The Wild Man

by Luckless

Chapter 3

Author's Note:

Got this out in less than a week with another chapter on another of my books! Thank you PrototypeJ for the incentive!

Edit 4/30/18: Did some tidying up with the word structure and misspellings. Oi, I really need to get better at this.

Brian

Vodka, you are my best friend, and my worst enemy. I had woken up on the highest branch of a tree, but at least I didn't have a hangover. Vodka was funny like that. Fucks you up, then leaves you without a fuss until you tangle again and fucks you just as bad as last time.

I got myself down just in time to be met with a heavy downpour. I rushed inside, and debated the wisdom of traveling in the rain. I'd get incredibly wet, and probably uncomfortable from the water seeping into my clothing, but I generally didn't mind that. My big problem arose to whether or not I'd be able to find my way back in the rain since it was so dark and the rain was so thick. If I paid extra attention to my surroundings, I figured I would be alright. Plus, animals didn't like to travel in the rain, so I most likely wouldn't have another run in with another monster like before. So there was that.

I decided it would be for the best to go out, but I made sure to don my trench coat and a rain hat. It had a brim that looked much like Indiana Jones' preferred hat, but it had a flap on the back and a face mask that would do well to keep the rain from going down my jacket.

I figured, in retrospect, that bringing a shotgun with me last time would've unnerved the locals, had I met them. So this time, I took with me my .308 bolt action rifle, the same one that I'd killed the moose with. I shouldered it to cross over my back, and started off down the path, squelching through the mud.

The forest was very peaceful with the rain pittering and pattering on the leaves, the trees, the mud and my own clothing. In fact, it was tranquil, seeing as how there was no animals making any noises or movements. It was such, that I couldn't bring myself to disturb the peace with a whistle or even a hum. I found myself mutely happy. I met the fork, took the same turn as before, and found myself right where that abomination had attacked me. It was then that I remembered that I hadn't cleaned up my shells, but there weren't any around.

Where'd they go? Could the locals have heard the gunshots and come to investigate? But wouldn't they have seen that monster? No one could've chucked that thing like I saw yesterday. Who... no, what could've done that? I was forced to leave my question unanswered, and my good mood fouled with nervousness. What other creatures live here? And why haven't I heard of them on the news or something?

This bothered me to no end while I continued my treck out of the forest. When the trees finally gave way to the grassy plain, I was still unnerved, and I found myself gripping the stock of my rifle in a vain attempt to calm myself down. The path led me away from the forest, and despite being made of dirt, laid resolutely solid. But it still wasn't a pavement road, and this escalated my anxiety even further. Just where the hell am I?

The path became forked once again, and seeing as how there wasn't any definitive clue to where civilization was, I chose to go right. As the saying goes, "Right is always right." I walked for a bit, and the rain started to lighten up to a drizzle as I put distance between myself and the forest. As I progressed, an orchard presented itself to me. I couldn't tell what kind of tree they were, but suffice to say, they weren't meant to be in Alaska. My heart started pounding as the realization struck me.

I couldn't be in Alaska, hell, I didn't know where in God's green Earth I was. Fruit bearing trees wouldn't be able to survive the harsh Alaskan winters, and animals like that demon monster couldn't possibly exist. So where was I? Just... find the farmhouse! Just find it, and ask where the hell this is, and leave!

I continued along the path, and the trees abruptly ended as the path broke away to reveal a... building. Two buildings and a couple of sheds in fact. Barns. But no farmhouse in sight. One of them had some glass pane windows and a porch with a decorative guardrail, so maybe that's the domicile? My nervousness growing, I walked up the path, completely oblivious to the blue blob that was eying me from one of the clouds above.

I stepped up onto the porch that moaned weakly beneath me, and came up to the door that was built just like a barn door. Split in half midway up, and on their own hinges.

What kind of people are they? I asked myself as I knocked on the door.

I heard someone from the other side mumble about who could be out at a time like this, Of course, me., and a strange sound approach the door. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that those were hooves. Maybe they have steel bottomed boots on and they just got inside without the time to take them off?

