The Life and Times of Spike and Rarity

by Silver Wit

Pearls Before Swine: Part 1

Unbeknownst to anypony in the world, a great battle of wills was happening inside Ponyville’s own Carousel Boutique. A small unicorn filly was in the fight of her life as Sweetie Belle grit her teeth and used all of her resolve to endure the tortures she was being subjective to. It started out simple enough but as the minutes turned into hours, she felt her strength give out and with every second that passed her desire to go on dwindled like a burning match. She couldn’t take it anymore! She had to fight back! Sweetie Belle’s hoof twitched and she slowly lifted it up.

“Don’t move!”

“But Rarity!” Sweetie whined. “My nose is itchy!”

“Sweetie Belle I don’t care if your mane is one fire, just stand still so I can finish my alterations!” Rarity’s words were as sharp as the needle threading and weaving in and out of the dress that Sweetie Belle was wearing.

“This is taking forever! And why isn’t Spike helping you with this?”

“Because, if you haven’t noticed, Spike doesn’t fit into any of my dresses anymore, now I’m almost finished so stop complaining and don’t you dare move a muscle or so help me Celestia-“

There was a knock at the door.

“Who could that be? Don’t move Sweetie.” Rarity pulled herself away from her project and answered the door. On the other side was a mailmare with a grey coat and a yellow mane with a pair of golden eyes.

“Letter for Rarity!” she announced.

“Good morning Derpy.”

Derpy blinked her uneven eyes. “Oh hiiiigh Rarity! I have a letter for you!” Her wing dug into her saddlebag and pulled out a golden envelope with a red seal.

“Thank you darling. Oh just a moment!-“ Rarity summoned a blueberry muffin. “- For your troubles.”

Derpy happily took the muffin and popped the whole baked good in her mouth. She gave Rarity a salute and flew off to continue her route.

Rarity shut the door and inspected the envelope. It was the most impressive piece of stationary Rarity ever laid eyes on, even the invitation to the Grand Galloping Gala paled in comparison to the lustrous beauty the letter received, on top of the gorgeous calligraphy used to spell her name. The back of the envelop was sealed with wax and had what looked like a comb with a bee stamped into the red adhesive.

“What’d you get Rarity?” Sweetie Belle asked, continuing to stand perfectly still.

“A rather beautiful gilded letter. Can’t say I’ve ever seen this seal before, only one way to find out who sent it. “Rarity opened the letter and began reading. As her eyes scanned from top to bottom her jaw slowly dropped and as soon as she was done reading, began to jump around the boutique floor laughing, cheering and crying out, “At last! At last!”

“What’s got you in such a great mood?”

“Sweetie Belle! I got a letter from Pish Posh! The Pish Posh! One of the leading names in fashion has written me a letter!”

“Well what does it say?”

Rarity cleared her throat, “Dear Rarity. First and foremost, I’d like to say how impressed I was by one of your designs. Fleur De Lis told me that your skilled hooves crafted the wonderful dress she was wearing. It was sleek, bold an absolute tour de force and most of all it had a style the likes of which I’ve rarely ever seen in the industry. You simply must attend my next soirée in Canterlot. I’d love to pick your brain and get to know one of the finest seamstresses in Equestria personally. Signed Pish Posh.” Rarity squealed in delight and held the letter to her chest.

“Can you believe it Sweetie Belle? I have a chance to meet with one of the greatest designers in the world! The name ‘Rarity’ will be a household name if I play my cards right!”

A soft fluttering drew Rarity’s attention as two pieces of paper fell to the floor. “What’s this? ‘P.S. here is your ticket to the soirée, as well as one for a guest of your choosing. I’m sure a pony of your talent and statues keeps company as exquisite as the clothes she makes.’”

Sweetie Belle was excited and if she didn’t currently have a number of needles so close to her skin she’d be bouncing up and down. This is PERFECT! “Ooo, Ooo! I know who you can invite!”

Rarity chuckled, “Sweetie, while I appreciate your enthusiasm in wanting to mingle with high society, this is more of a party for grown ups, not fillies and colts.”

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. “Not me, Spike.”

Rarity’s pupils turned to pinpricks and a few beads of nervous sweat started to build up on her brow. “Uh… Spike?”

“Yeah! He’s a perfect plus one! He’s funny, he’ll hold the door open for you, compliment you on your dress and he’s fun to talk to. Did I mention he’d compliment you on your dress?”

Rarity was finding it hard to look Sweetie Belle in the eyes so she decided to admire one of her window displays. “Oh, um, heheh, Sweetie Belle, while that is a darling idea, I’m sure Spike has better things to do then attend a party such as this. Best to leave him be.”

