Blueblood the First
It was love at second sight.
The second time Celestia saw the royal cartographer she fell madly in love with him. The first time, though, she just wanted to fuck.
Princess Celestia was in a hospital with two really huge tumors on her back. The doctors were furious at their incapability to diagnose where the tumor came from, why it came to be, and why she has complete control over it and why her body was accepting it as if it was a new limb. Furthermore, the only readily available explanation the doctors had had came from the mad wizard that everypony kept romanticizing to the point he was called a national hero, if not their messiah, and it all came to, “She has rightfully gained those wings.” The doctors hated him so much they called him Starswirl the Bearded, which backfired when he got fond of it and used it as his official title. Nevertheless, her tumors didn’t get easier to diagnose.
It was really hard to diagnose, first, because Celestia kept on slipping out of the hospital to take care of her royal duties, and second, because Celestia herself got the final say on whether or not she needed a medical diagnosis. Thankfully for the doctors, Celestia would at times say the final saying that she needed a medical diagnosis, such as now.
Three ponies came into her ward every morning with seriously crafted robes and seriously deranged minds. They called themselves “Medical Doctors”, even though Medical Doctor had died last year after frustrating himself to death from trying to diagnose Celestia’s tumors. They’d gather around her bed and ask her questions with efficient words and inefficient logic behind those questions in a brisk tone and overly-stretched dialects.
“Who it is?”
“When are you?”
“How have you been eating?”
“Did you drink water today?”
“Are you horny?”
“Does it hurt when I do this?”
“Why aren’t you dead yet?”
And, “Do you need copulation?”
All of these questions came rapidly without any window of opportunity for her to answer, so she simply affirmed them all with the occasional negatory shake of the head when she felt like it. Then the doctors would write things down on a scroll and put it on a table next to her for the other doctors to read and ask the same questions the next morning and Celestia would answer with completely different answers to ensure the doctors couldn’t finish their diagnosis and she wouldn’t need to go back to court. It was insufferable for Celestia.
In the afternoon Celestia would have scrolls delivered to her by some snobbish bastard from the court that she couldn’t remember the name of because most of them have names so complicated it couldn’t fit even if they were written in small letters on their foreheads. Whether it couldn’t fit because their heads were too small or their names were too complicated was up to debate, and it had been debated for too long by Celestia’s front lobe and brainstem that it started to sound like the court itself.
Those scrolls would need to be signed or denied before sundown. On the first day of her stay at the hospital she had enjoyed it immensely. On the second day she loathed it with all her heart. It became monotonous and boring after a while with nothing else to do, so she made a game from it. On the second day she declared war on taxes and declared peace to all monetary requests from her citizens. She got the result on the third day when all the letters were about either asking the crown for money or asking the crown to reduce their taxes by 100%. On the third day also did Celestia denied all monetary requests then fined all those who had asked for money from the crown and raised every existing taxes to 100% of any noun that happened to be their unit of measurement. Ever since then the court banned the use of the imperial system and made the metric system obligatory.
On the fourth day, one of the scrolls talked about Equestria’s borders with the Crystal Empire. Celestia was puzzled when she learned that the Crystal Empress had assumed control over a portion of Equestria’s land that hadn’t been Equestria’s land before the Crystal Empress assumed control over it. It would not be a fun game to play with, she thought, because she liked the Crystal Empress. She was her best friend that doesn’t have any blood relationship with her. She needed calculated revenge.
But Celestia later found that she couldn’t make any calculated revenge because she couldn’t calculate maps. When the court heard about this, they quickly promoted a random adventurer’s guild’s map-maker as the royal cartographer and sent him to her so she could quickly make a decision of whether or not to shift their war effort from taxes to the Crystal Empire.
The cartographer came up to her with an uncut beard and scraggly hair that had been frantically brushed by the royal maids to no avail. They had also bathed him in the cleanest water from the river that hadn’t been used as the city’s poop drain and reserved only for the royalties, and that one worked: he’s now immaculately clean, and his fur shimmered from the sweat that he had immediately collected from walking from the castle to the hospital.
Celestia immediately rose from her bed upon seeing him and wasted no time in smiling at him before he could even bow. “You must be the royal cartographer.”
He bowed. “Yes, Your Highness, I am now your royal cartographer.”
“Good.” Celestia held back her giggle, and instead let it out as a frantic paragraph. “Can you map the entirety of Equestria and the Crystal Empire? I need it. I need it so badly. Can you also do it here in my ward? So I can watch you. Watch you do it, I mean, not watch your perfectly shaped muscles and handsomely uncut beard.”
