But You Still Try To Save Me...
Darkness...
That's all I can see...
My body floats through the cold abyss.
I can see a faint spark of light appear coming toward me. I try to get away as it grows closer.
I feel a soft mattress underneath me with a fluffy pillow. A warm blanket layed on top of me. I heard birds singing outside.
I open my eyes, finding myself i8n a hospital room.
I turn to my side, finding "get well soon" cards along with flowers and stuffed animals. I only glared to myself as I pull the blanket over my head, silently sobbing to myself.
Suddenly, I heard snoring.
I turn around, finding my friend, Flame Flare, an orange dragon asleep in a chair, holding a book of Daring Do in her claw. She must have fallen asleep reading to me.
I rolled onto my side, crying out in pain, waking up my shy dragon friend. I just turned around, ignoring her.
"Script...?| she mumbled.
"...go...away..." I mutter pulling the blanket over my head.
"Script, I...I can't..."
I continued to ignore her until she gave up and left me alone with my thoughts.
Once she was gone, I picked up some of the notes from my friends to read them as my tears filled my eyes. I threw them across the room sobbing.
"...I should have stabbed myself deeper..." I thought to myself as I stared at the scars on my hooves.
there was a knock on my door. My response was to ignore and hide under the blanket.
They deserve better than me...I was never able to listen to them anyway, so I was doing them a favor... They wouldn't want someone who won't listen to them around...
"Script...?"
I looked at the door, finding a group of my friends there with gifts in their grasp. I turned away as they walked in.
"...please...go away..." I whimper.
I felt Flare put a claw over my shoulder. I refused to look at her in the eye.
"You all know... I've stopped caring..."
I felt Blood Moon pull my chin up, forcing me to look at her in the eye.
"Look at me, and say that to my face..." she uttered with her voice shaking slightly.
I stared at her with my dull eyes, showing no emotion as a slow tear rolled down my face.
"I've stopped caring..." I mutter. "What's the point...? I know you want to help, but I can't get myself to accept your help...so I'm doing you all a favor."
Blood Moon tried to comfort me, but I just turned away.
"...well...too bad, we're not going anywhere whether you like it or not." Fire Bloom said.
"...you...don't understand...you never will..." I whimper.
"But we can try," Radioflash said as he gently began stroking my mane.
"...please...I want to be alone..."
"Do you want to be taken away??" Lotus burst out.
"Lotus," Ellie said. "Please, calm-"
"Do you want to never see us again, because that's what will happen if you keep this up!"
"Lotus, please!"
"S...sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that..." Lotus mumbled.
"...it's...fine..." I muttered softly.
"We just don't want to lose you, Script..." Ellie said.
"...what's the point if I can't figure out what's wrong...? I'm sick of needing so much help..."
"But it's okay to ask for help."Fire Blood said.
"Constantly? Causing others to grow sick and tired of you...? They don't want me around anymore..."
"Who cares what others think about you, we still care," Lotus said.
"You would just give up on me eventually...they all do...I'm just a lost cause..."
"No, you're not."
"You're special."
"I'm nothing but a bucking screw up!"
My friends seemed taken aback by my outburst, they had never seen me use such language before. I turned around as my ears drooped back.
"Please, leave me... I don't want to hurt you too..." I say as I pull the blanket over me.
I felt all of my friends surrounding me, pulling me into an embrace.
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9656394
.....
............................. wow.
9656426
....what?
At our lowest, we're so used to continual emotional pain and suffering that the only thing that often eases the pain is . . . more pain. That's why people listen to sad music when they're depressed. That's why people push others away when they need help. You're so used to doing the same thing over and over, there's seemingly no escape except further in the hole.
Except you won't find yourself in the darkness. Step away from that gaping maw that is your inner most turmoil and flee. Not to avoid it and allow it to fester.
No.
You must face it in battle, figuratively speaking. So yes, you're always going to be fighting yourself while depressed. But is that anything new? People fight their inhibitions, their vices, and their impulses on a daily basis. Your worst enemy is often yourself.
But if there's ever one fight worth devoting all your effort towards, if there's ever something worth truly fighting for, it's your own happiness.
So bite back at the fizzling dusk. The night shall not live on, for daybreak will follow.
9656620
This flowery isn't going to help someone like Script, and if the author wrote this because he/she's going through a similar situation, it's not gonna help him'her either.
Sadly, antidepressants and/or antipsychotics are sometimes the only answer. When the person is unfortunate enough to have a been born with an improperly wired brain, THROUGH NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN, they really have no choice but to take medication. Sweet words and hugs will NEVER work. Lotus actually has a point here. There needs to be a sequel where Script's friends drag her to a psychiatrist (NOT a psychologists) and constantly monitor her and make sure she takes her pills. I know it sounds harsh, but that's the only way Script or any other mentally ill person can ever get better and be able to feel joy and have healthy social interactions again. People are social creatures, they need other people to live.
Author, if Script is supposed to be you, here's what you need to do: GO FIND A REPUTABLE DOCTOR, TAKE THE PRESCRIBED MEDICATION, ASSOCIATE WITH YOUR FRIENDS. You must hate those voices. Do this, and they'll die. You will have killed them. They'll die begging for mercy, never to return as you bask in true power over them.
