Chapter 5: Sisterly Screaming
Chamelia and Sarar left the hive the very next day. They took with them nearly a thousand changelings, a good fourth of the hive’s fighting strength.
Kyria wasn’t sure what to think about it. Her grandmother had given her daughters a nuzzle and a brief hug before she went to her forces, but aside from that, seemed to give an almost casual goodbye. She had spent the night with Facere, but that seemed to be the only overt sign of worry.
“Why did she… why was grandmother so casual about saying goodbye?” Kyria asked Mirage later as they trotted to meet with Thera.
Mirage shrugged. “People have different ways of saying bye, Kyria. Some keep it casual as a promise that they will be back. Others want to keep it casual because they’d rather not be awkward about it. Then there are those who want to get a little teary-eyed.” She paused, lips curled. “For Furtiva and I, we sleep together.”
“Too much information, sister!”
“I am not referring to that kind of bedroom activity! I mean what I said. We just lie in bed together, talking until we fall asleep,” said Mirage, more than a little cross. Suddenly, she blinked and halted for a second, before continuing to walk.
“Mirage? Are you alright?” Kyria asked.
“No. I miss her, but there is nothing I can do about it.” Mirage blinked and wiped her eyes, before setting her gaze on the corridor in front of her. “Come on, we have a meeting with Thera and you best focus, or we will end up blabbing our shared secret.”
Kyria didn’t immediately follow her sister. She just stared at her marching forward,with her head held high.
“Mirage, perhaps we… we can talk about that though? In private? I mean… I miss Klause too.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Kyria. We…” Mirage grumbled and yanked Kyria down the corridor until they reached one of the storage closets. Practically shoving Kyria in, she shut the door and cast charms to prevent them from being listened on.
The younger changeling princess glared at her sister. “Yes, I know we can’t do anything to get back to the future, but it’s not a bad idea to talk about what we miss.”
“Kyria, I do best by keeping busy. If you want to talk then find—Oh.” Mirage sighed. “You need to vent, don’t you?”
Kyria sniffled. “... Perhaps? I mean… you don’t have to listen to me now, I just… I well, ever since we got trapped here in the past we…”
“Kyria, we don’t have time to cry about it right now. Someone is trying to kill our mother and our aunts -” Mirage swallowed down her groan as her she saw tears leak down from her sister’s shut eyelids. “Kyria, please… keep it together. We can cry about it later, but Thera’s expecting us.”
“And some queen in the past is more important than your sister!”
“Yes! Because if we don’t work with her, our mother and our aunts might die! So stop being selfish and work with me here!” Mirage snapped.
Kyria glared at Mirage, not even bothering to wipe her tears. “Well if you’re so eager to work then just go! Leave us like you always do!”
“Leave? Leave you like -” Mirage growled under her breath. “I am a member of the Royal Equestrian Airship Navy, and mom’s heir! I have responsibilities like our mom! At least you got to spend time with her because you were born second!”
The younger princess blinked, “You’re… jealous of me because I was born second and got to spend more time with mom?”
“Of course! But right now, that is not as important as saving our future!” snapped Mirage. She gripped the door with her magic, but Kyria’s horn glowed and stopped her from opening it.
“Oh we are not finished yet! Do you think it was fun watching her worry about you? Do you think it was fun knowing that you are the spare in the family? That she loves your absent, more talented older sister better than she ever could love you?”
Mirage gaped at Kyria, because she honestly didn’t know how to respond, and because part of her knew her sister was right. For while Alternia always did her best to show she loved both of her daughters, Mirage knew that her mother did love her more.
She needed to get out.
“Kyria, you and I both need a moment. We’ll talk about this later,” said Mirage.
Kyria snorted at the repressed anger in her sister’s tone. “Oh go ahead, walk away. That’s all you’re good at. That and being a terrible liar—”
What little control that Mirage had snapped and she spun around and stomped right up to her sister, her nose so close it was practically touching.
“A liar? What in Tartarus are you talking about—”
“You nearly died when on that mission and you didn’t think to tell me? Your only sister!” Kyria screamed.
Mirage flinched her fury suddenly doused with cold shame. “I thought I could spare you that knowledge—”
Kyria could sense that shame, but she was far, far too angry to give two thoughts to it. “Spare me? You were afraid to tell me! I can sense that clear as day, and yet you still won’t tell me the truth! What are you trying to do? Be a poor impersonation of our mother and for what—”
“Will you, shut up!” roared Mirage. She advanced on her sister, all thoughts of guilt gone as she screamed at her so loudly, she felt her throat crack.
“Do have any idea of how much danger we are in? Chamelia is our grandmother but she’s also a changeling queen! If we embarrass or blow it in front of her allies—or worse—her rivals, who do you think she will choose? Then there’s the fact we know next to nothing about this goddamn time and my military training is practically useless! Oh and that’s not even mentioning someone’s out to kill our mother and our aunts, and if they succeed, the best case is that THEY DIE and the worst case is that we cease to fucking exist!”
