The First Few Problems
“SPIKE! I HAVE A DATE!” Twilight squealed as she slammed his door open, causing him to jump awake. Well, mostly awake.
“Erm… what? Date? What time is it?” Spike said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
“A couple hours before sunrise, but that’s not important. I have a date!” Twilight’s smile couldn’t get any wider, and her wings were sticking straight out. Spike, on the other hand, rubbed his temples and looked blearily at the excited princess.
“A couple hours before sunrise? Can I go back to sleep?” Spike moaned, knowing the answer.
“No! We have a lot to plan for! Grab a pen and meet me in the library.” And with that, she teleported out, and left Spike wondering if she had teleported to the other side of the door specifically so she could slam it open.
***
A few minutes later, Spike entered the library and accidentally dislodged a key support book in a book skyscraper, instantly overcoming the lingering sleep deprivation. Spike lunged to put it back as the magically assembled tower started to sway, but it was too late, and the books started to fall.
“No!” Spike cried. He wasn’t as much of a bibliophile as Twilight, but another book avalanche wasn’t good for anyone. It has taken days to get all the binder’s glue off his scales the last time, and Twilight had held three funerals for books damaged beyond repair.
As Spike cowered, Twilight glanced over and caught the books in a telekinetic web.
“Thanks Spike, I was looking for that book on Eastern poisonous reptiles.” She said, automatically reassembling the tower, and levitating the book in question out of Spike’s claws.
“Erm… eastern poisonous reptiles?” Spike asked, taking his customary place by the blackboard at the front of the room.
“Yes! I’m assembling a list of things that could ruin our date, and being attacked by a venomous snake is number… seven.” She said, running her eyes over a pile of books.
“Only seven? What’s higher?” Spike said, starting a list on the board and a backup list on a piece of paper. Owlowiscious, who was still awake, was keeping a third list.
It was all part of Twilight’s anti-interruption plan. Armored and barred library, fire extinguishing spell, list on the blackboard, backup list in case of wind or water related damage to the primary, and a backup backup inside Owlowiscious’s nest, which was water and wind proof. After he finished the backup list, Spike would send it to Celestia, where would be stored in the Royal Treasury. Spike occasionally had nightmares about what precautions Twilight would take if a list actually did get damaged.
Still, he was Twilight’s number one assistant, so he was more than ready to take notes. Regardless of how convoluted the process was.
Twilight tore her eyes away from the Lesser Greater Spotted Striped Dancing Smiler, the third most poisonous snake in Manehattan, and levitated the pile around her head. Rubbing her muzzle, she looked at the book titles, trying to remember. “… Spontaneous combustion, Discord induced reality tearing, economic depression, angry yaks, and spontaneous baldness.”
Spike finished writing them down and stepped back. He looked at the issues in question, then at Twilight’s frantic reading, making sure that she had gotten all of them. After a few seconds of hopping back and forth, he opened his mouth.
“Umm… Twilight, these are what you’re worried about before a date?’
She paused for a moment, brushed her mane back into place and leapt up. “Of course! Spontaneous combustion is always a threat to an alicorn, I’ve haven’t been using up magic fast enough! Discord always gets bored on days ending in ‘Y.’ Thank Celestia he added Yams and Yucca to the middle of the week.” She paused for a moment, then darted over to a calendar, carefully crossing out two words and replacing them.
Dashing back to the blackboard, she pointed to the next one on the list. “Since Rainbow Dash did her tour over in Roam, and Bulk Biceps has been doing his… thing, rain is 2% less than normal for this time of year. Applejack is worried about the apple crop. And the Apples are the most productive farm in the region. We have three boutiques, several pastry shops, an animal sanctuary, and the tourism industry! Without the Apple farm, and the largest apple cider distillery this side of the Applechians, Ponyville is doomed!”
“And the Yaks?”
“Pinkie Pie accidentally declared war on the Yaks. Turns out that jumping in place in a counterclockwise direction while it’s snowing and eating a cupcake is how the Yaks declare war. Apparently Derpy was late with her muffin delivery and Pinkie Pie made the best of it with a brown sugar cupcake during breakfast. Candace should take care of it soon, but apparently she and Shining Armor wanted another child. He only just got out of the hospital... yesterday? Yes yesterday afternoon, so she’s been distracted.”
Spike looked up, not sure if he should be exasperated or in awe. It was times like this he was happy to be a dragon.
