Familiar

by Cookies

Unexpected Return

It has been a month since I got back to Earth and boy it is much less stressful than Equestria.

I mean, I don't really enjoy the unexpected, so knowing what's to come ahead is certainly reassuring for me, and that's something I couldn't have in Equestria.

Plus making me the only human back there made me an oddity and attracted a lot of attention already, and that's without the whole 'Prince' nonsense.

I even asked my boss for 3 weeks off for "personal reasons", and she accepted on the basis that our clients' activity slows during summer. Pretty lucky for me.

It left me plenty of time to come into contact with a jeweler that could certify the authenticity of Rarity's gems. After making him analyze a sample, he hastily guided me to one of his contact working in an international jewelry company. Apparently the sheer purity, cut and shine of the sample was enough to be worth around a million bucks at least. And it wasn't even the diamond one.

Fast forward to a week ago, proper verifications were done with the police to testify that these gems weren't stolen from anywhere. I secured a deal with the company for about 20% of the gems (because they literally couldn't afford more). They even were kind enough to separate the payment on multiple bank accounts, which were my parents' and sister's.

I was thoughtful enough to organize a family dinner at my place on the evening of the same day for the surprise. The look on their face after they checked their bank account on their phone was priceless.

Some days ago I managed to contact other companies and strike a deal with them.

Today was the last deal. Rarity's box was now empty and I was sitting on tens of millions.

It was exhausting really, but worth it. Though I was still disappointed in a way, that pulling sensation I felt since coming back never disappeared. It even got worse. It felt like my entire being was always on the verge of collapsing on itself. It wasn't painful really, just REALLY uncomfortable. Enough to not sleep on bad nights.

I was hoping that it was just the stress about the gems getting to me, but it seems like it wasn't that.

I sighed and stared at the box. Is the cause the familiar bond, or the magic I accumulated?

...

"On second thought I should have stayed a little longer, to be sure nothing was going to be wrong..."

I let myself lean on the rail of my window and idly stared at the garden outside. They still let it in that awful state.

"Kinda wish I could thank Rarity again, and the others, for trying to make my stay a little better. Would be cool if I could just visit real qui--"

I coughed as these last words escaped my lips. I think I closed my eyes because everything turned black for a second, but I could feel that awful sensation in my chest fading, though very slowly.

I felt myself fall forward. I quickly put one hand down and fell on one knee to avoid completely get down on the ground.

My vision returned soon enough, but what I saw would've made me spit my drink if I had any.

I stared at Ponyville from afar. I glanced around, seeing the verdant green hills and breathing the pure air around. There was no mistaking it.

I was back.

I got up from the ground, dusting my pants off. "What the h--"

I heard a soft gasp from behind. I turned and stared at the six mares I met a month ago. They stared at me back, their mouth open. Eventually they all had a smile slowly forming on their face.

I was only looking at them with confusion. "Why did you bring me back?"

Don't get me wrong, a small part of me was somewhat happy to see them, but the other was really confused. We had an agreement right?

They all rushed to me for a big group hug, one that I really didn't want to happen. Last time Pinkie forced one, I ended up draining magic from all of them.

"No hug!" I said hastily, motioning them to stop with my hands. They slowed down and just stood in front of me, disappointed. "No touching."

They all were making pouty faces, but Pinkie's and Fluttershy's were the most heartbreaking.

I clutched my chest where my heart was. Hnng. I forgot how cute they could be.

I extended my other arm and patted each of their heads, being careful for the horns on Rarity's and Twilight's. "That's the only thing I'll accept to do. Now answer my question. Why did you bring me back?"

Rainbow huffed and began to fly over us. "Well nice to see you too Anon. We were worried about you, you know?" She looks down at me with the smuggiest smile. "Well, not me 'cause I totally knew you were okay."

I raised a brow. "You brought me back because you were worried?"

Twilight shaked her head as she was circling me, looking all over. "I think you got it wrong. We were worried because a month ago, you simply disappeared after telling Fluttershy your name."

"Well yeah? One of you heard it and sent me back. I was watching Fluttershy, she didn't say anything."

Applejack spoke up. "Anon, we didn't hear what you said."

"Oh." I raised my voice, almost shouting. "I said, one of you did it."

Rarity winced at that. "We heard you fine darling. What Applejack meant is that nopony other than Fluttershy heard your name back then."

I looked at them in confusion. "But... How did I get back then?"

I felt something poke my leg at various places, I looked down and spotted Twilight repeatedly poking around and... why did she have a pair of scissors? "What are you doing?" I asked her.

