Blaze

by Blazing_Mane01

Chapter 7.) The Long Road Home

"Yeah... There's just that mysterious-but-majestic sense that flows in the air when you're around. I never let a mystery go unsolved," Twilight Sparkle got my attention back from another daydream.

"So you're willing to flirt with me?" I couldn't make any sense of what she was trying to say.

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, flirt. That's what I call it anyway."

Twilight looked equally surprised as scared. "That's not flirting! It's more like --"

"Twilight!..." I barked. This diverted her attention from her rambling for an excuse to my words. This is it. I need to inform her now that "I'm leaving."

"Leaving?" She didn't look to understand OR approve what I just stated. "Leaving where? Back to Ponyville?"

I gave a light chuckle as I shook my head, then gathered my breath and said, "No, Twilight. I'm going back. Back home."

"Back... ... to the village? But that - whatever it was - destroyed it! You want to go back to a place that doesn't even exist anymore!?"

Existence? That rubbed me the wrong way. "THE HELL it doesn't exist anymore!" My rage again fuels the fire within my body to flare, causing my black eyes to illuminate. "And how would you know? Were you there?"

Twilight must've jumped a hundred feet away when I stomped one hoof in her direction. Once I paid attention enough to see her frightened face, my thoughts began to gain focus slowly, and I gradually regained my cool (literally) as my pupils returned to their normal size and color.

"...Sorry," I finally say. "You didn't need to say that..."

Twilight took a second to regain her calm posture, but when she did, she picked herself upright and walked over. "...I know... Sorry..." She puts a hoof up to poke my chest, but I gently deflected it with my own. "Here, let me go with you."

"No, Twi. This is something I gotta do myself. Please don't tell anypony where I'm going. Can you keep this secret?"

Faded Ivory made her reappearance as a face of doubt replaced Twilight's previous gesture. "Umm... I'm not that good with secrets... ..."

"Then tell them I ran away. Don't mention where I went... Okay?"

Tears began to form in her eyes. "... ...Will you... ...come back?"

One brief moment passed while I stared into her purple windows, thinking of the best response to her question. "If I can..." I proceeded cautiously, "...I will. I promise."

We both stood there with puffy cheeks and wide smiles for a while. I felt as if I were saying good-bye to a good friend, a friend I've known and trusted for a long time, a friend - no, a PFF - like Ivory. I finally gather the strength to step away and say, "Go home, Twilight Sparkle. You have work to do." With that, I dash into the trees on the oppisite side of the lake.

I could bearly hear her sigh and say, "...Come on, Spike... Let's go back... ..."

Nightfall came fast as I tried to remember the road I traveled here. The long road home. I brace myself with every step into the thicker shadows. I can't help but think I forgot something back in Ponyville, though I'm pretty sure it's just guilt for not telling the others myself. I wonder if Twilight told them already? I wonder how they reacted?

My steps suddenly froze and I come to a dead stop with my face buried in something hard. My body turned to jello and fell to the dirt. It takes me a good minute to piece together that I've only run into a tree. I really need to focus more on what's going on right now. I pick myself up slowly but steadily and continue my pace.

It's been about 12 hours since my leave at the lake. Yeah, I know what I forgot... Food. My belly's growling at me, and I'm yawning rather heavily. This forest seems to bring the fatigue in ponies quickly!

Another good hour passes before I suffocate from heat and sweat. This brings back memories of my first trip through here, and I wonder if this is what those ponies call a 'deja vu.' But either way, I should retire for the night. I make a quick roof above my head that consisted of dead grass, leaves, twigs, etc with my magic. My flame-colored aura dies out around the cover and my horn as I find a steady place for the roof to lay. I then position my head on a smooth boulder with an imprint that could serve as a semi-comfortable pillow, and start dreaming faster than I expected...

I was watching the village from the monster's perspective. I screamed in agony at how I pictured it as it laid waste to my home. Giant claws slashed at the wooden buildings, teared at raw pony meat, and even set fire to most it touched. In this nightmare, I was destroying my home! I tried to resist the urge to devastate everything, but the shadow was uncontrollable. The claws had now found their way and closed tightly around a figure of a neon bluish-greenish hue. I knew that color all too well...

And my doppleganger in my nightmare proved it. He was right where I was at the time, broken wing and everything. Faded Ivory had started to say her last words when I wanted to wake up. No, I don't want to see this... but the malevolent yellow eyes were fixed on that blob of white, mint green, and crimson red. I couldn't lower the evil eyelids, nor could I control the claw that now completely closed around Ivory, bones getting crunched to paste.

How selfish I look, running away without glimpsing back...

I relieved myself of that horrible flashback. I must've been out for several hours, because now shots of sunlight broke through the thick canopy like god rays through the clouds. Unfortunately for me now, I'm thinking about the whole incident again, and the newly acquired memory. The first thing I put together is that more lives may be in jeopardy unless I find some hint or a trace of the monster back home. So, I got to get there now. I take off running. But I quickly stop. Because I remembered I have something I didn't have last time...

"Wings!"

I fly through the blanket of branches and leaves until I'm above it all. Oh, how to fly again! However, I let the excitement pass and shoot myself in the direction of my village. It won't be long now...

