The Seventh Sense

by LikeaSir

Of hangovers, and brokener minds

As conciousness began its daily conquest, I became gradually aware of an intense, and unpleasantly familiar nausia.

Wow... I... wow, ok, maybe an unfamiliar nausia. Definitely much worse than usual, at least. How much had I drunk, last night...? Given the savage pounding between my ears, (that hitherto, I had been blissfully unaware of); far too much.

Salvation awaited me in the bathroom cupboard, and... hold up... That's definitely déjà vu knocking.

As circumspectly as possible, I cracked open an eyelid. Relief rushed through me, for above me, there was a ceiling! Oh blessed solace! It was all a dream!

With that happy thought in mind, I opened my eyes, rolled out of bed, and smashed heavily into tiny ponyWAIT WHAT!

I bellowed incomprehensibly at the pony in what, upon reflection, was probably abject terror. It wheezed plaintively beneath me. A hoof came up, somehow holding a clipboard, and began weakly belabouring me about the face. I continued bellowing uncertainly, mainly to keep up appearances. The beating persisted.

"Get off!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa... one moment.. did.. did you...?"

"GET OFF ME!!"Tears began to leak from its eyes, as they rolled slowly back in it's head.

"D...did you just talk?!"

*WHEEZE*I... I can't... *huuurk* breathe... *wheeze*

"OH! God, sorry!" I cried, realising a little too late that I'd straight up crushed the poor thing. I sprang to my feet with all the elegance of a broken rotary clothesline in a gale.

"Are you ok...?" I tried. "Uuh... madam?" (No man would be seen dead with eyelashes like that.)

*...wheeze...*

With some unnescessarily loud gasping, whooping noises, the pony began to reinflate itself. It was, quite frankly, hilariously small. Like, you could probably have crammed it into a reasonably sized suitcase, if you were feeling sadistic enough. And it was all over the place proportionally. I continued gazing at it, quite mystified, as it whooped its way back to the land of the living.

"ooooooooooooooooouuurgh..." It said. "Uuugh... ouch..." It continued. "That really hurt, you know." it finished, before fixing me with a penetrating glare.

"Gosh, I umm. I'm ever so sorry about that mate, I don't normally have a..." I gestured at her, "Miniature horse...? In my bedroom?"

The miniature horse in question gave me what I can only describe as a dangerous look. "This is Appleoosa Vetinary Practise, sir. Not your bedroom." she said, before brightening considerably. "Apology accepted, though! Thank you" She beamed at me.

For my part, I tried desperately to conceal my indignance. Vetinary practise, indeed! What did she think I was?! Some sort of animal?! I mean she's right, I suppose... but still! It isnt exactly dignified. Y'know?

That's about when reality hit home, and I crashed back down onto the bed, quite overcome. "I'm not dreaming, am I miss. You actually are a talking horse, aren't you. I'm not just imagining things, am I?"

Now it was her turn to look indignant "Sir? I'm a Pony. And I'll thank you for not addressing me in that manner again!" She stomped over to a serious looking trolley, laden with (rather medieval looking) surgical instruments. "Whorse indeed..." she muttered.

I stared after her, nonplussed. Apparently I've committed some dreadful faux pas. "Look mate. I er..." I paused, palming my temples in mild consternation. "This is all new to me. Where is hell am I? And I'm sorry, but I genuinely thought you were some sort of horse!"

Whoops.

A menacing glimmer danced in her eyes. "WELL I NEVER!! Maybe you think you can LEAP on every mare you meet before even learning their names! But I, am no.. no WHORSE!" She stomped over to me, as I clambered back onto the bed in mild panic. My god, was I really about to be bumrushed by a forty pound weakling? "How DARE you!" she bellowed. "Come down here immediately!"

Blimey. Better do as she said, I guess. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, after all. Couldn't begin to imagine how I've scorned her though. I hesitantly made my way back down, very careful not the mention the word 'h****' again, and stood before her, pulling my best 'complacent and unassuming' face. She raised a hoof, glaring daggers at me, and bopped me in the shin. It was like being slapped by a very dense marshmallow.

"You... you uncouth stallion!" she snapped, quivering her lip at me in a righteous display of emotion.

"Sorry?"

She looked somewhat mollified.

"Look mate, maybe we got off to a poor start. I didn't intentionally uuh... 'leap on you', I'd only just woken up, see? Fell out of bed! Had no idea you where there!"

Her expression of fury shifted slowly into something I can only describe as imperiously aloof, as I continued. "And, I definitely didn't mean to call you a hor-..." NICE. Caught myself that time. I grinned genially at her. "Where on Earth is 'Apple-loser' anyway?"

She looked quite taken aback. "Where on Earth...? What d'you... oh! Where on Equis, you mean?" All fury now forgotten, she smiled brightly. "Just south of the capital! Canterlot's that way!" She gestured in a direction I can only assume was North.

I grimaced at the number of awful pony puns. "Where on Earth, is Equis?"

"This is Equis!" She bopped a hoof on the ground a few times, as if to demonstrate that this was indeed, Equis. "The planet Equis, and the continent of Equestria." She grinned in a rather sanctimonious way, apparently very pleased with how helpful she was being.

I couldn't take much more of this. Not standing, anyway - and I still had the hangover, which I was certain felt even worse... I sat weakly back down, and brooded...

Sean. That unmitigated TOSSER. Somehow, he's sent me to another planet. Another ACTUAL planet. Covered in disappearing tree dogs and volatile horses ponies.

What a bastard. What an absolute bellend. I'm going to piss in his Xbox when I get back.

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Why aren't there any character tags?

[LikeaSir]

10232348
Flair, you are an absolute legend. I appreciate it! Thank you! Please do not put me in the leg lock.

[LikeaSir]

10232431
I know where the story's going, and I have it roughed out already, but I don't quite know who we'll encounter on the way yet! I'll add tags as and when characters are written in. Hope that's ok! Apologies for any confusion!

[DizzyChicks]

Interesting start. Let's see where it goes

[LikeaSir]

10232535
Nowhere good, in all probability. The next chapter is an absolute disaster. We get into actual story with chapter 4 though, hopefully.

[Noobly60]

Awesome