She froze, then looked at me like a dog that did done a bad. I frowned and she gave me an embarrassed smile while laughing nervously. "Taking a sample of you clothes..?"

I could see the look of horror on Rarity's face in the corner of my eye.

I removed my leg from her vicinity. "Why in the holy heck would you do that?"

She coughed and stood straight, looking at me with a determined look and a smirk, the kind of face Kaiba would make if Yugi activated his trap card. I saw Pinkie grab a bucket of popcorn from her mane.

Uh oh.

I was about to say something but Rainbow came over Twilight to interupt the Unicorn before she answered my question. "Give him the shortest version Twilight. Not the short, not the shorter, not even the 'really short I assure you' version. Just the shortest."

Twilight seemed to deflate at that. "Alright. I'll make it as concise as possible."

Rainbow stared at Twilight for a moment before blinking and flying back to her other friends, mumbling something about eggheads and complicated words.

Twilight cleared her throat. "The princesses think that, thanks to your innate ability, you are now your own familiar and I wanted a sample of your clothes to run some test."

...

I blinked. "Excuse me, what the f-"

Pinkie shoved a hoof-full of popcorn in my mouth. "Isn't it AMAZING?!" she shouted in my face.

I looked at the others, worried about Pinkie's outburst. They just shrugged. I slowly munched on the popcorn --pure sugary goodness!-- while staring worriedly at Pinkie, which was visibly vibrating in place. "Calh dohw" I said with my mouth full while I pointed a finger at her.

She was slowly pulling party hats from her mane while I was munching. I squinted at her, making her slowly put them back from wherever they came from.

I looked back at Twilight after a few seconds of delicious popcorn munching. "What do you mean by 'I'm my own familiar'?"

"The theory is pretty explicit. It suggests that you binded yourself... well to yourself, and this world." She explained.

It took me a few seconds to wrap my head around the idea. "Does that mean I can order myself around?"

"Well, if this theory is true, then yes, but you would need to state the order aloud. It would be pretty strange if you'd that in public. Plus we don't know if the 'order' would be as potent as usual because of your ability."

I scrunched my face. It would explain how I got back home, then back here. I did mention something about moving back right before I got teleported.

Would that mean that I can freely move between our worlds..?

Twilight saw that I was deep in thought. "Even with your ability, I think it's a bit far-fetched. Maybe your summoning had a time-limit?"

...

Well I should test the princesses theory first then. "Well it was nice seeing you again girls. Say hi to Spike for me, I'm going back home now--"

My vision turned black once again for a small moment, and I soon found myself back at my apartment, but not without that darn uncomfortable sensation in my chest. What was up with that?

I couldn't help but laugh nervously at what just happened though. Travelling through worlds is certainly no small feet, and it seems like I can do it freely. It feels like some Kingdom Hearts bullcrap.

This is insane. Their world is turning everything about my life insane... Speaking of which, I should probably go back there and explain what happened so they don't freak out.

I paused and rubbed my chest. I should also ask about this problem too. Time to go back to Equestria.

A quick blackout later, I was watching the six mares running (and flying) around, calling out my name in distress.
Avoid them freaking out, uncheck.

"Would you all stop screaming around please?" I asked them.

They all turned on me, and this time I couldn't evade the bone-crushing hug from all of them. They were mindful enough to aim for the cloth-covered areas, but I still fell on the ground and got bombarded by various questions regarding my well-being and where I went, but I couldn't even answer because Pinkie was going all face-hugger on me.

The softness was really nice but I would eventually run out of air if she stays like that any longer, so I grabbed her and lifted into the air like last time. She giggle-snorted while I put her aside.

I won't lie, it put a smile on my face.

"Girls." I called out while they were still bombarding me with various questions, but I didn't even understand them because they were all talking at the same time.

"Girls!" I shouted, and it seemed like that calmed them down a little. "Mind giving me some space to breathe?" I gestured to all of them on my chest and pants.

Each of them mumbled an apology and moved aside so I could sit up.

"Note to myself, ponies are really affectionate and very touchy." I stated out loud.

"Did he say that aloud on purpose?" I heard Twilight ask quietly to Applejack, which just shrugged in response.

I rolled my eyes. "Now if you let me explain what happened, which is pretty crazy really, the princesses' theory is spot on."

They all gasped dramatically. It was a bit over the top honestly. "Well I think that they're right at least. I did manage to send myself home and back apparently."

Twilight's face was now filling my field of view. "Is it true?! This could be a really big discovery! We need to go back to the library right now!"

