Trauma
For Rainbow Dash, it felt like she had spent an eternity with her back pressed up against the wall of the dining room she had slipped into. Her violently shaking hoof was pressed tightly against her chest, where she could feel her heart hammering away as if to escape. Her lungs continued to expand and shrink with every frantic breath she took, and a few beads of cold sweat rolled down her neck.
She was so absorbed in just trying to calm down her mind, she was only vaguely aware of it when the door to the dining room opened up again, and two tall alicorn sisters quietly walked in. The door closed behind them as gently as possible, making barely even a sound. The sisters settled down onto their haunches in front of her, waiting patiently for her to be ready to acknowledge them.
After another minute or so, her breathing calmed down some more, and her unfocused eyes shifted up to take in the mares that had joined her. Celestia and Luna were both there, looking at her with worried, but patient, expressions on their faces.
Seeing that Rainbow was looking at them now, Celestia leaned forward just slightly. “Rainbow Dash?” she called in a whisper, slowly lifting a hoof. “How are you feeling? Are you going to be okay?”
Rainbow sucked in a long, deep breath, and then let it out in a heavy, withering sigh. Her ears rested against her head, and she gave her head a slight shake. “I… I don’t know…” she muttered before closing her eyes and pressing her hooves into her face with a long groan of frustration, though it might have also been exhaustion. It was hard to tell.
Celestia slowly inched closer, continuing to reach out. Her lips curled into a solemn frown, and had Rainbow looked, she would have noticed the subtle signs in Celestia’s eyes that said she was piecing something together. “...Your flashback was different, wasn’t it?” she finally ventured, making Rainbow Dash look up at her in surprise.
“Huh?”
“I have seen your reaction to magic more times than I want to count,” Celestia explained carefully, her expression turning sour at the unpleasant memories. “I caused one or two of them myself, over the years. I know how you react, and I know what you see. But this?” she lowered her voice and brought her head a little closer. “This was new. I have never seen you look so afraid before. You’re usually scared, yes, but you’re usually more sad than afraid. There are usually tears in your eyes… but there were no tears to be found this time.”
Rainbow mouthed like a fish for several seconds, her mind racing. She didn’t want to admit that she had seen Chrysalis, or that she had seen herself being tortured. She didn’t want to even remember that day, much less talk about it. After a few more seconds, though, she looked down and nodded. “Yeah… it was something new…”
Luna joined her sister in stepping forward upon hearing that, her face distraught with sympathy. “Oh, Rainbow…”
“What did you see? Can you tell us?” Celestia asked softly, finally taking a position next to Rainbow and wrapping her outstretched foreleg over the pegasus’ shoulders.
Rainbow shuddered, but slowly began to relax in the embrace. She lowered her hooves, opened her eyes, and leaned against her mother’s side for support. “...I saw her,” she relented meekly before shuddering again. She could still hear that song... But it wouldn’t solve anything to hide it, now.
“Her…” Luna pondered, sitting on the opposite side of Rainbow from Celestia. Her face scrunched with thought before the proverbial light bulb turned on. “...You mean Chrysalis?” she questioned, unable to hide the resentment on speaking the name.
Rainbow stiffly nodded her head. “Y-yeah. I saw her… t-torturing me. Back in the Empire, before you came to help us…” she explained before screwing her eyes shut, the vision replaying itself in her mind's eye.
“She… she broke my ribs… she bit my hoof… she pulled something out of me, and… a-and it felt l-like she was stealing my soul…” she choked out, trembling as she spoke. “I… I’ve never felt so scared or powerless in my life… I thought I was winning, that maybe, just maybe I had a chance. But she was just playing with me! I was just a toy to her... a snack… all I could do was scream as she…” her voice trailed off, and she sucked in another breath through her clenched teeth.
After a few seconds, she managed to open her eyes. “...I thought she was going to k-kill me…” she croaked, her voice growing quieter and quieter as tremors wracked her body.
Celestia’s expression darkened as Rainbow recounted the story, and she pulled her closer and draped a wing over her. “It’s okay, Rainbow. It’s over now…” she whispered, craning her neck down to nuzzle Rainbow on her head. “Chrysalis is gone. She paid dearly for what she did to you, and you survived.”
