Things are starting to heat up.

yay update

Ooh! Can't wait for the next chapter! Awesome work, Israel Yabuki!

9350158
I do try

I love it.

I had my doubts at first about this story but upon another reading, I love it

Updates?

9387168
I'm doing all I can to get this updated.

9387333
Its cool just wondering, take your time

This is good and Im enjoying it but there is a hell of a lot of unnecessary detail for every single thing chance does.

I nodded. “Sure.” Then I went back to the kitchen and grabbed a cup from one of the cupboards and placed it underneath my water dispenser and filled it up with some fresh, filtered water
After that, I brought it back to Midnight and sat down next to her.

This whole bit could just be

I nodded. “Sure.” Then I went back to the kitchen and grabbed her a cup of water

I just feel like leaving out some of the more mundane details like this would help the story flow a lot better.

9463642
fair point

plot thickens

"W... What's Twilight... ever done to you?" I struggled to say. I felt my conciousness about to leave me when suddenly she lets go of me and I slump to the ground, coughing violently. My breathing was heavy and I had my hand on my throat. As I was trying to catch my breath, Midnight exploded on me with something that she's probably been keeping to herself for such a long time.

You need to reword that

Midnight sounds like the little sister Twilight never wanted.