Sleepover
The curtains billowed gently, the soft breeze carrying away the lingering smell of dinner. The setting sun cast beams through the open window, lighting up the room with a gentle orange glow. A stray ray of light settled on the page of an open book, reflecting off the white paper into amethyst eyes. Childish laughter rang down from the stairs into the otherwise silent room.
A pink hoof turned the page.
Curled up on the couch, the mare tilted her head, disturbing her lavender-streaked violet mane as her eyes narrowed, trying to focus on the book in front of her.
But it was no use.
Worried, she glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was getting late.
“Where are you?” She muttered to herself.
Hearing the front door open, Amethyst Start turned around and watched Derpy walk in.
“You took your time. I was starting to get worried.”
Derpy’s mouth pulled into a sheepish smile as she avoided eye contact, “Sorry, Amethyst, I got held up at work.”
Amethyst sighed, “Well, that’s fine. At least you’re here now. Dinky and Ruby are playing upstairs right now, so they should…” her voice trailed off as she noticed Derpy avoiding eye contact. “… You’re kidding.”
Derpy’s smile fell as she glanced at Amethyst, “There’s a package I need to deliver out of town.”
“And it can’t wait until tomorrow?”
Derpy shook her head, “Priority shipping.”
Amethyst slumped, “Ugh. Did you talk to-?”
“Time Turner’s sick, and Parody said he was busy building a hot tub in his basement.”
“Parody has a basement?”
“Apparently.”
Amethyst shook her head and glanced at the stairs, mouth pulling into a light frown, “I’m fine watching Dinky on my own, but both of them? I’m not much of a foalsitter, I don’t think I’d be able to keep up.”
Derpy sighed, “I’ll talk to Berry on the way out. Either she can help watch them, or we postpone the sleepover and she comes to pick up Ruby.”
Amethyst turned to look out the window, eyes following a rainbow contrail as it arced across the horizon. “Can’t you ask Rainbow Dash to deliver it? It’d be like nothing to her.”
Derpy shook her head, “Even if she’s willing, I don’t like making other ponies do my job for me.”
Amethyst sighed, “They’ll be so disappointed.”
Derpy hung her head as she trotted out the door, “I know, but unless somepony’s suddenly become available in the last twenty minutes, we-” her voice cut out as she bumped muzzle first into Parody’s stomach.
He smiled down at her from just outside the door, fist poised to knock. “Hi.”
Derpy’s muzzle scrunched as her brow furrowed slightly, “Parody? I thought you were building a hot tub.”
His smile widened, “I was, actually.”
“… And?”
He shrugged, “The chlorine tank ruptured, and now my house is full of chlorine gas.”
Derpy winced.
Parody continued, “So, I need a place to stay while I vent my house.”
Amethyst set her book down and trotted over to the door, head tilted in curiosity, “Why, isn’t it harmless? It's used in swimming pools.”
Parody laughed, “Not in gas form it’s not. Put simply, that stuff will dissolve your lungs.”
Amethyst cringed back, “Really?”
“Yeah. There’s a long winded, scientific explanation about chemical reactions that explains exactly what happens, but basically: Unless you think being able to breath is overrated, you don’t want to inhale it.”
Amethyst glanced up at Parody, a hint of worry in her eyes, “… If it’s so dangerous, then how’d you get out? Weren’t you in the basement?”
He shrugged, “Peed on a rag and held it over my face.”
Both mares recoiled.
“Ew!”
“Eugh!”
Amethyst shook her head, “Why?”
“Urine contains ammonia, and ammonia neutralizes chlorine.”
Her nose twitched, “Ugh! I can smell it!”
Parody snorted as he held his arms out, “Well, I couldn’t exactly wash off in a gassed-out house.”
“I guess…”
Parody turned to Derpy, “Anyway, can I crash here for a couple days?” His mouth curled into a light smirk, “I need to be careful venting out my house. I’m pretty sure it would reflect poorly on me if some random pony dropped dead as they walked by.”
“… It certainly would.” Derpy looked up at Parody, “Well, we’d be glad to have you over. Are you alright with watching Dinky?”
Parody smirked as he placed a hand on his chest, “‘Am I alright with watching Dinky?’ Come on, you know me; I could never say ‘no’ to her.”
“That’s why Amethyst is here.”
“Tsk. Spoilsport.”
Derpy gave him a genuine smile as she made her way out the door, “Well, I’m glad that you can help out. It’s one less thing I have to worry about.”
“Yeah. Only took almost killing myself.”
Derpy faltered, casting a worried look back at Parody, a worried look that Amethyst shared.
Parody waved dismissively, “It’s fine. You learn some of the best lessons that way.” He looked down at his hand and gave it a quick whiff, “I’m gonna go wash up.”
Derpy gave him a reluctant nod, “Alright. Dinky and Ruby are playing upstairs right now, so-”
“Got it,” Parody gave a backwards wave as he made his way into the house.
Derpy glanced at Amethyst, “I worry about him sometimes.”
Amethyst gave her a reassuring nod, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on the foals.”
“All three of them?”
“All three of them.”
The pony princesses glanced at the terrain around them, a sense of unease hanging in the air.
“What manner of foul beast confronts us now?”
A giant dog slammed onto the ground in front of them, easily four times the size of the pony princesses. It glared down at them, the sound coming from its throat a mix between a roar and mocking laughter.
“I am Barks the Destroyer! My howls are so strong that they cancel all magic! Awoooooooooo! What now, pony princesses?! How will you fight me without your magic?!”
Ruby Pinch lifted a hoof to her chin in thought, ignoring the dolls in front of her in favor of looking at the stuffed dog in Dinky’s forelegs. Suddenly she perked up. Picking up one of the dolls, she called out, “We don’t have to!” before getting up and darting over to her saddlebags.
Dinky tilted her head, “What are you doing?”
Ruby nudged her way through her saddlebag, “Hold on, I just found this again. Aha!” Pulling out the armored human toy that Parody gave her, Ruby made her way back to the battlefield and set the toy before the stuffed dog. “Beware, Barks! For now you fight Defender Shield! Guardian of the pony princesses!”
Dinky blinked, “Oh wow! Where’d you get that?”
Ruby smiled, “Parody gave it to me.”
“What? No fair. He never gave me a toy,” Dinky pouted, causing Ruby to giggle, before leaning forward to peer at the toy in Ruby’s hooves. “What is it?”
Ruby tilted her head at the object in her hooves, “I don’t really know. Parody said it was an ‘elf,’ whatever that is.”
Dinky frowned in thought, “Elf? What’s an elf?”
“It’s an acronym, actually.”
Dinky and Ruby whirled their heads around to stare at Parody standing in the doorway. Excited, they got up and swarmed him.
Dinky latched onto his leg in a hug, “Parody! You actually came!”
Parody smirked down at her, “Yeah. Some things came up, and I’m actually gonna be staying here for a couple days.”
Dinky looked up at him, “Really?”
Parody nodded, “Yep. Works out too, since your mom had some last minute delivery come up and won’t be back until… later.” He shrugged, “Not entirely sure.”
Ruby smiled eagerly, “So you’re here for the sleepover?”
“Yep. So, whatcha up to?”
“We’re playing pony princesses,” Dinky said, “Wanna play with us?”
Parody smirked, “Sure, I’m down. How do ya play?”
Dinky detatched herself from Parody’s leg and darted over to the toys. “Here, you can be the pony princesses. I’m Barks the Destroyer, and Ruby is the princesses’ guardian.”
“Alright,” Parody sat cross-legged next to the dolls. His voice pitched upwards, “Surrender, Barks! You’re outnumbered! We princesses will fight alongside our guardian with our awesome magical might!”
Dinky shook her head as she picked up the stuffed dog, “Barks’s howl cancels all magic.”
Parody paused, his voice returning to normal, “… Because of course it does.” He turned to Ruby, who sat down next to him, “Alright, guardian, guess it’s up to you.”
Ruby nodded and picked up her toy, “Your reign of terror is at an end, Barks, for now you face the might of Defender Shield!”
Parody quirked his brow, “Defender Shield?”
“Yeah, that’s what I named him.”
He smirked, “Huh, that’s actually a pretty fitting name.”
“Thanks.” Ruby blinked, “Wait, did he already have a name?”
Parody shrugged, “Eh, I always called it A-03.”
Ruby scrunched her muzzle, “That’s a stupid name.”
Parody nodded his head to the side, “It’s more of a unit number than a name.”
Ruby shook her head, “No, it’s stupid. I’m gonna stick with Defender Shield.”
“Fair enough,” Parody shrugged, before chuckling, “Still, it’s kinda funny that that’s what you named it.”
Ruby tilted her head, “Why?”
“Because,” Parody leaned in to point at the toy’s torso, “‘defender’ is actually written on its chest.”
“Really?” Ruby turned the toy around to look at it.
“Yeah. I mean, it’s a little obscured by the gash along the front, but it’s mostly there.”
Ruby furrowed her brow, “I can’t read it.”
“That’s ‘cause it’s written in English, not Equish.”
Ruby and Dinky looked up at him, “English?”
Parody nodded, “Human language.” He rattled off a bunch of strange syllables, an unfamiliar language spilling from his lips. “Pretty common back home.”
“That’s really cool,” Dinky said.
Ruby blinked, before looking down at the toy as the dots connected in her mind, “Wait, so that means I-”
“Yeah,” Parody nodded, “It’s actually really impressive how that worked out.”
“Yeah!” Ruby gave him an excited nod before turning back to the toys, “Are you ready to surrender, Barks?! You don’t stand a chance!”