“I’m pretty sure if you asked him to go, he’d clear his schedule.”

“This is just so exciting!” Rarity exclaimed, not listening to Sweetie Belle anymore. “And challenging… I need to bring an impeccable guest to introduce to Pish Posh and show the kind of ponies I associate with and the finest dress in my wardrobe. Dress first, guest list later.” Rarity trotted out of the room talking about what dress would be best suited for the party to herself, leaving a hapless Sweetie Belle in an ill-fitting dress impersonating a statue at the Canterlot gardens on the shops' show floor alone.

“Rarity? Rarity!... I need a bathroom break!”

---

Among the countless trees at Sweet Apple Acres lies a small rose-colored clubhouse with a brick colored roof, with yellow railing and blue-planked ramps leading to the door. This little abode is the headquarters of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Ponyville’s dream team problem solvers supreme.

“Thanks for coming on such short notice girls,” Sweetie Belle said from behind the podium.

“Well you did say it was important,” Scootaloo replied.

“An’ Ah live right over there-“ Applebloom pointed in a vague direction towards the Apple family farm. “-so what’s wrong? We got us another cutie mark problem?”

Sweetie Belle shook her head. “Nope, but it’s super duper important. Maybe one of our most important missions yet! Rarity just got an invitation to a big party in Canterlot.”

Applebloom looked at Sweetie as if she were pulling her leg. “…An’ what do you need us fer?”

“Rarity needs a plus one, so I need your help to finally get her together with-“

“Uhp, uhp, uhp! Stop right there,” Scootaloo interjected. “I thought we agreed on no more matchmaking.”

“Sweetie Belle, Ah know you jus’ wanna help yer big sis, but we really should keep our noses clean outta this.”

Sweetie raised her hooves defensively. “I know, I know, but hear me out. I know the absolute perfect guy for Rarity. He’s kind, funny, tall, strong, handsome, a true gentlecolt, already knows my sister’s likes and dislikes and treats her as if she were an actual princess.”

Applebloom and Scootaloo looked at each other in confusion and then they started laughing like they heard a Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich stand up routine.

After a few seconds Applebloom’s laughter petered out. “Sorry ‘bout laughin’, it’s jus’ Ah never knew there was somepony perfect for Rarity. Uh, no offense.”

Scootaloo wiped a tear from her eye. “If I didn’t know any better Sweetie Belle, I’d think you’re trying to set Rarity up with Spike.”

The only response Sweetie Belle gave as she leaned forward on her podium was a single raised eyebrow and a knowing smirk. Realization finally struck the other two crusaders like a bolt out of the blue and both let out an, “Ooooohhhhhh!”

“Well that makes sense,” Scootaloo said

“Yeah! Spike and Rarity go together like… like apple and cider.”

“Exactly!” Sweetie Belle chirped. “And I think this party is the perfect chance for Rarity to get some one on one time with Spike. They’ll mingle, eat tiny food, drink fancy juice and oooh! Maybe they’ll share a dance! And confess their love for each other under the moonlight.”

“We get it Sweetie Belle, we get it,” Scootaloo said rolling her eyes. “you sure had a lot of time to think about this didn’t you?”

Sweetie Belle’s face resembled an embarrassed rose. “Well… maybe a little bit of time, heh.”

“So what do ya need our help fer?”

“I’m glad you asked Applebloom.-“ Sweetie took out a scroll and unraveled it. “-I copied Rarity’s list of all her potential plus ones. All we have to do is make sure everypony on this list is busy on the night of the party and then she’ll have to ask Spike.”

Scootaloo scratched her head. “But why doesn’t she just ask Spike to go with her?”

“Because she’s too nervous. You should’ve seen Rarity’s face when I suggested taking him. She looked like she’d die from embarrassment if she asked Spike to the party. So I thought we could help her by narrowing down her options and maybe give her the courage to ask him out herself.”

Scootaloo eyed the date scribbled on the scroll. “Hmm… I know Rainbow Dash can’t go. She, Soarin and Spitfire are attending a conference in Canterlot that night.”

Sweetie Belle crossed out Rainbow Dash’s name from her list. “Well that’s one name off the list, thanks Scootaloo.”

“Ah don’ know, Ah still have a bad feelin’ ‘bout this… Buuuuut Ah do wanna go campin’ with Applejack. An’ if she jus’ so happens to pick that day to go, who am Ah to say no?”

“And that’ll be another name off the list. So, does this mean you guys will help me?”

“Well, I still don’t know if this is the right thing to do. But I think I can play matchmaker one more time.”