“I know that too! I am here right now with you!” screamed Kyria.
“Then why aren’t you… URGH!” Mirage reached into her peytral, threw her kerchief into Kyrias face, and while her sister was trying to get it out of her eyes, wrenched the door open. Without another word, she stormed out and kicked the door so hard that it rattled the hinges.
Kyria heaved in deep breaths, trying to come up with a reply at the empty room.
“Go fuck yourself!” she screamed. Sitting herself down in a corner, she stared at the broom facing her for a moment, before reaching into her disguised peytral and pulling out a glowing crystal.
Before Chamelia had left, she had given Mirage and Kyria communication crystals. She had told them they were for emergencies.
But she also did say that they could contact her “if they really needed to talk.” It seems that this… was as good a reason as any.
Swallowing, Kyria pushed some magic into the crystal. “Chamelia?” she croaked.
“Ah, Kyria? Can you give me a few minutes?”
Kyria took a deep breath and sniffed. “Of course, I… is it a bad time? I know we aren’t supposed to use this for no reason, but I really needed to talk to-”
“I suspected something like that would happen, which is why I gave you these. Just give me a moment,” said Chamelia, in a patient tone. Still, Kyria could tell there was some strain in her voice so she said nothing.
“Alright, tell me what happened.”
Where to start? Kyria coughed, and wiped her nose. “I-I had an argument with my sister. She… she’s. Oh I don’t know. I shouldn’t have even called you. You have things to do.”
“Kyria, I am marching with my army, and am extremely busy, but you are my granddaughter. Even if I do not know you well, you are family and family always takes care of each other.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Chamelia asked, clearly puzzled.
“I mean, alright. Sorry, future phrases.” Kyria took a deep breath. “We were going to a meeting with Thera, and I… Mirage made a off-hoof remark that she was missing her lover, which reminded me that we can’t see anybody from our time. But she… she told me to just… keep it together and we had an argument.”
“Can you clarify on what Mirage said?” Chamelia asked.
Kyria told her, as clearly as she could remember, whilst her grandmother listened, only quietly asking for greater detail on certain points.
When she had finally finished, Chamelia seemed… at least from her tone, rather worried. “Kyria, please. I do not think your sister is acting in a particularly healthy fashion.”
“I mean guess Mirage is stressed--”
“Kyria, the behaviour Mirage has displayed is disgraceful.”
The younger princess blinked. “Oh.”
“I do not mean to say that yours is to be complimented either, you provoked your sister by bringing up past grievances and escalated the situation. However, her behaviour is… also more concerning,” mused Chamelia.
Kyria grumbled. “Well, you said it yourself, her behaviour is disgraceful-”
“Indeed, but I am more concerned about the reasons behind it. May I ask, how long as Mirage served as a warrior for your mother’s hive… for Equestria?”
“Ever since she was sixteen,” said Kyria quickly.
“That… seems a bit late,” said Chamelia, frowning.
Kyria winced. Right, how much should I say? “I mean… I know it is a bit late for your time, but that is typical for the future. And the training is far more intensive. She was trained away from the hive, and went on very long deployments where she would command sai-soldiers. Large groups of soldiers, up to…”—Kyria pondered just how many crew served on Mirage’s airship and in her squadron —“Five hundred to a thousand.”
Chamelia didn’t reply, and so Kyria, swallowed and tried to fill the silence between them. “She’s… she’s usually very capable, smart, and decisive and calm and… nice to be around… a bit bossy but I mean that’s fine because--”
“Kyria, you said your sister goes on long missions. For how long, how frequently, and how much time does she spend with her family between missions?”
It took a moment for Kyria to recall that information. “Well first she was in basic training and then officer’s training for a total of a year, with about two months to see us. We visited her briefly of course. Then she was deployed for what was supposed to be six months, but got extended to eight because she got shot dow- I mean, she got lost. No I mean, she got shot down because she was flying and was lost for two months. She got three months rest and was redeployed for… a year, with two months-no, one month of shore leave because there were more pirate attacks. Uhh, geez, I think she’s been deployed on average about eleven months in the year, and only physically sees us in one month. She is standing down in about six months for a long overdue rest, but yeah...”
“What kind of military does your mother run that her daughter needs to be on missions for eleven months in a year?” demanded Chamelia.
“There were some… crises going on requiring a member of the R-our family’s personal attention, and several missions that ran over because of emergencies. I mean, we kept in contact with her with communication crystals and we later developed spells that allow us to use crystal balls to see each other face to face,” said Kyria, sounding and feeling oddly defensive about her sister all of a sudden.
After all, expanding the military a typically pacifist country meant that the Equestrian military had an amazing logistics base, but a lack of field officers and commanders. Many former navy ponies had transitioned to the Royal Airship Service, but the airship service had expanded so drastically as airships became so common that they still lacked skilled field officers. Mirage was made a captain of a cruiser after just two years as a junior officer. She’d then been put in charge of an ad-hoc cruiser flotilla at twenty, and commanded them through something like fifteen battles in the space of a year and a half.
