Is frisk or Chara a boy or a girl in this?

Physically they're both girls, but you've probably read before the whole Gender neutral thing. They both prefer to be gender neutral in my story.

For anybody who is wondering or scared or whatever, Asriel will be coming back as himself, not just Flowey. Just not in the first Chapter

9519530
pls, bruh. no spoilers, let the suspense hang in the air and also i'll send send you some helpful pastes, soon

9519544
Alright, I also just found a suitable Cover for the story! Anywhosen, I'm guessing since you said no spoilers, you wouldn't want a sneak peek for next chapter, would you?

9519547
Nope, want the suspense to intensify, like hold your breath for a bigger laughter something like that

"heya, kiddo."

Que the Sans OST.

9520136
https://youtu.be/N1-RyLUQUrA

Why is this rated M?

Just a head's up: you should absolutely put a long description on this story. I'm not sure how you got this published with what you have at the moment but it isn't good.

9521254
Lots of cussing over time and probably sex later. Read the disclaimer

9521309
That is considered a long description but ok

This is looking good so far, hope it reaches the hype and breaks expectations of everyone

9521415
I'll do my best! I hope I'm doing good.

9521372
Got it.

9521431
Are you liking the story so far?

9521515
I didn't actually read it yet.

9521579
i.ytimg.com/vi/46QSVAmxs1Y/hqdefault.jpg

9521374
What do you think a description actually is? This is just a summary of why you're writing it and actual literary elements of the story (as well as admitting to breaking a site rule about publishing stories that don't yet contain ponies). There is no description of plot here. Not even a summary.

9521610
I'm not breaking a site rule. yeesh man, can you stop trying to bully me and just read my story or leave me alone!? I didn't claim to be a great writer, I wanted to get to writing this story as soon as possible, I chose to put this story in a queue for posting when I got chapter 1 done instead of auto posting, I was expecting it to take a few days, I didn't think it would get approved literally 3 minutes after I submitted it! So what if the Description isn't perfect?! Why do you care so much about it, Huh?! It's not like I thought I was being lackluster with it until you had to go and say that it was bad. Not all descriptions are going to be multi paragraph and explain what happens in the story. I consider doing that a kind of spoiler so that's one reason why I didn't put a full on summary of the story in my description. Now, will you please either read the story, or leave me alone. Please? I don't want any trouble.

9521610
9521618
Gentlemen. Lets be calm about this and look at the facts. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Ablegabriel's description. Just because you dont find it descriptive enough doesn't make it his problem. And I've definitely read stories where the first chapter had absolutely nothing to do with ponies. In future, please present your opinions in a way that isn't so confrontational. Thank you.

9521630
Thanks bud. I'm glad I've got a friend in you (TOY STORY REFERENCE FTW)

9521618
Technically, yes, these descriptions are breaking a site rule. If you'd submitted these through mod queue they would have been failed. We need some kind of "[character] does [action]" format, it really doesn't have to explain much at all if you don't want it to but we need something.

I understand the spoiler concern, but would you actually watch Star Wars if all the promotional material was just like "Luke is a farmer in the desert, that's it, that's all that happens!" - you've got to balance giving people a genuine shock when things are shaken up from the norm with actually getting people to read the story in the first place. If you don't tease them with enough details to get them interested, you get people reacting negatively to the whole experience like this.

Stuff that happens in the first 10 minutes of a movie isn't "spoilers." Stuff that happens in the first 500 words of a story shouldn't spoil it, either. At least outline that much, or explain more in a super vague manner. Descriptions are hard, no arguments there, but you gotta give people something more than the background of why it got written.

9521618
You absolutely are breaking a site rule:

Stories that are not related to My Little Pony. Your story must be related to the MLP universe at the time of submission, or else it will be rejected.

https://www.fimfiction.net/rules

It's not bullying to tell you you're doing something wrong. I'm not trying to attack you here. Just chill, please. You need to respect the site rules.

9522299
Oh my fucking god. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE WITHIN THE FIRST CHAPTER ASSHOLE.

9522360
It has to be at the time of submission. This story is submitted, yes?

9522369
Alright, fine let me spoil for everyone else. THE PERSON WHO HELPED FRISK OUT WHEN THEY WERE OUT ON THE STREETS WAS SUNSET SHIMMER. PONIES THEMSELVES WON'T BE IN THIS STORY FOR AWHILE SO LEAVE ALONE AND STOP RUINING MY STORY FOR ME. I HAD NO PROBLEMS WITH THE WAY I DID THE LIFE IS STRANGE FANFICTION SO WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THIS ONE?!

Will everyone just calm the buck down! Breaking a site rule doesn't even matter at this point! Can't we all just behave like adults, and talk?

9522369
Dude please, your point has been made, can you just leave the author alone and let the mods handle this? You hounding him isn't helping anybody.

