Dear Author: You misspelled Despair in the title.

Damn, you're right, sorry about that! Hold on, let me fix that!

There all fixed!

Despair should be capitalized in the title, since revenge is.
You also misspelled "Chrysalis" in title and description, unless you're trying to make a nautical pun.
I also don't recommend ending titles in exclamation marks unless you intend a really excited feel to them (and this story is supposed to be dark...). That goes for the chapter titles as well, they read very awkwardly as they are; you probably want a colon (":") instead of the first exclamation mark in each.

I really hope you used spellcheck on this story...

9051989
Umm... I did my best! I actually thought that her name was spelt Chrysails. that's what I saw everywhere else.

9052002
Umm... ok then I can fix everything then thank you!

9051993
Have you gotten checked for dyslexia? It's a common condition that can cause letter swaps when reading.

(Skipped to the end mostly so I could check how it turns out to put it in the proper group folders).
I'm seeing a lot of "Chrysailis" in this chapter, which is an interesting misspelling that at least makes phonetic sense, rather than being a sign you got the letters swapped.

Anyways, this chapter is kind of boring because it rapidly alternates between ponies forced into the plot and ponies facing farts in the plot, without really anything else going on or any real variety in how the characters react.
Not sure what could really be done, since the premise of the fic is just continual fart torture over and over. Normally, clopfics have a tad more variety in them.

Reading more of this shows you have a pretty good vocabulary; on a technical level, you really just need to get better at how to build sentences. Poor sentence construction tends to make a fic harder to follow, and that's the case here.

In conclusion, while this is one of my fetishes, I can't really get much into the fic due to it being a lot of the same thing over and over again with difficulty telling what's going on at the same time.

9052053
Damn... I'll do my best to fix everything. Then it'll be better. Thank you very much.

9052053
I'll update the story and make it even better then i'll have you take a look at it. Sound good bro?

9052159
Of course.

So will there be a good ending?

This went from way too quickly written with run-on sentences, to way to short and comedically bad dialogue to the cheesiest evil villain acting I've ever read. The end was absolutely atrocious. I understand it's fetishy, but come on, man. Put some effort into it!

"T-this is it... we're goners... it's-it's hopeless... we cannot escape our fate!" Said a broken Fluttershy.
"No Fluttershy, I refuse to admit defeat when w-we can still smile, we can also have hope... oh who are we kidding, get this over with Chrysalis!" Said Pinkie.

This is so bad it's hilarious.

9052283
Welp... i'll do some fixing up on it later, for now i'm taking a break, it'll almost be completely done. Sorry for the wait.

9052276
When I finish the rest of the editing, i'm thinking about it.

There! I've fixed everything. I hope it'll make the story better to read. i'm doing my very best to improve.

9052406
I'm working on the good ending now. The the whole thing will be finished. It's almost finished now guys.