Now that she thought about it… it certainly explained why her sister was away so often. To make matters worse, since Mirage had the diplomatic and political authority of a princess, and the training to command airships, she was sent nearly everywhere.
The elderly changeling sighed. “Kyria, I think we have identified the problem. Your sister is relying too heavily on her military training and habits she has acquired through serving in your mother’s military.”
“Oh… Ohhhh that’s why she asked me to keep it together…”
Kyria was sure Chamelia was nodding as she said, “You are correct.”
“Doesn’t excuse her acting so… argh I don’t know,” grumbled the princess.
“We are not having this discussion to assign blame, Kyria. We are having this discussion to find the cause of this problem and address it,” said Chamelia. The old queen took in a slow breath and sighed. “Go to Thera and Mirage now and wait outside of the door they are meeting. I will contact them.”
Getting up, the princess opened the door. “What are you planning, Grandmother?”
“You’ll see.”
Wiping her tears with her spare handkerchief, she stashed it in her peytral before entering the room.
“Queen Thera, ” she bowed, and as she raised her head, she blinked. “And chevalier Facere, I beg your forgiveness for my tardiness.” Because Facere was also there sitting beside Thera.
The white queen glanced at Mirage, “Oh, no forgiveness needed. Please, take a seat.”
Mirage looked up. She didn’t know this room, having only followed the directions of a helpful drone, but it seemed to be just a small dining room that was part of a larger guest chamber. It was mostly dominated by a low table in the centre, cushions beside it.
Facere and Thera were sitting on one of these cushions, sipping from wooden mugs. As Mirage sat down, she poured a yellow-ish liquid into one of the empty mugs.
“Thank you. This is?”
“Elderflower cordial,” said the queen. Mirage took a sip, found that she rather liked the sweet drink and put the cup down.
“Where’s your sister?” Facere asked.
Mirage knew she stiffened at the question. Forcing herself to keep breathing, she said, “She said she ate something that didn’t agree with her.”
“I am not a fool, Mirage, I am a changeling. I can sense your turmoil, and see your reddened eyes.” Thera gave Mirage a smile. “I will not pry into your personal business, but I suggest that after we finish our meeting, you work to resolve whatever problem you had between you and your sister.”
“I… I will try.” Mirage took another sip, trying to use the sweetness of the cordial to take her mind off of things. “I assume you asked us to come here to discuss the hive’s defense?”
“Indeed. It is my thought that we set up extra patrols…”
The three talked at length about the patrol system that Facere and Thera were following for the hive. Mirage made brief contributions, mostly as an outside observer, trying to point out ways one could infiltrate the hive.
On that note though, something was bothering Mirage as she listened to Thera and Facere discuss guard placement. However, she couldn’t quite pin the thought down, until they started to discuss how Chrysalis, Alternia, Simulacris and Belladonna would be guarded.
“Do we know how the unknown queen got into the Royal Nursery in the first place?” she asked.
Facere sighed. “From my guess and Chamelia’s, they probably tunnelled in and hid the entrance. It is a problem with hives this large, and is a very common changeling tactic. The extensive tunnel network means that it’s very easy to tunnel in and changeling goo, along with some well-prepared disguise material, can hide an entrance tunnel fairly easily. We have been searching for the tunnel’s entrance, but with no luck so far.”
“Perhaps they used a portal?” Mirage asked, but she shook her head. “Wait, nevermind, you would need a queen, or very skilled chevalier to infiltrate the hive and open the portal. That is far too risky.”
Thera nodded, but she was frowning. “You are right, but this queen has shown a significant degree of… daring, as she has attacked the largest hive in the world. She could have indeed used this strategy.”
It was at that moment that Thera and Mirage started. The older queen reached up to her crown antenna and levitated out a small crystal, which was glowing and vibrating. Mirage reached into her peytral and pulled out her crystal, a similar one to Thera’s.
“Ah, Thera, sorry for interrupting, but I need to speak to Mirage.”
“Oh? Regarding what?” Thera asked.
“Family matters.”
Mirage felt oddly empty as she heard that and she could just imagine Chamelia grinning as she said those words.
“Ah. In that case, Mirage should go. I will inform her of what she has missed later,” said Thera, smiling serenely.
She is far too much like Kagura… thought Mirage as she stood up and bowed to Thera. Knowing that the bow was probably far too mechanical, she forced a smile. “Excuse me, Queen Thera, and chevalier Facere.”
“You are excused,” said Facere, an unreadable smile on his features.
Mirage nodded, and left, lips pressed thinly together, a lump in her throat.
Chamelia directed Mirage to her personal chambers, which the changeling princess found quickly enough. Of course, as she approached the door to the chambers, she couldn’t help but brace herself for what was on the other side.
She couldn’t recall a time she had felt both so sick, and yet defensive. It was like she ate something foul, but there was no actual pain she could feel.
Sighing, Mirage opened the door. Chamelia had told her it would be unlocked.
“That was not so hard was it?” quipped said grandmother.
