Chapter 1
In The Home Of Our Princess part1
A sequel to A Day To Remember.
By Carmack21
"Twilight, you ok?" Rainbow leaned over the side of the bed to ask the pile of lavender on the ground.
"I don't know let me just..." Twilight retorted as she stood and jumped back in bed bucking Rainbow clear off the other side.
Rainbow was surprised by this immediate reaction, but she was more surprised by how quick Twilight was to take up all the blankets. Dash stood and stared at the bundle of blankets and saw an innocent unicorn covered in the sheets with a gentle smile and closed eyes. She couldn't but help from smiling as well.
"So are you coming to bed, or are you just going to stare at me with that awed expression?" Twilight chimed in without opening her eyes.
"I wasn't starring at you!" Rainbow inquired, "Oh wait I was, and I will go to bed just as soon as you stop hogging all the blankets." She added as she reached and grabbed a corner of the blanket and gave a mighty tug spinning Twilight right up into the air.
Rainbow covered up and closed her eyes; she wore the same expression that her friend had only seconds before expressed.
"Alright then we can share." Twilight gave in to the cyan Pegasus demand, as she regained balance.
"Too late." Rainbow said quickly.
"Too late?" Questioned Twilight.
"Mhhm." A now sleepy Dash assured her.
"Well then." Twilight noted, getting as close as she could to Dash, then wrapping her arms around the bundle of blankets, "I guess I could stay warm like this."
Rainbow felt the arms wrap around her, she felt the sudden embrace, but she couldn't feel the warmth of Twilights body. She cursed herself for hogging the blanket, and yet she felt jealous of it as well. She rolled over to face Twilight and unrolled the blanket, "Half for me and half for you." Rainbow offered.
"But I get all of you." Twilight added as she reached around Dash and pulled her close, smothering the Pegasus.
Dash finally felt the warmth that the unicorn gave off, she could feel the warm succulent breath, and just when it couldn't get any better, the lavender pony made a sly move that it caught Dash off guard. Twilight kissed Dash, but this was not an average kiss, or a friend kiss, this was a passionate kiss, one that seem to have over come the lavender unicorn and made her listen to her heart instead of her mind for once.
After a few seconds Rainbow pulled back, she wish she could last longer, and keep that sweet memory ever lasting, but the lack of air made her gasp.
"What’s wrong Dash, I thought you wanted to teach me a thing or two in the bedroom?" Twilight questioned Dash.
"Twilight, do you really think it's a good idea to you know..." Rainbow asked.
Twilight looked puzzled, what was this cyan pegasus getting at?
"Uhm, you know who..." Rainbow gave a little more information.
Twilight looked from corner to corner of the room, books and charts lined the wall and scattered the floor, but there were only two hearts beating, "What do you mean?"
"Well doesn't it feel weird, you know with us being in the royal princesses presence?" Dash added.
Twilight looked up at the ceiling, as though the answer too her question was there and thought a minute. Taking in what her friend had mentioned, she stood on her bed, closed her eyes and used her mystical powers to create a purple force field around the room, which then quickly faded leaving no trace of its presence.
"What’s that?" Dash question.
"Oh just a little spell I’ve learned, which keeps any noise inside the field from leaving. How do you think I do all my experiments in Ponyville without alarming anyone silly?" Twilight answered Dash with a grin.
Twilight fidgeted to creep back under the sheets and snuggle right up next to Dash. "Now where were we?" Twilight asked, although knowing which step they were at that point.
"Oh I don't know, maybe here!" Rainbow said as she quickly smothered Twilight.
----------------------------------------
"Wakey wakey sleepy head." Said Twilight as she rubbed her hoof through Dash’s mane.
Dash cracked open her eyes to recognize a fully awake Twilight, full of energy and ready for the day, unlike herself who rather spend the time in bed if possible. "How are you awake? It's barely even bright out." Dash noted looking through the enormous window which took up a good portion of the wall.
Twilight stood on all four hooves and walked over to the behemoth window and looked out. "If you don't wake up now then you will miss out on most of the day, plus, if you look outside to the garden you can see the Wonderbolts practicing for the show before dinner tonight." Twilight hinted on the Wonderbolts part to entice Rainbow to get up.
"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Lemme see, lemme see!" Rainbow pleaded as she flew from bed straight for the window, causing charts and books to float around the room.
As Rainbow made her way to the glass, Twilight quickly stepped aside making sure that the high speed projectile wouldn't hit her.
SMACK!!!! Right into the window, Dash’s face didn't lose the happy joyful stats though. She looked from corner to corner of the garden till she finally found the prize. Spitfire and her team were stretching and warming up for practice drills like they do every morning, Dash couldn't believe it. Front row seats!
