"Ow." Rainbow said flatly, poking at the bruise on her flank.
"Rainbow, stop that." Twilight sighed and handed her a bandage. "Wrap it up if it's hurting so bad."
"You know, if the princesses had just executed somepony once in awhile, we wouldn't keep getting hurt." Rainbow huffed.
"Rainbow!" Fluttershy scolded her.
"Well it's true!" Rainbow defended. "I mean, okay yeah I get why Celestia didn't just end Luna, that was her sister for Faust's sake. But what reason was there to seal the spirit of chaos and disharmony in stone? No offense Fluttershy. And then there was Tirek, who could steal magic and they just... put him in a cage for a millennia. Cuz that's how you deal with a power hungry psychotic mad centaur, you put it in a cage to get more pissed with every minute."
"Normally I abhor violence, but I find I must agree with Rainbow Dash, had they used more forceful methods, they surely would not return to cause trouble. At least Crysalis was only trying to help her hive, and Luna was still Luna just taken over by jealousy. But what use is there in something that just wants to hurt for the sake of hurting?"
"There's a use in everything." Fluttershy whispered.
"Yeah, real useful to seal away a pony in god damn ice. They should have just executed him! I mean, at least then he couldn't have taken the whole Crystal Empire with him when they banished him!" Rainbow shouted.
"The princesses didn't want to lower themselves to murder." Twilight answered.
"Well maybe they shoulda!" Rainbow yelled. "I mean your brother nearly died because they chose to seal away Sombra rather than just kill 'em outright!"
"Well he didn't. And Sombra wasn't even a pony for Faust's sake! He was a shadow brought to life! How were they supposed to kill that?" Twilight countered.
"Oh I dunno, maybe ask your brother and his wife?" Rainbow replied sarcastically.
"I.. Bu- okay fair point, maybe they could have tried harder to kill Sombra, but look at Luna, look at Starlight!" Twilight argued.
"Starlight almost ended the bucking world Twilight." Applejack retorted.
"And how many big bad evil creatures are actually true that we don't know about? We all thought the story of "The Mare In The Moon" was just an old mare's tale, NOPE SURPRISE IT'S PRINCESS LUNA WHO ALMOST ENDED THE DAMN WORLD OVER THE WORLDS WORST TANTRUM! Oh, ya thought Tartarus and Tirek were just stories meant to scare foals? NOPE GOT YA AGAIN! The pony of shadows? Oh wait, he's real too! Oh ha ha ha changlings, what a great excuse for emotional problems in a time before we advanced! Oh look! There's an entire hive of them and a queen! How many more legends are there that we might have to intervene in because the main princesses of Equestria for over a thousand years couldn't handle it!?"
"Well... Technically Celestia and Luna haven't ruled together for a thousa-"
"Not the point Twilight. I mean Celestia commands the sun! Why doesn't she just like fry em to a crisp? Banish them to the sun? For that matter, how did she get control of the sun? Sounds pretty sketchy if you ask me."
"Fair point." Twilight conceded.
"Fuck this!" Rainbow yelled throwing her hooves into the air. "I am so sick of cleaning up the messes of the princesses!"
"Hey..." Twilight whispered.
"Not you, obviously." Rainbow assured her.
"How many times have we had to fix other ponies shit Twilight?" Rainbow asked.
"I don't know." Twilight said.
"No, think for a second, do it. I know you can do it." Rainbow insisted.
".......742."
"Seven-hundred-and-fourty-two that's more than twice a week in just the six years we've all been friends!"
"That... that's mighty impressive." Applejack said. "Maybe we should be proud of ourselves!"
"And yet who is considered the all loving powerful rules of Equestria?" Pinkie asked sarcastically. "Bucking Celestia and Luna!"
"Oh look at me! I'm a pretty little pony princess, ladeeda, oh look this thing wants to destroy the world, better seal him in stone that can be broken by chaos happening in front of it!" Twilight pranced around the room.
"Twilight, you helped put Tirek back in his bucking cage." Rainbow deadpanned.
"Oh, right." She stopped prancing.
"And he's guarded by a guard dog that apparently could be tamed, just... why?" Rainbow asked.
"Maybe they needed a tame one in case they ever needed to check up on the prisoners?" Fluttershy offered.
"Fluttershy, you barely tamed that beast and it's your special talent. Not to mention how many animals probably got hurt because of their refusal to properly handle shit!" Rainbow threw up her hooves.
Fluttershy did not respond, merely looked at the floor.
"And lets not forget bucking Starswirl the Idiot!" Rainbow screeched.