Mirage resisted the urge to grumble, and stepped in.
Kyria was sitting on some cushions facing Mirage, a hot pot of tea on the ground in front of her, and another pile of cushions. Mirage briefly glimpsed at her sister’s emotions before she did anything else.
Simmering anger, check. Acceptance, wait, that was odd. Frustration, okay check. It was a weird mix, but rather than stand at the door and analyze it, Mirage wordlessly trod over, took a seat, and poured herself a cup.
“So, Chamelia. What is your plan?” she asked.
“I would like to mend the divide in your relationship, or at least assist you two in doing so.”
Mirage sighed and nodded. “It is your prerogative.”
A flair of anger rose in Kyria at that, but was tamped down.
“My prerogative? Mirage, nobody has the right to mend your relationships with others,” said Chamelia.
The sharp, cold tone in the changeling’s voice made Mirage flinch and her eyes widen. “I meant no disrespect.”
“I know you do not, but Mirage, do you want me to help you or not? If you do not, you can leave this room. However, if you want to start mending your relationship with your sister, then you better make sure you are resolved to do so.”
The changeling princess swallowed. “Yes, ma’m.”
“Good. To start with, Mirage, tell us, why were you angry at your sister?”
“I…” she could feel her own anger return with a vengeance as she reviewed the still-fresh memory, and had to take a deep breath to calm herself. “I was angry because I wanted her to calm down and stay focused on the task at hoof, and—”
“You got angry at me because I was crying and needed your time?” Kyria asked, furious.
“Yes,” hissed Mirage. “We are in a hostile time and I had no idea if Thera is more like Sarar or cousin Lamia. Whether she would put us on the spot because we were a few minutes late, or be completely understanding that we each had our problems to deal with. You were putting us in danger of annoying one of grandmother’s key allies. So yes, I got frustrated that you had to cry right then right there. I don’t…” She pressed a hoof to her forehead. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to get angry, but I misjudged the situation and I thought we couldn’t afford it.”
“Mirage, Kyria… take a deep breath, both of you,” said Chamelia. They both did. “Mirage, what made you think I would ally myself with a changeling that would be so strict about attending a meeting?”
“I… I don’t know, but that’s the thing, I don’t know. And if I don’t know, I can’t risk it. You aren’t here right now. There’s a hostile changeling queen on the loose, and because I was trained to fight battles that won’t happen until years from now, I can’t protect myself, or Kyria without risking the future.”
Kyria blinked. “That’s… oh.” She swallowed. “Is that why you’ve been so scared of late, Mirage?”
The princess took a deep breath. “Yeah. I mean, yes. I have been scared.”
“But… why didn’t you tell me?”
Mirage gave Kyria a flat look. “And what can you do, Kyria? You can listen to me, and that may help, but then you’d get worried and that might make you make a mistake, and right now, we cannot afford to make mistakes.”
Kyria gasped. “But we are in grandmother’s hive, Mirage! Not in some hostile territory!”
“On the first day we arrived in this timeline, said grandmother captured and interrogated us for intel that we were manipulated to give up! Then just after we made up, a hostile changeling queen immediately attacked grandmother’s hive! We might be safer but we’re not safe until we get back! And I wouldn’t want to go back now anyway because that hostile changeling queen wants our mother and our aunts dead and if that happened- Equestria—no—the world is literally screwed!”
“Is that the only reason you were angry at Kyria, Mirage?” Chamelia asked.
“Because she accused me of being selfish and heading off to serve in our country’s military. How is that even being selfish! She made light about my responsibility to our military, to Equestria and our hive! She then had the cojones to mock our MOTHER’s sacrifices without having faced even a part of them and having had the most time to spend with her, and this wasn’t even the first time she’s done so!”
“Mirage, please, take a deep breath,” said Chamelia.
The princess took a deep breath and let it out in a groan. She just felt… drained… as if she’d flew several kilometers non-stop.
Wait, why did the room seemed filled with fear, and anger? Why was her sister was staring at her, eyes wide, mouth open and she was shaking. Shaking at the sight of her.
“What in Tartarus is wrong with me?” Mirage whispered. She touched back on the ground and realized she was trembling. “Kyria? Kyria I’m so sorry. I… I don’t know what came over me and—”
“You didn’t mean it. Grandma warned me you might get angry. I know you’re just trying to tell your side of it. I… oh Celestia. We are in huge danger,” whispered Kyria.
Mirage blinked. “Wait. You agree with me?”
The younger princess nodded fervently, one hoof fixing the tiara that sat on her head. “I think you are freaking out way too hard and it’s making you act like a hot mess but I’m beginning to realize you have a point.”
“But aren’t you scared and angry at me right now?”
Kyria frowned. “More shocked than scared. Why do you ask?”
“Can’t you sense the fear in the room?” It was practically cloying in it’s presence.
Kyrias eyes widened. “Mirage. That’s yours.”
