Author's Notes
And yet another story of mine comes to a glorious conclusion. This one was longer than the last, and yet it only covered a few days. I like to think that I did a better job on this story than I did on The Color of Apples, but that’s just my opinion. Maybe some of you agree, maybe some of you think that I’m full of it. Either way, that’s what I think.
This story changed quite a bit from what I had originally planned for it, and I like to think that this ending was a bit better than what I had originally planned. For those interested, I had originally planned on Ace not getting his wings back, and that somehow his body would reject any attempts at healing. I eventually discarded that idea, since it seemed a bit too contrived.
As for the romance, and the main character. I like to think that I paced the relationship fairly well. I didn’t force any interactions between the characters, and it took some time before they even did anything. While it could’ve been a bit longer before they did anything, I didn’t want to have to drag the story out.
Ace, for me, is a pretty good character. He has his shortcomings, and I don’t think that he was too good at too many things. I like to think he was a fair character with his fair share of problems, but I may just be optimistic.
The resolution for Scootaloo was actually one of my best points in this story, even if it doesn’t seem like it. The way that Ace solved the problem was actually one of the best problem solutions I can think of. It’s totally true that others can’t solve her problem, since they were in the wrong to hide her past from her. And so, Ace realized this, and gave her the tools needed to find her own resolution. Also it acted as a totally solid way of linking this story, and The Color of Apples.
The sequel is already out, for those of you who don’t know, so I suggest you take a look at it. There will likely be an Epilogue II, but I can’t say for certain yet. Mostly because I don’t know what I’d have happen in a second Epilogue.
And now I open the floor to questions. I’ll answer any questions that you might have that don’t pertain to the plot of Faux Pas, since those questions will be answered in that story.
Oh, and before I forget, the whole nightmare thing wasn’t just for show. I’m going to be using that. I don’t do anything by mistake.
AVANTE!
-Jet Howitzer
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Neat!
Hmm, let's see what Chuck Norris says about this . . .
encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT1Wqp9xAonmKxMpl6G5Sbd5o8ZF737PP6oGLRx0WYOWf8XkTKg
THE CHUCK HAS SPOKEN.
ALLONS-Y!
It sucked just because you said waffles D:
A second epilogue could entail a letter of response from Ace's parents, or a confrontation/reckoning between the two parties. Unless, of course, this is already an element in Faux Pas.
Do you have any plans for the first edition book? I don't think he ever went and got it.
It was better than Color of Apples in my opinion. Faux Pas will probably be even better. Thou shalt grow, Howitzer. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png
Obviously, all the stories have a connection. This might be a bit much, but can I ask you to elaborate on the overall connectivity with this little series of romances?
1300682 They seem to all occur at roughly the same time and the protagonists even communicate now and then.
@Jet: I did like the fact that this one was much less dark than Color. That said, I enjoyed the romance in Color more than in IWGTY, even though the prostitution bugged me. In the former. The whole goggles thing just seemed weirdly desperate and I think he could have found a better thing to do in thay scenario. Loved the part where he flew with twilight, though I was hoping that she would conjure another pair of magic wings and fly with him.
1300682 They seem to all occur at roughly the same time and the protagonists even communicate now and then.
@Jet: I did like the fact that this one was much less dark than Color. That said, I enjoyed the romance in Color more than in IWGTY, even though the prostitution bugged me. In the former. The whole goggles thing just seemed weirdly desperate and I think he could have found a better thing to do in that scenario. Loved the part where he flew with twilight, though I was hoping that she would conjure another pair of magic wings and fly with him.
I thought it was one of the most well written fics I've ever read
Epilogue II idea: Something with that book!
Don't forget to change the status to "complete"
I like it I really do
not a single complant on my part. Just hope my writing well be as awsome as your, but I digress.
Well thats it for me keep up the good work my friend.
I am wondering about that book thought and just how well his parents respond to that letter.
A beautiful story boss.
I am expecting great things from Faux, and from what I've read, my exceptions' will be met.
Keep it up! You do this fandom a great service!
have a waffle you marvelous story writer
t7ak.roblox.com/92480bde920b4bff0e07e7ecc8231a16
and a moustache
farm2.static.flickr.com/1057/1051307799_72df025ad9.jpg
I actually kind of thought you were going to have Ace get his flight back, but then lose it permanently so he could realize all he needed was Twilight to be happy. But I'm okay with your ending.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6cq3huyg31qiqm7jo1_500.jpg
here, have a huggle
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1305008 That's so... HNNNNG!
1305742 i aim to please
Yet the story is still marked as incomplete
1314564 I know. Shit happens. I like to think, though, that the story is still legible enough to read, and get the point across.
Alright. First off, you've got a good handle on the narrative voice, the right sense of detail, and the general scaffolding of your writing -- things I'd consider the hard parts, really, so don't let the following criticism cut any deeper than it needs to. Second, pretty much every complaint here is one I had about the previous story, but less so here. I can see you improving, and that's one of the most amazing things about reading fanfiction.
