Happily Shimmer After
In the green planet of Earth, in the country of freedom, in the city of Washington, Sunset Shimmer walked, her face sour, her mouth curled into a frown, and her fist clenched tight.
When she first went through the portal, she expected a world full of evil magic to fight against. She expected foes to be dealt with, victory to be claimed, and her destiny of becoming a princess to be taken home. She hadn't expected a magicless world of mundane activities that wasn't that different from her homeworld aside from the hairless apes in place of ponies and science in place of magic.
At first, she thought that it was a trick; some force to make her think that she wouldn't be fighting against magic to let her guard down. After a few days, however, it became apparent that it wasn't the case. This world really was devoid of magical activities and heroic adventures. By that time, she was already too late to get back; the portal had closed, and won't open for another thirty moons.
Not that she would without any proof of her rightful destiny, of course.
Or vengeance to her mentor. Either would be fine.
As she trudged along the street, she didn't notice the lavender teen sweeping the front of a store until she blocked her path. Sunset sidestepped to the left, but the girl mirrored her movement and kept her at bay.
Just as Sunset was about to complain, the girl looked up and greeted her, saying, "Girl, you look like someone with unfinished destiny-related business."
Sunset paid her no mind. "Excuse me," she said, sidestepping to the right.
The teen didn't stop her. She simply turned around and, after Sunset was a few feet ahead, called out, "You're not getting your wings that way!"
Sunset stopped dead on her tracks and looked backward, where the teen was smiling and gesturing for her to come.
"This way to princesshood, if you may," she said as she entered the shop.
Sunset was a smart pony/girl. She knew enough about magic to know these kinds of prophecies one might have was signs of dark magic at play. She sensed a trap.
She also reasoned to herself that, if that was the case, diving head-first into it would be the easiest way for her to gather information and fight back. She turned around and entered the shop.
The silver bells chimed, announcing the arrival of one Sunset Shimmer into The Everycraftery.
From behind the counter, the teen—apparently the clerk—waved her hand and said, "Welcome to The Everycraftery. How can I help you today?"
Sunset snorted. "I thought you knew better than that."
The clerk nodded. "True, but I won't give you what you don't know you needed," she said, taking a piece of paper and a pen. "You need to know it first."
As Sunset took the paper, she began thinking. She knew what she wanted: princesshood. But, as she pondered the situation, she sensed a trick question. She reasoned that she needed to understand the things that were needed to become a princess, and when she passed, whether or not it would help her on her journey. Sunset began writing.
When she finished, Sunset nodded and gave the paper to the clerk. She understood well what Celestia meant when she took her as a protege: that she was a smart mare, a prodigy. When she saw her destiny in the mirror, it all clicked: her intelligence made her worthy of the title Princess.
Commision Sheet
Commissioner: Sunset Shimmer
Address: -
Preferred Delivery System: Self pickup
Contact: -
Item Description: Knowledge
Notes: -
The clerk read the commission sheet and nodded. "Your commission will be finished in an hour. Feel free to take a look at our wares while you wait, or you can come back any day you want."
As the clerk disappeared behind the door, Sunset decided to wait and took a look around the storefront. She found that several shelves were lining the walls and standing in rows on the floor, most of them holding leather-bound tomes and hardcover textbooks.
Sunset stared half-lidded at the knowledge lining the walls. "That was too easy to guess."
And so, Sunset did the reasonable thing and took knowledge not by buying it, but by learning it from the books. She plucked a leather-bound tome entitled 'The Tome of Shadows' and began reading.
She nodded. This was an actual grimoire, not like those childish books she had found in this world's library.
Tome after books after scrolls she read, but all of them had the same problem: they required magic to apply, and most of them she had learned from her years as Celestia's protege.
An hour soon passed, and the clerk came from the back door with a pair of glasses. "Find anything interesting?"
Sunset scowled. "No. You know, if you're going to give me a lesson on learning, you could at least give me books about things I don't know."
The clerk smiled. "You're simply not seeing them well," she said. "Try these on." She offered Sunset the pair of glasses.
Sunset grumbled. "My vision's fine."
"No, they're not." And she put the glasses on Sunset's face.
Numbers and equations and possibilities and impossibilities barged their way into Sunset's mind. Knowledge of the past, present, and future, continuous, perfect, and conditional assaulted her psyche, and she understood.