She tried using magic on me given the intense tingling I was feeling all over. Though I quickly felt myself being levitated around quite easily.

What the heck? How strong is her magic?!

She didn't waste time and ran toward her place, with me floating behind her. I didn't even have time to say bye to the others.

I scratched myself all over thanks to the tingling. I didn't let her move me around for much longer. "Twilight, remember that magic is bad for me? I would REALLY appreciate that you put me down right now."

"No time Anon, no time!" She said as we were traveling through the streets. I saw some ponies waving at us. I didn't see any being afraid of me. That was probably a good sign.

"If you don't put me down, I will just go home." I said in a threatening manner, while also trying to reach for my back awkwardly.

She halted suddenly and put me down on my haunches. "Fine! But we need to inform the princesses quickly!"

"We're not in a hurry Twilight. Sending your letter in ten minutes instead of two isn't going to be a problem." I said, walking with a slow pace to enjoy the pure air and feeling the irritating sensation in my chest being soothed.

"But... Ground-breaking discovery! We need to record it and tell the p--" She started rambling so I just squeezed her cheeks with my palms.

"You need to learn to take your time sometimes." I released her and walked ahead of her, almost with a spring in my steps.

Learning I could now do some magic, and feeling like my body is finally resting a little is making for quite a good day.

~ ~ ~

We reached the library after a few relaxing minutes. Twilight had to correct my path a few times but I didn't mind. She didn't waste any second when we entered the building. "Spike, get a letter ready this is urgent!" she yelled.

I heard steps coming quickly from the kitchen. Spike was running to us with a parchment and a quill ready. Then he looked at me.

"Anon? Is that really you?" He asked, really surprised.

"Sup Spike. How are you doing?" I replied with a little hand wave.

"Honestly? Exhausted. Twilight kept trying to find what happened to you so we spent a lot of all-nighters during last month. She wasn't the one to bring you back, is she?"

Looking closely, he did have some bags under his eyes. Poor dude. Twilight was frowning at him, guess she didn't like that he talked like she wasn't there.

I should probably distract her with a question. "Nah, I did it myself somewhat, though i'd like to know how. Any idea Twilight?"

I saw her face lit up like a Christmas tree and she somehow teleported some notes around herself. 'Some' meaning a stack of paper as high as her.

She breathed deeply. "Wel--"

Spike interupted her. "You didn't do it on your own I think. Twilight deconstructed the spell. She mentioned that familiars were easily summoned and sent back thanks to the world's magic being pulled through a magic bond, or something like that."

Twilight was glaring daggers at Spike, which just looked at her in confusion. "Did I do something bad?"

"No Spike." She put away her notes in a flash. " Not at all." She had just a hint of irritation in her voice.

"Uh. So I would really be linked to this world? Is that why I have an awful feeling growing in my chest the longer I stay home?"

Her head snapped toward me. "You what? Describe what you feel to me." She placed some glasses on her nose and got some papers to write on.

"Well, it's like I got a black hole in my chest?" I answered hesitantly.

She wrote some stuff on the paper. "And what's a black hole exactly?" She asked while tapping her quill against her temple.

"Oh right, that's a bit advanced space stuff. Imagine an object with an enormous mass being dense enough to suck everything close to it and never letting anything go, even light. That's a black hole."

She hastily noted everything I said with a big grin. "That's amazing!" she exclaimed. "Do you have some on your world? They would be pretty dangerous."

I backed away from her sudden enthusiasm. "Uhhh no. They're far away in space. Like reaaaaaally far."

She nods. "Good. And to answer your question, I think the link that you made with Equus is what's provoking that sensation in your chest. Do you feel better being here?"

"Actually, yeah. It's going away slowly, and started coming back when I jumped back home earlier."

I heard a high-pitched noise coming from her. Did she just squeal? "Then you would need to come back from time to time to get rid of it! We could hang out with the girls when you come by! That's grea-- Anon? Anon, you're looking a bit pale, are you feeling okay?"

"Do I... really need to come here regularly?" I asked, my voice full of worry.

"Oh. If you're worrying about being exposed to magic, you will be alright. We'll make sure no magic will come close to you during any of your stay." She said with confidence.

"Yeah, like you didn't float me for a short while earlier." I said dejectedly.

"Won't happen again, I was just a bit too focused on notifying the princesses. Speaking of which, we should write this letter. Spike?"

"Ready!" The little guy answered like a true soldier.

"I'll leave you two do that. I'll check on the kitchen." I said with a sigh. When feeling down, it's always nice to indulge yourself with some sweets.