Twilight didn't fall quite as far into body pillow syndrome as AJ did, but she did gradually get flatter as the smoochies progressed. Romance is always going to reshape a character's personality to an extent (Twilight in particular since she'd have to learn a lot of loosening up all at once), but it was beginning to suppress her more expressive traits because most of what we saw of her in the late game was smoochies and not much else. We love her because she's an adorable, awkward nerd. Researching out a tease kiss and getting confused when it doesn't work? That was a Twilight moment, and we got very little of those late in the story. This is a pony who's neurotic to occasionally disastrous extremes, regularly substitutes theory for experience, and must be quite familiar with the taste of her hoof for as often as it ends up in her mouth. A coltfriend isn't gonna change that.
The main reason I bring that one up is because the satellite Manes don't have this problem to nearly such an extent. It feels like Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy in particular just come out more naturally for you.
You mentioned you thought it would be contrived for Twilight's mojo to not take and Ace ends up remaining flightless. Honestly, I think that's less contrived than Twilight and Rarity fixing everything with two steps of extensive cutting-edge neurosurgery that neither of them have any training in. That, and I'm a sucker for partial tragedy, but that's not criticism so hey.
The plot. My main problem with Color of Apples was that it took a turn for the Baywatch Nights and whiplashed into a genre it didn't set itself up for (which rather exacerbated its other issues too). This one was a lot more relaxed and focused, and it showed. The main thing here is that I'm worried that the big ominous over-arc you're trying to tie everything into will fall into that problem instead. Just be very careful with it -- you probably know exactly what you're going for with chronological coherence, but make sure you have a good grip on thematic coherence as well. If anything, it's even more important because it's what makes your story matter.
Ace isn't quite as bad about being crazy-good at everything relevant as Taupe was (in part because the more relaxed plot didn't call for absurd superpony feats), but it still happened in a couple places. History with the Bolts as backstory is one thing, but inexplicably trouncing all of Ponyville and freaking
at random carnival games is kind of a stretch. We don't need that much of a power fantasy :P
Mechanically, you still drop a lot of present tense shifts. This is something I could actually see getting better from chapter to chapter, but it's still noticeable, so just add that to your list of priority proofreading combs.
That's all that comes to mind. Like I said, you've got a lot working right already, and you're visibly improving. Hopefully this'll help you keep doing that!
1317903 Long comment is long. But I appreciate it quite a bit, so I thank you for that. As for tense shifts, yeah, it's something that I'm trying to work on, and It happens by accident more often than not. Probably one of the problems of not having a proofreader look at anything I write, but that's not really an issue for me. I try to do a good enough job that I don't need one.
As for the development of Twilight's personality through the plot, I figured that she was in those early stages of a relationship where she acts in a vastly different manner, if only for a time, before she becomes comfortable enough to not act so differently around Ace. While I may have pushed this on a bit too fast, and a bit too much, as I continue with the rest of the series, and the plots grow more intertwined, you'll probably get some glimpses of Twilight acting her usual self to a greater degree. Just because I've gotten them into relationships doesn't mean that I'm done with them.
As for the issue with Ace's wings. Yeah, this was one of the harder decisions that I had to make, simply because I didn't quite know just how I wanted things to go here. I had both options written out, and neither one seemed to come out just right, and so I nearly flipped a coin. I decided, though, that instead I'd write each one until I liked one more, and that never really happened. Neither one came out as being better written, and so I took a step back from the quality of writing, to look at the over arching plot, and then I made my decision. Not my best writing moment, but one that I, sadly, had to make for the sake of the plot that I've developed.
Now, as for that grand plot I'm using to tie these together further. It's not going to be a huge issue, actually. The relationships are the way that the villain progresses his own plans and plots, it won't actually come down to OC's to solve the problem. They're not the Elements, and I'm certainly not trying to portray them as such. They're not ordinary ponies, but by the same token they're not as powerful as the Elements.
The carnival games was a bit of fun on my part. Writing 'for serious' all the time gets to me a bit, and so occasionally I'll throw in something like that, where I'm not taking myself seriously at all. And it's not completely unheard of for a pony to just be randomly good at something so obscure and meaningless. Hell, I can make an excel spreadsheet that can do damn near anything. Is it a random talent? Yes. Is it ultimately practical? Not unless we have some fairly specific situations. Essentially, I don't think that Ace's gift with carnival games rates him as being too adaptable, or powerful.
As for the problem you mentioned with the satellite mares... I've actually never done a story for Rarity, or Fluttershy. Dash I started my writing career with, so I was pretty confident in my ability to write her character. I do think that I need to work on my interpretation of the other three, but that's something that I've been trying to do in some small, unpublished, works that I've been trying my hand at. To see if I can make the characters come across in a more natural, and realistic, light.
I think that covers most of what you brought up, and, again, I do thank you for your criticism. If only more people were willing to do what you're doing here...
AVANTE!
-Jet Howitzer
i freeking love these fic and the oc are fun and there storys are fun to read about cant wait to read the thrid one
1336066 Storm doesn't kiss Twilight. At least, not as far as my mind canon goes.