Through the Glasses of Knowledge, she could see with crystal clarity the myths, the legends, the assumptions, the lies that science told her. She understood how light worked, how they were nothing but a particle, a wave, a joke. She could see clearly how insignificant she was as a speck in a point in a grain of the cosmic beach upon the universal shore inside the multiversal crystal ball of the toymaker's plaything that is the artist's creativity dump. Her eyes were finally opened.
Sunset stumbled backward and landed on her rump.
The clerk moved from behind the counter and offered Sunset a hand, saying, "Are you okay?"
Sunset took the hand and stood up. As she looked into the clerk, she stuttered, "Y-yes. W-what was that?"
The clerk shrugged. "Basic stuff." Then she returned behind the counter and opened the register with a ding! "That'll be twenty dollars."
Sunset eagerly reached to her pocket and gave the clerk a single twenty-dollar bill. She didn't wait to get her receipt and marched away from the store.
Once outside, she could see clearly how society worked. She could see clearly the science behind everything she saw, everything she heard, everything she licked and touched and felt and thought about. Her mind was racing, but her knowledge kept up, and she grinned in determination. It'll be easy enough to gain any title she needed, and she decided to take whatever the fuck she wanted.
In the green planet of Earth, in the country of freedom, in the city of Washington, Professor Sunset Shimmer drove her car in a familiar street. On her face, she wore the same glasses she had worn the past decade. On the passenger's seat was a stack of research papers for her latest doctorate. On her suit, she wore a silver metallic badge with her name in it, but not her five different Ph.D., for there wasn't enough space.
Her car stopped in front of a familiar shop, with the familiar lavender clerk sweeping the streets in front of it. As Sunset stepped out of the car, the clerk smiled and greeted her, saying, "Girl, you look like someone with unfinished destiny-related business."
Sunset huffed and waved her hand in a swatting motion. "Whatever," she said, "let's get to the point. I know that you know."
The clerk nodded and entered the shop, Sunset trailing behind her.
The silver bells chimed, announcing the arrival of one Professor Shimmer to The Everycraftery.
The clerk went behind the counter and waved her hand. "Welcome to The Everycraftery. How can I help you?"
"I'm not yet a princess," she said bitterly. "Maybe you could help with that?"
The clerk shrugged and gave her a piece of paper and a pen. "Only if you know what to ask for."
Sunset took the paper and thought for a while.
Her mentor wasn't pleased to see her with perfect knowledge. She was proud of her to become the smartest being on the other side of the portal, sure, but not pleased. Her mentor had only shaken her head and told her that 'That's not what I asked for.'
And so Sunset fumed. Fine, then, she thought. If you won't make me a princess, then I'll make myself one in this world.
Commision Sheet
Commissioner: Prof. Sunset Shimmer, Ph.D.
Address: -
Preferred Delivery System: Self pickup
Contact: -
Item Description: Power
Notes: -
And I'll make myself a better one than you.
The clerk read the commission sheet and nodded. "Alright," she said, "your commission will be finished in an hour. Feel free to take a look at our wares while you wait, or you can come back any day you want."
As the clerk disappeared behind the door, Sunset turned around to look around the storefront.
It has the same arrangement of shelves along the walls and floor, but the wares were completely different. Instead of books and tomes, it was lined with gold, jewelry, crowns, and ancient coins. Swords and shields and armor of many ages hung from the wall. Remains of weapons and guns and tanks from the first and second world war lined the shelves, battered and no longer functional. Behind the counter was a rack, holding a few dozen military helmets—most of them having a huge bullet hole decorated on its side—and another few dozen middle-age helmets—most of them dented and some others with holes the size of arrowheads.
The store reeked of death and destruction, of victory and plunder, of loss and war, of kingdoms and empires rising and falling from battles and massacres.
Soon an hour passed, and the clerk appeared with a sword, complete with the scabbard. "Here's your commission."
Sunset took the sword by the scabbard and inspected the hilt. It was made of gold, decorated with a single red ruby in the pommel and red leather covering the handle. It was beautiful. She reached for the handle.
As her finger brushed against the hilt, she felt a surge of power rushing into her body. She felt the raging of fire that mercilessly swept across cities, the plague that killed countless men and women, the locust that left entire continents starving for decades, and the button that could end entire worlds.
Sunset lost her grip, and the sword clattered to the floor.
The clerk bent and took the sword. She held it at eye level to Sunset, grabbed the hilt without hesitation, and unsheathed it from the scabbard, giving Sunset a good look at the blade. "Perfectly forged, well-balanced, and eternally sharp," she explained. "Perfect for your world-domination purposes, or wall ornament if you wish. Guaranteed to last forever, 100% refund for any damage to either the hilt or blade."
