and intermittently gobbing over the table. I decided to leave him to it, and went searching for potential buffet carts.

Every single carriage I came through on my quest for cake, clamoured with ponies. They seemed a perfect match to the carriage's decour; a colourful riot of pastille all smiling, giggling and chatting happily amongst themselves. It was all really rather sweet. Had my circumstances been different, I genuinely would have enjoyed the ride, but... by now, I was struggling. My head pounded terribly, and the nausia had grown to such a point that I debated abandoning my search for cake, in favour of returning to my seat. I was becoming gradually aware of some new and wholly disconcerting sensations, too. I could feel the roots of my teeth tingling. The beds of my nails, too... even my hair! I was sure of it! I could feel panic stirring in the shadows of my mind... my heart, hammering in my chest, my vision greying, blurring... I...

"Excuse me, sir...? Are you ok over there" an concerned voice dragged me back to Eart... Equis, sorry. Whatever.

"N-no I uuh. Yeah, sorry. Fine. I'm fine." I replied, curtly. My tone betrayed me - I was obviously far from fine. An urgent little clatter of crockery being set down, was soon followed by a mouth, delicately taking hold of my hand. It began firmly, but not ungently, leading me.

"Sit. Sit! Goodness, you don't look fine at all, i-if you'll pardon my saying so..." came the voice again, as its owner plopped me down into a waiting chair. "You ill, or something?" it continued, as a shock of mauve mane swam in to view on the edge of my vision. A sherbet yellow pony soon followed, flashing a worried smile up at me.

"I... I don't think I'm actually ill? The vet said I have uhh... Thaumic shock? if that helps?" I offered. I made an effort to return the smile, but I suspect in hindsight, it was probably more of a grimace. "I don't know what it's meant to do to me," I continued, "but she said it can be pretty bad... so..." Again, I felt panic needling my skin.

"D-don't you worry none! You'll be fine!" a hoof patted my arm awkwardly. "You'll be ok! Just... just try to keep calm, alright?

I didn't bloody feel calm! Not a bit of it! But the voice was soothing in a way, and reassuring. Panic still simmered within me, but it no longer boiled, thanks to whoever it was patting at me. I felt a little more grounded now that there was someone there with me. Someone that was trying their best to help. I still felt beyond weird, and that tingling hadn't left me, but I no longer had to endure it alone.

"Hey..." She looked up at me slyly "I know what'll make you feel better!"

"Yeah...?"

"Oh yeah! I have some mint brownies here. Wanna' try one?" she proffered a stout, chocolatey square, her voice taking on an almost sultry tone. "They're fresh baked..."

I sat, mesmerised... it was the gooiest, richest slab of generosity I'd ever set eyes on! And no matter how nausious they feel, scrawny bastards such as myself need to take their opportunities wherever they can find em'. And believe me, this was an opportunity no sane person could miss - the mere smell of the thing was giving me at least three types of diabetes. Bloody hell, I wanted it so much. SO much...

I uuh... won't lie... I just dribbled everywhere.

A poorly stifled gigglesnort errupted from the mare. "Here ya' go then!" she said, tittering behind her hoof. "Take your time with it. Don't want to make yourself any sicker!"

Now, I'm quite a generous chap - so I won't tell you how good it was. You'd only spend the rest of your life in envy of me if I did. Even if you hate mint chocolate brownie, you would envy me. That's how good it was. I promise you. You'd better believe I ate the damned thing RIGHT up.

"That was AMASING!" I burbled happily around the last morsel.

"Why thank you! I was just trying out a new recipe."

"W-wait, YOU baked them?!" I... I think I'm in love (With her cooking. Don't get any weird ideas).

"Uh-huh! Baking's my special talent" she grinned, patting her flank. "Got my cutie mark for it when I was nine!"

Sure enough, there was a little picture of baked goods down there. Huh... I'd been wondering what those things were called, actually. I'd just accepted their presence, and mentally named them buttprints. In hindsight, probably not the 'cleanest' name I could've chosen.

"You're something special, you know that?" I breathed, still riding the brownie induced euphoria. "I wish I could bake like that. Hell, I wish I could bake at all..."

She let out an embarrassed, tinkling laugh. "I'm glad you think so! My name's Meadowsweet, by the way. Pleased to meet ya." she giggled, holding out a hoof to me. I shook the proffered hoof uncertainly - Meadowsweet looked mildly taken aback. "You new to Equestria or somethin' hon? You're meant to bop it." she giggled again, and offered the hoof for me to try a second time.

Meadowsweet and I spent the remainder of the journey together shooting the breeze, and swapping tall tales. She told me about her coltfriend, and how he loved her brownies too. She also talked about a few of her hobbies - she was an amateur botanist apparently, as well as a baker! She'd taken the train to Ponyville to visit this place called 'The Everfree Forest'. Her plans were to collect a few interesting plant specimens, then pay a visit to her friend Roseluck. Time flew, and before we knew it, we heard the squeal of wheels on tracks as the train braked, slowing gently before it pulled into the station.

"Meadowsweet?" I turned to her "Its been an absolute pleasure. I really don't know what state I'd have been in without you earlier. Thanks for your help there, I... I think I really needed that."