"You want some popcorn with your front row seat or haycakes?" Twilight amused, although she expected no response.
Rainbow couldn't keep her eyes off the team, she heard the question, but she couldn't bring herself to answer, as though speaking would cause an unbalance force which could stop the Wonderbolts procedures. "Uhuh.... Haycakes please." Dash finally answered as she saw a break in the practice.
"Alright, give me a couple minutes." Twilight answered as she walked off smiling, heading to the door. "Good sir, can you bring my friend and I a stack of the delicious haycakes from the eating hall?" she questioned the guard, who promptly bowed and did as he was beckoned.
Twilight turned back to the room and noticed something; where'd Dash go? She had been sticking her face against the window, trying to absorb the 'coolness' which was the Wonderbolts, but was now nowhere to be seen. "Rainbow? Where'd you go?"
"Right here!" she replied as she tackled Twilight causing the two to roll around on the floor. As the two stopped rolling, Rainbow stood erect on all fours as she pinned Twilight on the ground, "Gotcha!" As though she had won a prize.
"Hey Dash, I need to tell you something." Twilight beckoned her counterpart to move closer in, to whisper a secret.
"What?" Dash asked.
"Are you sure you got me?" Twilight asked?
"Uhm let me check." Dash looked at all her hoofs, "Yup." she stated.
Twilight smiled wickedly, as though her plan was in action. FLOOP! A puff of purple smoked enveloped the two mares, but when it cleared the two were in switched positions with Twilight now pinning Rainbow Dash.
"Ok, ok, you win... For now." Dash succeeded.
Knock knock.
Twilight jumped off Dash and used her magic to spin her up right, "Come in."
"Your haycakes are her ma'am." the guard answered as he poked his head in.
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Interesting, a Twidash. Ugh...Rainbow has to ship with everything. We need less Appledash, Flutterdash, Raridash, Pinkiedash, or any Dash romantic-related story. Anyways good story, not good enough for a favorite, but I'll give it a like.
It's takeing me time, but I want to extand my deepest gratitude to thos who've liked or favorited this sequel and the prequel. Thank you!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/096/044/trollface.jpg?1296494117
liked the story
I'm pretty sure that I read and enjoyed your previous fic, but I couldn't get through this. There were just too many spelling and grammatical errors for me to want to spend my time reading it.
"So are you comming to bed..." -coming
"To late." -Too (x2)
"...and yet she felt jealouse of it as well." -jealous
"...warm suculent breath..." -succulent
"...the lavender pony made a sly move that it caught Dash off guard." -Drop the "it."
"...the royal princesess presance?" -princess's (or princess', or if you meant both princesses, then princesses's or princesses'), presence
"...as though the answer too her question..." -to
"...used her mistical powers..." -mystical
"...no trace of it's pressance." -presence
"...spell i've learned..." -I've
"...the field from leaveing." -leaving
"Twilight fiddiged to creep back..." -fidgeted
"...although knowing which step they were at that point." -although she knew which step they were at at that point.
"...as she quickly smoothered Twilight." -smothered
And that brings us to the halfway point in this chapter. There are probably a few more errors in that section that I missed, but I was just noting what jumped out at me. So basically, you need an editor or proofreader. And I take back what I said about there being too many issues with it for me to spend my time reading it, since I got a little carried away in editing and ended up reading it anyhow.
I'll keep tracking this story, and I'll check back later to see if it's more readable.
:(
963780
Ya'h know you could thank NikitaKitten for his/her time to point out those edits?
Please get someone to proof-read and edit before you upload.
964275 i did, i thanked him and assured that i have a friend helping me, i sent him a private message thanking him for his advice. and asked if he could point it out in the future.
964350
Great to hear, sorry if I sound like an asshole it's just that when people take there own time pointing out edits to the author and the author doesn't really thank them for it, it grinds my gears.
965336No no I see what u mean, I would feeel god dang awful if I did that, and btws you didn't sound like an ass.
Let's see, there are many things that are wrong with this story. But, none of the problems are major, and all can, and most likely will, be fixed in due time, once you acquire sufficient experience in the art of the pen.
Also, completely unrelated, but Twidash~!
967515 I think you mean Completely related OH YEA!!!!!
BTWs, i have to admit something to everyone/everypony l:P, this story might take awhile, but i really acquire a select few to help me, shoot me a message and ill send you the next chapter of the story to get your opinions
Before I take an extended break, I'll post two more chapters, each with atleast a thousand words. Oh I'm open to any ideas. Doesn't mean I'll use them, but I'm open to it.
"couldn't but help from smiling as well."
Don't know if you cough this or not, but as I was reading, this sentence cunfuzzeled by brain lol.