“Ah’m in! Ah always thought they’d make a great pair!”

Sweetie Belle held her hoof out, with Applebloom and Scootaloo holding out theirs. “Thanks girls, I couldn’t ask for better friends. Let’s start by looking around for any and all events, functions, festivals, try-outs or anything to keep these ponies busy!”

“Sounds good to me, now let’s go get Rarity the dragon of her dreams!”

“One last job fer the Cutie Mark Crusader Matchmakers!”

All three fillies threw their hooves in the air and cheered, then galloped out of the tree house, jumped into their wagon with Scootaloo at the handle of her scooter and took off towards Ponyville on their mission of love.

---

The next day Rarity stepped out of the boutique and took a deep breath of the fresh morning air and exhaled a content sigh. “Ahh, what a beautiful day.” Rarity was feeling like she was truly at peace. She found the perfect dress and made a list of the best possible candidates to take with her to Pish Posh’s party. She got the right amount of sleep leaving her totally refreshed and full of vigor and her morning coffee was one of the best she’s ever brewed. Yes, today was going to be great, Rarity could feel it from the tip of her horn to the last curl of her tail.

With a spring in her step she trotted off down the road with a list in her magical grasp. “Let’s see, I think I’ll ask Twilight first. I’ll be the talk of the town when I stroll into Pish Posh's abode with the Princess of Friendship of all ponies.”

“Oh my stars! Princess Twilight, it is such an honor to have you here! Rarity I can’t believe you invited the Princess of Friendship to my soirée, I’m oh so impressed, you certainly keep the most exquisite of company.”

“Why thank you Pish Posh, I like to surround myself with only the most upstanding ponies around.”

Rarity giggled to herself as her mind played out her little theatre production. Perhaps it wouldn’t be as grandiose as that, but a mare can dream can’t she?

Rarity walked to the School of Friendship and made a beeline to Twilight’s office. “I’ll have to make the perfect dress for Twilight, her Grand Galloping Gala gown is splendid, but she’ll need something fresh, something bold. Hmm, I wonder if her coronation gown would be a little too perfect.”

Rarity strolled through the doors of Twilight’s office and found the Headmare diligently going through lists and charts, mumbling about budgets and field trips. Much to Rarity’s surprise, you could actually see Twilight instead of a wall of books.

“Good morning Twilight!”

Twilight looked up from her charts and greeted her friend, “Good morning Rarity! How are you doing today?”

“I’m doing well thank you. Twilight do you have moment?”

“Of course I do. What can I help you with?”

Rarity pulled out her extra ticket. “I’m glad you asked darling, I have been invited to the most important soirée in Equestria. And this is my plus one ticket to Pish Posh’s private gathering with Canterlot’s elite and you were the first pony I thought of bringing. Just imagine it darling, you and me in Canterlot high society, rubbing elbows with the biggest names in the fashion world. Oh, can you just imagine the splendor of it all? Can you just imagine it?”

Twilight looked perplexed at her friend’s sales pitch but nodded good-naturedly. “Uhh, sounds great Rarity, I don’t know about all that splendor stuff, but I’m honored that you want to invite me. When’s the party?”

“Next week.”

Twilight’s ears folded back. “Oh, um, sorry Rarity but I can’t go. I already made plans for next week. –“ Twilight levitated a flyer from her desk. “-An antique roadshow is coming to Ponyville and I promised a friend we’d go together.”

Just then the doors to Twilight’s office opened and Flash Sentry trotted in, his eyes were focused on the unfurled scroll in his wing. “Hey Twilight, I made all of the arrangements to have off for the roadshow. You know I’ve never gone antiquing before, not even with my grandparents, but the way you talk about it makes it sound like so much fun.”

Flash looked up from his schedule and noticed that Twilight had company. He quickly hid the scroll in his armor and saluted. “Oh, g-good morning Ms. Rarity! Lovely day isn’t it?”

Rarity looked between the befuddled captain and her rose tinted friend. “Oho, I see,” Rarity said with a mischievous smirk. “Well it’s a shame you can’t go to the party, but have fun antiquing.” She whispered, “Good for you darling.” And gave Twilight a wink.

“Uh, thanks?”

Rarity giggled as she turned away and left, suffice to say she had some juicy gossip to share with the girls later. But she still needed a guest, so with Twilight’s name crossed off the list Rarity moved on to the next potential plus one.

---

The sweet sounds of chirping birds filled the air as Rarity entered the outskirts of Ponyville proper, taking a path on the edge of the Everfree Forest, which lead to a quaint little cottage where a kindly pegasus calls home.