"Hey, no problem at all! Glad to help." She smiled. "You take care of yourself - hope to see you again some time!"

I stood, as we said our goodbyes, and we parted with a final wave. I, to find Braeburn, and she I presume, to find the Everfree Forest

Braeburn was right where I left him and, there was about as much spit surrounding him as you would imagine there to be. The few ponies that remained in his carriage thronged around the exit in a frenzy, clearly very eager to leave. Braeburn's horrendous spit puddle crept towards them as the train continued braking.

When the train finally pulled to a halt and the doors were opened, the squabbling mass of ponies popped out practically as one, spilling onto the platform in a great yodelling heap of relief. Wading through Braeburn's puddle, I followed swiftly after, and onto the crowded platform outside.

"You must be that baboon we've been a'sittin here wait'n for! Howdy there sugarcube! Welcome to Ponyville!" Blared an orange mare, apparently addressing me. "Mah name is Applejack," she continued loudly, momentarily holding a hoof to her chest, before thwacking it into the side of a broad set stallion beside her. "An this is here's mah brother, Big M-"

"BRAAAAHBURN" interrupted Big M-.

"BYIIIIG MAAAAC" hollered Braeburn, helpfully disclosing the remainder of the red stallion's name, as he lept eagerly from the carriage.

They rushed towards each other, rearing up to share a hug and -

O...oh.

Locked tenderly together in a... oh dear... in a VERY passionate french kiss. Well I never. That was something I'd not seen cousins do before. From the looks of it, nor had anybody else, as the cousins' very public enthusiasm for each other's gullets began to draw quite a bit of attention, along with a few uncertain cheers. It was overall, a uniquely awkward experience, and I stood frozen in horrified fascination.

Applejack paled, and hid beneath her hat as they sloppily mashed tonsils. I chose to wander stiffly away at this point; making a show of inspecting everything but the steamy makeout session behind me. I managed to make it quite some distance down the platform before I heard an urgent retching, too heartfult and explosive to ignore. I span back around, surprised to find myself nearly swatting Applejack across the arse. Apparently she'd had the same idea as me, and had followed in an attempt to disassociate herself from her uhh... impassioned relatives.

Anyway... back to the retching. In a 'completely unexpected' turn of events Braeburn had, it appeared, accidentally broken the familial kiss by gobbing a chunk of baccy straight down Big Mac's throat, and now stood over him bewildered, holding the poor chap's hair back. Big Mac was practically doubled over, heaving lachrymosely, and shooting Braeburn the occasional grief stricken look.

There are better ways to break a kiss.

"So Applejack..." I murmured "Should we get going?"

She gulped. "Ah' uuh... uhhhh... uuhhhhhh... yeah..."

Author's Note:

Ok... ok... I managed some nice 'slice of life stuff', before it all descended back into anarchy again. I tried my best for you guys!

And uuh... I apologise for the BigBurn ship.

It didn't have to be this way.

Blame the comments section.

No proof reader, so if ya spot something, lemme know! Cheers.

Comments

[Mornings Dew]

No. You know what? This was great!

[LikeaSir]

10236525
Thank you! That's really nice to hear! I appreciate it!

[Mornings Dew]

10237093
Not a problem!
Only speaking the truth.

[DovahkiinMaster]

This was great ,then extremely painful to read. Please, keep writing forever. I (mostly) approve. All enjoy.

[LikeaSir]

10237300
I'm glad to hear you at least enjoyed some of it! :D Which is the painful bit?

[DovahkiinMaster]

10237315
I, personally, can't stand second hand embarrassment comedy. I just die inside while I read anything involving it; that's the painful bit. It's still funny though. I really like your story, it's a hilarious idea with wonderful execution, well done :)

[LikeaSir]

10237375
Aaah, fair enough! I appreciate your taking the time to reply! It's ever so useful to hear some constructive critique now and again. Thank you :D

[DovahkiinMaster]

10237399
You're welcome :D
Overall, I'd say try to use it in moderation, although some stories rely on it, so if you wanted to, you could. It's just harder to read for some people, although the comedic effect isn't lost on me; and, as far as I know, other people who don't like that form of comedy as much. Sorry if that is a wordy explanation.
(I just wanted to ensure you didn't take my response the wrong way)
Great story overall, have a FABULOUS evening, and keep on writing. :)

[LikeaSir]

10237538
Oh no, it's quite alright! Comedy is very subjective - and that in turn makes every opinion entirely relevant. Listening to feedback is the only way to know for sure whether the comedy works or not. You raised a good and entirely valid point. It genuinely was great to hear from you! Thank you, and I hope you have a delightful evening too! :D

[RandomGuy101]

Sure enough, there was a little picture of baked goods down there. Huh... I'd been wondering what those things were called, actually. I'd just accepted their presence, and mentally named them buttprints. In hindsight, probably not the 'cleanest' name I could've chosen.

I read a fic where someone called them butt talents.

[RandomGuy101]

She gulped. "Ah' uuh... uhhhh... uuhhhhhh... yeah..."

I... probably would have been... a little... more intelligible... and cursing... and not even answering the question... OHMYGODWHATTHE!@#$