Several Silly Short Stories for Sunday

by Admiral Biscuit

Chapter the Fourth

Nurse Redheart and Dr. Stable looked down at the body on the table. His face was swollen and purple, but otherwise he looked reasonably healthy, with the obvious exception of being dead.

“To think, this was caused by a salad,” Dr. Stable mused. “Such a shame.”

“He put up a good fight,” Nurse Redheart said.

“That he did.” Dr. Stable floated his glasses off his face and folded them before sliding them into his breast pocket. “It always makes me feel bad when I lose a patient. Always wonder what I could have done differently.”

“It’s a real kick to the ego,” Redhart replied.

“It is.” Dr. Stable sighed. “Well, might as well see what made him go.” He reached under the table and pulled out a chainsaw.

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

A chainsaw? Whatever happened to good old fashioned necromancy? Dissection goes so much easier when the cadaver can hold itself open for you.

[Cerulean Blue]

9753674
Necromany means they tell you what killed them, and then you have no reason to get out the chainsaw

[Talon and Thorn]

There are actually such things as surgical chainsaws, they're normally used for amputations.

[Admiral Biscuit]

9753674

A chainsaw? Whatever happened to good old fashioned necromancy?

Maybe Dr. Stable only knows necromancy as it applies to ponies. Or maybe he’s just itching to use that chainsaw of his. Who can say.

Dissection goes so much easier when the cadaver can hold itself open for you.

That’s a fair point.

[Admiral Biscuit]

9753781

Necromany means they tell you what killed them, and then you have no reason to get out the chainsaw

Everypony knows what killed him--it was the spicy salad.

If ghosts can post restaurant reviews, Sweetgreens is probably going to be getting a one-star review.

[Admiral Biscuit]

9753879
I”m honestly not surprised. It’d go a lot quicker than the good old-fashioned bone saw, that’s for sure.

[Alondro]

9753879 We prefer to slowly slice the body open and pick apart the insides bit by bit. Much more fun!

[Shachza]

You said you'd done nothing productive all day...

I guess I can't argue with that.

[Admiral Biscuit]

9755201

You said you'd done nothing productive all day...

I guess I can't argue with that.

[CrystalWaters]

9754215

Sweetgreens is probably going to be getting a one-star review.

Two stars. The atmosphere was nice and the prices were decent.

[Admiral Biscuit]

11502528

Two stars. The atmosphere was nice and the prices were decent.

That's a fair point