“Fluttershy may not be a princess, but she’s still an ideal plus one,” Rarity thought aloud. “I’m sure Pish Posh will recognize Fluttershy from her time as a model. And I already have the perfect design for her dress in mind. A soft green, with a train just shy of the floor, perhaps a pearl necklace. Oh so many options!”

“Well I’ll be! You’re Fluttershy are you not? I recognize you from those fabulous pictures from Photo Finish. Rarity I can’t believe you invited such an influential model to my soirée. I’m oh so impressed!”

“Why thank you Pish Posh, I like to surround myself with only the most upstanding ponies around.”

Rarity continued on her path until she came to an empty plot of land. Rarity tilted her head in confusion. Strange, this is where Fluttershy’s cottage was, right? Her ears twitched as she heard the sound of a pair of laughs coming from above her. Fluttershy’s cottage was floating and spinning in the air. There was only one reason why her cottage was so topsy-turvey.

“Typical chaotic tea party I see,” Rarity cleared her throat and called out, “oh Fluttershy! Fluttershy? Do you have a moment darling?”

Fluttershy peeked her head out of her rotating door. “Oh, of course Rarity! I’ll be right down!”

Fluttershy flew down to where Rarity stood, but something was off about the pegasus pony. For one her butter yellow coat was green and she had what looked like a rose bush growing out of her hips. Her hooves were clasped around a butterfly net with a flying sandwich caught in the webbing.

“Oh, uh, hello Fluttershy. I’m not interrupting anything am I?” Rarity asked as she rubbed her eyes and looked over her friend’s strange appearance.

Fluttershy giggled, “Not at all. Discord and I were just in the middle of catching our sandwiches.”

As if on cue, Discord appeared in a flash of light, he was green and had roses on his hips too, but he was also coated in a layer of sticky, amber colored goo. Rarity assumed it was honey. “It’s a great way to work up an appetite,-“ Discord plucked his sandwich from his net and popped it in his mouth. “-and it was Fluttershy’s idea to make things a bit more sporting.”

“It’s much more fun to catch these wonderful cucumber sandwiches in a spinning cottage than one that’s not spinning. So how can I help you Rarity?”

Rarity was still reeling at what she’s seen and heard in the last minute or so but found her voice eventually. “Y-yes, well, I was just wondering if you’d like to accompany me next week as my plus one to the most important parties of the year hosted by the biggest name in the fashion world, Pish Posh!”

"Oh, um, next week? Like, next week, next week?”

Rarity had a bad feeling in her stomach about where this conversation was going. “Yes, next week.”

“I’m so sorry Rarity, but I can’t go. There’s going to be a big tea festival at Rainbow Falls and I already promised Discord I’d go with him.”

Discord nodded eagerly. “Mmhmm, a little pegasus told me about it and I could not pass up a chance for some new blends for our tea party. Personally I’m hoping they have something like black licorice or Camembert cheese tea.”

Rarity sighed in defeat, “Well have fun at the festival you two. Thank you for your time Fluttershy.”

Rarity trotted off back down the path to Ponyville, crossing another name off her list. “And that’s two. But that’s alright, I still have Applejack as a potential guest. I’m sure with her experience with the Manehattan upper class she’ll be a shoe in for a great plus one.”

“Well I say Rarity, your friend here has greatly surprised me. Not only does she know the Hoofingtons by name but she’s also the farmer of the finest apples in all of Equestria. I can’t believe you invited such a hardworking pony with such rich family ties to my soirée. I’m oh so impressed!”

“Why thank you Pish Posh, I like to surround myself with only the most upstanding ponies around.”

---

“Sorry Rarity, but Ah’m gunna have ta decline.”

Rarity felt her eyes twitch and her purple curls splitting. “What? Are you sure? I mean are you really, really sure you can’t come?”

Applejack nodded. “Ah’m sure. Ah promised Applebloom we’d go campin’ and that jus’ happens to be the day Ah said we’d go out to White Tail Woods.”

“And I get to go too!” Autumn Blaze sang out. She set the bushels of apples she was carrying and trotted up to the pair of ponies and threw a foreleg around Applejack's shoulders. “I’m so excited to go camping! I’ve never done it before, well unless you count that time I was kicked out of my village and I had to live on my own, away from everypony I knew. But that was because I had nowhere else to go, and AJ said that going out and being with nature on a camping trip is meant to be fun and relaxing so I’ll trust her experience and see if it holds up.”

Rarity groaned as she smacked her forehead with her hoof. “Thank you anyway Applejack,” she said through her teeth.

“You ok sugarcube? You look awfully miffed.”

