• Published 15th Dec 2018
  • 3,558 Views, 91 Comments

Tales of the Ponyville Blacksmith - Parodyman64



Well, I can't exactly say things have ever been 'normal' here in Ponyville, but it got just a little bit weirder after he showed up.

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Breakfast Banter

The late morning sun shone brightly as it crawled up the sky, obscured by a soft cloud layer, its rays of light casting a warmth that is offset by a soft, pleasant breeze that carried the smell of fresh produce and the dull chattering of ponies in the market area, coalescing into a gentle buzz in the background.

It was a delightfully pleasant morning.

The soft breeze rolled over the coat of a brown earth pony, causing him to flick an ear at the general chatter carried in the wind before returning his attention to the table in front of him. He sat at an outdoor table at one of Ponyville’s cafés, his table laden with a kettle of tea, some tea cups, a newspaper, and a small tray of English muffins. He yawned, bags under his eyes, before focusing on the newspaper he’d been reading.

FLOWER FAILING FIASCO

Critical Flower Shortage Caused By Unprecedented Dry Season

Earlier this week it was discovered, to the horror of many, that flower gardens all around Ponyville are turning up failing yields due to an unseasonal dry spell.

Fresh flowers are a popular item in Ponyville. They serve many uses such as: a delicious snack, a gift to a special somepony, a way to proclaim dating intent, a snack for a special somepony, or even a simple decorative piece. But these robust flowers may not be around for much longer as gardens continue to produce unsatisfactory product.

Local flower salesponies commented: “It’s awful! The bagonias are all three shades off!”; “It’s terrible! Those poor petunias are bent and withered under the sun!”; “The Horror! The Horror!”

The future is grim for a treasured product here in Ponyville.

“You know, I once gave Derpy an English muffin.”

Time Turner’s eye flicked up to look at the human who sat across from him. Parody sat slouched forward, elbows resting on the table, as he held an English muffin in his hand and gazed upon it, a look of deep contemplation in his eyes.

Time Turner winced. “Can’t say I haven’t made that mistake before.”

“She got so mad that she glared at me.”

“Mhmm.”

Parody looked at Time Turner. “I mean, like, with both of her eyes,” He turned back to the muffin, shaking his head lightly, “It was surprisingly terrifying.”

Time Turner nodded, “Derpy takes her muffins very seriously.”

Parody shook his head, “Don’t I know it. I had to get her a basket of muffins from Sugarcube Corner just to get her to stop staring at me.”

“Sounds about right.”

Parody sighed and set the muffin down, “In any case, I’m not making that mistake again.”

“Nopony ever does.”

Parody sat up and looked around the market area. “Speaking of Derpy, where is she? Usually I’d’ve seen her by now.”

“She’s,” Time Turner yawned widely, “out of town on a delivery.”

“You doing alright? You look awful.”

Time Turner sighed, “I had to watch Dinky last night.”

“Ah,” Parody gave a nod of understanding as his mouth curled into a smirk, “She run you ragged?”

Time Turner slouched forward, pressing his head into the table, “I don’t understand how you manage to keep up with her.”

Parody shrugged, “Eh, get a lot of exercise running from things back home, so I’m in pretty decent shape.”

“Lucky you,” Time Turner muttered into the table, before picking his head back up. “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“I can tell. Pity I wasn’t around to help.”

Time Turner shook his head, “Amethyst is sick right now, so,” he stifled a yawn, “I would’ve been there anyway.” He blinked, before turning to look at Parody, who was sipping at his tea. “I actually wanted to ask you about that. What brings you back so early?”

Parody quirked an eyebrow as he set his teacup down. “Early? Are you kidding? That trip took way longer than I wanted it to.”

Time Turner furrowed his brow. “I thought your trips lasted a week or two; you were only gone two days.”

Parody picked up one of the muffins. “Oh, no, this wasn’t a mining trip; I was after a comb.”