The clerk sheathed the sword back and gave it to Sunset, which tentatively grabbed it by the scabbard. "That'll be twenty dollars for the sword and twenty dollars for the scabbard. You can save ten dollars if you buy both."
Sunset looked questioningly at the clerk. "Isn't that a little too cheap?"
The clerk shrugged. "Why do you care?"
Sunset nodded and gave the clerk a sum of thirty dollars. She didn't wait for her to print the receipt and simply walked out of the store.
Once outside, she took a cautious look at the sword. After a few moments, she carefully, hesitantly, grabbed the handle of the sword.
A surge of power akin to before rushed into her body, and she embraced it. As she unsheathed the Sword of Power and brandished it to the air, the once clear sky was suddenly brewing with a storm. Lightning struck around her, and the wind blew across the city. She swung the blade to her right, and a stream of fire came from the tip. She swung the sword to the left, and the ground before her rose as she commanded it. She raised the blade to the air, and lightning shot from the tip and split the sky in half. She swung the sword to her car, and it was instantly obliterated into dust.
A grin split across her face, and she marched forward to where the White House was, ignoring the screams around her.
Word spread quickly when Sunset took over America and toppled the government, and soon the entire world was united to fight against her. It was to no avail, however, as entire armies were stripped of their weapons with naught but a thought, impenetrable defenses were turned to dust with a flick of her wrist, and billions of people were kept under control in fear of seeing so much as a glance at the new Princess of the Earth.
In a few years, she managed to take over the world and put it under the single banner of her empire. In a few decades, she managed to convince and prove to the entire world that she was not an evil tyrant, but rather a benevolent one.
Seeds of distrust were demolished as Sunset Shimmer, with her Perfect Knowledge and Unlimited Power, rebuilt entire nations, ended poverty, fixed the legal system, and crushed people of intolerance, racism, and radicalism. Soon terrorism was no more, as everyone alive knew well how they would end in a single snap of her fingers. Any act of crime was never again considered, as they knew well how she could somehow know exactly when and where to stop them.
Sunset Shimmer, Empress and Absolute Ruler of the World, was adored by her people. Historians would look back into the days of old and question how a government could be so silly, how politicians could be so selfish, and how intolerance could be a thing people even consider. She was written in history as the savior of civilization, keeping them safe from self-destruction and possible foolish acts that will end life as they knew it.
But not all was well.
Empress Sunset Shimmer, once having her position perfectly secured, went through the portal and greeted her mentor, not as a student, but as an equal; a princess of a kingdom, an empress of an empire.
When her mentor saw her, she didn't show signs of pride, rather of fear that she might try to take over Equestria. This made Sunset upset, and she tried reasoning with her to carry out a diplomatic relationship between the worlds, but the princess still showed signs of fear, and not of pride.
Hurt, Sunset Shimmer threw away her conscience out of the window.
She drew her sword and swung it down with all her might, with all her anguish, with all the hate she felt for her former mentor, friend, and mother figure. The blade connected, and there was a loud, reverberating CLANG! that could be heard across the land of Equestria, marking the end of the thousand-year reign of Celestia Sol Invicta, Princess of the Sun.
Luckily, her knowledge and power were good enough to root her position as the new ruler of the Equestrian Kingdom, merging it with her own empire and convincing the ponies that their previous ruler was a Tyrant all along. Soon, numerous portals to go between the worlds were mass-produced, and the ponies and humans lived together in harmony under the banner of the Empress of the Worlds.
There were emerging problems, of course, like the return of her mentor's sister, a draconequus, a changeling invasion, a certain Crystal King, and some power-hungry centaur. Of course, they were trivial, as a single swing of Sunset's sword was enough to obliterate them all.
But not all was well.
Underground revolutions was not a thing people were aware of, not even Sunset Shimmer. That is, until a single bullet sped by her face, nearly missing her and ending her life then and there. She was paranoid since then and kept bodyguards around her always. Years went by with a few assassination attempts, all of which were successfully stopped by her team of bodyguards, and she felt contempt again.
But not all was well.
Sunset was getting old, and she was suddenly afraid of aging. She called upon the greatest scientist of Earth and the most powerful Archmages of Equestria to make her immortal, but to no avail.
As she screamed in anguish, she remembered the motto of a certain ominous shop.