“Miffed? Moi? Not at all darling, what makes you say that? After all, I still have more ponies to ask. They can’t all be busy. Everything is going to be alright.”

---

“Everything is not alright!” Rarity cried as she flung herself onto her fancy couch.

Sweetie Belle beamed, it looks like her plan had worked perfectly. “Oh no, what’s wrong Rarity? Why so glum?” she asked in feign concern.

Rarity draped a foreleg across her eyes. “Oh Sweetie Belle, this is terrible! Everypony on my list has plans next week! Twilight is going antiquing, Fluttershy is going to a tea festival, Applejack is going camping, Rainbow Dash has a Wonderbolts conference, Starlight is helping Trixie with a magic show, Maud is going with Mud Briar to the petrified forest and Pinkie Pie is applying to the ‘Ministry of Silly Trots!’ What in the name of Celestia is that?!”

“Beats me, but apparently the grant Pinkie can get from them can fund a ton of parties.”

Rarity eyed her sister critically. “And just how do you know that?”

Sweetie Belle’s eyes darted around the room as if trying to find an answer on the wallpaper. “Uh, because I ran into her earlier and we were talking about it.” Which wasn’t a lie.

“What am I going to do?” Rarity asked in dramatic flamboyance. “The party is in a week and all of the best plus ones are busy! I can’t let Pish Posh’s ticket go to waste, if I show up without a guest it would be a grave insult, like this event hosted by one of the biggest designers isn’t good enough for my friends. That’s it I’m finished. The greatest opportunity of a lifetime just flew out the window with not so much as a by your leave all because nopony has an opening in their schedule!”

Rarity summoned a carton of her favorite brand of vanilla oat swirl ice cream and began drowning her sorrows in the creamy confectionary.

“Well I wouldn’t say all of the best plus ones are busy. There’s still one you haven’t asked yet,” Sweetie Belle said with a hint of smugness.

Rarity nearly choked on her ice cream spoon. “W-what? Really? Whom do you know?” she asked in desperation.

“Spike!”

Rarity’s eyes started twitching again. “Eh hehehe, now Sweetie Belle, I thought we discussed this. I can’t invite Spike.”

Sweetie tilted her head. “Why?”

"Because I’m sure Spike’s schedule is booked solid as well. Helping Twilight at the school or the castle is a full time job.”

“Again, I’m pretty sure if you asked him he’d clear his schedule.”

“W-well that may be true, but you see, uh, I don’t think Spike… is used to interacting with high society.”

“But didn’t he and Twilight used to live at the castle with Princess Celestia? He must have interacted with some high society ponies.”

“Uh, yes but-“

“And weren’t you going to invite Applejack?”

“Yes… Yes I was, but Applejack has experience with the Manehattan upper class from when she was a filly. I’m sure she’d have done just fine with a little brushing up on etiquette.”

“Then why don’t you give Spike a brushing up? I’m sure you could give him a few pointers to help him fit in.”

Rarity waved her hoof dismissively. “Oh Sweetie Belle, that’d take far too long. I’d also have to design a new suit for him and I simply don’t have that kind of time.”

“So you can make an entire new wardrobe for Sapphire Shore, but not a single suit for a dragon? I’ve seen you do more with less.”

“Well he’s not as small as he used to be, I’d have to take his measurements and make sure I have enough fabric and-“

Sweetie Belle grabbed Rarity’s ice cream with her magic and looked Rarity in the eyes. “Look Rarity, the way I see it, you have two choices. One, you invite Spike and spend the next few days making him a suit and teach him some lessons in etiquette. Or two, you go to the party without a plus one and see how you fair with Pish Posh’s standards. So. What’s it going to be?”

Rarity bit her lip as she tried to think of another option, another reason or another half–truth. But the more she tried to think of a way out the more she realized just how backed to the wall she was. Surely going to the party with Spike wouldn’t be so bad. And there were certainly worse options than Spike. Like showing up alone.

Rarity hopped off her couch. “Alright Sweetie Belle, I’ll go ask him right now. I’ll be back momentarily.” Rarity left the boutique in a brisk trot.

As soon as the door closed Sweetie Belle pumped her hoof in victory. “YES! I did it! Sorry for pushing you so hard Rarity, but you’ll thank me for this later. Soon you’ll have the special somepony you’ve always deserved.” Sweetie Belle skipped away happily snacking on Rarity’s ice cream.

---

“Just go to the castle, invite Spike and tell him to be at the shop tomorrow morning, how hard is that?” Rarity said giving herself a last minute pep talk. “Exactly, it’s not hard you silly filly. Why in the name of Equestria would you think that? Just because you’re going with Spike to Pish Posh’s soirée doesn’t mean a thing.”