“Baldness?”
Twilight blushed, and muttered behind her hoof.
“Alright then.” Spike said when Twilight refused to elaborate further.
“Can you think of anything else?” Twilight looked at Spike with wide pleading eyes.
“Well, aside from a 1000 year prophecy that’s about to come true,” Spike began, trying out sarcasm just like Princess Flamedragon from the comics, when a look of absolute horror came over Twilight’s face and she interrupted him.
“WHAT PROPHECY!?” She demanded, diving for the base of another book skyscraper. This time, it did collapse fully, crashing across blocks of books, toppling other towers, and blocking an 8 lane superhighway, ruining the librarian mices’ commute (Mice that live in the library, not mice that are librarians. They had an agreement. The mice don’t damage the books, and Twilight doesn’t banish them to the netherworld. Spike gave food and water to the mice and the mice played “Ogres and Oubliettes ” with him). Spike dove for cover underneath a desk, as Twilight triumphantly pulled out a book on myths and legends.
After making sure that the list was undamaged, and breathing a sign of relief, Spike got out from under the table and began to survey the damage. “I’ll just start getting things cleaned up, I suppose?” Spike grumbled, pulling out a dust apron from a nearby drawer. Twilight, deep in the middle of the book, vaguely waved at him.
***
After a few hours, and over 700 apology notes written for the mice once he cleared the traffic jam, Spike stood there, proud of a job well done.
“FOUND IT!” Twilight screamed from the center of the room, somehow having accumulated yet another disorganized pile of books despite Spike’s best efforts. “It was in a book about ancient Earth Pony rulers on the edges of Equestia. Queen Regal Queen, better known a Queen Queen the Lazy, swore vengeance against her pastry chefs and their decedents, even if it would take 1000 years! I’ve cross referenced it, and the anniversary is tomorrow! I’ve got to go to Las Pegasus, right now!”
Spike started tidying up the books. “How did you find the descendants?” He asked, idly flipping through the ancient books. Prophecy, prophecy, curse, declaration of vengeance, prophecy. Ancient ponies were really bad about checking stuff off their to-do list. Usually, I get everything done within a month or two.
“Oh, that far back, there must be tens of thousands that are related to the pastry chefs. I’m going to Las Pegasus to track down the tomb and see if I can break the spell.” Twilight said proudly, then trotted out the door.
“Wait, Twilight! About your date!” Spike shouted, his sleep deprived brain finally working. “Who is-” a bang of air rushing to fill a vacuum replied as Twilight teleported. “it… and where… and when...” He sighed. Still, he was mildly awake.
“Alright, I’m going to make coffee. Who wants some?” Out from the towers of books, hundreds of small mouse paws waved. “Ok, bring your mugs, I’ll grab my DM supplies, and head to the map room.” A chorus of excited squeaks replied, and the mice rushed to the highways.
20 minutes later, Spike walked into Rarity’s masterwork, struggling a bit under a massive coffee pot. A ballroom where the floor was a scale model of Equus, made out of small tiles dotted with fine gems. At a scale of 1 km to 1 cm, the ballroom was a couple soccer fields long, and was the subject of several lengthy ongoing debates about whether Rarity could have chosen a worse projection for the map.
Still, the extreme detail and size made it perfect for “Ogres and Oubliettes” especially with mouse scale models.
The mice arranged themselves into their respective nations, Pony, Zebra, Griffin, Dragon, and a few smaller groups, and started to play. The giant pot of coffee steamed gently in the middle of the Ponific Ocean, and the mice lined up with adorable little mugs to fill up, prompting the usual semi-joking about stationing navies to secure the lifeblood of the world for themselves. The leaders headed to Canterlot as Spike put on his long white beard and opened his notebook.
“From last time, the Ponies and Zebras are still negotiating over the coal for gems agreement, thought the kidnapping of several dozen Pony citizens on the coal transport off of Roam has prevented substantial progress. The Griffins are undergoing a Grand Diet, seeking unification and more power on the world stage. The Dragon ruler is currently fighting a rebellion, and attempting to reduce immigration out of his lands. Side missions include the expansion of the Zebras into wild territories, the electrification and industrialization of Equestria, Talon company’s ongoing contract with the Dragons, and the marginalization of the traditionally powerful Pegasi and Unicorns. We will now begin.”
The room filled with angry squeaks as dozens of heavy negotiations and arguments broke out among the various factions, ceasing only momentarily whenever Spike spoke with the voice of the Goddesses.