In the green planet of Earth, in the district of Harmony, in the subdistrict of Columbia, a squadron of the Empress' personal guards drove by a familiar street. As they reached a certain shop by the name of The Everycraftery, they stopped, and the Empress, in all her full glory of golden regalia, wearing a pair of glasses and carrying in her belt a sword, opened the door to the shop.
The silver bells chimed, announcing the arrival of one Empress Sunset Shimmer and a dozen guards of many races and species.
The clerk of the store was sweeping the aisle when they came. When she noticed Sunset entering, she smiled and greeted, "Girl, you look like someone with unfinished destiny-related business."
A man carrying a plasma rifle, the Captain of the Guard, stepped forward with a scowl and spoke, "How dare—"
He was cut off as Sunset raised an arm. "I'm perfectly fine with my destiny, thank you very much," she replied.
The clerk shrugged. "Suit yourself." Then, with a wave and grin, she said, "Welcome to The Everycraftery. How can I help you?"
Sunset looked back at her guards and commanded, "Leave us." And the guards saluted and went outside.
All but one.
"Captain, you can leave us now."
"But Your Highness—"
"Leave us, Peter."
And so the Captain hesitantly left.
Sunset returned her gaze back to the clerk, who was already standing behind the counter. She sighed and walked toward the clerk, her face full of wrinkles, her golden and red hair almost entirely white, and her steps heavy as her joints protested against the eight decades they spent in her service.
As she reached the counter, she looked the clerk up and down and said, "You haven't aged a day since we first met."
The clerk chuckled. "No, I've aged exactly forty-eight hours since we first met."
Sunset ignored her comment. "I'm afraid of dying," she whispered. "Can you help me?"
The clerk handed over a piece of paper and a pen. "Only if you know what to ask for."
Commision Sheet
Commissioner: Sunset Shimmer, Empress of the Worlds
Address: -
Preferred Delivery System: Self pickup
Contact: -
Item Description: Immortality
Notes: -
"Yes I do," she said, handing over the paper and the pen.
The clerk took the commission sheet and nodded. "Your commission will be finished in an hour. Feel free to take a look at our wares while you wait, or you can come back any day you want."
As the clerk disappeared behind the door, Sunset took a look around the storefront.
The shelves had been rearranged, it seemed, and in the walls were no longer shelves, but pictures of kings, queens, emperors, empresses, sultans, leaders, presidents, dictators, and many others of all history; there were even some that portrayed the leaders from Equestria, the Griffon Kingdom, and countries of the other world. In the shelves on the floor were remains of empires, kingdoms, and legacies of many countries.
Sunset noticed there was even a bowl of mercury, and remembered a certain Chinese ruler who drank the thing in the hopes of gaining immortality. She found his death rather amusing.
An hour soon passed, and the clerk appeared, carrying a glass vial of silvery liquid. "Here's your commission."
Sunset took it in her hand, not surprised to find it rather heavy. She leveled a stare. "This is mercury, isn't it?"
The clerk shrugged. "You'll never know until you tried."
Sunset opened the cork and looked at it tentatively. In the surface of the liquid, she could see her face quite clearly, all the wrinkles and creases, and her tired eyes looking back at her, desperate for any form of longevity.
The clerk noticed her hesitation and said, "You'll get a refund if you die drinking that. Or if you die afterward for any cause."
Sunset ignored her. She gathered her courage and, in single swig, downed the silvery liquid that probably would kill her. Qin Shi Huang's death suddenly doesn't look very amusing anymore.
After a few seconds of her not dying, the clerk applauded. "Well then, that must've been the right vial all along! Congratulations, Sunset, you are now ageless."
Sunset glared at the clerk. "Ageless? Ageless!? I asked for Immortality, dammit! Not just agelessness! Don't you know how many people out there want me dead?"
"Exactly two hundred and fifty-four," she answered, then pulled out a gun and shot Sunset point-blank in the face. "Although, that number might drop to zero shortly after this."
The guards, hearing a gunshot, instantly broke in from the door and windows and pointed their guns at the clerk.
Sunset, finally broken from her daze, leaped forward and drew her sword, putting it on the clerk's neck.
The clerk was unfazed. She gave her a smug smile and pulled a mirror from under the desk.
Sunset, upon noticing that she was not dead, that the metal slug that hit her face was rolling on the floor, and that the face in the mirror that stared back at her was no longer her old, wrinkly face, but rather her face in her mid-twenties, lowered her sword and gestured for the guards to be at ease.
Sunset turned around toward the Captain, who stared in disbelieve at the sight of his Empress, all young and healthy, beautiful and at her prime. She smirked and said, "Shoot me, Captain."