The Castle of Friendship came into view and Rarity picked up her pace. But as she came closer and closer to her destination, her head started to ache and her thoughts became cloudy like somepony stirred up the mud on the bottom of a pond.

Ugh, Rarity! Why would you ever invite such an uncouth guest to my party?

Rarity shook her head.

What an uncultured and boorish dragon! What kind of pony associates themselves with such poor company?

Rarity shook her head again.

How dare you ruin my soirée with such an immature and ignorant dragon! You’re clearly not the kind of pony I’d ever want to associate with Rarity! Such poor judgment is beyond any and all excuses!

Rarity shook her head so vigorously that she nearly tripped on the first steps to the castle.

“Keep it together darling,” she whispered to herself. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Spike’s your friend, one of your nearest and dearest friends. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize your night nor your chances with Pish Posh. You’re being ridiculous.”

Rarity gave her mane a little magical touch up before she opened the door. Inside she found Spike, Discord, Big Macintosh, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie in their full Ogres and Oubliettes gear, with the foyer transformed into their make believe battlefield.

“No Discord,” Spike groaned.

“Oh come on! I have the absolute best campaign to try out! A band of powerful heroes squaring off against the mightiest dragon in the land.”

“And I already told you, I like being a wizard. Plus I just leveled up and I really want to try out my new spells.”

Perhaps I’ve bitten off more than I could chew. No! Everything will be fine. Rarity thought in a slight panic. She collected herself and cleared her throat to grab Spike’s attention.

“Oh hey Rarity!” Spike exclaimed cheerily, but then blushed when he remembered what he was wearing in front of his long time crush. “Uh, um, h-how can I help? You. How can I help you, is what I’m wondering, heheh.”

“Good afternoon Spiky,” Rarity said turning on her best charm. “I’m glad I caught you before your game. Do you have a moment?”

“Sure do, heck I’ll give you two moments if you want.”

“Splendid! You see I’ve been invited to the most important social gathering of my career and I’m in need of a plus one and I was wondering if you’d like to join me?” Rarity finished her sentence by fluttering her alluring lashes.

“A-a-a-a party? With you? W-well I, uh, what I mean is, I-I-I-“

Rainbow Dash flew up and pinned Spike’s stammering mouth closed. “I think what Spike’s trying to say is that he’d love to go with you to the party. Right Spike?”

Rainbow Dash loosened her grip to let Spike speak. “Y-yeah. Yeah I’d love to go!”

“Oh that’s wonderful news Spiky Wikey! Now, we’ll need to go over some dos and don’ts to prepare you for Canterlot high society and you’ll need something to wear. Be at the boutique tomorrow morning and I’ll take your measurements and give you some lessons in etiquette. Have fun with your game and get some rest, we have a big day ahead of us.”

“Can’t wait! See you tomorrow Rarity!” Spike waved enthusiastically as Rarity left the castle and for a few moments the room was totally silent as if everypony forgot how to speak or that their tongues were impishly stolen by Discord. Then Rainbow Dash threw as much of her foreleg around Spike’s neck as she could and put him in a sort of headlock and used her other hoof to give him noogies.

“Hey-hey good for you big guy! This is it! This is the chance you’ve been waiting for!”

Big Mac gave him a firm congratulatory slap on the back. “Eeyup!”

“OOH, OOH! This calls for a celebration! What do you think of a ‘Spike and Rarity are finally going on a date’ party? I’ll make green and purple cupcakes and have a fountain of that sparkly grape juice Rarity likes so much!”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at the pink bundle of energy. “Uh, that might be too much too soon Pinkie Pie.”

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine,” Pinkie huffed. “I’ll put that one on the back burner. For now.”

Spike smiled sheepishly as he pried Rainbow Dash off his head. “Hehe, thanks guys. Oh geez, wow, this is really happening isn’t it? I’ll actually get some one on one time with Rarity! This is great!”

“You got this Spike!” Rainbow Dash spoke like she was coaching a new Wonderbolt recruit. “You’ve been preparing for this moment for ages, now all ya gotta do is sweep her off her hooves. Be smooth, be suave, be charming, but most of all, be yourself! Mares dig that.”

“Right! I’m nervous as all heck and I still think this is a dream, but I can do this! And I swear on my entire comic book collection and my dragon's code of honor that I’ll do whatever it takes to ace Rarity’s etiquette lessons and make her proud!”