The door opened to a sight I didn't think I'd see. An orange coated, stetson hat wearing, pony. It's head was raised, coming to an eye to eye height with me, which if it were a person, would be a considerable height, seeing as I was 6 foot 5 inches tall. Just as I blinked in surprise and disbelief, the pony recoiled, and with a cry, spun on its' hooves and bucked. My thought process barely had enough time to restart itself for me to try dodging, but one of those hooves caught me across the face, and I heard the sickening crack of bone breaking. More specifically, MY FUCKING NOSE!!!!

I cried out myself as I lost my balance, and stumbled into the porch railing, which I then proceeded to tumble over into the mud on the other side. I scrambled to my feet, clutching my nose. I mumbled out a, "What the bloody hell," which sounded more like a garbled grumble.

"Don't worry AJ! I got it!" came a voice from above. I had just gotten back onto my feet to look up to another existence defying creature. A horse with wings. Needless to say, with the burning pain in my face and my current level of shock, the name of said creature didn't register. What it was doing, did. It was flying behind a cloud, and gave it a strong buck.

Thunder boomed, and a deathly powerful shock hit me in the face. Time went still as pain wracked through my system like I'd been lit on fire all over again, except even from the inside, or like grabbing a live electric fence with my whole body and incapable of letting go. My head was overcome by the worst pain I could ever imagine, and even as it hurt to do so, my back and limbs were forced to extend to be ramrod straight.

Time resumed, and I fell face-first into the mud, twitching uncontrollably with unnatural guttural undulating sounds. Finally, I couldn't stay awake, the pain overcoming me before my swelling panic attack over the now re-emerging memories of being on fire came to me.

Rainbow Dash

Me and my weather team had successfully taken control of the rainstorm that had built up and bled out of the Everfree Forest. All we had to do was let it run its' course, and watch over it so it didn't worsen. It didn't take that many pegasi to supervise the storm, so most of the team had gone home for the day, and I'd taken my post over AJ's farm. About an hour or so in, I spotted a strange figure walking on the path towards Applejack's farm. It walked on it's hind hooves like a minotaur, but wore a long coat and a funny hat that covered its' face. Then there was that odd stick it had on it's back, which it was gripping tightly.

I didn't like the look of it, so I kept my eye on the suspicious creature. I was silently hoping that it would simply walk on by the farm, but no, it walked straight on up to AJ's house, and under the porch roof, obscuring my sight. Better prepare a lightning cloud, just in case.

I quickly gathered up some of the rainclouds, and agitated them into lightning clouds with a few powerful punches. I heard it knock on the door, and all of a sudden, I heard AJ cry out, and the creature tumbling over the guardrail into the mud.

It attacked Applejack! "Don't worry AJ! I got it!" The creature was just standing up and looking towards me when I bucked the cloud as hard as I could. My reward was a powerful lightning bolt that struck the creature straight in the face. Score! "Take that you jerk! That's what you get for messing with my friend!"

The creature didn't answer. It stood incredibly straight, and fell onto its' face into the mud, trembling while making odd mumbling sounds before it started to slowly stop moving. That was... weird. There were an incredibly small number of creatures that couldn't take a lightning bolt. Our ambient magic shielded us from the electric shock. The only exception I could think of were the Griffons, and that only applied to artificial electricity that were found in Joy-Buzzers or from electric conduits. At worst, they'd be stunned, not so... that. I glided down to the ground to join Applejack, who'd come out to investigate the creature herself.

"What, is it?" I asked.

She shook her head, "Ah don't rightly know. Twilight probably would, she's smart like that. You go an' tell 'er, Ah'll drag it to the library."

I didn't like the thought of leaving AJ with a creature which had just tried to attack her, but she could handle herself, so I grunted in reply, and flew off to Twilights'. She'll know what it is, then we can send it back where it came from.

Brian

Consciousness flooded back to me violently, and I became acutely aware that I hadn't dreamt of being struck by lightning, and when I opened my eyes, discovered that I'd been struck by lightning by a sky blue pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail, also hadn't been imagined. Neither was that BROKEN NOSE! I groaned in pain that the head ache and nose were ever so generously giving me as a "waking up present".