The Captain blinked. "I'm sorry, Your Highness, I must have heard that incorrectly."
Sunset smiled eagerly, her face impatient. "Shoot me in the face, Captain. That's an order."
"But your Highness—"
"Shoot me, Peter!"
Reluctantly, Peter aimed and shot a plasma bolt directly on Sunset's forehead.
Sunset merely flinched and, looking back in the mirror to ensure that her face wasn't even scratched, grinned from ear to ear. Looking up, she found the clerk frowning and pointing at the mess the guards had made.
"I'm putting that in your bill. The mercury's twenty dollars, by the way."
A few days later, Sunset held a speech in front of a crowd, in the middle of a lot of sniper's vantage point, with minimal guards and safety precautions before she began.
As expected, she felt something hit her head in the middle of her speech. Upon hearing a loud gunshot and their Empress' head knocked backward, the crowd gasped and went into a panic.
Sunset stumbled backward, but straightened herself and plucked the bullet from her head. She then gave a thumbs-up to the general direction of the shot and smiled at the crowd, saying, "Friends, I shall ask you to be as quiet as possible. I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot, but it takes more than that to kill a Pretty Pony Princess."
The crowd, upon noticing that Sunset was perfectly alive and speaking, went into a cheer.
Sunset continued her speech until it was finished and, seeing a pony being held captive by the police, called upon the pair and brought them in front of the crowd. She addressed the crowd as a comedian would an audience, and the rest of the afternoon was spent with her hosting a stand-up comedy with her would-be killer, and at one point made the pony laugh and joined in the cheers of laughter.
For a month afterward, a freeze-frame of her being shot then giving a thumbs up became a top trending meme.
Years went by and the assassination attempts declined further and further. The worlds now knew that their Empress was immortal, and the rebellion began accepting that their attempt for any revolution was in vain, and silently dispersed into nothingness.
After a few decades, there were no more assassination attempts, and shots aimed at her were either a troll trying (and failing) to cheer the crowd or the mentally defective.
Years went by and Sunset began planning to expand the empire above the Final Frontier. After a few centuries, her empire had succeeded in colonizing both galaxies of both sides of the portal. After a few millennia, her empire had succeeded in colonizing both Local Groups of galaxies, and the scientists had started to develop a device to negate the expansion of the universe to ease their attempt at colonizing the Superclusters.
But not all was well.
Sunset had perfect knowledge, but she was still a single person. After a few successful planets to be colonized, she started creating a local government for each planet. Eventually, she divided the regions in the galaxy to be governed by different governments, divided the galaxies, and so on, and so on.
But she was still seated in the central power, and so, the minor adjustments she needed to keep the empire running as she pleased began to overwhelm her, and problems after problems started rising one after another.
One day, she finally snapped. She ran away from her office, leaving several politicians wondering what to do now that their Empress disappeared.
In the thriving Capitol of Earth, in the district of Harmony, in the subdistrict of Columbia, in the middle of the night, Sunset Shimmer ran with a cloak over her figure. Arriving at her destination, she found the familiar clerk sweeping the street in front of her store.
Noticing Sunset, the clerk smiled and greeted, "Girl—"
Sunset ignored her and barged inside the store.
The silver bells chimed, almost dropping from its frame, announcing the arrival of one panicked Sunset Shimmer into The Everycraftery.
The clerk huffed and went inside. Once in, she took hold of Sunset's figure and smiled. "Welcome to The Everycraftery. How can I help you?"
Sunset threw her cloak to the floor and screamed in frustration.
And kept on screaming.
And finally stopped.
". . . You're done? Good. How can I help you?"
Sunset looked into the clerk's eyes with a manic grin. "The government. Yes, the government! Help me do the politics." In a lower voice, almost a whimper, she added, "Please?"
The clerk shook her head and gave her a piece of paper and a pen. "No."
"No? But you said—"
"Yes, and I also know that that was not what you really wanted. Take a deep breath and think for a while—"
"Think? Think!? No, no, no. No, you random, ominous, somehow immortal and all-knowing clerk! That's exactly what I was running from! I order you to think for me. Yes, that's it. I'm ordering you to, for once, think of what I need and give it to me!"
". . ."
". . . please?"
The clerk smiled. "You just said it yourself, actually."
Commision Sheet
Commissioner: Panicky and overwhelmed SunnyBuns
Address: -
Preferred Delivery System: Self pickup
Contact: -
Item Description: Blissful Ignorance
Notes: -
"Your commission will be finished in an hour. Feel free to take a look at our wares while you wait. Or you can—yeah, no. You can just wait here."