***
Spike was cooking dinner when Twilight pulled herself through the door, leaving a trail of sand. Nothing too difficult, hayloaf and oats. “How was Las Pegasus?”
“mumble mumble mumble.” She moaned into the floor.
“Ouch, that bad? What happened?”
Twilight lifted her head up and rubbed her eyes. “I spent all day looking for the tomb. Sand got everywhere and in everything.”
“Did you find it?”
“I don’t know! I searched for any magical signatures that could remain functional for 1000 years, but the only thing I found was an enchanted cake fork that would never get dirty!”
“Neat! What did it do to the sand around it?”
“It floated above a pile of boiling sand.”
“How does that work?”
“I DON’T KNOW!” She cried. Then subsided and muttered into her hooves. “Earth pony magic always drives me nuts.”
“Well, if Queen Queen the Lazy was an Earth pony, maybe you found her? Why did she curse the pastry chefs anyway?”
“Something about demanding that they keep her pastry fork always full.”
“And you found a magic cake fork?”
“Yes. Useless I know.”
“Umm… Twilight, when was the last time you slept?”
“Last night? Oh, wait the night before that. I found a book that described the relationship between plants and fungi in lichen, and there was a footnote that led me to a book that talked about how a certain type of lichen in the Everfree forest glowed at night, but the different parts glowed different colors so you could see the interaction with the naked eye, so I went into the forest and I-”
Spike took the hayloaf off the oven, and added the grains and greens, and brought it over to the kitchen table. They’d given up on the grand dining room when they’d discovered that the long walk somehow managed to turn soup into solid ice. Probably something to do with the occasional temporal instabilities with the map. Spike still wasn’t willing to carry ice cream past, even though it was the most direct route to his bedroom.
Twilight was still talking about the lichen when Spike picked her up and carried her over to the table. He put a fork near her hoof, and then started eating.
After a few seconds, Twilight realized that it was dinner and started shoving food into her mouth.
They ate in silence, Twilight’s ravenous, Spike’s thinking about what he could do at the next O&O game.
Eventually, Twilight spoke up again. “Ok, so you can check the prophecy off the list of threats. I’m going to get started on the next issue.”
“Discord induced reality tearing? Or was it spontaneous combustion?”
“Oh, I forgot about those! Umm… tomorrow is Yams, and I’ve used a lot of magic digging holes in the desert… so I guess I’ll try to help Applejack get enough water for her farm?” Twilight rubbed her eyes, and slumped against the table. She raised her head a few inches and mumbled “Can you get me a pot of coffee? I’m going to need to figure out how to help the Apples.”
“Twilight, I really think you should go to sleep. It’s going to take months for anything to happen to the Apples.”
“Yeah… probably.” Twilight slumped back against the table, then bolted upright. “Wait! There was a study on aquifers in the Ponyville area! Um… where was it… Right!” Twilight bolted for the kitchen, heated a pot with magic, and shoved a couple hoof fulls of unground coffee beans inside, and teleported, the usual crack from displaced air coinciding with Spike banging his head against the table.
***
“Thanks again for helping.” Spike said the next morning, walking through Maud’s mine, carrying a large basket.
“Your welcome. It’s always nice to meet someone else interested in geology.” Maud said in a complete monotone. “Though you should be able to find gems easily in an exposed volcanic thrust like Ponyville.”
“Oh, I can sniff them out, but the ones you find taste better for some reason.”
“I find them inside impermeable rock, so there’s less exposure to outside contaminates. It’s a skill you can pick up pretty easily.” Maud explained, tapping on the exposed rockface. She tapped around a bit, then hit the rock, easily smashing through the granite.
A large emerald popped out and fell onto the ground.
“Average example of beryl, small chromium impurity.” Maud said, inspecting the gemstone. “You want it?”
“Thanks!” Spike said, licking his snout. He picked it up and put it inside the basket, with a few other gems.
They continued along time mine, tapping on occasion, and chatting about various rocks.
“What was that?” Spike said eventually, cocking an ear. It was more felt than heard, like a shake through the air.
“The noise like a unicorn with wings accidentally sinking a well through bedrock, releasing several cubic meters per second of high pressure water, and being too spun around to teleport to safety?”
“Umm… yes. How do you know that?”