Discord dragged his lion paw across his face. “Yes, yes, yes, congrats, good job you lucky son of a hydra, etcetera, etcetera and other generic praises, can we please start this game?”- Discord took the form of a grandfather clock with annoyed eyes.-“ There’s not enough hours in the day for both sentimentality and O&O!-“ Discord poofed back to his normal form and whispered, “- but seriously, nice going.”

Discord poofed onto a nearby rock formation and his golden hair began to bellow in the wind as a bright light illuminated his form. “Now fellow travelers! Let us make haste and foil the plan of the dreaded Squizard! For I have things to do later!”

“Stargazing with Fluttershy,” Spike whispered to the rest of the gang who responded with snickers.

“Cram it!”

---

Spike was, to say the least, ecstatic. He was so ecstatic he could barely sleep, he was so ecstatic that he woke the next morning full of energy, he was so ecstatic that he inhaled breakfast and ran out the doors and made it to Rarity’s boutique in record breaking time, not wanting to waste a single second spending the day with the mare of his dreams.

After Rarity took his measurements she whipped up a very stylish green bowtie for Spike to wear. It was a snug fit, but not too tight.

“Alright,” Rarity finished jotting down some notes on her yellow pad. “I’ve got your measurements and now it’s time to practice some proper etiquette.”

Spike nodded with a sparkle in his eyes. “I’m ready! Teach away Rarity!”

Well at least he’s determined. There just might be hope for me yet. “Sweetie Belle?” Rarity called out. “Are you ready yet?”

“Hang on!” Sweetie’s voice came from behind one of Rarity’s divides. “I just need to zipper this up, aaaaaaand done!” Sweetie Belle stepped out in a light pink ball gown with puffed shoulders and a train that came right above her fetlocks.

“Oh you look positively darling Sweetie. Now let’s start with a simple greeting. Sweetie Belle will welcome you to her party and Spike, you’ll respond with ‘good evening Ms. Sweetie Belle, thank you for your hospitality.’ And begin.”

Sweetie Belle cleared her throat and held a hoof out. “Good evening Mr. The Dragon,” Sweetie said in a dramatic fashion. “Welcome to my lovely rendezvous. I am ever so glad you could make it.”

Spike took Sweetie Belle’s tiny hoof in his claw and bowed. “Good evening Ms. Sweetie Belle,” Spike mirrored her theatrical delivery. “Thank you for your hospitality.” Sweetie Belle and Spike started laughing good-naturedly at their silly two-pony act. Spike was already having so much fun and there’s still so many hours left in the day.

“NO!” Rarity’s voice boomed, causing both Sweetie Belle and Spike to jump in shock. “Sweetie Belle please say the lines like a normal pony would. And you! Rarity turned to Spike. Her eyes burning with an anger that Spike has never seen before. “This is not one of your silly games! This is the most important party of my career and I will not have you ruin it because you’re too busy making jokes at my expense and making me look foolish! Now, say the lines again but properly this time!”

Spike’s ear fins wilted under Rarity’s scrutiny and he hung his head in shame. “I-I’m sorry Rarity… I’ll do better next time. I promise.”

“Good, now from the top.”

Sweetie Belle gulped down a scared lump in her throat. She wasn’t on the sharp end of the spear like a certain dragon, but she still felt like she was walking on thin ice while wearing bowling balls as shoes. Sweetie Belle figured for her own sake (as well as Spike’s) she should just say her lines in the least offensive way she could.

“Um, g-good evening Mr. Spike. Thank you for coming to my party.”

“Good evening Ms. Sweetie Belle,” Spike’s voice was timid and low. “Th-thank you for your hospitality.”

“Speak up!” Rarity shouted. "First impressions are everything and what do you think will happen when you introduce yourself like a scared foal? Furthermore-“ Rarity levitated a yard stick and lightly swatted Spike’s features. “- square your shoulders! Straighten your back and claws! Don’t slouch! Ponies will think I’ve brought some random vagabond with me at the rate you’re going!"

Spike did everything as he was told, when he was told to do it. As Rarity’s scolding and reprimands continued, Spike took a quick glance at the clock. It was barely passed noon.

---

After hours and hours of etiquette training, the orange rays of dusk began to settle on Ponyville. Spike stepped out of Carousel Boutique exhausted and drained of all the excitement that fueled him in the early hours. He could still hear Rarity’s criticisms and disapprovals echo in his head. He didn’t realize how poorly he’d fair in high society on his own, but Rarity was willing to help him and this was just her way of teaching him. At least, that’s what Spike kept telling himself.

“Alright, we’ve made some progress,” Rarity’s voice was cold and made Spike shiver as he finished crossing the threshold of her door. “But I expect you to do better than this. Be back here same time tomorrow morning and we’ll continue.”

