• Member Since 18th Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Liquid Truth


Life's pretty great

T
Source

Turns out alicorns are ridiculously fertile. As in 'every time an alicorn has sex, there's a 95% chance they're going to wind up carrying a foal. Minimum.' And this is a problem, because everything else is normal: time spent gravid, mood swings, hormone shifts... it's just not a good idea for a Princess to rule a nation from a constant state of Dam Brain. Plus then you get to the fact that given a typical level of sex drive, there would be an endless parade of heirs galloping around the palace. The line of succession would have a six-mile wait and the front never moves. And then there's just raising all those foals...

In terms of rulership, having somepony in charge who has to live with either the stress of constant celibacy or pregnancy just doesn't make sense. And Celestia has a very healthy sex drive. She just doesn't want to destroy a nation through dealing with the consequences.

So she secretly has a little spell going. Constantly. It's been running for centuries with no signs of slowing down. It does only one thing, and it does that perfectly.

Every time Celestia has sex, somepony else gets pregnant.


Premise from Estee's blog post.

Rated C for Crackfic

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 23 )

The second time Celestia saw the royal cartographer she fell madly in love with him. The first time, though, she just wanted to fuck.

Welp that was fine :rainbowlaugh:
Or did she predict it so she loose her emotions first?
Who know.

At first, I understood. And now I'm lost.

( - _ - ' )

wait, wait, wait. I read a blog about this idea earlier today. How does this fanfic already exist?

Everypony knew he was going to come out as best from the Royal Guards Academy, and everypony not in the Royal Guards Academy knew that he was an incompetent piece of shit because he came out of the Royal Guards Academy, while everypony in the Royal Guards Academy thought that he was an annoying nerd. Nopony liked him.

I think I detect some authorial bias.

Well, at least he wasn't named Peridot Foof...

Ah. The bias may not have been against Shining, per se.

Delightful if somewhat vindictive bit of goofiness, and a very impressive turnaround time. Thank you for it.

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¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Nah, Shining Armor is a fine character. I just needed a victim. And a Clevinger.

And nine months after that, Cozy Glow was born, but the Royal Guards Academy hated her so much they sent her back to the past as an orphaned megalomaniacal piece of shit. Upon hearing about this, Twilight banished the guy that sent her back to the past to even further back to the past, then later regretted everything she had done that led to that moment when she learned that his name was Rusty Compass.

Oh.

Oh my.

Does this count as an incestuous closed time loop?

This was a fun crackfic.

Wait, does this mean Rarity might be one of Celestia's and that she then much later in life slept with Twilight to produce a descendant of Celestia upon Twilight. Because if so, that's damn sexy.

An explanation for thestrals that I can get behind... um... I mean support.

So she's the ubermare answer to the cuckoo bird?

This is a masterpiece :rainbowlaugh:

Forcing strangers to get pregnant, tho.

Wow that's definitely interesting to understand

“So we can’t have sex!?”

Celestia coughed. "I am, unfortunately, straight. And I do not encourage inbreeding."

"I didn't mean 'with each other', just sex in general."

"The General is, unfortunately, gay."

During their less mature years, I'd assum-
Oh, who am I kidding? They're probably like this all the time but are better at hiding it. Let me guess, the entire Nightmare Moon ordeal was a big moodswing after a pregnancy where the two of them got into a 4some and Luna was blaming Celestia for it?

Sooo....if even homosexual sex can impregnate an alicorn, does that mean that if they have anal sex their offspring will be a figurative piece of shit, and if they have oral sex that they'll be a figurative big-mouth?

But Celestia didn’t make that up, of course, because it was written in a book of facts that contained only made-up myths by Celestia.

Makes sense.

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I agree.
Also, fitting avatar picture.

Everything in this was written so terribly. And Yet, I couldn't look away...

10272719
This is the second story I have read recently that has Celestia acting silly and I absolutely love it.

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