• Member Since 11th May, 2017
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Bronze Inkwell


Hello to all the bronies and pegasisters. I'm a writer for fun and I am beginning to make Youtube videos of stories that I think deserve to be told.

Comments ( 71 )

There's a small part in the first paragraph in Ember's POV where it switches from first person to third person. I'd recommend making the perspective consistent

Okay... Well, that wasn’t terrible, but it was still pretty bad. Your prose is like drinking chunky milk, and the pacing is like falling from a 20 story building. I’m not bashing you, but there are several areas of your writing that need to be improved before you move on. I can explain more in detail through DMs cause I like to keep comments short and A.D.D. friendly:D

9319313
Sorry, I was half asleep making most of this.

I sighed as I twisted the scepter in my claw. To most I would seem bored, but in reality, I felt lonely. I guess it was true that those ponies say, it's lonely at the top. I looked at the scepter and sighed. I flew up the top of the cave and just flew. If some dragon needed her, they could wait till she returned. She just flew and flew, just thinking as she flapped her wings.

You switched perspective back and forth here, try to stick to one. Is it first person with Ember as the narrator? Or third person?

Other than that, pretty good! I'm intrigued to say the least.

9320784
Yeah, I listened to it and plan to fix the mistakes when I get home.

9320925
Understandable. You thought about getting a pre-reader / editor? Having a second set of eyes look at your story can really help.

9320962
Not really, I usually have to edit my own stories because I have trust issues.

Kinda rushed there
But its ok thought
The potential is strong on this one
Liked and tracked

I want to know what happened next and good story too

9351345
I know, I'm typing the next chapter as we speak. Should be done by the end of the day, or tomorrow. And thx, I try and put my best into every story I write.

9351366
When will chapter 2 be ready to be posted?

Is this fic even a thing anymore

9351366
I was wondering why this chapter wasn't posted already, did something happen?
Just a litttle blogpost or comment to inform interrested readers would be nice.

Are you Having trouble with the story's updates?

please update this story

Is this story dead

9652723
I had writer's block for awhile, but after a few failed attempts, I'm writing a chapter that I think will finally be worthy of publishing. The most recent Season 9 episode helped me get a grasp on Ember's character and mlp dragon culture.

9652815
Thanks i can't wait to see more of this story i eagerly await the next update please keep up the good work

9319347
The bandana was just a cringey fashion choice that just an unnecessary wink to the reader. It was almost as bad as Twilight's Unfaithful Student, where the main character had named his gun Applebloom and his truck Cadence before going to Equestria, yet was from a world without the show...

“Come on Gar-Gar, let’s go talk to this Richard thing.” Garble let his younger sister drag him to Ember’s hoard, really not wanting wanting to meet Richard again.

The word has been doubled.

9683301
Whoops, might have missed that, thanks for pointing that out.

9683271
What's wrong with having a dragon bandanna? I have a necklace made of some type of black marble in the shape of a horse's head IRL.

9683393
Nothing other than it coming off as too Gary Stu to me with it being a blue dragon and the intended love intrest being Ember.

9683413
Hmm, I can see how someone can see that. But that won't be the case, at least, I won't try and make it that case.

Okay I've never actually watched any of the series I became a fan because of the fandom but is smolder really his sister

John's team have made a new HR suit that can withstand the heat of a volcano, but not magma or lava, for an extended amount of time that is.

What's the difference, in terms of heat?

9683494
Copied and pasted this from a site. Link can be found here.

Bright red lava flows in Hawaii can get as hot as 1,165 F, with the glowing orange flows getting hotter than 1,600 F, according to USGS.
And when rock is seriously melting, such as the magma within the Hawaiian volcano of Kilauea, it can reach 2,120 F, according to USGS.

The HR suit in my story is meant to protect the wearer from temperatures above red hot lava, but not orange hot lava. And since Richard came into contact with Magma, the suit stood little chance.

I hope to see a new chapter really soon

9710951
Really? I don't think it's that good. Compared to other works, this is barely anything. Why do you think it's so good?

9711308
Actually, I love the hate comments. They give insight into what I might be doing wrong and whenever I go back and read through it myself, I find them to be right. Even after a few years now of writing, I am still a beginner. If anything, I doubt myself most of the time. I read so many great stories and whenever I compare my work to their's, mine is trash.

No and, if, or, buts about it. Their is so much more to writing than just, Beginning, Middle, End. No, their is world building, character development, character relate-ability, making an arc, so much more than what people think. Yet, no one realizes it. They seem a title that looks interesting. They read the summary. They read the book. And when all is said and done, their reaction is 'Amazing story', 'meh, could be better', or 'Why did I even think this was interesting?'. Being a writer is hard. Not because of the criticizers, but the making of the story itself.

Anyone can have an idea, but building on it, that's the hard part. I have hundreds of ideas everyday. But when I try to build on them, they just fall apart like a Lego build crashing to the floor. The few I have posted were the ones that stayed together. But the deleted stories are the ones that fell apart.

9711307
By the way, you do realize you just called me, 'A complete jerk.', right?

9711438
Yep. Also, all the other Ember x human stories skip to the clop and that's it. This story was actually requested by someone. I'm just the guy making it. There will be clop, but that will be at the end of the story. I also plan for Rick to meet the ponies as well.

9712069
Dear author when's the next update coming. :pinkiehappy:

This was a epic start I can't wait to see where this goes and what happens next.

This was a awesome chapter it's awesome how he showed he is no punk. I hope he makes a herd with Ember and Smolder.

Dude, we lost the Newbie.

Oh no, not Again.:derpytongue2:

Damn, that was short but good, is the next chapter gonna take this long to be released?

This was a cute chapter and funny ,I'm happy Ember and Smolder are getting along with him. I hope Tia and Luna like him to.

9940624
Luna might, don't know about Celestia though.

9940884

Ember and Smoulder forgot the new guy was new and easily distracted by shineys.

Just hope he didnt literally bump into Blueblood.:twilightoops:

9940892
Oh, right. And don't worry, Blueballs won't come in till later.

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