“Uh, o-ok. Um, goodnight Rari-“ Spike’s farewell was cut off by Rarity’s door closing. Spike lingered there on her doorstep for a few moments before his slow, arduous walk back to the castle. His claws scraped against the ground and his head hung low, not having the energy to lift either, Spike trundled forward towards home to get some early rest. And then repeat this whole day again tomorrow.

She’s just stressed. That’s all it is. I’d be stressed too if I was her. She’ll be fine and we’ll have a great time together. Right? Right…

---

Back at the boutique Rarity started pulling out bolts of dark fabric in her workroom and referring to her yellow pad for Spike’s measurements. “I swear that dragon will be the end of me. But tomorrow’s a new day and hopefully I can salvage whatever troubles come my way.”

“Um, Rarity?” Sweetie Belle spoke softly. “Don’t you think you were being a bit harsh on Spike today?”

Rarity took out her fabric shears, some needles, chalk and she began to measure out her fabric. “Sweetie Belle, I’m only trying to get Spike ready for a very big and important event.”

“I know you are… but-“

“And I also have to make him a new suit jacket in half the time I’m accustomed to with some of the most extreme measurements I've ever worked with. I don’t push anypony harder than I push myself. Spike’s fine darling, don’t worry about him. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to start working. Goodnight Sweetie Belle.”

“Goodnight Rarity.”

The soft hum of Rarity’s sewing machine soon echoed in the darkened halls of Carousel Boutique. Sweetie Belle closed the door to her room and took out her notebook and turned to the pages devoted to Spike and Rarity. After reading her notes she placed the book on her nightstand, snuggled under her covers and turned off the light.

I thought Rarity was supposed to help Spike be more confidant at a Canterlot party, but she just yelled at him all day. Maybe Applebloom and Scootaloo were right, maybe I shouldn’t have gotten involved. But maybe Rarity’s just under a lot of pressure. I’m sure when they go to the party they’ll have a great time together. Right? Right…

Author's Note:

Ugh, I really, really, REALLY hate to keep you folks waiting for as long as I did. So again I offer my apologies for the tardiness of this chapter. Just a quick 'btw.' after this there'll only be TWO CHAPTERS LEFT... Before a quick break. I've been neglecting some other story ideas and progress for some time now and I promised myself that after this and the following two chapters I'd take a quick detour from "The Life and Times of Spike and Rarity" so I can work on them.

See for this story I've been going with a more 'trial by fire' approach to writing (pretty sure I said this last chapter), but with my other stories coming down the line (as well as the sequel to this story when it comes time for it), I'd like them to be done and rewritten a few times before I release them on a weekly basis. Don't get me wrong I enjoy writing this story (there's a certain kind of pride to show your first story with the world) but when I read other stories and I think to myself that maybe if I took a different approach to my writing it'd turn out better. So don't be alarmed, I'm not abandoning this story, I just need to give some attention to my other ones.

Now I know what some of you must be thinking 'Silver Wit you heartless, sushi powered android who walks like a man! How could you paint Rarity in such a negative light? I thought she was your number one absolute favorite character in the whole show and Sparity your number one absolute favorite ship, why on earth would you ever want to sabotage that by making Rarity treat Spike like Oliver Twist asking for another bowl of gruel?' And yes Rarity is my absolute favorite character and Sparity is my favorite ship but I did this for two reasons.

One is because I like there to be challenges between the two seeking a relationship, not necessarily the 'she's a pony he's a dragon' challenge, I mean a challenge with them as characters. Rarity being put under a microscope and judged by the upper class is one that I like personally since it shows that while Rarity is the element of generosity she can be selfish when it comes to her self image as seen in 'Sweet and Elite.' Which by no means makes her bad, just flawed. She's weak to peer pressure and has insecurities about how others view her, it's why I fell in love with the Nightmarity arc in the comics because if any of the mane six would be possessed by the Nightmare, it'd make sense that Rarity would be the primo host and that arc was friggin' sweet.

The second reason is because... well... let's just say I'm drawing from some personal life experience when I'm writing Rarity and that the experience is something I never want to encounter in my life again. So it's just another healing method I suppose, but again it ties into the fact that I like it when there's conflict that then leads to Sparity goodness because the struggle makes it all the sweeter (I have nothing against stories that already have Sparity established and indeed like those too).

Thanks for reading, see you next time

Silver Wit

Oh and happy labour day :)

Comments

[redmar]

I'm wondering if Apple Bloom told her sister about her ulterior motives and I think Applejack aould be pleased to have an excuse not to go since she absolutely loathes most high society ponies.