Hannah Hawes, Shop Assistant
The Mission
Admiral Biscuit
“What're you doing this weekend?”
“Nothing much,” you lie. “Probably just sit around my house or hang out with friends. Maybe go to the park if the weather's nice.”
“You should come to the gym sometime,” he says. “Build up some muscle. Exercise is good.”
“Yeah, yeah.” You lean the broom back up against the wall. “I'm not really into that. Doesn't seem to be much purpose to lifting weights and all that.”
“You have no idea what you're missing.”
“Pretty sure I do. I've told you about Earth fitness clubs.” You reach for the trash can and then remember the Jolly Ranchers. “Hey, there were some Jolly Ranchers back there with the candy that you told me to toss out. You mind if I have them?”
“Go ahead.”
You go back into the stockroom—you remember right where they were—and stick them in your bra. It’s understandable that ponies have trouble with the idea of pockets in pants.
As you head for the back door again, you pick up the trash can. “I'll dump this on my way out.”
“Thanks. See you Monday.” You set down the trash can long enough to strip off your work apron and hang it up on its peg.
You dump out the trash and set the empty can just inside the back door. If he doesn't put it back where it belongs on his way out, you'll move it back on Monday.
You've got plans, and they won't wait.
•••
You always keep a bag packed—that's something that you learned years ago. You only stop by your apartment long enough to grab it, and then you hurry to the train station.
Your ticket is for a semi-private first-class seat, which is nice. As soon as the conductor shows you to your compartment, you tip him a bit, lock the door, and pull the shades down.
It's a little bit uncomfortable to change your clothes in a pony train car—the compartments really aren't sized for humans. You briefly consider how Jim Jam would find it, and decide that he'd really hate it. The first time he stood up, he’d stick his horns in the ceiling and have to pry himself loose.
Of course you're just lacing up your boots when the train starts moving, knocking you off balance. Luckily, here the small compartment comes to your rescue, and you're able to brace against a wall before tumbling, undignified, across one of the couches.
And then it's time to sit and wait. Sitting and waiting is boring, and you wish that you'd thought to pack a book in your ready bag. That's something to remember for next time.
At Baltimare, an older mare enters your compartment. She's about the most bland pony you could imagine—she's got a grey mane and tail, a dun-colored coat, and a piece of paper as a cutie mark. Her blue eyes are sharp and clear, though, and you know she never misses a detail.
“Evening, Pure Clear.” That's not her real name.
“Hello, ‘Banana.’ Have a good day at work?”
“Sure.” Your mouth turns up into a small smile at your codename. “If you're already thinking of Christmas—Hearth's Warming, we've got snowglobes in. They're really clever. Music boxes built into the base, the whole deal.”
“Maybe next time I'm in Manehattan, I'll buy one.” She opens her saddlebags and pulls out a folder. “The Orrery of Antikythera—what do you know about it?”
“Never heard of it until now,” you admit.
“Well, rumor is that it's located in the Temple of Eleia. Lotta trouble if it gets in the wrong hooves.”
You nod. This is not the first time that an ancient artifact has resurfaced and threatened all ponykind.
“Predates even Princess Celestia's rule, if you'd believe. Back when the Andravidans were trying to control the sun. We don't know if it still works, but—“
“But I probably shouldn't push any buttons on it,” you say. “Got it. Any idea what it looks like?”
“Nope.” She taps a hoof on the folder. “It's all in here, best guesses and all that. You know the routine.”
“Yeah.”
“I've got to get off at the next stop,” she says. “That's the bad news. So you ought to skim through the folder.”
“What's the good news?”
“I was just getting to that. You aren't going alone.”
“Who is it this time?”
Her face twists up into a rare smile. “Do you really want me to spoil the surprise?”
•••
Pure Clear was right that it was a surprise. Your companion is none other than Daring Do. She's wearing her cloak as a disguise, but as soon as the train leaves the station, she takes it off, revealing her adventuring clothes underneath.
“Hawes,” she says quietly. “I've heard about you. They say you're the cleverest monkey in the agency.”
“And you're the best birdhorse,” you tell her, totally deadpan. Inside, you're having a minor fangasm—Daring Do is a legend; she's the Indiana Jones of ponykind. Well, except that she's real. And a bit stuck up, but that's to be expected, given her track record.
“I guess I deserved that.” She plants her pith helmet firmly on her head and sticks out a hoof. “What do you like to go by? Banana is just silly.”
“Usually just Hannah,” you tell her. “Doesn't really lend itself to nicknames. My little brother called me 'Hannie.'”
“I'm not one to step on little brothers' tails. Hannah.” She glances over at the folder. “What do we know? I didn't get much of a briefing.”
“Not a lot. It's an orrery, it's in a temple, it might still work, and if it does bad things will happen.”
“Got it.”
“So no pushing buttons on it.”
“Right. How about the temple?”