“Hah! Foolish ant! I am Barks the Destroyer! My howl cancels all magic! What do you have that the pony princesses do not?!”
“This armor that I wear cannot be damaged!”
Dinky set the stuffed dog down and tilted her head with a furrowed brow, “Really? Can’t be damaged?”
Ruby nodded, “Yeah.”
Dinky pointed, “Then what’s that gash on the front?”
Ruby looked down, “Uh…,” her face screwed up in thought, “… um…” She perked up, “Lava monster!”
“Lava monster?”
“Yeah,” Ruby nodded, “A big old meanie-pants lava monster! That makes sense, right?” She glanced at Parody for approval, only to notice the look of consternation on his face. “What’s wrong?”
He gave her a weird look, “What made you come up with ‘lava monster’?”
Ruby wilted slightly, “Um, well, I mean, lava is hot, right? And heat melts metal, so I thought, you know, that it made sense. Right?”
“… Yeah, it makes sense. I was just…” Parody shook his head, “Ah, never mind. Keep going.”
Ruby nodded and turned back to the toys, “Only the great heat of a lava monster can damage my armor! Your claws and teeth wouldn’t even leave a scratch!”
“Hehehehehehehe. Well, if I can’t crush the hard shell, perhaps I can rattle the soft insides!”
With that, the battle began.
It was a grand battle of epic proportions. There was no clear advantage between the two, neither able to get the upper hoof. For all his resilience, Defender Shield was unable to land any significant strikes on Barks the Destroyer.
As the battle waged on, Dinky noticed a distinct lack of input from the pony princesses. She looked over at Parody and noticed that he was just sitting off to the side, doing something on his phone. “Parody?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you not want to play?”
“Oh, it’s not that,” he shook his head, eyes on his phone, “it’s just that there isn’t much to do as a bunch of powerless princesses.”
Dinky and Ruby shared a wince.
“Sorry, I guess we aren’t used to playing with a third pony.”
Parody shrugged, not looking up, “It’s fine. It allows me to get some work done.”
Dinky tilted her head, “Work?”
Ruby trotted over, peering at the phone in Parody’s hands, “What’s that?”
“Hmm?” He glanced up, “Oh, it’s my phone.”
“Phone?”
He held it up for her to look at, “Just think of it as a useful device that can do a lot of different things.”
“Ooh,” Ruby leaned in closer, looking at the strange letters and drawings displayed on the screen.
Dinky trotted up to Parody, “So, what are you working on?”
“Well, since my hot tub idea fell through, I figured I should do something else with the basement; I’m thinking about turning it into a lab or something.”
“A lab?” Ruby looked up at him.
“Yeah,” Parody nodded, “I figure it’s a bit harder to blow out the walls of an underground bunker.”
Dinky glanced between Parody’s phone and the toys on the ground, “Should we do something else?”
Parody shrugged, “If you want.”
Dinky thought to herself for a moment before perking up, “Ooh, I know!” She darted over to her closet, “We can play a board game. That should be fun!”
“Really?” Parody slid his phone into his pocket, “Sounds counterintuitive.”
Ruby tilted her head, “What?”
“Never mind.”
Dinky trotted out of the closet, holding a box labeled Mareopoly.
Parody smirked, “Ah, Monopoly. A classic friendship breaker.”
Dinky and Ruby shot each other an unsure look, “…‘Friendship breaker’?”
“Yep,” Parody nodded, “While it could never compare to the likes of Mario Party and Mario Kart, Monopoly has earned its place as a friendship crushing game.”
“Uh…”
“Go ahead: set it up, and get ready to join the list of people that hate me; I’m a savvy businessman, after all.”
Amethyst’s ear twitched. She looked up from her book and watched Parody stomp down the stairs.
“Can’t believe I’m first out… Yeah yeah, I get it.” He plopped down on the couch next to Amethyst.
Amethyst watched as Parody’s pout slowly morphed into a look of amusement and he started laughing under his breath. He seemed calm; far calmer than she would be given what happened earlier. She shot him an unsure look, “You’re weird. You know that, right?”
“I do,” he smirked, “May I ask what brought this on?”
As Amethyst struggled to find words, she glanced at Parody’s face. “That!” She pointed at him, “Are you ever not smiling?”
Parody pouted.
“That’s not what I meant!”
Parody’s mouth pulled into a cheeky grin, “I like to find amusement in life. What’s wrong with that?”
Amethyst sputtered for a moment, before giving him a fierce look, “You almost died today! Doesn’t that concern you?!”
He shrugged, “No, not really.”
“Why? How does that not worry you?”
Parody smirked, “Couple reasons, but it’s like you said: I almost died. As in, I didn’t. What’s there to worry about?”
“What if you had?”
Parody laughed, “Then I probably would’ve been pretty late showing up, huh?”
Amethyst glared at him, “Is this just a joke to you?”
Parody quirked his brow, “Did you expect anything else?”
“What about Dinky?! How do you think she’d react if you died?”
There was no change in expression. “Probably pretty poorly.”
Amethyst’s glare softened, “She cares about you, you know? We all do. You’re part of the family.”
Parody’s mouth twitched. Sighing, he raised his hands in surrender, “Fine. Fine.” His mouth pulled into a soft smile, “You worry too much. You know that, right?”
Amethyst scoffed, “I don’t think I worry enough. Just… promise me you’ll be careful.”
Parody gave her a wry smirk, “You overestimate how much control I have over my own life.”
She shook her head, “I’m not asking you to control everything. Nopony can.”
“Oh, I know. I’m just saying that most people at least get to roll their own dice.”
Amethyst shook her head and stared Parody in the eyes, “Can you promise me you’ll be more careful?”
“I only promise to try.”
Amethyst glared, “Pinkie Promise me you’ll be careful.”
Parody laughed, “I’d rather not. To be honest, the idea of a pissed off Pinkie following me into the next life terrifies me.”
The glare didn’t drop.
Parody held up his hands, “Look, I’m just saying: If experience has taught me anything, it’s that trying not to die usually doesn’t stop it from happening anyway.”
Amethyst opened her mouth to speak.
Parody held up a hand to cut her off, “Amethyst, I’ll be fine. Trust me.” He smirked, “And lighten up. Life’s so much more boring if you spend it worrying about everything all the time.”
With a sullen sigh, Amethyst turned away to stare forward, lost in thought.
After a couple minutes of silence, Parody leaned over to look at the book in front of Amethyst. “So, whatcha readin’, anyway?”
“Huh? Oh,” she lifted the book to show Parody the cover of Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone. “I’m reading through the Daring Do series again.”
“Daring Do, huh?” Parody sat back, arms folded, “I’ve heard of that. It any good?”
“I think so,” Amethyst nodded, “It’s about a pegasus adventurer that searches for lost artifacts in ancient temples and fights bad guys along the way.”
“Dungeon crawling,” Parody grinned, “That’s always fun. Hey, are there actually any places like that in Equestria?”
“Why? Wanting to go dungeon crawling yourself?”
Parody nodded, “First chance I get.”
Amethyst just gave her head an exasperated shake, “Well, if you do… just, try not to get yourself killed.”
Parody smirked.
“Parody!” Dinky called from the stairs, “We finished playing Mareopoly!”
He turned to face her, “Who won?!”
Ruby’s grumbling could be heard over Dinky’s declaration of “I did!”
Parody gave Amethyst a grin, “A vicious business mare, that one.” He got up from the couch and, with a backwards half-wave to Amethyst, made his way up the stairs.
Entering the room, the three of them sat down on the floor. After a bit of silence, Parody glanced at Dinky.
“So, what now?”
“Um, hold on,” Dinky got up and darted over to a small bookshelf and retrieved a book: Slumber 101: All You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Slumber Parties but Were Afraid to Ask. Sitting back down, Dinky started to flip through the book. “Ooh! Let’s play Truth or Dare!”
“Okay!”
“Works for me.”
Dinky nodded, “Okay, I’ll go first. Ruby, truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
Dinky grinned, “I dare you to stand on your front hooves for thirty seconds.”
Letting out a sigh, Ruby got to her hooves. After a moment to prepare herself, she shifted her weight onto her forelegs and lifted her hind legs into the air. Wobbling, she started counting in her head. At 28 seconds, she pitched forward too far and started to fall.
“Waugh!” Ruby tumbled forward into an outstretched arm. She turned to look at Parody, who had leaned forward to catch her before she hit the ground.
“You good?” He asked.
“Yeah, thanks.”
“’Kay.” Suddenly his grip tightened, and before Ruby could blink, she was lifted up and thrown across the room with a “Whoop!”
“Yaauugh!” Ruby screamed, legs flailing as she flew through the air, before landing on Dinky’s bed with a poff. Heart pounding, she bolted upright with a startled gasp and glared at Parody, who had doubled over in laughter. After letting her breathing even out, she spoke, “Alright, since you think it’s so funny: Parody, truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
Ruby pointed at him, “You stand on your forelegs for thirty seconds.”
“Okay,” Parody shrugged and got to his feet. Once upright, he crossed his arms and began counting. “One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi-”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m standing on my legs,” he gestured downward, “I’ve only got the two.”
Ruby puffed out her cheeks, “That’s not what I meant!”
Parody’s eyes widened in mock surprise, “Oh, you meant a handstand?” He held up his hands for emphasis.
“Yeah, that.” Ruby nodded.
He shrugged, “Okay.” Crouching down, Parody placed his hands on the floor before lifting his legs into the air. Dinky and Ruby watched as Parody’s feet rose higher and higher until they were pressed flat against the ceiling.