She nodded to me and told Spike what to write while I headed toward the food sanctuary to search the cabinets. The food here was great, that could be one good reason to come back at least.

I skipped through some of them, they either had plates, glasses, or gems. The latter was probably so Spike wouldn't eat too much. That was good thinking from Twilight.

I finally opened the one with some goods, but all of them where hay based. Very disappointing.

Maybe Pinkie would have some sweets. She's a baker right?

I glanced out the window and saw some pink clouds. They looked like cotton candy from here.

...

I rubbed my eyes and looked again. They were still there.

Once again I asked myself a certain question about this world.

Is this normal?

Brown rain started falling from the clouds.

I'm going to guess 'no' at that.

"Hey Twilight, mind coming over?" I yelled toward the main room.

I waited only a couple second before she walked in, mumbling to herself. "Strange, Princess Celestia would've answered by now. Especially since it concerns Anon. She's probably having an important meeting--"

I grabbed her --earning myself a 'eep!' from her-- and lifted her up to the window so she could look outside. "Look at this, tell me this is normal."

"What are you--" Then her gaze focused on the clouds outside. "What is this?" She asked me.

She asked me.

I stared at her for a good minute, watching her progressively looking more and more nervous by the second. "Y-you wouldn't know. Right."

"Took you a while to figure it out." I replied, gently putting her down. "I'll let you handle it, I'm going to Pinkie's bakery-- aaaaand I just realized I had no money."

She blinked. "Oh. Well..." She opens a cabinet and takes out one of Spike's gem, then she whispered "Don't let Spike see I gave you one. And please buy some of her Bookworm cupcakes for me."

What kind of name is this? "Bookworm?" I asked with a raised brow.

"She insisted that her own cupcakes were to be named after the rest of our group of friends, but the Cakes refused. It turned out that saying "I'm going to eat a whole batch of Applejacks" sounded pretty weird."

I let out a small smiling huff at that. "I can see why, yes. I'll bring you back some of the famous Twilights then.

She blinked. "They are called Bookworms."

"Yeah Yeah, I'll make sure to say clearly that "I'd like to order some Twilights" in front of the other customers." I said with a smirk while heading for the exit.

"You wouldn't!" She yelled after me. I just ran for the door.

"You won't stop me!" I opened the door then slammed it behind me as I got on my way to Pinkie's place. I heard Twilight scream my name from inside. A laugh escaped my lips.

~ ~ ~

It took me a few minutes to reach the place called Sugarcube Corner, but not without the obligatory asking-for-directions to some pony around.

I didn't catch his name but he told me he held a shop selling quills and sofas. Dude must have one heck of a marketing talent to stay afloat. He even gave me a quill to test out, which I thought would make a great souvenir.

Anywho, the shop was closing when I approached. A yellow stallion with a really defined chin was shutting the storefront's blinds. He was pretty hesitant to talk with me at first, that was to be expected.

He told me they closed for the rest of the day because Pinkie ran off to Applejack's farm, following some sort of pink cloud. His wife is pregnant, so they couldn't hold the fort without Pinkie.

At the same time, there was a bright flash exploding from the apple farm. It was probably Twilight. I hoped so.

I was heading back to the library, only to be abducted by Twilight and her friends. Applejack sure had some great strength to be able to balance me on her back and still be able to gallop like this.

"What the heck is happening now?!" I asked pretty calmly (maybe not).

"Princess Celestia wants to see all of us right now. We're going to Canterlot." Twilight replied.

"Is it about the clouds? Does she think I have something to do with that?" I asked with worry.

"I don't know. Probably not. We'll see." She said while we approached the local train station.

The train didn't depart yet, so we could still get on. They bought their own ticket, and Twilight insisted to buy mine, but I didn't let her. I used the gem she gave me to buy my own ticket.

We all embarked, and just as we got into our wagon, we heard the whistle signaling the train was about to depart. Pretty nice timing.

I decided to sit next to a window. I would just watch the landscape during the travel. The others either sat across me or at the seats next to the opposite window.

"So, darling, tell me how it went for you since last month?" Rarity said while sitting on the seat in front me.

I rested my head on my hand while looking at her with a smile. "Didn't sleep much, but got rich thanks to you. Actually what made me come back was because I wanted to thank you."

"Speak nothing of it darling, it was my pleasure. But I do hope you kept your word about our arrangement." She said, adjusting her position to sit straight like a pony lady should.

"I did, just after I secured enough for the family. I can't believe how lucky I got with this mess. Cancelling a deadly spell aimed at me, preventing to be enslaved, befriending a bunch of aliens, and getting enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life. With luck like this, I wonder how I never won the lottery."

