Charlie never really had any friends. And he preferred that for his own reasons! Now four Pony Princesses have arrived to earth and are seeking refuge in his home! Oh boy!
You might want to specify who is talking more. A conversation between more than 2 people and the only indication of who's talking is dialect or pure rage in Mortimer's case. Aside from that I'll see where this goes.
9719065 I tried to to make it more easier to understand who is talking, without stopping the reader from enjoying. Mortimer as you can tell, was a very angry individual.
All right. Why does he have rooms color coated to each princess? I get having a room filled with books. Why does he have three guest rooms? Or did he get a house large enough for a family of four but is still single? How did the girls know what the rooms in his house had?
Finally. What is his position in the company? The former one. What type of company is it? Does he work for a Bank or a Financial institution? A Law Firm? A company that employs Engineers? A Construction Design Firm? What? It's obvious that he has a white-collar job.
"Hmpt! Fine, but don't expect a hug and a kiss from me, monkey boy."
"Hey! Monkey boy! For your information, pony, you're one of last creatures that i'd ever want to have a kiss from, you'd probably just give me a disease or something." Now Luna was triggered, she approached Charlie with a look of aggravation.
"What did thous't say to me? To compare me to a filthy rodent, you've got a lot of gall."
"I do, don't I? I get that from a lot of people, the attitude comes with my nature." They both butted their heads together, glaring static at one another.
"Is that a fact, Charlie? Okay then!" Luna then just gave a small peck on his right cheek, causing him to rub his cheek and then a look of horror, plastered on his face
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What is this conversation? This is not how adults interact with each other.
1 dislike eh? Welp, you can't please everybody! Let it never be said that I have not tried.
Thanks buddy!
9719051
Yup, no problem.
You might want to specify who is talking more. A conversation between more than 2 people and the only indication of who's talking is dialect or pure rage in Mortimer's case. Aside from that I'll see where this goes.
9719065
I'll look into this, thank you.
9719065
I tried to to make it more easier to understand who is talking, without stopping the reader from enjoying. Mortimer as you can tell, was a very angry individual.
9719111
Charlie isn't really one to freak out about much, he's usually too mellow, unless provoked.
This fic is awsome
All right. Why does he have rooms color coated to each princess? I get having a room filled with books. Why does he have three guest rooms? Or did he get a house large enough for a family of four but is still single? How did the girls know what the rooms in his house had?
Finally. What is his position in the company? The former one. What type of company is it? Does he work for a Bank or a Financial institution? A Law Firm? A company that employs Engineers? A Construction Design Firm? What? It's obvious that he has a white-collar job.
9719382
I'm not going to spoil it for you, you'll find out in chapter two.
White collar, yes. He's doing a money management job, for big banks and very rich clients.
And since most people may have already read the first chapter, Charlie is now promoted to be above what he was.
Haven't read yet but does cadence have a phone in the picture
9720101
Yes
9721353
Huh ok still interested
9721393
thanks! I promise to give it my all.
9721862
Oh and if you ever need help let me know
When are you going to do more of this fic
I love this story so far and can't wait to see where it goes.
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What is this conversation? This is not how adults interact with each other.
What are we 9?