*Steel smashes the table with both his fists.*

DOOOO IIIIIIT RAINBOW DAAAASH.

Woahwoahwoah I am NOT doing that to my friend!
NONONONONONONOOOOOO!!!

DO IT DO IT DOITDOITDOIT!

Everypony's gone completely MENTAL!

SUCK HER, RAINBOW DASH!

*Everyone just stops, turning to Steel. He slowly turns around to meet their gazes.*

...What?

Did...did you really just say that...?

...

My WORD dear, you really must be careful with your language!

What?

I'm not sucking ANYPONY!

Su- OH! OH! Oh! Oh. Oh...

*Steel looks down, ashamed.*

I'm sorry you had to hear that...

That's more like it.

"So I'm dead...except...not dead?"
"What?"

You'll understand in a while.

"Just...wait, she's not dead?"

She is not dead...well, not anymore, anyway. She's most definitely...alive, in a sense.

"And why am I drinking blood?"

Again, you'll find out.

"I've got a sudden sinking feeling in my cerebral cortex..."

Be prepared.

Good story. I just feel as if it was too rushed. Not anything you can do about it now, but good work.

1109801 hmm i agree on the good story, but i disagree on the rushed part actually.. it was done pretty good... will follow and keep up the good work!

Thanks :D This is the first Fanfiction I've ever kept interest in long enough to publish. I welcome constructive criticism, so let me know if you have any gripes with the story.

1109888 Oh I know how you feel lol, I just wrote my first story too. I got lots of hate and threats on it so I deleted it. But I undeleted it. xD Check it out if you want ^.^

Hmmm I will follow..seems to be a pretty good one so far. Keep up the good work my friend

Does this mean if I submit my story, I'll be copying you?

1110611 With the concept, yes. But the rest of your story is pretty drastically different from mine, so you're good.

1110777 Still feels like coattails and such. Oh well, it's all an experiment anyway.

Good luck with your story Joker, I'm rootin' for ya.

1111161 That's for me and Joker to know, and for you to find out.

"Don't leave ME in the dark!"

Sorry, trade secrets, no one who isn't an author can know where this plot's going.

"I'll find out about this! Just you wait!"

*Rainbow leans over to Steel as they both see steam rise from Twilight's ears.*

"Why is she always like this when she's around you?"

Twilight's a fanatic about information; when she can't get the knowledge she wants, she goes a little crazy.

"Can you tell me?"

I can't even tell you, Rainbow, sorry. Like the trades of the magician, the trades of the authors are secret. It's a silent covent we all made.

"Awww, no fair!"

1111161 Well, considering I borrowed part of the concept of vampirism in general from Hellsing, I figured the least I could do is make a few references here and there.

1112203 I find clouds work a lot like very soft dirt for Pegasi; they can walk on them just fine, just like sand on a beach, but if you move quickly enough, you can drill right through it.

So think of it like sand; very loose, very light, yet still capable of being used as a walkable surface.

"Elementary!"
"News to me."

1109888
This is your first published Fanfiction? It is pretty good. Like I mentioned in the comments for the prelouge, its well-polished and well-written. I don't think that the story is rushed so far; in fact, the quick sequence of events raises many questions that act as a good hook. I am definately interested in find out who the mysterious pony/creature was, and how RD, the rest of the mane 6, and Ponyville will face the challenges of her being a vampony. You have definately piqued my interest and got yourself another like and fave for this story. Keep up the good work!

I found a couple mistakes:

She aked tiredly...

However, her freind was now wide-eyed...

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1108509
*Turning to Twilight*
I believe the proper phrasing in this situation is 'she's undead,' not 'she's not dead.'
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1109897
You undeleted your story? Does that make it a vamp-tory? Sorry, I have a weak spot for puns and with the vampony theme, I just couldn't help myself.
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1111198
*Wispering to Steel in a concerned voice, out of earshot from Twilight*
In that case, you should probably get Spike to hide all the Magic books in the library that contain truth spells, interogation spells, mind-reading spells, and the like. If there is one thing I know about being a perfectionist, its that we go to great lengths to accomplish our tasks ... tasks like trying to find something about which to write a letter to the Princess before a certain deadline. Not exactly Twilight's finest moment. Thankfully for me, my perfectionism is tempered by my procrastination. Yeah, I know, I'm a walking paradox; maybe Pinkie can make some sense out of me.
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1112238
That's a very good simile; comparing the clouds with sand/dirt. I had a similar working notion in my head regarding the physics of clouds in the ponyverse. Though, it was a bit weird seeing pegasi using jackhammers on the clouds in the episode "Sonic Rainboom" considering RD has on previously occasions: ripped off pieces of cloud with her hooves and used them as ear plugs, dug/stuck her head into a cloud, and flown through clouds on many occasions.

Like I said, it wasn't meant to be a direct critique of the story, just a question that popped into the back of my mind while reading.

1112436

A scientific debate benefits everyone. Jackhammers being used on clouds could offer to the theory that there are particular clouds used when building Cloudsdale's structures, while others are a more maleable, hand-workable material. It may also offer that the magic within Pegasi, as many have theorized, may be more powerful within Rainbow, allowing her to puncture and tear apart clouds that may otherwise require Pegasi to use tools for.

"I'm more powerful than other Pegasi. So cool..."

Yes, well, don't let it go to your head.

*Steel blinks, looking at Rainbow who's staring up at the ceiling with that kissy face.*

Oh who am I kidding, it's already gone straight to the clouds...

*He smiles and rolls his eyes.*

1112436

And don't worry about Twilight, I have my ways of guarding my secrets.

"I WILL HAVE THEM! I WILL!"

you have sparked my interest
i will track this and see where this goes

.......buck.........once again i find a great looking story only to check the time and whadda know its 2:40 in the morning i have work in a couple of hours.......no...no i'll read it after work ............why do this crap always happen?! why cant i find a good story when i have time to read the damn thing!? you damn ponies not lettin me sleep i'll show you....no that will break the bed hmmm...........i'll think of something being insane has its perks

sorry the rant but finding stories with out time to read them is getting old quick