But I'm stopped by a familiar voice. I thought I was hallucinating, but as I perk my ears up, I instantly recognize who it belongs to. And I hate her for it.

"I thought Twilight told you not to look for me, Rainbow Dash?"

"Hey, whoa! Just what do you think you're doing this deep into the Everfree Forest? This place is dangerous!" Rainbow obviously knows these woods better than I do. Maybe she can help me locate my home ruins?

But the fact that Rainbow is here implies that Twilight broke her promise, which made me kind of angry. As I prepared a response, I could feel the fire reigniting inside me, "I know. That's why I'm going solo. You hear me? Solo! I don't want your help!"

"Hey, I never leave my friends hangin'! I'm the embodiment of loyalty, dude!"

That just popped back into my head. I almost forgot how they were all given some element of friendship or something. They told me while I was recovering in the hospital, but even that is material in an argument such as this one. "Okay, be loyal and listen to me. Go away." I clear my throat and point back toward Ponyville.

"Look bro, you NEED my help. I'm not leaving."

Ugh... I hate it when ponies act oblivious to your words. I turn 180 degrees and fly as fast as I could toward my home. I know there's no point, though; I can't shake Rainbow Dash. She catches up to me with apparent ease.

"Okay, look," I shout over the wind going in my mouth. "You wanna help me!? Keep an eye out for a clearing in the canopy! One of them contains my home ruins! That's where I'm headed!"

"Roger that!" Rainbow lifted her hoof as if she were in a militia. Then she quickly points it past my direction. "Could that be it!?"

I try to focus in on the clearing she's targeted. "Dunno! Let's check!"

And certainly enough, it is.

The first thing I do when I land is find where my house was. Those skeletons are still where they were, proving that this was reality, which only made it worse on my emotions. Dash was still in the air looking around for something or whatnot. Good. Maybe she won't notice the stream of tears that will soon be on my face.

I turn to the location I fleed in at the time of the incident. I still see where I split through that bush to make my getaway. I then make another turn back toward where the shadow was standing. As I kind of expected, Faded Ivory wasn't there.

Amongst all this, the elder's house is the only one that stands strong. Somewhat odd, considering it's practically in the center of the village, and that the monster was standing almost directly over it. I walk in the door to find even more nothing.

"Poor elder, sir... ... You never stood a chance..." I found myself thinking out loud. This must've been the worst on him, since not only is he a sage of sorts, he's also our leader. Having the ponies and homes destroyed would've been enough for him to commit suicide, had he lived through it.

"... ... Well, it's nice to know you still call me 'sir,' Blaze."

Comments

[Blazing_Mane01]

Sorry about that! I swear I hit the publish button last night.

[bronys unite]

Nice but use larger words

[Still Breeze]

Oh, snap! Plot twist!

And no, my good friend, bronys unite, he doesn't need to use larger words at all. In fact, the flow of description is very, very good indeed. The only issue I find with this fic is content; I kinda like Blaze, and feel slightly sorry for him. But the way he has treated the mane 6 hasn't exactly put him in my good books.

I think the best bit of advice would be to make Blaze much more likeable, much more innocent, and much deeper, so as to get the readers backing his success: stop allowing him to loose his temper so easily, and when he does, try going into far more detail as to why he has done that, otherwise it just adds negativity to his character...

The truth is, having an alicorn OC in a first story is the second most risky thing a writer can do, the first being killing off one of the mane 6. I have done both of these, and my story turned out okay. I think the reason being is that the antagonist is instantly hated by the reader, making the protagonist that much more likeable as his sole purpose is to bring the antagonist down.

Once again, Blazing Mane, the quality of writing is improving very nicely, however the situations you place the characters in needs serious attention.

tl;dr: Writing good, content, not so good...

[Blazing_Mane01]

all right. Thanks for that whole debrief of what ponies don't like on these things. I had an ending planned to have the shadow at least capture all the mane six, actually, possibly kill them all, but I obviously need to reconsider that. Oh, btw 1229809 you are more famous than I am on this site anyway. 200,000 views!? That's like a distant dream for me right now!

[Still Breeze]

1230577 I haven't got 200,000 views. I've got like 1200!

Anyway, at the end of the day, this is your story; you can write whatever you want, but I'm just saying that the community might not like the idea of the entire mane six cast being killed off...

(Little known fact:... I am currently speculating ideas for how to justify killing off Twilight (Cantor, my OC's marefriend) in the third addition to my main story, but so far, there's nothing too coincidental or important enough to be let off from having Twi dead... )

Anyhow, Can't wait for the next chapter!

[Blazing_Mane01]

1230784 Now that you mention it, getting ANY of the six out of the big picture just seems too stupid. I mean, those bright colors are one of the many mesmerizing tranquilities of FiM; I don't have a good reason to delete any of them. It kinda seems to me like hunting down Tara Strong because her character in a cartoon show is too organized and emotionally oblivious.

I coulda sworn it read over 200,000.....

But yeah, I just forgot how I was gonna use the six's deaths in the story anyway.

[bronys unite]

You used belly not stomache

[Blazing_Mane01]

1232542 ?¿?¿?

[bronys unite]

Never mind