Mirage stared at her sister, and focused on her, like really focused on her. She was surprised, and a bit scared, but nowhere in the way that would cause the room to fill with it, and there wasn’t the slightest bit of a lie in her voice and most of all… she just knew she was telling the truth.
“Grandmother. How-what’s-what’s happening to my sister?” demanded Kyria.
“A couple of things. But I think she needs a hug before I even try to delve into that.”
Mirage opened her mouth to say she was fine but Kyria was already wrapping her hooves around her.
“Mirage… you mentioned you feel afraid, why?” Chamelia asked.
Mirage clung to her sister, mostly because she just didn’t know what else to do. That and she felt so numb she felt as if she was going to topple over. “Everything,” she whispered.
Kyria stared at her sister. “What?”
“Why?” Chamelia asked.
Mirage was crying now. She actually wasn’t sure when she started. Tears were pouring down her cheeks. “I can’t do this. I’m so out of my depth. I’m terrified of what’s going to happen next and I don’t know if I should be worried or not and I can’t stop being angry and frustrated at this when I shouldn’t and I keep getting angry at my you… and I know the reasons but they don’t seem like good reasons.”
“I have an idea as to why, but I may be wrong. Would it be correct to say that when you got angry at your sister…. it is because she does not seem to understand what you are doing for her and how concerned you are for both of you?” Chamelia asked.
“... Yes.”
“Then why don’t you tell her?”
“Because I don’t want to worry her and I expect that she should understand our situation, except she doesn’t and I don’t know why,” Mirage croaked.
“Have you tried explaining it to her as warrior to warrior or sister to sister?”
“Warrior to- oh fuck.” Mirage looked down at Kyria. “I’ve been treating you as a soldier and not a civvie.”
“Civvie?” Chamelia asked.
“Civilian,” said Kyria. “We… well grandma figured that out… and now I know I didn’t realize how scared you were for us.” Kyria frowned. “But where did that come from?”
Mirage didn’t respond. Instead she found her jaw ground shut and her shoulders stiffening.
There was a whispered voice from Chamelia’s end of the crystal and she sighed. “I must go, granddaughters, I leave the rest to you. I believe you can resolve this yourselves?”
The sisters glanced at each other, both unsure, but Mirage forced herself to nod.
“You’re on the march, grandma, attend to that first. Though… can I talk to you later?”
“Of course, in fact, I insist,” said Chamelia. “Take care.” With that, she broke the link and the crystal dimmed, leaving the two sisters in silence.
“So. Yeah… mind letting go of me?” Kyria asked.
Mirage let go and shuffled back onto her cushions. “Sorry. I… ugh. Never wanted you to see me like this.”
The younger changeling shook her head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have insulted you like that… it was petty and selfish, and I should have been more aware of what you were dealing with.”
“Sorry for just… not handling it well.” Mirage swallowed. “Kyria, you know I am being stood down right?”
“Yeah? You have long overdue extended leave and mom thought it was time for you to take a more active political role—”
“I was ordered to because I have PTSD!” Mirage blurted out. Immediately after that she shut her eyes and clamped both hooves over her mouth.
Kyria stared at her sister, her jaw falling open for like the ... she’s lost count of how many times it had happened in the past few days. Her mind was filled with so many questions she didn’t know what to say, so she just she stared at her sister, who was cringing, eyes shut, ears pinned against her head.
“But what. Why? How?” Kyria shook her head. “Sorry, I’m just…that isn’t possible. You’re you! You can’t get PTSD.”
Mirage snorted and opened her eyes slowly, rather relieved at her sister’s disbelief. “I can’t get PTSD because I’m me?”
“Well who told you that you have PTSD?” Kyria demanded.
“Airship Command’s psychologists and my counsellor. I’ve been seeing one for a while after Furtiva pushed me to do so. It’s helped, but…not enough clearly.” Mirage’s shoulders sagged. “Good enough for you?”
Kyria nodded, slowly. “Well, that explains a lot. I… I’m so sorry I didn’t realize—”
Mirage cut her sister off firmly. “Don’t be. I wasn’t telling you much. I… I didn’t know how to tell you, or mom and dad for that matter.”
Kyria frowned. “Wait, you haven’t told mom and dad? Why?”
Mirage sighed. “I feel like I failed them and I don’t want them to worry about me.”
“But what… you haven’t! They, and especially mom, would never think that! And they worry so much about you anyway! Just… tell them when we get back to our time, please?”
Mirage nodded, and Kyria sighed. “Did the counsellor… was she the one who suggested you try to create the time-scrying spell?”
“Not the spell specifically. I was already looking into that. But she said I should try to find more hobbies to spend more time with those I cared about.”
Kyria sighed. “Well, for what it’s worth, I still think it was a good idea. I… miss you and I know I’m… jealous about how much mom loves you, but… I wanted to spend time with you too.” Kyria touched Mirage’s hoof. “And I’m sorry, well, I understand why you wish you could have spent more time with her.”
Mirage grabbed one of the forgotten teacups and took a sip from it. “It did sometimes does annoy me, but I’ve tried to accept it” — she winced— “it’s just when you brought that up… it hurt.”