Realizing that having his feet against the ceiling would help Parody balance, Ruby pouted, “That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair; deal with it.”
Ruby continued to pout as Parody easily held his balance. After the required 30 seconds had passed, Parody decided to be showy and started to walk forward on his hands. He made it about four steps before his hands slipped out from under him, causing him to slam face-first into the ground before crumpling into a heap.
“Parody!” Both fillies gasped and rushed forward.
“Ugh…” With his face still pressed into the floor, Parody’s voice was muffled, “… Did I look cool?”
Ruby and Dinky glanced at each other before looking down at Parody.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Parody rolled over to lay splayed out on his back. He leaned his head back to look at Dinky. “Hey, Dinky, truth or dare?”
Dinky frowned lightly, “I don’t want to stand on my forelegs. Truth.”
“Perfect,” Parody smirked, “Do you have a crush?”
As images of a pinto pony flashed through her mind, Dinky’s face lit up red.
“Ha! That would be a ‘yes’.” Parody sat upright and turned around to give Dinky a malicious grin, “Well, I know what I’m asking next time.”
“E-erm,” fighting her blush, Dinky stammered, “Ruby, truth or dare?”
“Uh,” Ruby shot a glance at Parody, “… Dare.”
Dinky lifted a hoof to her chin in thought. “Chase your tail like a dog and try to catch it.”
Ruby slumped, “Really? Ugh…” She stood up and started spinning, running around in a tight circle. She made a couple bites at her tail, but her circles quickly became wobbly and unstable as she got dizzy. Eventually she tripped over Parody’s legs and tumbled into his lap.
Parody glanced down, “You alright?”
Ruby nodded woozily, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Good to hear,” Suddenly he clasped his hands around her barrel, “Alley-oop!”
Again, Ruby screamed as she was flung across the room onto Dinky’s bed.
As Parody and Dinky laughed, Ruby clambered upright. She shot Parody something between a glare and a pout, “Parody, truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
Ruby grinned vindictively, “What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done at work?”
Parody furrowed his brow and frowned lightly in thought, “… Define ‘embarrassing’.”
“Uh,” Ruby gave him an unsure look, “Things that make you feel embarrassed?”
Smirking, Parody quirked his brow before chuckling, “Well, I don’t know about embarrassing, but I’ve done plenty of stupid things. One time, back at Perish Co, I stuck my arm in a blast furnace.”
The fillies cringed back. “Why?!”
Parody shrugged, “Reflex. Wasn’t really paying attention. Accidentally dropped something inside and absent-mindedly reached in after it.”
“… Wasn’t it really hot?” Dinky asked.
“Oh yeah. Didn’t feel great.”
Ruby and Dinky gave each other uncertain looks.
“Anyway, you’re up, Dinky. Truth or dare?”
Dinky winced.
Well, I know what I’m asking next time.
“… Dare.”
Parody smirked wickedly, “Go jump on Amethyst’s bed.”
“What?!”
“For thirty seconds.”
Dinky gaped, “But she’ll be so mad.”
“Then you’d better not get caught.”
Dinky wilted, ears pressed to her head, “…Do I have to?”
Parody shrugged, “I mean, no, but you’re out if you don’t.”
With a groan, Dinky got up and made her way to the door. Silently, she nudged her door open and peered out into the hall. No sign of Amethyst. As quietly as she could, Dinky crept out into the hall and towards Amethyst’s room, casting nervous glances over her shoulder the entire way.
Once at her objective, Dinky pressed her ear to the door. Amethyst was downstairs, of course, but you could never be too careful; there were spells like teleport after all.
Amethyst didn’t know any of them, of course, but still…
After confirming that the room was indeed empty, Dinky slowly opened the door and slipped in. Aside from a few papers scattered across a desk, everything in the room was neat and tidy, as one would expect from the former best organizer in Ponyville.
She approached the meticulously made bed. The sheets were pulled taut, the blankets were neatly folded, and the pillow was fluffed up. The surface was smooth, not a single wrinkle could be found. Dinky gulped.
She was so going to be in trouble for this.
With a little hop, Dinky clambered onto the bed, twisting and wrinkling the covers as she made her way to the center of the mattress. Once there, she let out a breath and took a moment to compose herself. With that out of the way, she started jumping.
Bounce
Bounce
It felt…
Bounce
Bounce
… Amazing.
Bounce
Bounce
The pristineness of the bed made it all the more bouncy. The meticulously made covers added just a bit of extra bounce that made all the difference. Dinky had never had this much fun jumping on her own bed. Her mind began to drift as she basked in bouncy bliss. She really needed to do this more often, Amethyst’s bed was just so much better than-
She froze as the reality of what she was doing suddenly came back to her. Her locked legs unable to catch her properly, Dinky tumbled into a heap on the now thoroughly ruined bed. She glanced around in horror.
“She’s gonna be so mad.”
Frantically, Dinky threw herself off the bed, but the damage was already done. The sheets were twisted and tangled, the covers half hanging off the bed, and there were small indents where Dinky’s hooves landed as she was bouncing. Panicking, Dinky’s horn lit up as she tried to fix the bed, or at least get it looking even remotely like it once did, before scampering out of the room.
Once in the hall, Dinky had to stop herself from slamming the door shut. She let out a sigh of relief before jolting upright suddenly. She glanced around nervously to check the hall. No sign of Amethyst. Good.
Dinky made her way back into her room, “Alright, there, I- EEP!”
Hiding just inside the room, Parody suddenly grabbed Dinky and hoisted her above his head before throwing her.
“Eeeek!” Dinky screamed as she flew through the air.
Laughing, Ruby and Parody watched as Dinky landed on her bed with a soft poff.
Heart still racing, Dinky glared at him. “… Parody, truth or dare?”
Parody smirked, “I ain’t afraid. Dare.”
A wide, vindictive smile pulled its way across Dinky’s face as she puffed up triumphantly. If he was going to get her in trouble with a dare, she would do the same. “Go steal a cookie from the cookie jar.”
Ruby gasped.
Parody snorted, “Easy.”
Dinky shook her head, “Don’t be so sure. You’ll have to get past Amethyst. I’ve never been able to sneak past her.”
Parody stood up with a little smile, “Then allow me to demonstrate my superior stealth capabilities.”
“Hey, Amethyst,” Parody gave her a nod as he casually walked by.
“Hey, Parody. What’s up?” Amethyst glanced up from her book.
“Eh, snack run,” Parody shrugged as he made his way into the kitchen.
“Hmm,” Amethyst nodded as she turned back to her book. As she read, gentle clinking sounds began to drift from the kitchen. She blinked, ears flicking to catch the sound, as she processed what she was hearing. “… Hey, wait!” She tossed her book down and bolted into the kitchen.
Parody stood there, staring at her with wide eyes. He had the cookie jar in one hand pulled to his chest, and was reaching inside with the other. He smiled, “…Hi.”
Amethyst scowled, “Are you stealing cookies from the cookie jar?!”
Parody’s eyes lit up with amusement, “Who me?”
“Yes you!”
“Couldn’t be.”
Amethyst glared at him, brow furrowing, “…”
“…”
“…”
Parody coughed, “You’re supposed to say ‘then who?’”
“Parody.”
“Yeah?”
“Put the cookie jar back.”
“’Kay.”
Parody reached up and placed the cookie jar back on the top shelf, then turned to leave. As he walked past Amethyst, he held up his hands and shook them to show they were empty.
Amethyst watched him walk upstairs and out of view before shaking her head and rolling her eyes. She made her way back to the couch.
“… Ponyfeathers! My page creased!”
Dinky wore the smuggest look as Parody walked in the door empty handed. “Did she catch you?”
Parody nodded, “Yeah, she made me put the cookie jar back.” He paused a moment, before his mouth pulled up into a smirk, “But she didn’t say anything about the cookies inside the jar.” He pulled out three cookies from underneath his cape and held them up.
“Wow…”
“You actually did it.”
Both fillies reached out to grab a cookie.
Parody pulled his hand back and popped one of the cookies into his mouth. “Mmm, these are pretty good.”
“Hey!”
“Wha-?”
Parody laughed and held the cookies above his head, “Hey, you said I had to steal cookies from the cookie jar. At no point did you say I had to give ‘em to you.”
Both fillies pouted.
“Besides,” holding his arms out haughtily, he continued, “I get the feeling that you guys thought I couldn’t do it. Now, bow before my superior ability, and I just might consider giving you a cookie.”
Dinky gave him a pleading look, “Can we please have some?”
Parody pursed his lips. “… Fine,” he gave in and passed the remaining cookies to the two fillies and sat down. “Ruby, you’re up. Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
Parody grinned, “Are you ticklish?”
Ruby froze, “… N-no?”
“Hey now, no lying.”
“I’m not!”
“In that case,” Parody stood up, “You won’t mind if I double check.”
Alarmed, Ruby began scrambling back. “W-wait! There’s no need- Stop! Wait, please!” Upon backing into the wall, Ruby gave in, “Alright, fine! I’m ticklish! I’m ticklish!”
Smiling, Parody leaned in close, “Good to know.” He gave her side a quick poke before returning to his seat.
Ruby glared at Parody and began think of all sorts of nasty dares for him to do as she returned to her seat, “Parody, truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
Ruby faltered in her step. Truth? With all her dare ideas now useless, Ruby began racking her brain for any good questions to ask, but it was difficult. As much as she wanted ask him embarrassing questions, the way he answered her previous question made it seem like that would be a lost cause. Was there anything that she really wanted to know about him? The more she thought about it, the more she thought back to the day he came into school…
She knew what she wanted to ask.