9522430
It feels odd for you to say that the point has been made when he seems to have missed it entirely, but I agree with the general idea. Life's too short. I suppose now that he's update the description to include a legitimate plot description and call me and Eldorado (who is, for the record, a mod) jerks, I don't have any reason to keep replying.

9522487
I'm sorry, I just was sick and tired of all the bullshit with comments. You're not the first person who gave me trouble, and you really weren't being a dick. You were basically just trying to help me. I apologize for my rudeness, please don't hate me for that. I hope you enjoy my story and all of my others and don't let this encounter ruin everything for you.

9522487
I changed the part in the description from calling you a jerk. Again, I'm sorry for that.

My apologies, I shouldn't have been so hasty earlier and actually looked at the story a bit further. I would have been able to address both points at the same time, and we would have potentially avoided a bunch of further confusion.

Stories submitted here need to be related to MLP at the time of submission. That doesn't mean they require ponies in the first chapter. If there's some run-up to pony content where we spend time with other characters in another setting, that's fine, but we do require MLP content in whatever content is going to be part of the story when it's submitted. In other words, if this story is going to be related "later," then you should have waited until "later" to submit it. If you intend on ponies showing up in the third chapter, then the first three chapters all need to be published before submission.

There's no MLP here, so unfortunately I have to revoke this. Once you've written and published MLP-related content, this can be resubmitted. Until then, though, this is a pony website, and people reading stories here are going to want to see ponies show up in some capacity. Our rules aren't there to be needlessly restrictive, they're there because this is what audiences want.

Sorry again for all the hassle, I should have caught that the first time.

9522518
Did you not see that I had mentioned that the person who had helped Frisk in their flashback was Sunset Shimmer?

9522536
Stating that after the fact isn't sufficient MLP relation, it needs to be clearer than that in the actual text itself.

Trust me, you're hurting yourself more with the mysticism and obfuscation than anything; people feel cheated when they go on a pony site and read a story that isn't about pony at all beyond vague promises that the content is coming at a later time. You should wait until said later time to submit, if that's the case.

Some number of chapters down the line, we get direct some kind of direct relationship with MLP content, yes? Actual MLP characters show up and are mentioned by name? Undertale characters go to Equestria? Something along those lines? Once the chapter where that happens is written and published, you can submit the whole thing up until that point and be just fine. Having the first few chapters not mention MLP is totally fine, we just need to make sure the story actually gets related to MLP at some point.

9522556
If i change the scene to where Sunset is mentioned by name can I re post it? Also, I'm not in trouble am I?

9522573
I'm just explaining things so you understand them moving forward, you're fine. I'm more mad at myself for not actually opening the story the first time and seeing the lack of MLP.

The best solution here is to write more chapters until there's more direct MLP relation than one character showing up for a minute. Forget about site policy for a minute, it's still just the smartest play. You have to approach writing like an audience member sometimes, and imagine what people who are going to see your story are going to expect and want from it. Tens of thousands of words about exclusively Undertale characters is not what the average user of FIMfiction is looking for, right? Crossovers can be great but they should try to get to the point somewhat quickly, establish the joint setting in relatively short order, and then spend the bulk of their time exploring the idea of the crossover. If all you wanted to do was write Undertale fanfiction, this story is better suited to Fanfiction than this site.

One named character having a minor role, ehh, it's iffy. You really should try to establish a stronger link than that. As long as the story eventually becomes an MLP fanfic, at least for the most part (you can't write 100,000 words of Undertale with 1,000 words of MLP at the end and call it an MLP fanfic), taking your time setting the stage is fine. Take five chapters to get around to actually introducing ponies to it, I don't care. Just make sure you submit the story with all five chapters published.

9522596
Alright.

Okay, I just finished reading the first chapter and we'll...I didn't dislike it, it's not a terrible start. I shouldn't really judge since I'm talking about an author who was able to continue their fic which I haven't been able to. Now I'll talk about what I like and dislike about this.

What I do like about this is the "general" pacing and how the author stated how it will be some time before we meet and greet the ponies and that there's the possibility of a sex tag being added. Not only that but during the chapter they tried to hint at frisk background in this story while not going in depth with it.

No with what I didn't like. No let me get out the way and say I'm not a fan of cross overs or eqg at all, the only reason I read the first chapter was because I was asked to and I hate to disappoint a friend. Now with that out the way, let's get into the meat and potatoes of this. I'm no Grammer expert and won't try and go into it since I suck at it so all I will say about it is that there more than once I spotted a run on sentence or a overly large paragraph. I wasn't really hook, the majority of this first chapter was both an exposition dump as well as poor attempt to explain why some of the things like chara coming back happen. Flowey was hardly in character with his cannon self and it was near the end where he was asked to go into the pot that I felt like this was him. Now I like most of these characters and can say they would be hard to write and I commend this author for not only try but succeeding in making this story. Now this is only the first chapter and I'm sure some of you will say it gets better but I'm pretty sure this will be all i read of this.

I'll give this first chapter a 6/10 for nearly catching my eye but only in the end. Thank you for doing this and that is all.