“I know. Just… just don’t think you’re sparing me from this, Mirage. Try to tell me, please? I might not be ready, but I want to help,” Kyria begged.
Because as much as she didn’t want to hear what her sister thought of herself, and her, she was much much more horrified of the idea of her sister saying nothing.
“I will,” said Mirage, managing a smile. She took a deep breath. “Where do I start?”
Kyria pursed her lips. “Well, what kind of PTSD do you have? I heard there were several forms.”
“Many in fact. My counsellor told me I’m showing the early signs of PTSD with anxiety and panic features,” recounted Mirage.
“Wait, but if you are showing early signs of PTSD… then isn’t this the worst time for you to be in?” Kyria exclaimed.
Her sister nodded, looking rather resigned
“You really should not get involved in any fighting, or high-stress activities,” said Kyria.
“I don’t think we have a choice at the moment, sis.” Mirage grimaced. “I should be fine for the moment. I’ve gone through worse.”
“Worse?” Kyria didn’t believe Mirage for a moment, but for a second, a haunted expression flashed over her sister’s features. “What haven’t you told me about the Shear’s destruction, Mirage? For that matter, what haven’t you told me about your other missions?”
Her eyes averted to the ground Mirage winced. “Kyria… there’s a long, long list that I’m pretty sure will horrify you. Mom and dad aware of most, and hell dad was the one who suggested I talk to a counsellor. I’m not sure why mom has never asked me.”
“Probably because she doesn’t want to press you until you are ready.” Kyria set her jaw. “But I’m not mom. Start with the Shear.”
Mirage nodded and opened her mouth, only to feel a choking feeling grip her throat. No sound exited. She tried again, but only managed a wheeze. She grabbed her teacup, emptied it and spat out, “We all nearly died several times. Cousin Bluebell’s ship, the Aventail, was dead in the air, engines destroyed, balloon leaking, it was crippled. Furtiva’s ship, the Blackfire, rammed the Shear, which managed to disable it, but she could have so easily been killed doing that. My ship…” Mirage shut her eyes. “The Voulge’s shields went down and the Shear targeted the bridge. A shell killed… half the bridge crew including: Ensign Flamewing, Ensign Raleigh and Ensign Mimic. I would have died without my peytral’s emergency shield.” The princess squeezed her eyes shut to try to stem the tears. “They were all such promising young officers. They had their whole life ahead of them and they died under my command. I don’t know how I could have done better. I keep thinking about what I could have done and part of me keeps telling me that it was an impossible situation, but I still can’t help but wonder what I could have done to prevent their deaths and those of the others that died in that operation.”
Kyria said nothing at first, but Mirage could tell her sister was examining her with new eyes. “But you did your best at the time, though, right?”
“I know I did, and the admiral, my marefriend, hell, I even mentioned it to dad and he said I did my best under trying circumstances.” Mirage felt her teeth grind together without her even trying. “But I can’t help but wonder. Maybe I made a mistake when I decided to continue the mission, despite our initial losses. What if I backed off and called for more reinforcements? I might have been able to save them!”
Kyria shook her head in disbelief. “You’re supposed to be better? You’re still just a changeling, sis.”
“Sis, when you make a mistake, you lose an artefact, when I make a mistake, creatures die!” Mirage hissed, her eyes wide and desperate. “And what if I had made another mistake? Furtiva would have died. Bluebell might have lost a leg instead of getting cut up! I might have died and broken mom’s heart and Equestria might go completely to war against South Griffonia because we know they’re sponsoring the pirates—”
“Mirage, stop! Just, STOP!” Kyria snapped, cutting her sister off. She grabbed Mirage, not shaking her, but holding her in place. “You can’t do this to yourself. Don’t you hear what you are asking yourself to do?”
“I know! But I’m mom’s heir. I just-- I just feel that I am supposed to do better than other creatures! And that’s not healthy, but it’s also not false!” Mirage groaned, burying her head in her hooves. “I don’t know, I just feel so tired and yet I feel so… worried at the same time!”
Kyria didn’t know what to say to that, and if she was being honest with herself, she was a bit scared. She’d always, consciously, and unconsciously, put Mirage up on a bit of a pedestal. It was an uncomfortable, gut-clenching feeling to see that pedestal come crashing down.
“Well, what do you think?” Mirage asked, a bitter tone in her voice.
Finding herself spluttering, Kyria winced. “I don’t know, Mirage. Well, not really. I just-, look, I don’t think even mom would try to hold herself up to the standards you’re trying to set for yourself.”
“Yeah, but I can’t help but feel this way, so what do I do to fix this?” Mirage asked.
“I don’t know, sis! I mean, I’m glad you told me, but I’m a diplomat-investigator in training! Not a counsellor. I’m sorry!” Kyria groaned and clonked a hoof onto her forehead. “I just want to give you a hug and tell you you’re going to be alright, but I’m not sure if that would help.”