“… A comb?”

He nodded as he bit into the muffin, “Yeah.”

There was a long silence as Time Turner sipped at his tea, pondering what to say next. “… Why were you after a comb?”

“’Cause Berry freaking broke my old one.”

“… and?”

Parody spread his arms, “‘And’ what? Do you know how hard it is to find a comb in pony society? It’s all brushes with you people.” One arm gestured animatedly as the other reached between his back and cape to pull out an ornate comb. “I went to three different cities before I found one in a Manehatten salon.”

Time Turner tilted his head, looking at the long brown hair that flared out around Parody’s shoulders, “Couldn’t you have just bought a brush? You certainly have enough hair for it.”

Parody slumped slightly into his seat. “Honestly? If this thing breaks I might have to. Apparently, ‘specialty equipment’ is stupid expensive,” He flourished the comb, “This thing cost me about a hundred bits.”

“Considering you can buy a quality brush for fifteen bits here in Ponyville, you,” Time Turner yawned, “You should’ve bought a brush.”

Parody tucked the comb back behind his cape as he waved off Time Turner. “Yeah, well, I wanted a comb, so ha!”

Time Turner shrugged as he took another sip of tea. “I’m not the one who’s out a hundred bits.”

“… Whatever.”

Shaking his head, Time Turner returned his attention to the newspaper resting on the table.

ALARMING WEATHER DEFICIT

Budget Exceeded on Rainclouds; Where’s the Rainfall?

Weather ponies all over Ponyville are left scratching their heads as monthly precipitation levels continue to fall under scheduled marks.

Hearing the drumming of Parody's fingers on the table, Time Turner looked up to see Parody staring into the café, humming to himself, before standing up, “Hang on, I’ll be right back,” and walking into the café.

Time Turner watched as the door closed behind Parody before turning his gaze back to the newspaper. His attempts to focus on the printed words were interrupted by a large yawn and the subsequent need to blink tears out of his heavy eyes.

Temperature levels in Ponyville are rising as cloud coverage and scheduled rainstorms fail to meet expected quota. The Ponyville Weather Office says this is due to not having enough rainclouds for each month, but the Mayor’s Office claims that the monthly weather budget has been exceeded buying more rainclouds than any previous month.

As officials bicker, weather ponies believe this discrepancy to be attributed to missing or stolen rainclouds, as many report that cloud counting has been providing inconsistent results. This leaves ponies speculating who could be stealing government rainclouds for their own personal use.

Time Turner was startled out of focus when Parody flopped back into his seat with no warning, jarring the table slightly. He looked up at Parody, who smiled back at him as he wiped scalding coffee off of his face with a napkin.

“Sorry about that, saw Dash getting some coffee and decided to say hi.”

Time Turner watched the coffee drip down Parody’s face, leaving reddened skin behind. “Are you alright?”

Parody tossed the napkin onto the table when he finished cleaning his face. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He smirked, “I have no fur, so clean up’s as easy as wiping it off my face.”

Time Turner rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to act like having a coat is a bad thing; fur has its uses.”

Parody shrugged, “That may be, but I think I’d look stupid if I had fur.”

Time Turner smirked lightly, “Fur has nothing to do with it.”

Parody gave Time Turner a playful glare, causing both of them to burst into laughter, though Time Turner’s laughter was swiftly interrupted by a yawn. He slouched forward, attempting to blink out the tears that had welled up in his eyes.

Parody’s laughter trailed off, his mirthful expression melting away to a more neutral one. He studied Time Turner for a brief moment before sighing, “All seriousness, though, you gonna be alright?”

Time Turner sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know,” he yawned, “Derpy won’t be back until tonight, I’ve got an experiment running that needs my attention, and somepony,” he yawned again, wider and longer than the previous one, before resting his head on the table “… somepony needs to watch Dinky.”

“Should I?”

“Not supposed to watch her on your own.” He muttered into the table.