As the clerk disappeared behind the door, Sunset Shimmer took a moment to calm down and swept her gaze along the storefront.
The shelves were back to their original setting, it seemed, but a few shelves on the floor was missing, replaced by rows upon rows of wooden barrels that reeked of alcohol. The shelves itself were lined with rows of wine glasses, hipflasks, and countless bottles of wine, beer, ale, vodka, mead, rum, and many other alcoholic beverages. She took a look at a few of them and found that some of them dated back to the eighteenth century.
Given then was the sixty-fourth century, it was quite impressive.
Sunset took a moment to think about the reoccurring theme, and noticed that, for her entire life, she had never tried alcohol before. Mostly because she was too busy doing one thing or another, and diplomats and politicians that took notice of it never dared to bring something alcoholic into an assembly if she was present.
She might end up embarrassing herself if the clerk came out with alcohol.
An hour soon passed, and the clerk came in carrying a hipflask. "Here's your commission."
Sunset took the flask and, glancing to her right, noticed that the hipflask on the shelf was identical to the one in her hand except for the lack of the brand Everycraftery on its side.
Sunset leveled a look. "You could've just given me this one instead of making me wait an hour!" she said, pointing at the one on the shelf.
The clerk shook her head an took the hipflask back. Holding it above an empty barrel, she turned it over, and a stream of vodka poured into the barrel.
And poured . . .
And poured . . .
And the clerk turned it upside back when the barrel is full.
Sunset took the hipflask and sniffed the vodka inside. It smelled terrible.
"Come on," the clerk said, "try it!"
Hesitantly, she drank from the flask, as the clerk herself fished a glass of the stuff from the barrel.
As she lowered the flask, the clerk took her hand and guided her into a dance. "What's happening?" Sunset asked. "Why is it spinning?"
"That's it!" the clerk cheered. "Dance, you bastard. Dance!"
As they danced across the aisles, Sunset's mind went numb. She was suddenly not thinking of the many problems of the empire anymore, not caring a single bit about the political problems that will inevitably happen in her absence, not caring about what the future held for any of her subjects.
As the pair went into a gibberish dance of gibber and Irish, the clerk took them both outside. There, they danced across the streets, and they danced under the moonlight, and they danced into a random establishment whose owner and patrons were startled to find their Empress dancing drunkenly with a random teenager.
The establishment turned out to be a bar, and Sunset announced that the drink that night would be free, paid by the crown, and the crowd cheered. She ordered the bartender to spread the word to all other bars that that night, every alcoholic drink should be free, and everyone was free to indulge themselves and got drunk. Word soon spread across the planet, across the portals, across the galaxies, and across the entire empire.
"Who cares about anything?" Sunset asked nobody in particular. "Who cares about the empire? No one, that's who! Tonight, we shall forget. Tonight, everything is a joke to behold, and tonight, nothing mattered. Absolutely nothing shall matter tonight, for I demand it so!"
And so, Sunset continued dancing among other drunken men, women, ponies, griffons, minotaurs, and every creature of the empire. All the while, her beloved clerk kept by her side and danced with her, throughout the disapproving gazes of the stars, the judging look of the moon, the disappointing stare of the cosmos. They danced their way along the insignificant streets, under the jokingly dim light of the streetlamps, above the petty megastructure that was the Highway, all the way into the sunrise.
Ever since that day, the date was celebrated annually as the Day of Abandon, where getting drunk was almost made mandatory by the pressure of the peers.
And ever since that day, Sunset Shimmer became an alcoholic. Her duties as an Empress was thoroughly abandoned, and some politicians took the initiative to run the empire themselves.
Sunset wasn't upset about it. In fact, she was very happy and eternally grateful for those guys. A few days after she heard about it, she announced to the empire that the group would be handling all the politics and happenings of both worlds, and she formally announced herself retired from her duties.
Years went by, and everything was bliss. The empire ran smoother with a bunch of people instead of a single person, and problems were carried out a lot faster than before.
Now, Sunset Shimmer was a level-headed woman. Politicians and rulers across her empire would occasionally come by to ask for advice, and she patiently taught them, ensuring that the people running her empire could be trusted.
Drunken Shimmer was, inadvertently, not a level-headed woman. Politicians who came for advice and found her drunk would either back off and try another day or help her go through the drunkenness until she passed out. No one dared to ask Drunken Shimmer for advice.