Ruby gave a hesitant frown before looking up at him, “Parody… Does Arkus really hate you?”
Parody blinked, and then let a soft smile pull its way across his face, “Man, that really bothers you, doesn’t it?” At Ruby’s nod, he let out a soft chuckle, “Yes, he hates me. There’s a long list of people Arkus hates, but I’m easily in the top twenty. Top ten’s pushing it.”
Both fillies gave him a disbelieving look.
He laughed and shook his head, “Trust me: I earned my place on that list.”
Dinky shook her head, “But, you’re so nice! What could you have possibly done to make him hate you so much?”
Parody went silent, his mouth tightened into a frown. He worked his mouth for a little bit before sighing, his expression carefully neutral. “You ever do something that made a lot of people mad at you?”
The fillies were silent for a moment, before nodding.
“Yeah,” Ruby’s voice was soft, “My mom always told me that wine was an adult drink, and… I guess I just didn’t want to be treated like a foal. One night I broke into where she stored her wine and drank a bottle.” She paused, “I don’t really remember what happened after that, but apparently I broke almost everything in that room. I remember waking up in the hospital, and Mom was mad. Really mad.” She shivered slightly before shaking her head, “I’d never seen her that mad before. I was scared, but Doctor Horse told me that Mom was mad because she was even more scared. I was cut up pretty badly from broken glass, but they told me it could have been a lot worse.”
Dinky nodded, “I was staying over at Time Turner’s while my mom was away. He was working on something, and he told me not to touch anything, but I couldn’t help myself; I was too curious. I don’t know what it was that I broke, but I’d never heard him yell that loudly before.” She shook her head, “It was a long time before I was allowed back to his house, and it was even longer before I was willing to.”
The foals turned to Parody.
His expression remained neutral, “… It was an accident; negligence on our part, but of all the horrible things I’ve ever done, that was the worst.”
Ruby tilted her head, “What happened?”
Parody shook his head softly, “It’s better you don’t know.”
Dinky looked up at him, “Well, did you say you were sorry?”
“Sorry doesn’t fix everything.”
Dinky nodded, “I know, but… Mom always says that even if they don’t forgive you, you should always say sorry.”
Parody slumped forward with a long sigh, before looking at Dinky, a sad smile on his face. “I wish I could. I really do.”
The room was silent for a few minutes.
Parody snorted, before sitting upright with a smirk, “Well, with that mood killer, we should probably move on. What else is in that book?”
“Uh,” Dinky picked up Slumber 101 and flipped through the pages, “We could tell scary stories.”
Parody snerked, “Yeah, that’ll help.”
Ignoring him, Dinky got up and trotted over to her bookshelf to grab another book. Once back in her seat, Dinky opened the book and flipped through the pages. When she found what she was looking for, she rubbed her hooves together and grinned evilly. “Okay, I’ve got a story. It’s called: The Legend of the Headless Horse…”
“Bkwwwgh!”
Dinky gave Parody an odd look as he attempted to mimic lightning.
He shrugged, “Thought I’d add to the ambience.”
Shaking her head, Dinky returned to her story. “It was a dark and stormy night, just like this one.”
Parody glanced out the window at the clearly visible twilight sky, “But it’s not.”
Dinky grumbled a bit and rolled her eyes, “It was a clear, twilit evening, just like this one, and three ponies were having a slumber party, just like-”
“I’m not a-”
“Parody!” Dinky pouted, “I’m telling a story!”
“… Sorry.”
Dinky cleared her throat, “Three ponies were having a slumber party, just like this one…”
“… And just when the last pony thought she was safe… There, standing right behind her, just inches away was… The Headless Horse!”
“Yeeeek!”
As Dinky dramatically flailed her hooves to end the story, Ruby screeched and clung to Parody, who remained unfazed.
Settling down, Dinky grinned, though it was a little shaky. The story was just as scary to her as well. “Well, was it scary?”
Ruby nodded into Parody’s side.
Parody shrugged, “Eh, I’ve dealt with worse.”
“Worse?” Ruby asked shakily.
“Yeah, way worse. There’s plenty of things out there that are scarier than a mere headless horse. Like Fluora, she’s terrifying,” Parody shuddered. “Other monsters too.”
Ruby looked up at him, “H-how do you deal with that?”
“I dunno. Punch it in the face?”
“But, you can’t punch a headless horse in the face…”
Parody snorted indignantly, “You think I can’t?”
“Hmmph,” Dinky gave Parody a little glare, “Alright, well if you’re such an expert, you tell a scary story.”
Parody’s mouth pulled into a wild smirk, “You know not what you ask for.”
“Do you have something in mind?”
“Plenty,” he leaned back, “but what to tell...” Parody sat in thoughtful silence for a little bit before wincing. After a moment, he relaxed and let out a sigh. “… Yeah, I guess that works,” he muttered to himself before perking up, mouth pulling into a smirk. “Alright, how ‘bout I tell you the story of the Pumpkin Marauder.”
Dinky tilted her head, “That sounds silly.”
Parody snorted, mouth curling into an even wider smirk, “Oh, don’t let the name fool you, there is no silliness to be found in this tale. This story begins with a young man who had just lost everything. Barring a scant few friends, everyone he had ever loved was now forever out of his reach. Now, some people deal with grief in healthy ways. Others… Not so much. And while his friends leaned on each other for support, he secluded himself away; alone with his grief.”
Dinky frowned, “But, Mom always told me that friends help make that kind of hurt go away.”
Parody nodded, “She’d be right. While his friends healed, he grew worse; grief overcoming his heart. And when they tried to help him, he pushed them away, claiming he wished to be left alone. And while solitude is what he desired, they knew it wasn’t what he needed, so his friends never gave up trying.”
Ruby looked up at Parody, “Were they able to help?”
He shook his head solemnly, “He ran. If they wouldn’t leave him alone, he’d leave them behind. If they wouldn’t respect his wishes, then clearly they weren’t his friends.”
The fillies wilted. “But… they just wanted to help.”
Parody gave a light shrug, “He didn’t see it that way. His grieving heart clouded his mind, twisting his perception of the world around him. And it only got worse from there.
“Out in the world, he regarded everyone around him with deep suspicion and distrust. Even a simple greeting was taken as an invasion, an attack. So he pushed them away too. And when they didn’t stay away, he pushed back violently. As time went on, he kept getting worse, growing more violent as he lashed out at those who approached him. Eventually, on a distant farm, he picked up a scythe and cut down the family that had invited him in for the night, killing them.”
The fillies looked horrified, ears pressed to their skulls.
Parody glanced to the side before looking back at them, solemn look on his face. “Psychosis is a dangerous thing. You become detached from reality, and it leaves you chasing false rationale. Mothers have cast out their children, believing them to be fake. Gentle lovers become violent and accusatory, their minds full of twisted suspicion…
“And as the once gentle, empathetic soul looked down at the bodies at his feet, something clicked.”
Parody paused for a moment, glancing upward in thought, “Hang on.” He started to stand up. Once he was upright, he suddenly hunched forward, posture unstable. His breathing became haggard, chest heaving, and his movements were twitchy as he stared down at the fillies with manic desperation on his face.
Everything about him had the hairs on their necks standing up as they were filled with unease.
Soft, desperate laughter began to escape his mouth, “… You’re dead… you can’t bother me anymore…” The laughter picked up in volume as it became more erratic. “… That’s the solution, isn’t it?” As the laughter grew wild, Parody stood straight, manic glean in his eyes as he held his arms out. “I finally figured it out!” The laughter grew unhinged for a moment before he suddenly hunched forward, his eyes wild and desperate, his voice a whisper. “You can’t bother me anymore.” He collapsed to his knees, chest heaving, his broken laughter indistinguishable from sobs.
Amethyst barged into the room, “What the Hay is going on in here?!”
Parody’s posture immediately straightened, and he turned around to look at Amethyst with a light smile on his face, “Nothing. We’re just telling scary stories.”
Amethyst gave him an unsure look before shaking her head, “Whatever. Just do it quieter, okay?”
“Got it.”
After Amethyst closed the door, Parody turned back around and noticed that Ruby and Dinky had scooted back as far as they could, clutching each other in their hooves. He smiled, “Not a fan of the acting?”
Ruby found her voice, “… That’s horrible!”
Parody frowned playfully, “Really? I always thought I was a pretty good actor.”
She shook her head, “Not that, the story!”
Dinky nodded, shivering slightly, “That’s an awful ending.”
Parody shook his head, “Story’s not done.”
“What?!”
“It’s not?!”
“Not yet. Even though he had found a… ‘Solution’ for dealing with those that bothered him, he wasn’t done trying to hide away. He still just wanted to be left alone, and his mind had twisted to the point that he believed that all these strangers were after him personally. So, he tried to hide his face, believing that if no one knew who he was, they’d leave him alone.”
Dinky’s face screwed up in thought, “I guess that makes sense.”
A wry smile crossed Parody’s lips, “In theory, it’s seems like a sound idea. But in execution… He carved up a pumpkin with the scythe and put it on his head.”
Ruby furrowed her brow, “… But, wouldn’t that draw more attention?”
Parody nodded, “Unfortunately for everyone around him, a bloodstained man carrying a scythe and wearing a pumpkin is quite the attention grabber. His efforts to hide himself away only served to draw even more attention, which made everything worse. He began to lash out at anyone that dared speak in his presence, and as people refused to leave him alone, he came to the conclusion that their interference was an inevitability, and began to take… ‘Pre-emptive measures’; attacking everyone, regardless if they were bothering him or not.”