“It’s a rather distinctive sound.” Maud trotted over to another wall, tapped a few times, then turned around and bucked. A crack formed, ran towards the ground, branching into a small circle in the center of the mine. They stared at the circle for a few seconds, as water started to leak out of the crack. A grinding sound, and it flew into the ceiling, as a wet purple blur followed. Maud reacted instantly, pushing it out of the flow and away from the sharp rocks above.
“Twilight!” Spike shouted, dropping the basket and rushing to help her.
The pony in question, still watching the tiny birds and stars, shook her head and bolted upright.
“Hurry! We need to get out of there! The tunnel is going to flood!” She shouted, pointing at the intense spray of water.
Half a second later, a boulder fell out of the ceiling and pushed the plug back into the hole.
Twilight and Spike looked at each other, then at Maud, who was inspecting an interesting intrusion of quartz.
“I kind of want to see Maud fight Discord in a mine.” Spike whispered to Twilight.
“Spike! That’s horrible!” Twilight said reflexively, before thinking about it. There was definitely an allure to the idea.
“So… what were you trying to do?” Spike asked after a few seconds.
“I found an aquifer running underneath the Apple farm. All I needed to do was cast a well making spell, and they’d have all the water they’d ever need. But when I tried it, it only went for 100 meters, then stopped. So I hopped inside the hole and tried again. And then I did it a third time. Then I hit bedrock, and the spell didn’t work. So, I used a small explosion to break the granite.”
Spike’s mouth dropped open. “Wouldn’t that collapse all the dirt above?”
“I could just teleport out if that happened.” Twilight said, waving her hoof. “Instead, it worked, but there was a cave in, and I got pushed into the fissure. I think you know the rest.”
The two sat there for a few moments. Spike extremely worried, Twilight trying to get the water out of her mane.
“Twilight… you really need to rest and get some sleep.” Spike said finally.
“Come on Spike, I’m a nigh immortal near deity. A little dirt and water can’t hurt me.” Twilight said, shaking her head again. Either to get water out of her ears or to deny reality. One of the two. “I just need to figure out how to get the water to the Apple farm.”
“There’s a spring on the Apples’ land.” Maud said, scaring the two. “I can redirect the water there in a few hours. Just need to clean up some damage to the watershed. Someone thought it would be a good idea to crack the aquifer without testing how much the flow would be.” Maud frowned slightly.
“Right! Got it! Bye!” Twilight squeaked, utterly terrified, and teleported out, leaving Spike and Maud alone in the mine. Maud’s features returned to her normal bland expression, and she picked up Spike’s basket.
“Ready to keep going?” She said, despite the thick weave. Apparently years of talking around a pick-ax gives marvelous ventriloquistic abilities. Spike nodded, and the two set off again.
***
After Spike dropped off the gems back at the castle, he discovered that Twilight had disappeared again.
“Ok, so, where did Twilight go?” he asked Owlowiscious.
“Who?” Owlowiscious replied.
“Twilight? Like the purple pony you work for?” Spike said.
“Who?” Owlowiscious replied.
“About yea tall, bags under her eyes, horn, wings? Purple coat, darker purple mane, pink stripe?”
“Who?” Owlowiscious replied.
Spike slapped his forehead, and muttered “never mind.”
“Squeak!” One of the librarian mice piped up, as it raced past the door.
“Oh, she went Fluttershy to try to deal with Discord?” Spike repeated the mouse’s statement, unnecessarily. “Why didn’t you say so?” he asked Owlowiscious, before running out of the castle.
Owlowiscious and the mouse exchanged angry stares.
“You know, I used to eat things like you.” Owlowiscious said.
“Squeak!” The mouse screamed and ran for the safety of the library.
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I shall watch your Purple Smart with great interest.
I've been wondering about Owlowisicious.
9946533
Thanks for the support!
9947360
Animals in MLP are interesting because they apparently can understand Pony, and the everyone can understand animals to a degree, except Spike and Owlowisicious.
I liked the idea of them just being extremely sarcastic and condensing towards Spike, which is why they pretended not to be able to speak.
9947505
Twilight has a date? Even Spike has a lady-friend in the form of his pen-pal.
Hmmm... Interesting.... Follows
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were TheKMExperience
Ok, you've managed to intrigue. I'll stick around to see who Twilight has a date with, and how crazy she might go in the process. Your world building is also fairly good. Interesting take on some of these little asides, if a tad indulgent. But like I said you've got me interested enough to be indulgent.