Enough Reasons To Die...

by Mensonge Singer

Reason 1: Judgment

Author's Note:

Okay, so a little disclaimer before you read the rest of the story...

I wrote this based off true events, so you might know what I'm talking about with what I write. I do not intend to be picking people out and yelling at them through my writing, just showing them what they made me feel, but not intending to have them in the story as well, or staying mad at them... There have been some people who hurt me, and we've forgiven each other for our mistakes, so don't take it the wrong way. I'm just taking the level of emotion into my writing.

Sorry if it sounds weird or something, I havent been myself in a while so yeah....

Also, this is basically a story where I'm not sure when I'll finish it, so just keep an eye out if I ever post updates to it.

I don't have to deal with the pain, drama, stress, panic attacks, bullying, frustration, secrets, and lies. I won’t feel so empty and alone. I won’t hurt anymore. Nobody will be against me. This will solve everything.

...

I walk down the school hallway, staring down at the floor as I try to block out the sounds in my head. I walk toward the exit, heading home to get ready for a day out with some friends. I look forward to the small moments where I still feel slight joy and hope with others, but it's not much... I try to treasure any moment where I feel something other than my despair and misery.

I don't pay attention to the time when I'm like this, so the walk passes by quickly, which I enjoy since I'm eager to get home.

You really think you'll pass that test you did today? You were barely able to keep yourself together in there. I wouldn't be too surprised if you're the only one who fails.

I shook my head as I try to ignore the thoughts in my head, but unsuccessful. I can't think clearly when I'm in this state, so what's the point in blocking it out...?

After a few minutes of walking, I arrived at my front door. I enter as I put down my school bag and went upstairs to grab a few things for my day out with friends. I walked up to my room, grabbing my sketchbook in case I wanted to draw in the shade of the park. I also grabbed a book and a few extra quills then headed back out.

---

I trot up to the park, finding Radioflash, Blood Moon, Fire Bloom, Ellie and a few other friends waiting for me. I smile and wave as I'm walking up to them. I notice there are a few other ponies that I didn't know too well that my friends had invited to join us as well, one of them a dragon pony. I assumed he was one of Radio's friends.

"Hey, guys." I greet my friends with a smile. I didn't notice right away that one of the ponies were staring at me with a disgusted look on his face.

"Script, this is Emerald-" Radio started before he was interrupted.

"What is she doing here, who invited her?" Emerald said.

I stopped in my tracks as I felt like I had just been stabbed in the chest. I stared at him, dumbfounded as I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears and my face quickly turned to a quivering frown.

"Come' on, don't be rude." Fire Bloom uttered.

"She's a bucking liar and a loser, looking for attention! Why shouldn't I treat her the same?"

Another image flashed through my mind as the dragon pony continued cursing. I tried to block it out, but he only cursed more. Blood Moon noticed and tried to speak up.

"Emerald, I think you should stop-" Blood Moon said before he was interrupted.

"Why do you hang out with this loser anyway, Radio?"

I turned around dropping my things as I began sobbing at the top of my lungs. I ran as fast as my hooves would carry me.

"Drama queen!"

"Script, wait come back!" Radioflash yelled running after me grabbing my things.

---

I sat under a tree hardly able to breathe due to how much I was crying. My mane was a mess and my face was all puffy. The flashing images of painful memories wouldn't stop, they were burned into my mind and I can never get them out...

I hear galloping and panting, turning around finding Radioflash running up to me. I quickly wipe up my face as I try to look somewhat presentable.

"Script," he said as he walked up to me. He paused for a moment when he noticed how much I was crying. "I uh, got you your bag since you dropped it back there," he said, handing me my bag.

"Thanks..." I say with a sniff. "Look Radio, I know you wanna help but... I really just... want to be alone right now..."

"But, Script-"

"Radio, please... just leave me alone..." I turned away from him, refusing to show my face.

"Alright, if that's what you want..." he said with a sigh. He then turned around and left me there alone.

Alone... that's what I am... I know I'm not alone, and I'm surrounded by others, but it's a different type of alone... one you only feel when you're world crumbles on itself.