Mirage snorted. “A hug would be nice.” She extended her legs, but didn’t wrap them around her sister. Kyria promptly embraced her older sibling. “Thanks for listening at least, and for asking. It’s just nice to know you care and you don’t think… think badly of me.”
Kyria looked Mirage in the eye. “Sis, you know I love you, and that mom and dad love you too.”
“I know. It’s just, I’ve been away so long and-- sometimes I just need a reminder.” The princess groaned. “It sounds silly doesn’t it?”
Her sister shook her head. “No-- after all you’ve been through, it isn’t silly at all. Just… tell mom and dad when we get back, okay?” Kyria narrowed her eyes. “And you better tell me about what you left out in your letters.”
Mirage hesitated, but forced herself to nod. “That… might take a while. Where do you want me to start?”
When Kyria finally let Mirage leave, the older princess made for her room and slammed into her bed, headfirst.
She’d forgotten her sister made it her hobby and drive to solve the mysteries of the present and past at Twilight’s School of Friendship. Kyria’s questions about the operations she had undertaken had peeled back all the layers of half-truths and lies she had fed her sister. The result was Mirage unloading all the things she had done in the past year, and all the doubts she had.
Some of things she’d told her sister, she hadn’t even told her counsellor. But Kyria had been insistent and… little by little, everything got laid out.
Did Mirage feel exhausted? Yes. Despite it being the afternoon, her eyes were now shut and she was just enjoying the feel of blanket against carapace. Did she feel like she’d been squeezed for information like a piece of dough fed into a pasta roller? Yes. Did she feel infinitely better and lighter somehow? Also very much yes.
I can’t believe I was so stupid not to tell Kyria earlier. Yes, she wasn’t able to provide much useful advice, but just telling her about it all was … nice.
The communication crystal tucked in Mirage’s peytral suddenly buzzed, shooting the princess’s eyes open. She grabbed the crystal and put it on her bed.
“Grandma?”
“Hello, Mirage. I can tell that talking with your sister has made you feel much better,” said Chamelia serenely, though, the princess could easily imagine that her grandmother was smiling on the other side of the line.
“Yes. It did.” She groaned, shaking her head. “I can’t believe I was so stupid not to tell her.”
“It’s not stupid to be afraid of revealing that you are battle fatigued, Mirage,” said Chamelia firmly. “Short-sighted perhaps, but even if your sister is a family member, admitting that you have a battle-fatigue is hard to do. Especially since you do have responsibilities that are based on changeling’s image of you.”
Mirage found herself slowly nodding to that. It made a lot of sense.
Something clicked in her mind and the princess stared at the crystal. “Wait, I didn’t tell you that I had PTSD—battle fatigue that is. And… wait, how do you even know what it is?
The crystal was silent, steadily glowing green, until Chamelia’s voice came through again, but this time there was a melancholic quality to it.
“Are you feeling confused as to why Kyria fails to understand your worries? Perhaps you feel suddenly worried, or panicky about things that nobody else seems to be as worried about as they should be? Are you feeling tired, like you are being stretched in all directions?” Chamelia asked.
She blinked and Mirage stared at the communication crystal on the covers of her bed. “Yes but… how did you know?”
Chamelia took a deep breath. “What did your mother and aunts tell you about the Unspeakable Times? What did she and her sisters tell you about what I did?”
Mirage took a moment to recall that story. “They said you were second-in-command to your mother Zagara, and that despite being her youngest daughter, you were appointed her heir. You were also one of the most capable frontline commanders and led the changeling forces to victory against the traitorous Great Hive Mother Atracina.” She frowned. “They did mention you didn’t like talking about the Unspeakable Times.”
“Huh-Oh…” The switch between confusion and then prompt acceptance in Chamelia’s voice made Mirage wonder… just what did her grandmother not tell her mother and aunts?
After a long sigh, Chamelia said, “The reason that I, the youngest of Zagara’s daughters, found myself in that role was more due to the fact that I was the only one that all my sisters trusted. You see, I was one of five far older half-sisters. Artemisia, Gorgo, Amaya, and Tomoe, who you saw in the meeting earlier. My four sisters had their own hives, whilst I was with my mother. They did not trust each other as a result. However, they all trusted me. Tomoe tells me it was because they knew that I would not harm them. But because of that… I was laboring under much expectation to succeed and assist our mother in leading our faction.”
The melancholy voice which Chamelia recounted this made Mirage stare at the crystal in surprise. It all made sense, but she never would have expected this.
“Needless to say. The war made those expectations weigh so much harder, especially after my mother was wounded in Atracina’s ambush. As the battles continued, the stress made me act…increasingly more volatile and irrational. I would challenge others if they even insinuated that I was not doing enough. I would spend days locked in my chambers, alternating between crying myself to sleep, or venting my frustration on training dummies.”
Mirage stared at the crystal, eyes dry. “You… saw in me—”
“Yes, I have seen similar behaviour. And I suppose it does not help that you expect much of yourself and others, Mirage?” Chamelia asked.