Luna slid closer to them as well. “I am so sorry, Rainbow… there is no way this can be easy for you. But… I must ask, did you not tell Twilight Sparkle about your condition?” she asked, a questioning look in her eyes.
Rainbow shifted slightly and looked over at Luna from between Celestia’s giant feathers. She then looked down at the floor. “...I should have told her, I know... but I wanted her to have happy memories, first. I didn’t want to tell her about something as dark and depressing as that just yet. I gotta make sure that, if she never remembers, that her new memories are worth the price. I gotta make sure that she didn’t…”
Her voice trailed off, her heart twisting as the image of Twilight’s lifeless body in her hooves resurfaced in her mind. She quickly screwed her eyes shut and shook her head wildly to dispel the image. She then sighed and rested her head against her mother's side. “...I gotta make sure her sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”
Celestia and Luna shared a troubled glance once Rainbow was finished. The former let off a quiet hum before leaning down a little more and looking into Rainbow’s eyes. “You may want to explain what happened to her when we return.”
Rainbow’s face lit up, even if only a little, at the thought of Twilight in the other room. “Oh, uh… h-how was she doing when you came over here?” she asked carefully. “I didn’t upset her too bad, did I?”
“She’s shocked and confused,” Luna explained slowly, her eyes moving to the door and narrowing just slightly. “An understandable reaction…”
Rainbow sighed and nodded before slumping against Celestia’s side again. “Right… fair enough…” she mumbled before taking a deep breath, finally starting to look calm again.
Celestia lifted her head back up, her expression hopeful, but cautious. “Are you ready to return to them?” she asked while reaching down with her hoof to lightly pet the top of Rainbow’s mane.
Relaxing a little more under the ministrations, Rainbow shook her head. “No, not yet… I still need a minute…” she replied before going silent and just focusing on breathing.
Celestia nodded in understanding. “Of course. Take as long as you need. And if there is anything we can do, please, let us know,” she reminded slowly. “You don’t have to carry this burden alone.”
“I know…” Rainbow nodded. “I know.”
A silence fell over them, Rainbow steadily collecting herself against Celestia’s side, and Luna staring off into space with a thoughtful look on her face. After another few moments, Luna looked over at Rainbow, her eyes lighting up hopefully. “If I may make a suggestion, my niece?” she said abruptly, drawing their attention.
Rainbow opened one eye and looked sideways at Luna. “Hmm?”
Luna shifted on her haunches and rolled one of her hooves as she spoke. “As you know, I have the power to enter into somepony’s dreams, and dreams are, in a sense, a manifestation of one’s innermost thoughts and feelings laid bare. There isn’t the filter of a fully conscious mind to muddy up the waters or distort the feelings. In such a space, the impossible becomes possible, and the abstract becomes tangible. If you wish for it, I could step into your dreams, and we could, in theory, find the roots of your PTSD. With time, perhaps, maybe I could help you overcome them.”
Rainbow’s one open eye grew steadily more and blanker as Luna spoke. Then, she slowly blinked before shaking her head. “Luna… simpler, please. Not in the mood for complex stuff.”
Luna looked distinctly offended at Rainbow’s words but then shook her head with a mild look of amusement on her face. “Oh, very well. I am proposing that I enter into your dreams and provide therapy. Dream Therapy, if you will,” she reiterated much more simply.
That got Rainbow and Celestia’s full and undivided attention. Both of them looked at the blue alicorn questioningly. “Wait, that’s a thing?” Rainbow asked, some of her energy starting to come back.
Luna nodded in the affirmative. “But of course. All of your truest feelings are represented in your own mind and dreams, meaning we wouldn’t have to waste time trying to find the source of the problem. We would need to merely decipher the meaning of what we see, and then we’d be able to spend more time looking for ways to overcome your condition.”
Celestia’s own expression grew thoughtful as she considered this. She lifted her free hoof to rub at her chin. “And time is skewed within a dream. It can flow faster or slower depending on the needs of the dreamer…”
“Precisely. We could make weeks worth of progress into a single session, if needs must,” Luna affirmed before returning her attention to Rainbow. “It would not be every night, mind you, as I would need to wait for an opening in the wider Dream Realm. I cannot neglect the needs of our subjects for you, I am afraid. But if nopony in the Dream Realm needs my assistance just then… Then I may come to you. What do you think?”