Accept, one day, when one did.
Drunken Shimmer didn't give him the advice he wanted. instead, she gave him a mouthful of gibberish anger and a handful of swords. Her trademark Sword of Power, that is, which obliterated the poor hippogriff on the spot.
Drunken Shimmer found that amusing. She found that she was perfectly fine in blissful ignorance until she was reminded of the world around her, and she finally found the solution: destruction.
If nothing was happening around her, then there's nothing to be aware of, and that meant she would be indefinitely kept in a blissful state of ignorance. And so, with drunken rage, Sunset swung her sword down to her castle, bringing death and destruction to everyone inside it.
As morning came, Sober Shimmer rose from her sleep, finding that her castle was now no more than a pile of dust.
Sober Shimmer regretted nothing.
Skip a few years later, and there was no more empire to speak of, not even the remains of it. Every planet that was once a bustling metropolis was annihilated into dust in the hands of their own ruler; their own savior. Both universes were left without any other living form but the microbes, fungi, and bacteria, and the single settlement of ponies she left alone. Not for long, of course—she had planned to obliterate them as soon as they figured out how to fly a spaceship. She bet to no one in particular that it would be less than two millennia. That or she'd watch as they collapse on themselves from intolerance and racism.
In the barren planet that was once Earth, in some winter wasteland that was once America, in a random snowy plain that just so happened to once hold the city of Washington, Sunset Shimmer trudged through the blizzard, her steps uneven, her glasses crooked, and her sword was dragged along, creating a short trail that would shortly be erased by the blizzard. She would occasionally stop for a while to take a swig from her flask, but that was all that she did.
In the corner of her vision, she finally found something other than boring white: a silhouette of a one-story building. She walked toward it with her sword held high, ready to destroy it, but stopped as soon as she could see it clearly.
Through the window display, she could see a familiar clerk, sweeping the aisles, her back facing toward her. Sunset lowered her sword and opened the door.
The silver bells chimed, announcing the arrival of one Sunset Shimmer to The Everycraftery.
The clerk turned around and smiled. "Girl, you look like someone with unfinished destiny-related business."
Sunset ignored her and made a beeline toward the counter. Reaching it, she took a sheet of paper and a pen from a rack. She began writing.
Commision Sheet
Commissioner: Sunset Shimmer
Address: -
Preferred Delivery System: Self pickup
Contact: -
Item Description: Happiness
Notes: -
The clerk took the sheet of paper and snorted. "Seriously?"
Sunset kept her gaze toward the floor. Weakly, she answered, "That's all I've ever wanted." She looked up and met the clerk's eyes. "Is it too much?"
The clerk rolled her eyes. "There's no such thing as happiness, Sunset."
Sunset's eyes went grim. She shot the clerk a look that could pierce the skies and obliterate entire planets. Literally. "What do mean!? You've given me much more impossible things before, even this thrice-damned immortality that kept me from killing myself! What do you mean you can't give me something as easy as happiness!?"
The clerk shook her head. "I could've made you truly blissful and ignorant of everything around you—not just drunk—but I know that's not what you want."
Sunset's shoulders sagged.
"And yes, I've given you everything. I've given you Fucking Everything with both capitals and you're not happy yet. I gave you Knowledge, which would've made you happy if not for you, wanting to prove yourself to some white alicorn bitch—"
Sunset face hardened.
"—And I gave you Power, which would've made you happy, but you then you want more than that and strived for conquest—"
Sunset gripped her sword tight.
"—And then you noticed you can't finish your conquest, so you asked for Immortality, and it would've made you happy if you hadn't blown off your goals and went overboard with two entire universes—"
Sunset began fuming.
"—And then you decided to abandon them, and I let you got yourself drunk to forget about it all, but guess what?" The clerk poked her in the chest. "You're still not happy. The one and the only thing you've ever wanted, and you failed to earn it. Admit it, Sunset. You're a failiure."
Sunset screamed in rage.
She pushed the clerk away, and she stumbled back and fell to the floor. Seeing an opening, she raised her sword high, and thunder, lightning, fire, blizzard, plagues, tsunamis, war, and everything destructive came out from the tip.
She closed her eyes and brought the sword down with all her might.
The blade connected, and there was a loud, metallic CLANG! that could be heard throughout the winter wasteland.
Sunset opened her eyes, and the clerk was gone.
And so was the store, and the raging blizzard outside. The sky was clear, the wind was still, and her vision was filled with nothing but a flat plain of snowy white, connecting in the horizon with the clear blue sky of noon.