Dinky and Ruby sat back, horror written on their faces.
Parody continued, “His friends did eventually catch up to him. They wanted their friend back. But when they caught up, all they could do was stare in horror at the thing that wore their friend’s face. They tried to stop it. Whatever it was behind those eyes, it wasn’t their friend. Not anymore. It had to be stopped.
“At first, it seemed like a futile effort…”
“But?”
Parody let out a soft sigh, “This all started because grief tore at its mind. That never stopped. It tore and tore and tore until there was nothing left to tear. Under the strain, its mind shattered, its personality collapsed, and it fell into a coma. Their friend would never wake again.
“And that is the origin of the Pumpkin Marauder.”
It was silent for a moment.
“That-that’s awful!”
“How could something like that happen?!”
Parody smirked, chuckling under his breath, “Some say it’s still out there, with a manic laugh and a voice like crackling fire, striking down those that dare meet its eyes.”
Ruby gulped, “D-do you think it’ll come here?”
Parody huffed, an annoyed look crossing his face, “God, he’d better not. I’m no mood to deal with him.”
A pause.
“Wait! You mean it’s real?!”
Parody rolled his eyes, “Yeah. Unfortunately. To my eternal frustration, I’m the only person Marauder talks to. With everyone else, he’s all slashy slashy burny burny,” he scoffed, “It’s annoying.”
Dinky gaped, “Annoying?! You mean you’d rather-?!”
Parody held up a hand, “If you were in my position you’d understand. Anyway, what’d you guys think? Like the story?”
“No!” Dinky shook her head, “That was horrible!”
Parody shrugged, “Well, you asked for it.”
“What?!”
Parody smirked, “‘well if you’re such an expert, you tell a scary story.’”
Dinky frowned.
Parody perked up and clasped his hands together, “So, who’s up for another one? Wanna hear about the Monster Unicorn?”
His question was met with vigorous head shaking.
“You sure? It’s heart wrenching tale of bitterness and rage, hate and revenge.”
More head shaking.
“How about the shape shifter Amalga? Don’t worry, this one’s dead; Monster Unicorn got ‘em.”
Ruby collapsed forward and buried her head under her hooves, “No! No more scary stories!”
Parody smiled, “Alright, alright, no more scary. Hmm,” he place a hand on his chin as he thought. Suddenly he perked up, “Ah. How about a story about alien robot ponies that fight to protect Equestria?”
Ruby looked up, “Like Defender Shield?”
“Like Defender Shield.”
Ruby and Dinky glanced at each other before nodding eagerly. Anything was better than what they just heard.
“Alright, now for a trip back in time. Thousands of years ago, a spaceship arrived in orbit above the planet. The aliens aboard were proud and selfish, looking down on those they believed to be lesser species. But, as they gazed upon Equestria, their hearts melted, and they couldn’t help falling in love with ponykind. However, it was an era of monsters, and the future of ponykind was uncertain. The aliens wanted to help, wanted to step in, but they knew they couldn’t stay forever. So they decided that, in their place, they would build guardians…”
The air was still. The only sound being that of gentle breathing; the turn of a page. Amethyst sat curled on the couch, reading in silence. She let out a content sigh as she turned another page. There was nothing better than reading in silence…
Her precious silence was ruined as three figures came tumbling into the living room.
Staggering upright, Parody puffed out his chest and called out in a haughty voice, “Foolish ponies! You are naught but insects before my might! It was a mistake to challenge me.”
Dinky struck a pose and pointed at him, “Your reign of terror is over, Monster King!”
“Is it?”
Ruby posed next to Dinky, “We won’t let you harm Equestria any longer!”
Parody threw his head back and let out a deep laugh, “Well then, you’ll just have to stop me, won’t you? My children! Destroy them!”
As Parody threw his arms out, Dinky and Ruby started looking around and doing battle with imaginary opponents. Dinky was darting around in jagged lines, throwing the occasional kick at an invisible foe. Ruby was dancing around in circles, sticking her legs out and going “pew!” Parody crossed his arms and watched with a cocky smirk.
After a couple minutes, he let out a dark chuckle, “I suppose I underestimated you six. I’m impressed. But don’t think that means you can beat me, this just means I get to join the fight.”
Parody stepped forward to join the imaginary battle. Ruby switched targets, dancing around in circles, occasionally pointing at Parody and going “pew!” Dinky darted jaggedly under and around Parody’s slow, exaggerated strikes and batted at his legs before darting away.
This went on for a minute before Parody stood upright with a deep laugh, “I was wrong; you are quite formidable. But I grow weary of fighting. Keep your land; I’ll return another time.” With that, he walked out of the room.
“And stay out of Equestria!” Dinky called after him.
Once Parody was out of the room, Dinky and Ruby collapsed into giggles, which prompted Parody to walk back in, chuckling under his breath.
Amethyst tilted her head, “What was that all about?”
Parody grinned, “We were playing Sentinels.”
“‘Sentinels?’”
Dinky bolted upright, “Ooh! You need to tell her the story!”
“Another time.”
Amethyst smiled, “Well, it looks like you were having fun.”
“That we were,” Parody nodded, before looking down at Dinky, “So, what now?”
“Uh,” Dinky tilted her head, lifting a hoof to her chin, “I’ve got a bunch of paper and some pencils and crayons in my room. We could draw?”
“That sounds fun; let’s go!”
Amethyst watched with a gentle smile as the three walked back upstairs, chattering excitedly about what they would draw, before shaking her head and looking down at her book… which was no longer on the couch where she set it.
Blinking, Amethyst leaned over to look on the floor where the book had slid – pages down - while she was watching the action. Heart full of dread, she picked up the book and flipped it over to look at all the creased and folded pages.
“Buck!”
Music flitted about the room, accompanied by the sound of writing utensils scratching against paper. Dinky sat curled up next to her bed, drawing a picture of a red pegasus flying across the sky like a jagged red lightning bolt. Ruby sat to her side drawing a picture of an orange earth pony shooting blue beams of light out of its hooves.
Dinky glanced over at Parody as he reached over to tap his phone to change the song that was playing. It appeared that he had drawn a bunch of cartoons of himself. She leaned in to get a closer look. “… What’s up with your hair?”
He turned to her, brow raised, “What?”
She pointed at the page, “It doesn’t really look like you.”
“What?! You can clearly tell that that’s me!”
“Yeah, but…”
Ruby leaned over, “Your hair doesn’t stick out like that, though. It hangs down more.”
Parody threw his hands in the air, “It’s a cartoon! I’ve always drawn it that way!” He folded his arms and looked away, pouting, causing both fillies to giggle.
While Ruby went back to coloring her picture in, Dinky took a closer look at Parody’s cartoons. The first one was a picture of both her and Ruby riding on Parody’s back, with him pointing forward dramatically. Dinky smiled. The next one-
Dinky cringed. The next cartoon was a picture of Parody, twisted and mangled, splatted face first into the ground with a caption that read “parodyman64 hit the ground too hard”.
She looked up at him, “Why?”
Parody shrugged, “It’s funny.”
“How is that funny?”
“It looks silly, and it’s funny to think about the circumstances leading up to it.”
Dinky gave him an uncertain look. He seemed far too amused at a picture of himself severely injured. She shook her head and turned back to the other cartoons he’d drawn. There was a picture of him shouting about having a banana, one of him upside down in a chair, and one of him with wings leaping off a cliff. The picture was captioned “Moments before Parody realized he had no idea how to fly.” Dinky started to giggle, before she glanced back at the drawing of Parody splattered into the ground.
It looks silly, and it’s funny to think about the circumstances leading up to it.
Dinky frowned and looked up, “Parody, are you afraid of heights?”
“No, why?” Parody glanced over at what she was looking at. He laughed, a knowing smiled crossing his face, “Are there even any cliffs near Ponyville?”
“Princess Twilight mentioned something about the Everfree Forest being weird; there might be some in there. Also there’s the Ghastly Gorge.”
Parody waved her off with a smile, “Alright, don’t worry. I promise I’ll be careful to not fall off any cliffs.”
“Hmph. You’d better.” Dink turned away and started to finish coloring her picture in.
Once she was done with her drawing, Ruby glanced over at Dinky’s, giving her a few compliments, before leaning over to look at Parody’s cartoons. Dinky tuned out their voices until she was done coloring, and then looked up at the others. Ruby’s face was screwed up slightly as she looked between two of Parody’s drawings, and Parody was sitting back working on his phone again.
Shaking her head, Ruby pushed the cartoons away and looked up at Dinky, “Are you done?”
She nodded, “Yeah.”
“What do you wanna do now?”
Dinky tapped her chin in thought, and happened to glance at her makeup box on her desk. Grinning evilly, she nodded at the box. Ruby glanced over, and the same grin wormed its way onto her face.
Dinky turned to her soon-to-be victim, “Hey, Parody, we’re gonna do makeovers now, and you-”
“Okay,” Parody clicked off his phone and put it away, “Who’s first?”
Dinky faltered a moment. Not the response she expected. Still… “You are.”
“Alright,” he shrugged, “Lay it on me.”
While Ruby giggled, Dinky pouted, “You’re not supposed to look forward to this.”
Parody furrowed his brow, “Why not?”
“You’re a colt! Colts don’t like makeovers!”
“Who told you that?”
Dinky sputtered, “Th-they just don’t, okay?”