Rainbow gave it some thought, humming quietly. It seemed like a good idea, in premise, but she had tried therapy before. Or rather, Celestia had done everything in her power to provide therapy when she was just a little filly. They had spent almost a year on her, just trying to make progress and lessen her symptoms. However, they never made any meaningful progress, and eventually called the whole thing off.
However, this was a little different, wasn’t it? She wasn’t going to be seeing a normal therapist, who would have to poke and prod to get her to open up. She would be seeing Luna within her own mind. If what she said was true, then finding the problems would be simple.
Solving them would be a lot harder, though. But Rainbow had gotten a lot better at introspection over the years. She had to when she was trying to figure out her feelings for Twilight, after all. Plus, this would all happen when she was asleep, so her daily schedule wouldn’t really be messed with... So really, what did she have to lose here?
After a moment more of consideration, Rainbow managed to give the tiniest of smiles. She lifted a hoof casually before letting it thump against her side. “Hey, go for it. If it’ll help me get over these stupid flashbacks, I’m game,” she confirmed before letting off a quiet breath and closing her eyes again.
Luna’s face brightened slightly with a small smile as well, and she scooted just a little closer to them. Her own wing unfolded from her back and wrapped itself over both Celestia and Rainbow like a protective blanket. In turn, Celestia leaned closer to her younger sister, and Rainbow found herself completely enveloped in a warm and comforting barrier made of feathers and fur.
Her smile slowly grew. “Heh… thanks, guys…” she muttered out, basking in the embrace for as long as she could.
She’d missed this… just being with her family. Sure, she thought, she had gotten to spend time with these two and just be with them once Sombra had been defeated back in the Empire, but they had spent a lot of that time just trying to organize relief efforts, begin repairs, and, of course, tend to Twilight… and then the sisters had to return to Canterlot, leaving Rainbow and Spike on their own.
Before her thoughts could go much further, though, the barrier of alicorns slowly began to come undone. Rainbow opened her eyes and watched in mild disappointment as her mother and aunt folded their wings back up at their sides. It was Celestia who spoke. “We should probably get back to the others,” she said in a hushed tone, her eyes boring into Rainbow’s carefully. “They must be worried about you. Are you ready?”
After a few moments of silence, Rainbow gave a slow nod and began to get back to her hooves. “Yeah… yeah, I think I’m good. Let’s go,” she said, though her voice was still noticeably weak. Realizing this, she cleared her throat, shook herself, and offered a reassuring smile. Celestia and Luna shared a look, and then, together with Rainbow, made their way back out into the front room of the house.
Twilight had gone completely silent since the princesses had left, her mind racing at a million miles an hour as she tried and failed to piece together what had happened. All the others were all still sitting at that table, glancing between one another anxiously.
Suddenly, the sound of a door swinging open reached their ears, as did several pairs of hooves clopping along the floor. Twilight looked up and saw the trio return, Rainbow looking to have calmed down. Still, Twilight immediately sprang from her seat and sprinted over to them, all but shrieking to a halt in front of them. “Rainbow! Are you alright!? What happened? What did I do? What-” she went to ask, then went silent when Rainbow lifted a hoof.
“Twilight,” Rainbow said before slowly shaking her head and sighing. “I’ll tell you all about it before we go to bed tonight. Right now, just…” she looked directly into Twilight’s eyes, her expression pleading with her. “Don’t use magic on me unless you have absolutely no other choice.”
The alicorns by her sides nodded in confirmation. Twilight took a step back when she noticed the way Luna’s eyes, in particular, narrowed at her with scrutiny. It was like she was being silently judged...
Shaking it off, though, Twilight looked between them for a few more seconds before swallowing heavily. “O-okay. I won’t…” she said in a quiet and timid whisper before backing out of their way.
Luna gave her one more sideways look and resumed her journey for the table with not even a word. Celestia, on the other hoof, craned her head down to look into Twilight’s eyes and offer her an encouraging smile. “Do not blame yourself too much for this incident, Twilight. You had no way of knowing what would happen,” she said quietly before following Luna back to the table.