He smiled nervously. “Yes, I can, Your Highness.”
“Good,” she said before he finished his sentence. “Can you do it now?”
He bowed. “Yes, Your Highness, I can do it now.”
“Good.” She shuffled for a split second before quickly adding, “Can you do it while fornicating?”
“Yes, Your Highness, I think I can.”
“Good. What’s your name, royal cartographer?”
“Rusty Compass.”
“Do you want to make the map while fornicating, Rusty Compass?”
“Yes, Your Highness, I think I want to.”
“Good. You’re now Blueblood the First.”
And it was on that day that history didn’t remember that Celestia lost her virginity. The only thing history remembered was that a new archduke had been introduced into the royal family and his name was Blueblood and he looked suspiciously like the hobo-looking white unicorn that had been the adventurer’s guild’s map-maker that the court promoted because he’s a perfect candidate for a royal duty without risking somepony to outrank the entire court as a new archduke. He did not. He outranked them all as a new prince.
It was also a week after that that the doctors could finally diagnose something out of Celestia’s medical condition.
“I’m what!?”
“You’re pregnant, Your Highness.”
“I can’t be pregnant!”
“You’re a healthy mare, Your Highness, and recent evidence has it that you’re fertile.”
Celestia was about to say something when she instead vomited to the floor next to her bed.
“You’re pregnant, Your Highness.”
“And the symptoms got out just a week later!?”
“How can you know it’s only been a week?”
Sweat ran down Celestia’s back.
“See? You can’t prove it. Trust the doctors, Your Highness, it’s for your own good.”
“So, I’m pregnant? And I’m not vomiting because somepony poisoned my food?”
“That is correct, Your Highness.”
The next morning a pony was caught for poisoning the princess’ food the day before. On the same day in the afternoon, the doctors ran a complete diagnosis on Celestia to ensure that the poison didn’t do anything other than making her vomit a lot. It didn’t, but they did find something that has something to do with her fattening belly.
“You’re what!?”
“I’m pregnant, sister.”
“You’re a virgin!”
“I thought so, too.”
“When did you have sex?”
“With the royal cartographer.”
“I asked you when, not with whom.”
“Last week.”
“With whom?”
“The royal cartographer.”
“You mean Prince Blueblood?”
“No, I meant the royal cartographer.”
“Right. Rusty Compass.”
“Yes, Rusty Compass.”
“And he disappeared.” Luna scoffed. “Such an irresponsible stallion.”
“Don’t worry, Blueblood’s taking responsibility.”
“For a thing he did not do, that is, impregnating you?”
“Yes.”
Luna didn’t believe jack shit about what Celestia said that afternoon but that she was now pregnant. Her suspicions were confirmed when Celestia named the new child Blueblood the Second, and when she accidentally got pregnant herself.
“See?”
“What’s your point, Celly?”
“I don’t know, it’s like a curse or something.”
“A curse of fertility?”
Celestia nodded. “I need the doctors to diagnose you too, you know?”
“No, I don’t.”
“You do now.”
“No, I don’t.”
It was later that afternoon that she did. And what the doctors said that day made Celestia almost faint and kill the fetus inside her that had been there just a week after she gave birth to Blueblood the Third.
“Turns out, alicorns are incredibly fertile.” He nodded giddily. “Like, they have a very normal sex drive as most ponies, but your chances of getting pregnant is so high that we can be certain that anytime they have sex they’d be pregnant.”
Luna almost fainted when Celestia told her the news.
“We what!?”
“We’re incredibly fertile, Lulu.”
“So we can’t have sex!?”
Celestia coughed. "I am, unfortunately, straight. And I do not encourage inbreeding."
"I didn't mean 'with each other', just sex in general."
"The General is, unfortunately, gay."
"That's not what I meant."
"What do you mean, then?"
"We cannot safely have sex with anypony?"
“We can, but we can’t have sex without being pregnant.”
“But the doctor didn’t say 100% chance, didn’t he?”
“Oh no, he didn’t. He said 95%.”
Luna sighed in relief.
“He’s not very good at math.”
Luna fainted, almost killing the fetus inside her that history would later remember as the Duke for the House of Sparkle.
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Welp that was fine
Or did she predict it so she loose her emotions first?
Who know.
What.
During their less mature years, I'd assum-
Oh, who am I kidding? They're probably like this all the time but are better at hiding it. Let me guess, the entire Nightmare Moon ordeal was a big moodswing after a pregnancy where the two of them got into a 4some and Luna was blaming Celestia for it?