I noted that there were four ponies, and a strange bipedal purple lizard in the room. One was the one that had kicked me in the face. The second was the one that had nearly killed me with lightning, and the third and fourth were totally new to me. The purple one with a disturbingly curious smile on its' face, had a horn and a haircut that you might see on a nerdy girl. The term "unicorn" seemed aptly put. The other was an incredibly shy and scared looking yellow coated, soft pink maned pegasus.

It was at this point I tried, and failed, to move. A quick glance at my arms and legs showed that I was nude, and bound to a rack with thick bindings (which were mysteriously loose), and when I opened my mouth, I was aware that I had a gag in my mouth. I scanned the room quickly, and saw all my stuff placed on a large table in the far corner.

The unicorn... SPOKE, "Oh goodie, he's awake!" That's... how? ... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! I whined behind my gag as both my heartbeat, and my breathing escalated dangerously. Ponies can't talk!

The yellow pegasus trotted up to me, and soothingly told me, "It's ok, we're not going to hurt you." while caressing my arm.

FUCKING BULLSHIT! Your friends broke my nose and struck me with lightning! LIGHTNING DAMN IT! I edged myself as far away from the pegasus as my bindings would allow.

The thing looked... hurt by my fear. It actually winced, and seemed to be on the verge of tears. It took a few steps back, "I'm sorry Twilight, but I think it's too scared right now for me to talk to it."

"Twilight" smiled at the yellow and pink pegasus, "Oh, don't worry Fluttershy. I'm sure it'll calm down eventually. Besides, by morning, I should find out all I need to know to find out what he is and where he came from. Come on, let's have some tea." They all turned their backs to leave, and I seized the moment to wrench my arms and legs free from bondage, and then untie the gag from my mouth.

They had just gotten to the stairs, which where they stood, they only needed to take a sidelong look to see me. Which they took. The orange one gasped, "It's free!"

Damn it, should've waited until they'd left. I thought to myself. But I wasted no time. I lunged to the table, and grabbed my rifle. I'd had it on safety, and there wasn't a round chambered, so I didn't have enough time to ready it when the rainbow one flew at me with a battle cry.

I basically used my rifle as a club, swinging it up from underneath to catch it squarely in the jaw, flipping it backwards to the other side of the table with an, "Oof!"

I turned back to the group. The unicorns' horn was glowing, and my gut told me that was a very bad thing, so I chucked my rifle at it. The rifle smacked the unicorn right between the eyes, and "Twilight" sank to the floor with an out of touch "Uhugh,"

"Why you little!" The orange pony cried, and it leapt off the stairs straight at me. Apparently, these things didn't really know how to fight, as I quickly and easily grabbed the forelegs, and flipped it straight into her friend, who was just getting up. They ended up in an what would have been a hilarious position which I would've laughed at had I not been so scared for my life. Their lips were pressed firmly against each other, and both sets of legs were spread apart so their bellies were pressed against each other.

I turned back to the remaining pegasus and lizard thing, who hadn't moved an inch since the whole fight started. I figured that they were too scared to do anything, so I would keep my eye on them, but not be totally terrified of. My rifle had fallen off the stairs onto the floor beneath, so I quickly retrieved it, loaded a road in the chamber (just in case) and kept it close as I put on my clothes again, albeit stiffly and in great deal of pain. The last article was the hat/mask, which I found that I couldn't put on without firing off more pain than I deemed worth to get the thing on. So I jammed it in my pocket.

Something shiny from the other side of the room caught my eye, and I turned to see a mirror. In it, I saw my mangled face. I cringed at seeing the damage to it. My nose had certainly been broken, having been forced in a completely wrong direction, almost to where the nostrils were being stretched to point right. Blood had poured generously from both nostrils, covering my upper lip and jaw. My eyes were bloodshot, and the undersides of my eyes showed badly bruising tissue. However, that was just the broken nose. Spread across my face was a lightning patterned, third degree burn from where the lightning had impacted that went across my face. The skin that wasn't directly touched, was in ugly shades of yellow bruising that turned black over veins and bone. It covered my face, my neck, and what little flesh my shirt and coat exposed.