She heard shuffling from behind her, and she turned around, finding the clerk sitting on one side of a sofa, while in front of her was a rectangular table holding a mug of steaming cocoa.
The clerk smiled and gestured to the vacancy beside her.
Sunset raised her sword and pointed it at the clerk. "No more games!"
The clerk stood up, unfazed, and grabbed the sword by the blade.
Sunset felt a tug to her sword. She didn't fight back; she simply let the sword slid away from her grip, and dropped to her knees.
She stared at her hands for a while, tears brimming in her eye, then said, weakly, "Why am I so . . . powerless?"
The clerk dropped the Sword of Power to ground with a dull, snowy thud, and kneeled. She reached a hand and took Sunset's glasses off.
"How could I be so . . . stupid?"
The clerk grabbed her hand and pulled her up. Hesitantly, she rose from the ground and let the clerk guide her steps.
The clerk sat them both on the sofa and took Sunset's hipflask from her pocket. Turning it upside down, she let a stream of vodka into the ground, which abruptly ended into a few drips. When she turned it upside up, steam came out from it, and she gave it to Sunset.
Sunset took the flask and took a deep breath of the steam. It smelled of chocolate. Sunset took a sip from it, and she found that it was the most delicious chocolate she'd tasted in a long time.
A long time, indeed, for she hadn't had anything other than vodka for a few centuries now.
The clerk sipped from her own bottomless mug.
Hours went by with nothing happening between them, and not a single word was spoken. As Sunset turned her head toward the clerk, she found that she was not going to say anything, and so she began, "What are you offering me?"
The clerk looked into her eyes and smiled. "Friendship."
"That's cheesy as fuck."
"Yes, but in a way, that's what you needed all along." She gazed into the horizon, which had changed into a sunset. "You thought happiness was up there to be discovered, and so you went further up. You found out that happiness wasn't there, and so you went even further up." She looked into the sky, from which a few stars had appeared. "And so on, and so on. But, as we both know, there's nothing up there but the uncaring universe. The universe who doesn't give a shit about you, about us, about anything."
Sunset huffed. "What's your point?"
"Look down, Sunset." She locked her gaze into Sunset's own. "Look around you. There were people there, friends to be made, families to be had. They care about you. They give a shit about you. You don't need to be a Princess of Friendship, or an Empress of the Worlds, or a pillar of modern science, or a goddess of celestial bodies. You could just be you, pony or otherwise. Just exist for a while, and be decent. That's heroism enough; that's how the game always works."
Sunset said nothing and gazed into the horizon. The sun had already set, and she could now see the stars clearly.
"That's your commission," the clerk said. "Would you like to take it?"
"I guess I will," Sunset agreed. "Although, you could've said all of those before I destroyed both worlds."
The clerk shrugged and sipped on her cocoa. "I'll give you a third one where I lived. How's that sound?"
"That'll be wonderful," she said, then put her flask down on the table. She offered the clerk a hand. "Sunset Shimmer."
The clerk smiled and shook her hand. "Twilight Sparkle."
Sunset snorted in amusement. "Really? Not 'Lucifer', or something?"
Twilight cocked an eyebrow. "You thought I was The Devil?"
"You certainly act like one."
Twilight nodded. "Fair enough."
". . ."
". . ."
". . ."
"That'll be twenty dollars."
"You know what? I'm calling you Lucifer."
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This, this is what we call nailing tone. Although I was expecting a chapter and not a story, I was intrigued by this all the way through, and you transported me to another world for 15 minutes, one of my reasons why I read so much in the first place.
You really did a great thing with this chapter.
Well, that was something impressive. :)
I have no words except these: thank you. Thank you for writing this wonderful masterpiece, and thank you for pointing me to the masterpiece that inspired it. There's one line in particular that spoke to me on a personal level:
"Just exist for a while and be decent. That's heroism enough."
Again, thank you.
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Heh. Glad you liked this piece!
Eternal life or your money back!
And now I find myself wondering whether Sunset ever saw that form.
A fantastic fable with a great moral... though this Twilight is taking a rather disturbing bent. Just because you can doesn't always mean you should. Just because you don't have to deal with the consequences doesn't mean they aren't there. Still, well done.
That was good. Too bad two entire universes had to die first.
It's amazing what you can do with oneiromancy these days.
You've got to be more careful with this sort of thing, a glass of water from Lethe would have fulfilled this contract handily.
This one was frightening to me.