"Hey!" Twilight yelled.
"Twilight, he left an unfinished spell that, had you not worked out would have tormented us for the rest of our lives, and just left it. Didn't even say what it did. Or maybe he did and Celestia just didn't tell us!" Rainbow shouted.
"The princess knew what she was doing!" Twilight scolded.
"Did she? Does she really know what she's doing, Discord was able to steal the Elements of Harmony from right under Celestia's oversized muzzle Twilight!" Shouted Rainbow.
"He's a spirit of chaos! Of course he can do what he wants!"
"Really? Really? Because when Tirek put Discord in that bubble, his magic was useless. Why didn't Celestia go for the elements to protect them the second she learned Discord had broken free?" Rarity asked.
"That's not the point! Tirek is powerful!"
"And Celestia and Luna aren't two of the most powerful alicorns to have ever existed?"
"Well... They are but-"
"But nothing Twilight! They could have put a stop to this!" Applejack yelled.
"How do you know?"
"How do you know if they even tried?" Applejack asked. "Surely you'd of felt that kinda powerful magic happening?"
"I...I..um..." Twilight began to think. "You're right. I would have."
"See! They are terrible leaders!"
"Didn't think I'd agree with Rainbow Dash on this, but... yeah they are pretty terrible." Pinkie sighed.
"You know what girls? Buck it. Lets kill 'em."
The first chapter is hilarious, I wonder what's gonna happen in the second chapter.
I got my bucket of popcorn and a cherry coke, let's do this shit.
Well, I'm not sure Discord CAN be killed, but they have good points about some of the others.
This seems interesting although I don't know what I've just read
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It's okay, I don't know what I've just written. :)
Well obviously the real answer is 'this is a show for kids, things happen because the plot demands it, and the protagonists are forced to clean up everyone's messes because they're the protagonist and that's what they're there for' but you can't just say that, because that's both horrible and condescending. Which ultimately leads to plot holes so big you can drive a tank through them. Because apparently kids can't handle even a tiny bit of realism in shows or something. Bitter? Why would you think I was bitter?
The moment I saw the title, I knew it was going to be good.
Let the madness begin!
742? Celestia and/or Luna either were impossibly useless, failed to help out in situations they should have, or actually _caused_ major problems in only about 22 or 23 episodes in the first six seasons (counting two-parters as one episode), depending whether or not preventing dangerous Kaiju from wandering around and occasionally out of the Everfree is part of their responsibilities. Stopping, say, Hillbilly Ponies from quarreling isn't a job for the national executive, so Twilight can suck it up when it comes to things like that.
So, unless there were over 20 times as many Looming Disasters "off-screen", this is so exaggerated that it isn't really very funny. IMHO it would work better if they listed specific examples, such the time Rarity and the 'Bolts were plummeting to their deaths and Celestia sat around in the audience with her hoof up her ass. (The Princesses are pretty annoyingly useless by this point: they've been beaten by vines, bad weather, and now basic public speaking: what's next, stewed prunes?)
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Unfortunately, the demographic the show has always aimed for has been 2-11 year olds, [1] which leads inevitably to dumbing down: while many 11 years old are capable of appreciating fairly complicated plots and good world building, 3 years old are barely comprehensible, let alone appreciative of subtlety.
[1] The Bronies have always been a profitable extra, not the fundamental business model.
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I was thinking of all the other ponies and others they’ve likely helped, not just save the world stuff.
instead of a joke this chapter feel like it would be at least half full of the truth, which makes it funny.
I like this story.
There's a flaw in the logic here that is bothering me. Rainbow says that Cerberus "apparently could be tamed", and then she says Fluttershy "barely tamed [him]" even though it's her special talent. So is she saying Cerberus is easily tamable or not? It makes sense that the Princesses would have a tame guard dog, in case they needed to get in, though the downside of that is Cerberus not being effective enough at guarding. It also makes sense that they would have an untamed guard dog, so wild that even Fluttershy couldn't really get to him, making it so that he's a really effective but potentially volatile guard. But which plan is Rainbow trying to criticize? Which does she think they enacted? If she believes that Cerberus is barely tamable, then it's a credit to Tirek's intelligence that he managed to sweet-talk his way out, not a detriment to the Princesses. And if she believes Cerberus is too tame, her second line here doesn't make sense.
All that aside, though, this is a wonderful beginning. I can't wait to discover the shenanigans that follow.
yes, my little creatures, you have gained common sense! kill the sketchy rulers and take the crown for yourselves!