I paused to think for a second. "Probably because I never played uh."

Blue eyes filled my vision. "Did you just said we all were friends?!" Pinkie screamed in my face, which made me pull back my head instinctively and bumping it against the green glass seatback. Ouch.

Why do they keep violating my personal space like that?! And it wasn't even for a hug!

I pushed Pinkie aside so she could sit next to me, but she kept vibrating from excitement and stared at me with a wide grin.

"To answer your question, I don't know. We did sympathize, but being friends? I don't know. I always felt like it was something grand." I replied to her sudden question.

Pinkie just looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm so sorry for you." She said.

Eh?

She pulled a tissue from her mane and blew her nose in it. "To think that you thought it was this hard to make a friend... It's really sad."

What.jpeg

Rainbow just burst out laughing. "Anon, after sympathizing with another pony, you are already friend with them!"

I squinted at Pinkie and Rainbow. "Fine. Maybe we're friends the pony way." Pinkie let out a squee and hugged my side while I huffed and looked at the window.

"That means you have to tell us your real name now!" I heard Pinkie said with excitment. My eyes widened.

"You're still on about that?" I asked.

"Remember? You made a Pinkie Promise." Her grip on my side got much stronger but she kept a perfectly innocent smile on her face.

Truly this isn't the face of mercy.

"I'll say it only if you all Pinkie Promise me to never say it out loud and always call me Anon. I don't want to take any chance. I lucked out with myself, but there's no guarantee I can't be bound multiple times." I replied with a faint wince.

All of them instantly made the motions and pronounced the sacred words. I looked around to see if there were other ponies in the wagon, and luckily, we were alone here.

I exhaled. "Fine, my name's [redacted]. Happy? Now let's never talk about it again."

It seemed like they all went in thought. Even Pinkie. For a moment, the only noises around was the train rolling on its tracks.

"Well it ain't no pony name." Applejack said.

"Sounds kind of dumb honestly." Rainbow replied. I squinted at her. "No offense Anon."

"I think it is quite nice." came Fluttershy's reply.

The other three kept their opinion to themselves, but Pinkie nodded her approval at me.

The rest of the travel was kept in an awkward silence after that. I just kept myself distracted by watching the landscape outside.

Though I couldn't shake off the foreboding feeling that something's going to go wrong one way or another.

Author's Note:

Yeahhh so I lost Internet for a week, went into vacation for another, and it took a little time to get back into it. Sorry about that.

Excuses aside, thanks for reading, and also big thanks to the peeps commenting and adding the story to their Favorites and giving a like to the story. Y'all are the real MVPs éuè

Comments

[FTR2017]

Why the (Redacted)? Why not use Pieter? Or Arthur? Or even Pierre? Gustave?

Come on! Jack would've done the trick, man! But not that!

Rant aside, it was a good chapter. We'll have to see how his presence here affects the dealing of Discord.

[Cookies]

9160055
Keeping it a secret to add unnecessary mystery

[wizard0209]

9163259
you're welcome

[ultrasolarflare]

My name is [redacted] clever

[Mr Swanky Hat]

His name is bob

[Dapper Mutt]

They all turned on me, and this time I couldn't evade the bone-crushing hug from all of them. They were mindful enough to aim for the cloth-covered areas, but I still fell on the ground and got bombarded by various questions regarding my well-being and where I went, but I couldn't even answer because Pinkie was going all face-hugger on me.

Methinks a pair of gloves would suit you quite well.

Seriously speaking, he should have thought of wearing gloves by now. Not seriously speaking, I like that he hasn’t thought of gloves by now.

[Coretz]

Twilight cleared her throat. "The princesses think that, thanks to your innate ability, you are now your own familiar and I wanted a sample of your clothes to run some test ."

Oh my God.

I have seen many funny things today. I've read through comedy stories, watched comedy videos and comedy commentary on videogames by one of my favorite Let's Play... YouTubers... and I haven't cracked up as much as I have now. That is so freaking awesome I can't even!!!!

---

"You won't stop me!" I opened the door then slammed it behind me as I got on my way to Pinkie's place. I heard Twilight scream my name from inside. A laugh escaped my lips.

Would this mean it is impossible for her to cause him to stop now that he's uttered the words?

And what happens if he says "Oh fuck me..."???

---

Finally, instead of [redacted] you could make it...

"████████"

[Cookies]

9423017
Never thought of "me" as a trigger. Would have provoked a lot more funny bits though!
And thanks for the kind words, it's always nice to see that someone really enjoys the story!