9657297
....I've tried.....but it's too late for me, my autism and depression just gets me into trouble....
9657297
The current trend of marijuana legalization shows that pharmaceutical drugs and medications aren't always the answer for everyone, and truth be told, the human brain is so incredibly complex and not quite understood that you can't say for sure either way because you don't know yourself.
You're not qualified. You're obviously here to mean well, but are you really? You disregarded my post like I'm not also looking for out for the well being, but your reasoning is because sweet words do nothing?
No, complacency does nothing. There are those who are depressed and actively seeking change, and there are those who don't. And then the gray area in between.
If a sugar pill used as a placebo can make someone's headache go away or their symptoms lessen as if they've taken the real thing, then personal empowerment is extremely important for attempting to become better, no matter what route you take.
How can this person take pills if they obviously can't bring themselves to accept that they'll be okay afterwards? Obviouly, their mindset is something crucial to their continued pain, irregardless of their mental incapacity.
So therefore, here I am, being verbose and flowery, attempting to uselessly help someone out of a bad spot. You could have easily just said, "I think you need to get medical help" without replying to me and trying to disregard my post. You're doing no good by this comment.
9657297
Mensonge is my darker half...
9657303
I wish you'd be more specific. Are you saying that you tried the medications and they didn't work? Or are you saying that the doctor refused to help you? Or are you saying that your mental illness held you back from even making the appointment? Or maybe you took the meds for a while, and then stopped, and then the illness came back because you didn't have any support?
9658101
Okay. . . I'm both confused and frustrated right now. Do you, or do you not, have a mental illness that is making life miserable for you? I'm not talking about these silly pony personas, I'm talking about the real human you in REALITY. Is this Mensonge character representative of how you are right now, or is she how you were in the past? If you are currently NOT crippled with misery and suicidal thoughts all the time, then you REALLY should make that clear in author's notes, on your profile, etc. Because this leads to overly concerned people like me to panic and jump to conclusions. At any rate, if you truly ARE doing better and are making progress in dealing with your Autism and Depression, I'm overjoyed, because I have unending sympathy for those stricken with such mental afflictions. But if it turns out that you're more like Mensonge Singer in real life then I guess I'm back where I'm starting, terrified for you and desperately trying to reach out to you and help you. I know that sounds weird, but I just can't stand the thought of a suicidal person. I'm compelled to help them, somehow.
9657386
I didn't know this person's whole story. How am I to know if she's tried medications and psychotherapy before or not? I'm just trying to help, and quite frankly what I said is always gonna be more useful than your comment because MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE CAN'T COMPREHEND THE IDEA THAT THEY ARE ANYTHING BUT WORTHLESS! Stuff like this:
won't mean ANYTHING to such a person. It just goes in one ear and out the other. I mean, the author demonstrated this RIGHT IN THE STORY YOU JUST READ!
So you can't tell me I'm wrong without telling the author that she's wrong. So, what, are you saying that the actual depressed person is wrong too? I used actual facts and science to try and help, while also trying to see things from her point of view. You really think a depressed person would see your words as anything but baseless platitudes? Sorry, but stuff like that comes LATER. AFTER the person's mind has been stabilized by medication or any treatment the doctor has prescribed. I understand that you were also trying to help, but if you don't take a moment to look at the bigger picture that is mental illness, you're just wasting breath and time.
9658524
Okay, let's see if I can say this correctly...
Yes, I have PTSD, along with a few other things...
Mensonge does remind me of things I've done in the past, yes, but it's also kinda like she's the demon who tries to comfort me in the darkness, even if her comfort is nothing but darkness...
Yeah, that's on me, sorry.
....you're not the only one, but.....there's another demon I don't let anyone see that completely ignores everything, and everyone....
9658539
You've literally just proven your whole goal is to disenfranchise me and my attempt at being helpful.
Nothing you say will ever be helpful either for the exact same reason you've used against me, which is something I already said anyway. I'm obviously very aware of my inability to help anyone. Ever.
Why did you do this? Why? Why did you have to make this a personal thing against me? Are encouraging words that awful to you? Have you ever even spoken to a depressed person before?
Because I have, and they often don't WANT medication because they've already been there, done that. So yes, what I've said here means the world to many people because all they want is to hear someone tell them they can do it because they can't say it themselves.
But they have to learn to say it themselves. Medication doesn't guarantee any of this.
So stop this. Stop this right now. You've screwed this whole thing up in my book. Next time, present your case, but don't belittle someone else's to further strengthen yours.
9658729
Do you want to talk about it? (publicly, here, or in PM, whichever is more comfortable for you).
OCD? There are times in life where the mental weight feels tough. I get urges to say and do things that I really don't want to do, but which... ease off the pressure mentally if I do them. Thankfully, my God and the medications He has provided have helped, but the urges still happen. Along with much darker, "desirous" thoughts, such that I find it hard to watch MLP without punching or clawing myself (in order for the pain to drown out the thoughts), or having to get off for a few minutes and listen to music.
Not easy. But something that can be survived and the situation improved. It was a lot worse than this some years ago.
9658539
9658816
I hope you both will forgive me, but can we agree that someone is in need of help?
9659360
...I'm fine, thank you
This hits me a bit on a Personal level, no offense. But a little mistake