A time before the two sisters there was only war, leaders known as the warlords control most of the land. They rage war across the land and will conquer whoever gets in their way. But a new warlord has arrived with a power no one has seen
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Please keep going. This is getting good, and I want to see it live. Give us more, please. In good time, mind me.
Yeesh this is poorly structured, poorly written, and with more grammatical/spelling errors then a bowl of alphabet soup. You need an editor, and a few English lessons my friend.
Hmmm, I wonder how you're going to get him cavalry in this world? To my knowledge, a lot of great military strategies often use cavalry, even Hammer and Anvil from both the Greeks and Romans.
10002791
I know I’m sorry for it being late. I have no excuses and the next one will be out soon I promise you.
10002849
Dude your fine, I was just being dramatic. Go at your own pace, of it takes a long time to upload, so be it.
10002793
Mr. jest
Thank you for your feedback on warlord. However I must remind you that there’s a difference between constructive criticism And criticism. I’ve come across many people like you that only give me negatives and never help me to improve my work. But over the years I’ve met people who have given me polite feedback which allowed me to grow. I have Close bond with those people now while people like you are shortly forgotten. Mind you it’s in your human rights to speak your mind. However poorly written and poorly scripted does not resemble the story If you look at my likes to dislikes you’ll find that you would be quite outnumbered. Have a merry Christmas or happy holidays.
From PsychoFox
10002855
Right. I just felt bad that I didn’t get to work on it for a while.
Epic!
10002870
Greetings psycko Please feel free to give me any more feedback that you would like. Both the negatives and positives would be appreciated.
10002867
Your fine. I'd be a hypocrite if I said you need to update faster, and work on the story more. I have my own stories, and its taking me a minute to finish the newest chapter.
10002862
Just because something is liked, does not necessarily mean its good. I mean the star wars prequel movies are generally enjoyed, but that doesn't mean the writing wasn't dogshit.
My feedback may not have been concise, but that doesn't mean it should be dismissed. I mean one of the first sentences in your story isn't even capitalized properly. That's some grade 3 level writing. Bad grammer/spelling also takes away a lot from a story and to dismiss all of your mistakes just because my feedback was "not constructive" is just plain silly.
I also really do suggest that you get an editor or at least review your story once or preferably twice before uploading. You will catch a lot more errors if you reread it. Furthermore, you need far more description, really need to slow down, and also make your sentences longer. Remember, every time you put a period that's a full stop/breathe. The flow of your story could be drastically improved by keeping that in mind.
10002972
Yes in fact you are mostly right. I do make a lot of mistakes when it comes to writing and I Have a lot to learn. However you don’t have to be so rude. We all have our opinions and you have the freedom of speech on your side. but could kill you to be at least a little bit polite. all you had to do was comment on how I have a few errors. I would think you fix as many as I could and go about my day. now I can never force you to do this that would go against everything I stand for. But I had to have a few reasons why it is a bit bad They’re not completely justified and any pro writer would’ve saw them on mile away. I’m not a pro writer. I wish to be In the future but right now this is only a practice run along with my others. I still love writing about my stories and will continue to do so no matter what you or anyone says.
I do agree with you on needing an editor and I am working on that.
I’m sorry if the story isn’t to your liking but there’s nothing I can do about that. You can either sit along for the ride of my story or move on.
Have a merry Christmas or happy holidays
10002987
Good chapter, it was a nice surprise seeing the upload in Christmas, thank you .
I hope to see what comes next in the history, but take your time, don't rush things. ^-^
Pd: sorry if there's some errors, I'm not use to writing in English.
This is extremely satisfying to read!
Damn, I thought this was dead. What a relief.
Ohh, Spartans! Also great to see you again fox man.
Hmmmm more plz :)
MORE MILKSOCK!!!
10036942
Ok... first thing first (this goes for your next chapter as well) the pacing everything is moving at mach jesus the story needs to calm down and take a breath. Stuff just keeps happening and we get just the bear amount of explanation why, and that makes the characters look like they have a bad case of bipolar and adhd because their moods and actions change on a dime and there is no explanation why. Remember the only things we know is what you've written down you already know everything that's going on in your head and unless you convey all those thoughts and feelings the characters are having in writing we get left in the dark.
Yeah thestral empire ahahahahahahah long live the emperor
10079941
Yes, I like that idea.😈 As for emperor, in this case I go with Jarl.🏔 Cause this is a clash of clans war, and it is Viking themed after all.
Dis iz da way warz be fought, wit' blood and flesh and iron! Diz gonna be good boyz!
I'm not an expert in character building but this is pretty great
10142462
Yes a comment that isn’t about my grammar. You have no idea how happy I am to see a comment rather than a favourite. I’d like to get to know my readers and I want to know what I’m doing right. Please tell me any parts that you loved about the book And even the parts you hated or disliked.
I like the speech WAR! I like this fanfic. WAR! WAR! WAR!