“Built by crazy cultists.” Aren't they all? “Andravidan, dates before Princess Celestia's ascension. Recently discovered: the first expedition from the Bitish Museum gave up after one trap too many. Dr. Caballeron is known to be interested; last report has him chartering an airship. I'm reading between the lines a bit here, but if the orrery works like it's supposed to, using it could wrest control of the sun from Princess Celestia.”
“Good thing that Nightmare Moon's been vanquished—that sounds just like the thing she'd’ve wanted to get her hooves on.”
“Did I mention that the Andravidans are a New Lunar Republic cult?”
Daring rolls her eyes. “Of course they are. Anybody else interested?”
“Not according to this.” You set the folder aside. “It's not really Ahuizotl's thing, and I can't see the Mane-iac going for it, either. Pharoah Fetlock's in prison, Tirek's in Tartarus, and—“
“Grogar?”
“Maybe. He hasn't been seen for a while, so I wouldn't rule him out entirely.”
“Never worked with a human before,” Daring says, studying you intently. “What have you got as assets?”
“Opposable thumbs and a cutting wit.”
“And I've got wings and a pith helmet. Sounds like we're all set.”
“Yeah.” You slide the folder over to her. “There's a map of the temple in there—it's not complete, of course. But it's better than nothing.”
“You've seen one cursed temple, you've seen them all,” she says, but she opens the folder anyway.
Banana-because she's elongated and smooth compared to a pony?
8895468
I mean, yes, she is, and some of the ponies think that she's a monkey, but more in terms of the nickname for Hannah being Banana.
I heard of the Antikythera mechanism! The author of one of my favourite webcomics wrote a book that revolved around whether it should exist or not
I'm guessing, like an orrery?
"...but you can call me Hannah Banana."
Meanwhile, somewhere, nowhere, Discord is sitting in his floating fauteuil, and laughs until he falls out of it.
I never understood that idiocy. Sure, you can make the place a republic, but, by definition, those things have elected leaders. The very idea of "a republic led by Luna" makes no sense
Also, general body flexibility, I guess, though Equestrian ponies might come close to that.
8896458
I can't think of any reason why it shouldn't--I mean, it's pretty advanced and the knowledge of how to make it was lost, but still, it's basically just a bunch of gears (from what I know of it, anyways). I'm not saying that I could build one, but get a craftsman who really knows his stuff. . . .
Heck, the Chinese had rocket launchers back in like 1200 AD.
Probably, but those come in various shapes and sizes.
They Andravidans probably built this thing because they tried to convince Discord to run the solar bodies for them and when he was done messing with them they decided that they'd rather do literally anything else.
Actually, I wonder if there are any pre-unification fics on Fimfiction where some faction of ponies tries to get Discord to do something?
I mean, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea is a bit of a misnomer . . . just because you're calling it something doesn't mean that it is.
From what we've seen in canon (and ignoring the cartoon physics), they're probably about as flexible as a human. With cartoon physics, Hannah hasn't got a chance in the flexibility department.
8897184
Yeah, but in-universe in the story, they had precedent. Ghosts with the ability to pluck technology out of future timelines that may or may not actually come to pass, meddling with the lives of the living. With that in mind, things like the Antikythera mechanism could look a bit... suspicious
(that whole webcomic is brilliant. Just beware the koala.)
Hah!
I think back then he was probably still a bit too nasty in his dealings with ponies for them to even consider having a chat with him. He seemed like the sort to just turn them into furniture and forget all about them about two seconds later
Headcanon accepted. The Lunar Republic is now communist dictatorship :glimglam:
(why is there no glimglam smiley yet?! )
8897211
Well, I suppose if ghosts can do it than that's reasonable to wonder if that tech should really exist. I thought you were talking about IRL.
I mean, yeah, it is kind of suspicious, at least in the sense that we didn't know anybody back then knew how to build such a thing, but apparently they did. Or maybe it really was time-travelling ghosts.
Yeah, that'd be a risk, but maybe if he got bored with that for a little bit and wanted to try out a different kind of chaos, they might be able to get him on their side at least briefly . . . before he got tired of moving celestial bodies and decided he needed a new end table.
I mean, from what we've seen of Nightmare Moon, it's very plausible.
No Luna emotes, either. Which is complete BS.
If you liked this even a little bit, you owe it to yourself to read it. I'll even put the link in to save you time:
Whip and Wing
That is true. And the graphic novel Fray.
cdn-static.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeek/files/styles/article_width/public/frayone.jpg?itok=wC2Riojn
8897505
Well I linked to it... starting blurb there makes it pretty clear it's fiction. It ties into the webcomic I mentioned.
Hehe. Fair enough; I could see that happen
Ah, I've had it in my To Read for ages, so yea, already got the tab open. I'll see if I can get around to it soon.
Then again, I might just start writing again :3
8899297
Implying that I actually read the starting blurb.
Totally worth it.
Well, I've always said that that's a good excuse for not reading things. It's why my RiL is over a thousand stories long.
I recognize this.
Okay, you've caught my interest. You're writing is a credit to proper grammar and punctuation as well, much appreciated.
9410027
Yay!
9419985
Huzzah!
Thank you!