That left Twilight and Rainbow in front of one another in an awkward silence. Twilight looked down at the floor, her ears drooping in guilt. “I’m sorry…” she mumbled dejectedly.
To her surprise, Rainbow snorted in amusement. She reached out and lightly tapped Twilight’s chin so they were eye-to-eye again, revealing that Rainbow’s face, while still tired looking, was much more lively than it had been a minute ago. “Twi… stop saying that, would ya? It’s my line,” she said simply.
“No, it isn’t!” Spike rebuked from their side, having waddled over in the quiet without Twilight noticing. Rainbow shot him a frown, and he crossed his arms over his chest in an annoyed huff. “And don’t even think of trying to argue with me about that, because you are wrong. Now stop pouting, would ya? Your tea’s getting cold!”
Rainbow’s face lit up with mirth, and she openly laughed at Spike’s remark. She then reached over and gave Spike an affectionate noogie as she passed. “Heh. Wow Spike, when did you grow a backbone?” she asked playfully, the noogie drawing an indignant huff out of Spike.
He spun around to follow her, his claws flying up into the air in exasperation. “About the same time you decided to donate yours,” he bit, smacking Rainbow on the shoulder before falling into step next to her.
Twilight watched them go for a moment, just listening to their banter. “She doesn’t seem the worse for wear…” she thought, a small amount of relief starting to warm her heart back up. She nodded to herself as if to confirm that sentiment before starting to follow them.
Still, though…
She felt a pit of regret forming in her heart to swallow that warmth as she recalled how Rainbow had reacted to the magical hold. It had all happened so fast. Rainbow’s eyes had flown wide open, and she was suddenly screaming and thrashing like a pony possessed. She had looked terrified, and more than once screamed out for help, like she was in pain.
Almost everypony else began to shout over each other at once, trying to tell her to stop it, to let Rainbow go, but their voices had all blended together. She had felt so overwhelmed that, for a moment, she had locked up, not sure how to respond. It had taken Spike running over and shaking her to snap her out of it, and only then had she released Rainbow.
She had looked so scared...
“Twily?” Shining’s voice interrupted her thoughts, and she came to a stop to look sideways at him. Alongside their parents, Shining wore an expression of concern. “Are you okay?”
Twilight thought for a moment, biting her lip uneasily. “Uh… I…” she muttered quietly before lifting her eyes to watch as Rainbow settled back down into one of the loveseats, this time with Spike joining her. They made eye contact with Twilight, and Rainbow waved her over, beckoning her to join them.
With a hopeful look in her eyes and the warmth returning, Twilight looked at her family again. “I think so, yes,” she stated with more confidence in her voice.
And with that, she stepped forward to join her former lover and her number one assistant, ready and eager to hear more stories of her fillyhood. Rainbow gave her a pat on the shoulder as she got settled, and then they looked back at the table. “Okay, where were we?” she asked, reaching for her tea.
Velvet clopped her hooves together and leaned forward with a vile smirk starting to spread on her face. “Oh, I know! I was about to lighten the mood by getting out the foal photos...”
Her tea forgotten, Rainbow stood up. “I’m leaving.”
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Oh that's brilliant. Dream therapy, eh? Didn't think of that. No beating around the bush, and Rainbow is already extremely comfortable with Luna. Let's hope this helps.
HA
Really good job on this latest chapter. Indeed, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up were all set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked Rainbow's chat with Celestia concerning the "trigger", Luna's offering to help Rainbow through dream therapy AND Spike and Rainbow's playful banter when the latter and Twilight were apologizing to each other.
Hmm...
In a way, Luna's idea may actually help Rainbow get over what happened...
oooh, Foal photos
Ahhh. That's what Luna got lodged up there. Since 'Tia jumped the
sharkunicorn on the whole wing-thing, instead of letting it happen on its own, Lulu's wondering if she's ready, or Worthy. Or worse, if she's at risk of becoming the second Fallen Alicorn.Especially with the sucky situation she woke up in being something that would certainly be capable of fostering negative emotions. Even with everypony trying their hardest to be supportive and understanding.
9561539
No, not quite...
Nowadays she's all 'bark' and no bite.
Well, it worked for Twilight in Change... Sort of...