There's a small part in the first paragraph in Ember's POV where it switches from first person to third person. I'd recommend making the perspective consistent
Okay... Well, that wasn’t terrible, but it was still pretty bad. Your prose is like drinking chunky milk, and the pacing is like falling from a 20 story building. I’m not bashing you, but there are several areas of your writing that need to be improved before you move on. I can explain more in detail through DMs cause I like to keep comments short and A.D.D. friendly:D
I sighed as I twisted the scepter in my claw. To most I would seem bored, but in reality, I felt lonely. I guess it was true that those ponies say, it's lonely at the top. I looked at the scepter and sighed. I flew up the top of the cave and just flew. If some dragon needed her, they could wait till she returned. She just flew and flew, just thinking as she flapped her wings.
You switched perspective back and forth here, try to stick to one. Is it first person with Ember as the narrator? Or third person?
Other than that, pretty good! I'm intrigued to say the least.
9351345 I know, I'm typing the next chapter as we speak. Should be done by the end of the day, or tomorrow. And thx, I try and put my best into every story I write.
9351366 I was wondering why this chapter wasn't posted already, did something happen? Just a litttle blogpost or comment to inform interrested readers would be nice.
9652723 I had writer's block for awhile, but after a few failed attempts, I'm writing a chapter that I think will finally be worthy of publishing. The most recent Season 9 episode helped me get a grasp on Ember's character and mlp dragon culture.
9319347 The bandana was just a cringey fashion choice that just an unnecessary wink to the reader. It was almost as bad as Twilight's Unfaithful Student, where the main character had named his gun Applebloom and his truck Cadence before going to Equestria, yet was from a world without the show...
There's a small part in the first paragraph in Ember's POV where it switches from first person to third person. I'd recommend making the perspective consistent
Okay... Well, that wasn’t terrible, but it was still pretty bad. Your prose is like drinking chunky milk, and the pacing is like falling from a 20 story building. I’m not bashing you, but there are several areas of your writing that need to be improved before you move on. I can explain more in detail through DMs cause I like to keep comments short and A.D.D. friendly:D
9319313
Sorry, I was half asleep making most of this.
You switched perspective back and forth here, try to stick to one. Is it first person with Ember as the narrator? Or third person?
Other than that, pretty good! I'm intrigued to say the least.
9320784
Yeah, I listened to it and plan to fix the mistakes when I get home.
9320925
Understandable. You thought about getting a pre-reader / editor? Having a second set of eyes look at your story can really help.
9320962
Not really, I usually have to edit my own stories because I have trust issues.
And so it begins.
Kinda rushed there
But its ok thought
The potential is strong on this one
Liked and tracked
I want to know what happened next and good story too
9351345
I know, I'm typing the next chapter as we speak. Should be done by the end of the day, or tomorrow. And thx, I try and put my best into every story I write.
9351366
When will chapter 2 be ready to be posted?
Is this fic even a thing anymore
9351366
I was wondering why this chapter wasn't posted already, did something happen?
Just a litttle blogpost or comment to inform interrested readers would be nice.
More?
Are you Having trouble with the story's updates?
9351366
What happened?
please update this story
Is this story dead
9652723
I had writer's block for awhile, but after a few failed attempts, I'm writing a chapter that I think will finally be worthy of publishing. The most recent Season 9 episode helped me get a grasp on Ember's character and mlp dragon culture.
9652815
Thanks i can't wait to see more of this story i eagerly await the next update please keep up the good work
9319347
The bandana was just a cringey fashion choice that just an unnecessary wink to the reader. It was almost as bad as Twilight's Unfaithful Student, where the main character had named his gun Applebloom and his truck Cadence before going to Equestria, yet was from a world without the show...
9683271
What's wrong with having a dragon bandanna? I have a necklace made of some type of black marble in the shape of a horse's head IRL.
This was a epic start I can't wait to see where this goes and what happens next.