“Yes—”
“Because you are your mother’s heir? And because it seems crazy they do not see what you can so clearly see?” Chamelia said knowingly.
The princess’s eyes were wide, and filling with tears as she nodded emphatically.
“Does it get… how did you manage to recover?”
“With time, and help from my friends, and my family. It helped that we won the war, but I had changelings to confide in and although my sisters are a bit distant, they understood the pressure I was facing. Then there was Thera. I’m not sure how I could have gotten through without her.”
“Thera? I mean, I know you were friends, but during the war, weren’t you enemies? She fought against you. The only reason you spared her was because she saved Great-grandmother Zagara, and because…” Mirage winced. “Aunty Chrysalis told me later that her mother abused her, frequently.”
Chamelia sighed. “You’re right. But I suppose one thing that got missed was how much we—as in Therapthosia and I—took care of Thera after the war. Focusing on taking care of someone else… took my mind off of what I experienced during the war. Moreover, since Thera and I shared the same experience of being frontline commanders—we could talk to one another about our trauma, and share our experiences.”
“You’re saying I should talk to my mother and father about this I guess?” said Mirage.
“Not necessarily. They should know that you are going through a challenging time, but you should share your hardships with the creature that will best understand you, and can guide you onto a healthier path. Can you think of anybody?” Chamelia asked.
Her mom was actually one of the changelings Mirage immediately thought of, but a grey-eyed changeling also popped into the princess’s mind and she smiled wistfully. “Yes.”
“Thinking of your marefriend, Mirage?” the older changeling asked cheekily.
The princess spluttered. “How did you—Can you really feel our love from where you are?”
Chamelia chuckled. “Actually, that was a lucky guess.”
Mirage chuckled. “Ha, ha… it was that obvious?”
“Quite. I must talk to your sister now, Mirage. If you need anything, just call. I might be busy, but if that is the case, I will call you back,” said Chamelia.
“Thank you, Chamelia,” said Mirage, a wide smile on her lips.
In contrast to Mirage, who had been so tired she’d nearly gone to sleep. Kyria was pacing nervously in her room, awaiting her grandmother’s call. The moment her crystal started to glow she immediately grabbed it.
“Grandma?”
“Kyria. You seem... agitated.”
Kyria wrung her hooves in frustration. “You think? My sister has PTSD! I mean, the term hasn’t been invented yet—”
“Whatever you call PTSD, we call ‘battle fatigue.’ I would appreciate you explaining what the term means, though, and why you seem so agitated by your sister’s condition.”
The low tone of reproach in Chamelia’s voice cut through Kyria’s worry and arrested her in place. She took a deep breath, both to buy herself time, and because she realized she was out of breath.
“Grandma, PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s… one of the worst conditions someone can get and typically, we remove the creature from high stress environments. But we’re stuck here and Mirage—” Kyria sniffled and wiped a hoof across her eyes “—She told me everything she knew, and I—I couldn’t do anything for her. How am I going to be able to help her?”
“By listening to her, and by continuing to talk to her, Kyria,” said Chamelia.
Kyria looked up, frowning at the crystal. “That’s it? But what if that’s not enough? What if I’m disgusted by what she’s done? She’s my sister! I love her, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough. She’s the smart one, the strong one, the one who usually listens and just knows what to do!”
“And I have no doubt that you will be able to find that strength, Kyria.”
Something about Chamelia’s voice buoyed up the young princess’s spirit, and while she still felt nervous, the confidence her grandmother had with her eased it.
“Yes, you have relied on Mirage for support. And yes, you cannot rely on her to be both your emotional support and your commander, not when she’s in such a stressed state. Still, you are my granddaughter, and I have no doubt you have been taught well to prepare you for your future responsibilities. Moreover, you and your sister will not be alone, for Facere and I will always be ready and willing to lend you our ear.”
In her tent, Chamelia smiled and shut her eyes, sending a burst of love over the link.
The crystal shone ever-brighter, and the warm love that emanated from the stone enveloped the young changeling, much like a soft, thick blanket.
“Thank you, grandma.”
“You are most welcome, Kyria,” said Chamelia.
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*Groans* Damnit there was some stupid error that led to a sentence being incomplete. Fixed
Beautiful chapter.
Very good character development. 
Lets see what future the past shall bear us. 
The worst that can happen is the world ending... No need to get stressed about it
I think the rogue queen is another one from the future, some kind of kinslayer worshipper
10061691
The same cows that are sapient beings in the show? I mean it one thing to use old molts as additional protection, but using the skin of a sapient being for building is oddly grim. Then again, changeling will eradicate entire hives down to it's children soooo.
10061872
... that is an oversight... that i'm not going to think too hard about since we literally never seen any more sapient cows.
10062004
Yaks. Buffalos. Also bovines. Minotaurs, half bovines.
10062431
More sources for leathershields and meatburgers 
Lets not forget the Milkshake to round the meal
This line made me go down the rabbit hole of learning the origins of ok/okay... Its more complicated than I thought it would be.