Damn, those two really fucked me up. I had to fix my nose up, and as much as I paled at the thought, I had to do it. I grabbed the broken bone, gave a high pitched whine, and bent my nose back into place with a scream, and collapsed to the ground clutching the area around my nose. Ok, I'll finish it at home.

I shakily got to my feet, and grabbed my rifle to leave. "Fluttershy" and the lizard were looking sick, and terrified at me at the same time. I glared at them, and beckoned with my head for them to get out of the way as I stepped forwards. This seemed to somehow steel the lizards' nerve, even though his companion quickly complied.

"No way! You hurt my family, and my friends! You aren't leaving you big jerk!" Somewhere along the lines of what had happened today, I'd stopped being able to be surprised over the mind boggling impossibilities that had been presented to me. I didn't care that this lizard thing was talking, just that it was stopping me from leaving this strange prison run by ponies that shouldn't have existed in the first place.

I grabbed it by the green spikes on its' head, lifted it off the ground despite it demanding me to let it go, and dropped in on the floor away from the stairs. He made a very similar sound to the rainbow pegasus, but I, again, didn't really care. I stepped over the moaning unicorn, and continued my up the stairs. I reached the final step when something grabbed my leg, and I fell onto the final platform.

"Look you little asshole," I started, my voice dangerously level, "I have no idea where I am, I've been kicked in the face, got my nose broken, struck by lightning, and strapped down by freaks of nature, THAT SHOULDN'T EXIST!" My voice had risen in volume to a roar, "IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T GOT IT YET! I'VE HAD A VERY BAD DAY! I WANT TO GO HOME, AND IF YOU HAVEN'T LET ME GO BY THE COUNT OF 3, I'M GOING TO DROP KICK YOU INTO NEXT WEEK! One!" I only had to say one, and whatever had grabbed me let go, and scampered away quickly.

I picked myself up, cleared my throat, and spoke more calmly again, "Thank you. Now with all do respect, fuck off." I walked through the doorway, and found myself in the middle of a giant library. CAUSE OF COURSE THAT MADE SENSE! I growled into my hand, and made my way to the door. I opened it to find that it was still raining, and I was in the middle of a town with Victorian age, English looking buildings. They had hay roofs, and white plaster-eske walls with wooden supports.

An aneurism seemed to start growing out of my headache. I was painfully sure that there wasn't any buildings like these in Alaska, or anywhere is America for that matter. And I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as talking ponies, pegasus's or unicorns. Know what, fuck it. I'm going home, and sorting it out tomorrow. I left the library, slamming the door as hard as I could, and stalked my way through the quiet town.

Despite being absolutely lost, I still managed to find my way out of town, and directed myself towards the forest. I walked along the edge until I found the path I'd left the forest in, and retraced my way back to my truck.

Inside of my truck with the door closed, I undressed myself, and took out a small mirror to get a better look at the damage. And God have mercy on me, I looked even worse. The bruising on my face had gone into a disgusting, sickly looking black, but I found that wasn't the worst of it. My body was also suffering a shit ton of bruising. Black bruising ran along my bones and veins, while putrid yellow bruises everywhere else except for a few areas around my neck which were an angry red.

I bit down my disgust, swallowed some bile, and braced myself for what I had to do next. I downed a generous amount of Jack Daniels, gingerly placed my fingers on my nose again, which had started bleeding again, and forced the bone into the general place it should be. It hurt immensely, but I managed not to make it worse. Finally, I plugged my nose with some tissue paper, and tenderly cleaned my face up of blood.

Finished, I let out a pained sigh, and slowly laid down on my bed, going to sleep without bothering to eat.

Comments

[Even Evil Has Standards]

You know what they say. Alcohol is the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

[Luckless]

8926219
Don't I know it! Fun as hell too

[Spc jacko]

8926219
Was that the Simpson's. I have a hat with homer saying that with a mug of beer.

[Luckless]

8953580
Not that I know of, don't watch that much of the Simpsons. But you know, the simpsons have done everything.