Parody waved an arm dismissively, “Come on, I’m sure I can keep her relatively uninjured for a day.”

Time Turner shifter to give Parody a flat glare. “‘Relatively uninjured?’”

Parody returned the flat look as he folded his arms across his chest. “I’m talking hospital trips, okay? Kids get themselves hurt all the time. I’ll keep her out of the ER, but I’m not taking responsibility for every skinned knee and bruised forehead.” His glare softened. “Look, I like the kid, and I certainly don’t want to make Derpy mad at me again; I’m not gonna do anything stupid, okay?”

Time Turner looked away, silent and indecisive.

“Time Turner,” Parody drew the pony’s attention back to himself as he leaned forward onto the table, “Look at yourself; you’re barely following this conversation. You’re in no position to do anything.” He drummed his fingers on the table, a contemplative look on his face. “Dinky’s in school, right?”

Time Turner slowly nodded.

“Alright, good. You go home, take a nap, and then work on whatever that little experiment thing of yours is. When Dinky gets out of school, I’ll take her to the park. There’ll be plenty of other ponies there, so it won’t just be me.”

“I don’t know.”

Parody rolled his eyes, “Fine, fine. I’ll think of someone else I can bring.” He shifted in his seat as he thought to himself. “Would it help if I brought Pinkie?”

“Honestly, I think that’d make it worse.”

Parody shrugged. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He sat in silence for a minute. “Hmm. Well, Dinky and Ruby are best friends; maybe I should nab Berry?”

Time Turner smirked and gave a soft chuckle. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Parody’s mouth pulled into a wild smirk as his eyes danced with amusement. He put a hand to his chest as he leaned forward. “Why, Time Turner, I’m certain I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Time Turner furrowed his brow slightly. Odd response; most ponies would get flustered over such an accusation. He shook his head. Whatever. “Never mind. Do you think Miss Punch can handle watching three foals?”

“Probably better than I could.”

“I don’t doubt that,” he shifted in his seat and yawned. “That’ll probably work.”

Parody nodded in agreement.

They sat in silence for a bit.

Parody looked around at the café, “Hey, what are we doing here anyway?”

Time Turner glanced up at him in a flat gaze. “Well, I was eating breakfast. You sat down, poured yourself a cup of tea and started eating my muffins.”

Parody looked down at the mess of crumbs and his half-full teacup. “Huh, weird. I don’t even like tea. Or English muffins.” He glanced back at Time Turner, “Speaking of which, if you’re so tired, why are you drinking tea?”

Time Turner yawned, “Tea can help wake you up.”

Parody quirked an eyebrow. “Not this kind.”

Time Turner blinked before taking a quick sip of tea, allowing to flavor to wash over his tongue.

Chamomile.

Horsefeathers.”

Parody burst into laughter. “Went autopilot and order the wrong thing?”

Time Turner just grumbled to himself.

As Parody’s laughter trailed off, he stood up and tossed some bits onto the table. “Well, I should get going. Gotta track down Berry before school gets out.” He smirked as he walked past Time Turner. “Try not to pass out on the way home.”

Time Turner gave Parody a tired glare before turning back to the table. He let out a yawn before shifting forward. He had a hard time opening his eyes. Parody was right; he needed to get back home and take a nap. His head rested on the table. He just needed a moment to rest his eyes.

Just…

A…

Author's Note:

It's really cool how quick and fun writing can be when you're enjoying it. It's also really funny how sometimes writing just kinda does its own thing. I wrapped up the notes/rough draft of this chapter and I thought to myself, "So, I went into this with three jokes I wanted to make, and somehow ended up with Parody being a responsible(ish) adult. How did this happen?"

Anyways, I hope you don't mind shorter chapters, 'cause the next ones gonna be about the same length. Maybe. These things have a habit of running away from me, so who knows?

Every now and then I'll leave you guys with little cartoons, so here you go:
Welcome to Equestira, Parody!