Parody shrugged, “Well, this one does. So get to it; I wanna be the prettiest unicorn.”
Ruby giggled, “But you’re not a unicorn.”
Raising his brow as if to challenge her, Parody leaned forward to pick up a spare piece of paper, rolled it up to a point, and held it against his head. “There.”
All three of them broke into fits of laughter.
As the giggles died down, Ruby went to fetch the makeup box, while Dinky started digging around her jewelry box. After sifting through her collection of bracelets and necklaces, she looked up at Parody, “I don’t think I have anything that fits you.”
“Eh, that’s fine; I’ve got some bling of my own.” He held up his left hand, displaying the ring on his middle finger.
Dinky tilted her head, “How long have you had that?”
“Whole time.”
“Huh. I never noticed.”
Parody smiled, “Well, that’s because, unlike Ms. Heartstrings, you actually look me in the eyes when you’re talking to me.” He pulled the ring off his finger and held it out, “Here, you can take a look.”
Dinky picked it up in her magic and began to look it over.
Ruby trotted over and set the makeup box down, “It’s real pretty.”
Dinky nodded.
It was a silver ring with a blue gem. The metal around the gem was shaped in a way that reminded her of swirling wind. There were also inscriptions around the gem, but she wasn’t able to read it.
“The Rending Gale Ring,” Parody said, “Ancient novacreon artifact. I got it from… somewhere…” his face screwed up in thought, before laughing gently, “Huh, I’ve had it for so long I don’t even remember where I got it.”
Ruby glanced his way, “Really?”
Parody shrugged, “It happens. Can’t remember everything.”
Dinky passed the ring back, and he slipped it back onto his finger.
Parody looked at the two fillies, “Skipping the jewelry for now, how we doin’ this?”
Dinky thought to herself for a moment, before glancing at Ruby, “Hmm. Ruby, you put on the makeup. I’m gonna braid his hair.”
Ruby nodded and picked up the makeup case. Parody shrugged and used his fingers to comb his hair back so nothing was hanging forward. Picking up a brush in her magic, Ruby half climbed into Parody’s lap and started applying makeup to his face.
Dinky grabbed a brush and started brushing Parody’s hair. Once she was sure it was smoothed out, she began to braid it. The room was silent except for the occasional short giggle from Ruby or Dinky.
As Dinky worked her way down Parody’s hair, she noticed light reflecting off of something on Parody’s neck underneath his hair. She lifted his hair up and looked closer, and was surprised to see something metal embedded in his neck. She frowned lightly and tilted her head, “What’s that?”
“What’s what?”
“This… metal.” Dinky reached out and poked it.
Parody tensed for a moment, “Careful, that’s my AI port.”
Dinky furrowed her brow, “… A… I port?”
“Okay, I guess it’s technically called a neural interface, but I don’t think that means anything to you.”
“Neu… what?”
“Here,” Parody brushed his hair to the side and pulled a glowing card out of the metal in his neck. He held it up in the light, “This is Indicium, my AI companion. Think of him as a second person that lives inside my head.”
Both fillies leaned in closer.
“You have another pony in your head?”
“That’s so cool!”
“Yeah, he helps keep me organized and stuff.” Parody twisted to the side so both Ruby and Dinky could see the back of his neck. He pointed at the embedded metal, “This is a neural interface. Basically, it lets me control certain machines with my mind.”
Parody tapped next to a thin metal slot in the middle of the interface, “This slot is my AI port. It’s where I keep Indicium,” he plugged the card back in, “Indicium says ‘hello’ by the way.”
Ruby leaned in next to the interface, “Hi!”
Parody winced and pulled back, “Hey, no need to shout,” he tapped his ear, “We can hear you just fine.”
As Ruby tilted her head in confusion, Dinky leaned in closer, “Wow…” She reached out and poked the interface.
Parody tensed again, “Careful, that’s plugged into my brain, so try not to jostle it.”
Dinky immediately pulled back, “Sorry!”
“You’re fine,” He rubbed at his neck, “I got it pretty secure, but I’d rather not take any chances.”
“So, what does he do?” Ruby asked.
Parody shrugged, “Like I said, he helps me stay organized. He remembers things so I don’t have to. He pays attention so I don’t have to. He keeps track of things, helps me stay on schedule… Kinda acts like a second set of eyes and ears.” He paused, “A metaphorical set of eyes and ears.”
“He helps with schedules?” Ruby giggled, “Better not tell Princess Twilight.”
“Oh, I won’t.” He went silent for a moment before rolling his eyes, “Indicium would like me to clarify that if I’m ever late, that it’s my fault, not his.”
As the three of them laughed, Parody shifted back into position to let the fillies continue the makeover.
“So what’s it like?” Ruby asked while applying makeup.
“What’s what like?”
“Having another pony in your head.”
Parody shrugged, “Well, it’s like having another person in my head.”
Ruby pouted and puffed out her cheeks in annoyance.
Parody laughed, “Alright, alright.” His mouth curled into a thoughtful smile, “I suppose it’s kinda like always having my dad around to clean up my room.”
“Your dad?” Ruby tilted her head.
“Yeah, that’s who I based Indicium off of. Not really a match, but it’s better that way: Just enough fatherly attributes to be nagging, but not enough to try and take his place.” He let out a soft chuckle, “I considered basing Indicium off my mom, but…” He made a face and shook his head, “No one wants their mom in their head all the time, real or fake.”
Ruby giggled, “Yeah, I think that would drive me crazy after a while.” She glanced up, “So, Indicium, what’s it like living in somepony else’s head?”
After a moment, Parody smiled, “He says it’s cozy, that there’s plenty of- Hey!” Parody playfully glared off to the side, “Seriously?”
Both fillies started giggling.
Parody smirked, “You see what I have to put up with?”
The three of them broke into a laughing fit.
After that calmed down, Dinky returned to braiding Parody’s hair. “So how’d you get it?”
“Hm? Oh, well, being a cybernetic implant, I had to have the neural interface surgically grafted to my brain.”
Both fillies made a face.
“Wait,” Dinky said, “you mean-?”
“Yep,” Parody nodded, “They had to cut me open and plug something into my brain.”
“Ugh, that’s…” Dinky shuddered at the thought.
“What? It’s just like surgery, only instead of fixing something that’s already there, it’s adding something new. Besides, think of all the cool things I can do with it.”
“Still…”
Parody glanced over his shoulder at Dinky, “I take it you’re not a fan of augmentation?”
“Huh?” Dinky tilted her head at the unfamiliar word.
“Kinda going in and changing your body to make it better. From simple stuff like steroids to promote muscle growth, to stuff like cybernetics and advanced prostheses. The idea of modifying the body to improve it.”
Unsettled as she was, Ruby still had to ask, “How does it work?”
Parody nodded his head to the side, “Well, most of it is stuff like chemical injections or grafting machinery on. I’ve even heard of people manufacturing stuff like viruses to have beneficial effects.”
Dinky couldn’t help but cringe, “Why would anypony do that?”
Parody shrugged, “Well, some people have to. For those who’ve lost a limb, it’s nice to get a prosthetic that’s as good or better than what they lost. For those who’ve lost an eye, are blind, or have some other issues seeing can get a cybernetic replacement that’s as good or better than normal eyes. People who have muscle deficiencies, or fragile bones or any number of problems can have that fixed through various treatments that would leave them as good or better than they otherwise would have been naturally. But that’s just the thing: As good…
“Or better.
“If all these augmentations are better than what we’re born with, then why not get them? Who says you have to lose your legs in a tragic accident? Just have your legs removed to make room for the robot ones and you could run forever and never get tired. Replace your eyes with ones that could see further and in greater detail.” Parody reached back and tapped Dinky’s horn, “Get a new horn that could channel even more magic than what you can now. All that and more.”
Dinky pulled back and rubbed her leg, “Would I even still be me?” She tried to imagine it, parts of her body replaced with bulky, blocky, metal parts; wires sticking out and glowing in random places. It looked… awful.
Parody shrugged, “Say you had a wooden boat, and over the course of a year you replaced each plank one by one until you had replaced every plank, and then you assembled all the original planks into another boat: Which boat is the original boat?”
Parody turned around to look at Dinky, “I can’t answer that; it’s something you’d have to decide for yourself. That line is in a different place for everyone, if it exists at all. I’ve seen people look down on anyone who has so much as a pacemaker, and I’ve seen people who go through so many augmentations that they’re unrecognizable. Only you can decide how far is too far. Only you can decide what ‘you’ is. Is it your mind? Your body? Both? That’s up to you.
“For me, I am my mind. Do whatever you want to my body, I don’t care, just leave my mind alone or else we’re gonna have a problem.”
There was silence.
As Dinky stewed in thought, Ruby spoke up, “… So, do you have anything else besides Indicium and that neural-thingy?”
Parody shook his head, “Nope.”
“Really?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it - I think it’s cool, but it’d be waste. I lucked out with Indicium; most augmentations don’t carry over, so I don’t bother with ‘em.”
It went silent again.
Dinky spoke up, shaking her head, “… I don’t think I could do it. Just thinking about it feels… wrong.”
“Yeah,” Ruby nodded.
Parody shrugged, “That’s fine. It’s not for everyone.”
After a couple minutes, the fillies silently went back to finishing Parody’s makeover.
“Hey,” Parody spoke up, “Thanks for inviting me the other day. I haven’t gotten to do anything like this in a long time.” He smirked, “I mean, it was little more girly than I’d have liked, but my point still stands.”
