The Seventh Sense

by LikeaSir

I think I need a drink...

"Come down from there this instant!"

"NO!" I screeched obnoxiously, hospital gown rippling, as the filing cabinet I'd clambered up rocked beneath my quivering frame.

You may wonder what occurred in the intervening moments between my earlier brooding, and my current situation. Allow me to offer a bit of context. Remember the poor girl I'd flattened earlier? She'd finally introduced herself. Nurse Tenderhoof was her name, and she had declared to me that I must undergo a quick examination before I could be discharged. To my dismay, this examination had involved a thermometer. I was unaware there would be a thermometer involved, up until the moment its frigid tip caressed one of my most vulnerable orifices. A desperate struggle then ensued, and I, fuelled by animal terror, endeavoured to put as much distance between myself, and Tenderhoof's... 'medical equipment' as I humanly could. After a fashion, I came upon a suitable filing cabinet, ascended it, and well - there you have it.

Tenderhoof stood below me, eyes bulging with moderate consternation. "Look, you're being silly! Come down here, and let's get you examined! The quicker you do, the quicker it'll be over."

I teetered defensively on my cabinet. "No, no I don't think I shall." I called down in a strained voice. "I know exactly what you're planning to do with that thermometer... and good Christ, you could've used a smaller one..."

Tenderhoof schemed quietly below me, face crumpling as if she faced some terrible internal dilemma. "Ok... we won't do temperatures. But you're clearly not well, and I can't help you when you're sulking way up there!

My rocking slowed. "You promise you won't go near my bum?" My resolve was beginning to dwindle. "It's just a hangover, anyway." I muttered.

"Hangover?! I don't think so!" She huffed popmously. "More like Thaumic shock! Now please, stop being so difficult."

Thaumic shock. Well that's a new one. I glared at her balefuly, and decended from my platform. "You can't just thermometer someone up... up *there* without asking, you know! What the hell kind of practitioner are you?".

Tenderhoof had the decency to look flustered for a moment. "Sorry, I'm really not used to working with customers that can umm... talk..."

Huh. I can sort of see where she's coming from, to be fair to her. Wood that moans when you hit it would come as a surprise to a carpenter. No doubt a patient that has the audacity to complain when you jam a thermometer up its arse comes a surprise to a veterinarian.

She reached up, and patted the back of my hand tenderly, finally living up to her name. "Come on then, let's get this examination finished, and get you back on your hoov- uh..." She looked at my feet uncertainly. "...paws?" she eventually finished, in a flash of inspiration. I rolled my eyes, and followed her.

To her credit, she managed to avoid sticking things in my bumhole, instead rattling through a series of tests, some of which seemed rather silly. But I persevered, and so did she. She took swabs, a blood sample and a few seemingly random cranial measurements, until...

"Nearly done! Just one last thing!" she declared happily. "Let me just get my Thaumometer"

In an instant, I was back on my cabinet. Rocking and shrieking more fervently than ever.

"Oh for goodness sake! I said THAUMOmeter!" She waved a weird little glass ball at me. I gibbered frantically for a few moments, before finding the presence of mind to form a sensible reply.

"That's not going *up there* is it?"

"It most certainly is not! These are expensive, you know!" she retorted, drawing the ball to her chest defensively.

Well... she'd stuck to her word until now, and she seemed trustworthy enough, I rationalised. God I felt absolutely dreadful now... maybe she was right? Maybe this was something more than a hangover? If she reckoned she could help me, I supposed there'd be no harm in letting her try. I took a deep breath, and for the second time that day, decended her filing cabinet.

With a few soothing words, and much hand patting, Tenderhoof coerced up onto the examination table. I lay there upon its cold surface, feeling awfully vulnerable. She approached now, little ball in hoof, an expression of intense focus on her face. The ball drew my eye - a barely perceptible grey glow seemed to come from it. Perhaps that was my imagination...? It was too faint to be sure either way. The interior of the ball churned with.. with... I wasn't certain! Glitter, perhaps? It looked like sparkling silver ink, but... somehow living, and alert. It was so utterly uncanny! So ernest, and alive! My chest ached as I struggled to surpess the panic that welled within me, and the ball seethed fiercely.

"Ok. Lie still now - this won't hurt a bit, I promise." came Tenderhoof's gentle voice, and she delicately held the swirling ball over me...

Author's Note:

Oh dear. Main char is a helpless flailing cretin. Will try to tone the ridiculousness down in chapter 4. I promise!