“Hold still,” Ruby frowned in concentration, “You’re messing me up.”
Parody laughed, “Right, sorry.”
Dinky finished braiding Parody’s hair and tied it off with a small bow, “You’re welcome, Parody. We had a lot of fun too. Aside from your stupid story, that is.”
Parody rolled his eyes and glanced back at her, “You asked for it.”
“Parody!”
He snapped back to facing Ruby, “Sorry, sorry.”
After putting the last touches of makeup on Parody’s face, Ruby pulled back with a nod.
“Done? Alright, how do I look?” Parody stood up and made his way over to the mirror on Dinky’s desk. He gave his reflection an appraising look. After giving himself the once-over, he turned back to face the fillies with a grin, “Gosh, I’m pretty.”
Ruby and Dinky started giggling.
Parody turned back to gaze at the mirror, “Hey there gorgeous, where ya been all my life?”
They started giggling even harder.
“It’s strange, you remind me of someone I know. Have we met before?”
There were soft thumps as the fillies collapsed to the floor in laughter.
“You know, meeting you here in this place… Destiny must have brought us together.”
Their howls of laughter did not go unnoticed.
The door creaked open as Amethyst poked her head inside, “Hey, just checking in, is everypony alr-?” Upon noticing Parody she let out a snort as her cheeks puffed up with restrained laughter.
Parody turned to face her, striking a pose and placing a hand on his chest. “Jealous, sweetie?”
Amethyst burst into laughter and collapsed against the doorframe, tears beginning to stream from her eyes.
As Amethyst laughed herself silly, Parody turned to Ruby and Dinky and held a finger up to his mouth before quietly sneaking around Amethyst. As her laughter died down into giggles, Parody suddenly latched his arms around her barrel, and she let out a scream as he hoisted her into the air, legs flailing. As the Amethyst fought to break free, Parody twisted around and fell backwards back into the room. Once on the floor, he wrestled with Amethyst until he was sitting upright with her pinned in his lap.
Parody looked up at Ruby and Dinky with a wide smirk, “Alright, she’s next! Get her!”
The fillies giggled with mischievous grins as they lifted the brush and makeup kit. Amethyst squirmed in her prison and gave Parody an angry pout before resigning to her fate.
The sound of chirping crickets filled the empty night sky, the moon shining down from its position amongst the stars. The air was cool, perfectly pleasant for nighttime flying.
With the fluttering of wings, Derpy landed in front of her house with a stumble, her weariness catching up to her. With a heavy yawn, Derpy opened the door to her house and walked inside. She looked around, blinking tears out of her eyes, and noticed that nopony was downstairs. Had everypony gone to bed already?
As she trotted towards the stairs, Derpy’s ears perked up as she heard bubbly voices spilling down from the second floor. She made her way upstairs and over to Dinky’s room and peered inside.
They were having a tea party.
Amethyst, Dinky, Ruby, and Parody were all gathered around a small table with five teacups in front of them – Parody seemed to have two – and they seemed to be dressed for the occasion. Ruby and Dinky had some light makeup on and were wearing jewelry out of Dinky’s jewelry box. Derpy had to stifle a laugh when got a better look at Amethyst; she was completely caked in makeup and looked like a mix between a clown and a mime. She looked over at Parody. The makeup on his face softened his features, and brought out the blue of his eyes. His lips were glossy, and his hair was tied into a beautiful braid.
He glanced over at her and flipped his hair over his shoulder elegantly.
“’Sup?”
She couldn’t hold it in.
Derpy burst into laughter and almost collapsed to the floor. Tears began streaming down her face as her chest heaved violently.
Parody grinned as he stood up, “Alright, washcloth, c’mere, help me clean this up.” He walked over to her and started rubbing his face into her side, wiping makeup onto her fur. The tickling sensation only made her laugh harder.
“Are you sure you’re alright sleeping on the couch?”
Derpy and Parody were downstairs in the living room. Everything had been cleaned up and the fillies had been put to bed. All that was left to take care of was Parody’s sleeping arrangements.
Parody waved her off, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept on far worse than a couch.”
Derpy smiled lightly, “I’m sure you have. Do you want me to grab some blankets for you?”
“No need,” Parody unclasped his cape and, with a dramatic flourish, swung it off his shoulders and tossed it onto the couch. “Viola! Instant blanket.”
Derpy giggled, “Truly, you are prepared for anything.”
Parody held his arms out, “It’s all experience.”
They both laughed.
As the laughter died down, Parody flopped onto the couch. After a moment, he turned to Derpy, “So, I was talking to Dinky about augmentation earlier.”
Derpy raised her brow, “Really?”
“Yeah, it just sorta came up. Not a fan, it turns out.”
“I think that most ponies would find the idea off-putting.”
“Yeah, but all the cool things you can get from it…”
Derpy shook her head, “It’s not always about the end result, Parody. A lot of ponies care about the journey there.”
“I know, I know…” Parody sat back. After a moment, he glanced over at Derpy, “In that vein, I gotta question for ya. Now, I should preface this with I would never ask you to change, but if you could, would you?”
Derpy lifted a hoof to her chin and looked up in thought.
Parody tapped his head next to his eyes, “I know your eyes have caused you problems, so if you had the option to replace them…?”
“Hmm. I won’t lie,” A wry smile crossed her lips, “I’d be nice to be able to fly around town and not be declared a public hazard.”
“HA!” Parody smirked, “It’s the strangest mix of insulting and flattering to have ‘you’ insurance, isn’t it?”
Derpy nodded, “Yes it is. It’d also be nice to not have to strain my eyes to bring ponies’ faces into focus. When I was a foal, I’d have taken that in a heartbeat, but now…?” She smiled at him, “I don’t think I would. After all, this clumsy, ditziness of mine, well, it’s part of my charm.” An earnest smile. “I may not be swimming in friends like somepony like Pinkie, but I think that makes the ones I have all the more special.” She paused and looked over at Parody, “It’s how we met, after all.”
Parody laughed, “Do you mean when you plowed into me as I got off the train, or the time you just wandered into a highly secure facility?”
Derpy laughed, “Does it matter?”
Parody shook his head, chuckling, “Y’know, between that and the time you woke up on an alien planet thousands of light-years away from your home, I’d be inclined to say that you get into almost as much trouble as I do.”
Derpy gave an amused head tilt, “I did?”
“Yeah; just sorta woke up and went ‘this isn’t my bed.’”
They laughed. When that died down, Derpy turned to Parody, “Would you?”
Parody smirked, “Bit of a waste, but it’d be pretty cool.” He stood up and held up his arm to look it over, “Imagine, something like a cool robot arm, maybe put a blaster on it.” He began playfully pointing around and going “Pew! Pew! Pew!”
Derpy giggled.
Parody glanced at her, smirked, and then lifted his arm to point at her, “Pew!”
“Gaugh,” Derpy clutched at her chest dramatically before collapsing to the floor and playing dead. “Bleh.”
Parody collapsed to his knees next to her and placed his hand on her. He spoke in a strained voice, “I know you don’t understand, but I had to do it. For Equestria… I’m sorry.” Solemnly, he stood up.
He pointed at her head, “Double tap! Pew!”
They both broke into laughter.
The living room was dark, a shaft of moonlight from the window was the only thing that brought definition to the open space. Parody was passed out under his cape, upright on the couch. It was quiet.
Muffled hoofsteps approached him.
Ruby and Dinky silently hopped up onto the couch and curled up, Dinky on his lap, Ruby against his side. Once comfortable, they gently drifted off.
Parody opened his eyes and looked down at them. His face shifted through a few expressions before he let out a sigh and settled on a soft smile.
“You realize it is likely that you gave them nightmares.”
Parody smirked, “That’s what they get for asking me for a scary story.” His smirk flattened, “’Sides, it was your idea.”
“…”
“…”
“I know that it bothers yo-”
“Did Entia put you up to that? He’s supposed to be leaving me alone.”
“If you want this to la-”
“I know, I know. I don’t mind, it’s just…” Parody slumped back, “Ugh.” After a moment, he closed his eyes and started drift off himself.
Ruby shifted in her sleep, nuzzling into his side.
Parody’s eyes snapped open. He sighed, “Hey, Indicium, can you-?
“Already on it. Goodnight, Parody.”
“Night.” As if a switch were flipped, Parody slumped back and fell asleep.
Amethyst had troubles going to sleep that night, and she had no idea why.
And so begins Arc/Act/Whatever 2. Act 1 was more about introducing you to Parody, and Arc 2 has a loose focus on his past.
Gah! That took so much longer than I thought it would. I went into this chapter thinking it was gonna be way easier than the last chapter, but no, I was completely wrong; it was way harder. Now, I had several people point out that I’ve never been to an 11-year old girl’s sleepover and that’s probably why I was having so much trouble; and I’m like “… Yeah, I know… I still didn’t think it would be this hard to write.” Sometimes when I write, words just flow onto the page. This time it definitely did not.
3 months… Ugh.
Also, this is another bit of proof that I just can’t do things short. I wrapped up the notes/ rough draft for this chapter and it was 30 pages long, an entire nine pages more than the previous longest chapter The Catapult Fiasco. Believe it or not, when I was envisioning this story, Breakfast Banter was the ideal chapter length, but I’ve only managed that once (probably for the best, though, looking at individual chapter view count).
But man, there was a lot of shuffling and rewriting when it came to this chapter. Before I go into some cut and alternate lines, I feel the need to clarify something: Arkus is not the person Parody wishes he could apologize to. I tried to fit this into the chapter somewhere, but it felt clunky every time I tried, so I just have to do it here. Sorry.
Cut line:
“Huh, I’ve had it for so long I don’t even remember where I got it.”
Ruby glanced his way, “Really?”
Parody shrugged, “It happens. Can’t remember everything.” He snerked, “Poor Nym. She was not amused when I told her I had no idea who she was.”
Dinky looked up at him, “Who was she?”
“Someone I hired, apparently.”
“Really?”
“I guess,” he shrugged, “She was adamant that I was the whole reason she came to Perish Co in the first place. I told her ‘that’s cool. I still remember none of that.’”
Ruby frowned, “That probably hurt.”
Parody laughed, “It didn’t do wonders for our relationship. I don’t think we were ever friends, but apparently being completely and utter forgotten stings regardless.”
I planned on using this, and wrote it all out, but then realized I had no easy way of transitioning out of it. So, here it goes.
Alternate lines:
Parody smirked, “Couple reasons, but it’s like you said: I almost died. As in, I didn’t. What’s there to worry about?”
“What if you had?”
Parody laughed, “Well, that would’ve been pretty inconvenient, wouldn’t it?”
Amethyst glared at him, “Can’t you take this seriously?”
He quirked his brow, “You’re talking to a guy named Parody, what are you expecting?”
“But, you can’t punch a headless horse in the face…”
Parody snorted indignantly, “You think I can’t? I’ll give it a face! I’ll make it a synthetic head and graft it onto its body! I’ll help it through physical therapy! I’ll teach it all the wonders it’s been missing out on! I’ll take it to dinner! And the moment it drops its guard, I’ll punch it in the face! Not only will I punch will I punch it in the face, I’ll punch its face in the face!”
Dinky and Ruby were taken aback.
Parody coughed, “Sorry, I, uh, got a little carried away there.”
Ruby tilted her head, “Could you even do that?”
“You can do anything if you put your mind to it.”
Dinky made her way back into her room, “Alright, there, I- EEP!”
Hiding just inside the room, Parody suddenly grabbed Dinky and hoisted her above his head before throwing her. “Kobe!”
Dinky made her way back into her room, “Alright, there, I- EEP!”
Hiding just inside the room, Parody suddenly grabbed Dinky and hoisted her above his head before throwing her. “YEET!”
Chapter Art:
Sleepover
To Adventure!
hit the ground too hard
Your Argument is Invalid
Moments before Parody realized he had no idea how to fly
And, since I brought it up, I can use it as an excuse to show off a piece of art I'm really proud of...
The Monster Unicorn
(I added another version of this on my DeviantArt where the monster is more opaque, in case it's hard to see)
The Rending Gale Ring
As for the inscription on the ring, it’s the novacreon script, and it reads Lacerans Procella, which roughly translates to Rending Gale.
Lacerans: Rending/ tearing/ mutilating
Procella: Squall/ storm/ gale/ tempest
(Looking it up, there are a lot of different variations of Lacerans, but this is the one I used [‘cause it was the first one I found])
In addition, Indicium was what I got when I translated “Index” into Latin.
Speaking of Indicium, he came up way earlier than I initially planned. The original idea was that sometime around the beginning of Arc 3, someone (probably Apple Bloom) would finally ask Parody who the heck he’s talking to.
When planning this chapter, I had the whole makeover scene worked out in my head (speaking of that, can you tell I have no idea how any of that works?), and I had Dinky braid Parody’s hair as a part of it, and I thought nothing of it. Well, I had my hair braided for the first time, and when I looked in the mirror, I realized that there’s no way Dinky would miss something sticking out of the back of Parody’s neck if she was braiding his hair. So, my options were “scrap the scene” or “wait and see if anyone questions Parody talking to himself, and use that as justification to move forward with the original idea.”
Well, option 2 happened, and that pretty much shaped how the entire ending turned out. Hopefully it wasn't too soon, but it's not like I can just cut off the ending.
Anyway, let me know what you think. I’ve been having fun writing this, and it’s a chance to work on improving my writing.
On that note, as much as I love working with Parody, I can’t really do anything with him that has any real emotional depth. So, to see if I’m any successful at doing that, I’ve begun working on another story. No promises it’ll be out with any sort of quickness, but It’ll be called Those We Let Fall.
Celestia never imagined she’d find someone so much like herself; who strove for all the same things… and made all the same mistakes.
We’ll see how well this works out trying to work on both stories in tandem, but I’ll keep the focus on this one for now. I’ll let you know when I make any decent progress with Those We Let Fall.
Bonus Story (I'll be doing these every now and then; short mini stories that I can't really fit into a chapter on their own. I'll probably write them in blog posts first to alleviate writers block, and then post them in the authors notes when I finish a chapter. If I end up writing too many of them, maybe I'll turn them into a supplement story, I dunno):
Ca-chunk
Ca-chunk
Ca-chunk
Ca-chunk
Letting out a sigh, Apple Bloom turned to stare at the hole in the clubhouse wall. “Ah still can’t believe that happened.”
“Really?” Parody leaned over to look in from the other side of the hole, “I can’t believe you’re still going on about that. You were there, what’s there to not believe?”
Grumbling, Apple Bloom returned to cleaning up the mess in the clubhouse, “Ah know, Ah know, it’s jus’… why?”
Parody shrugged before picking up another plank of wood and leaning back out of view. “Probably ‘cause it was funny.”
Ca-chunk
Ca-chunk
Apple Bloom glared at the hole, “How was that funny?”
“I didn’t say it was funny to you.”
Ca-chunk
Ca-chunk
Apple Bloom shook her head, “How would anypony find that funny?”
Parody leaned back over with a smirk, “Alright, Apple Bloom, I’m gonna level with ya; if we’re going to be hanging out, you’re gonna have to get use to this, ‘cause stuff like this happens all the time.”
Apple Bloom wilted slightly, “Really?”
Parody’s smirk widened as he grabbed another plank of wood, “Really.” Apple Bloom’s defeated sigh caused Parody to let out a bark of laughter, “Welcome to my life! Population: two.”
Apple Bloom just shook her head as she returned to cleaning the clubhouse.
Ca-chunk
Ca-chunk
Ca-chunk
Ca-chunk
Apple Bloom turned back towards the hole. “What is that, anyway?”
Parody leaned over, “What, this?” he held up the object in his hands, “It’s a nail gun. Instead of hammering in nails with a hammer, I can just shoot them in in one go.”
“Huh, that sounds pretty useful.”
“It’s a real time saver.” He held it out to her, “You wanna try it out?”
Apple Bloom looked at the trigger system Parody had grasped in his fingers before glancing at her hooves, “Ah don’t think I could.”
Parody lifted to nail gun to look at it, “Oh yeah.” He shrugged, “Eh, probably for the best. Wouldn’t wanna risk you nailing yourself to the wall with it.”
Apple Bloom cringed, “Can that happen?”
“Umm…” Parody leaned back out of view.
Ca-Chrrk
“… Yeah.”
Apple Bloom gave the hole an uncertain look, “Did you just…?”
Parody leaned back into view, mouth curled into a smirk, “Hey, can you pass me a hammer?” He gave his arm a couple tugs. “… Maybe a crowbar?”
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Congratz, you got featured. 9/28/2019
Implications of he'll-be-fine-in-the-next-episodism? Yeah, I suppose you can't really have a Toon like him without that, but I still didn't think of it.
I've said before that the Ship of Theseus is whichever one Theseus says it is. Of course, it turns out he was long dead by the time that the conditions of the paradox came up, so things are a bit more complicated. However, as he was a sailor and not a philosopher, I feel that he'd pick the one that was a functioning boat instead of the one made out of the original planks, at most keeping the latter around for sentimental value.
Join the voice in your head being more competent than you club.
9857427
It be like that sometimes.
9857094
I didn't realize there was a story behind that paradox; I don't even remember where I heard it. I'll have to look that up. Hopefully I didn't use it horrifically out of context, I just thought it seemed like a decent anecdote (granted, when it comes to augmentation, you aren't exactly "reassembling the original planks.")
Awww I read all there is for now. Can’t wait to see more to this interesting story! Can’t say I’ve seen this cartoon he is from but it looks like it was stupidly hilarious in some ways.
9905243
I'm glad you're enjoying the story! I can't promise a time-frame on the next chapter, but writing the next one is far easier than writing this one was.
It's not an actual cartoon (the extent of its existence is in various notebooks and the sides of my homework) but I hope I can do something with it one day. All this fanfiction stuff is practice to get my writing style down before I go forward with any actual books. Backwards, isn't it? Writing fanfiction about a character before writing his actual story.
9905675 Lol indeed very backwards. Well good luck with your quest! And can’t wait for more. And ya it sucks it takes so long to make a new chapter but it’s so easy to read said chapter.
Excuse me but me and my friends have gotten through several games of Mario party/kart without killing our friendship if you want a real friendship destroyer try bomberman on switch
Also one last thing before I go
Ahe he hem
WHERE'S THE BLACKSMITH!!!
WHERE'S THE BLACKSMITH!!!
9962543
Why single out the Switch version... wait, did any of the previous games have co-op? Point is, the multiplayer is pretty much the same as it's always been.
Also, more aimed at the author, but... Diplomacy. It's a very good political simulator, to the detriment of any players who previously liked each other.
This one still going? Was going to start reading but it's not been updated since 2019
Need more
Update?
This story was quite enjoyable. A good comic relief sort of story.
Sucks that it seems to be abandoned though. Hope you're doing good with whatever you've moved onto, Parody!