4 - Trouble Follows Fortune
”... therefore, we can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt the impossibility of temporal displacement beyond sixty seconds, forward or backward.”
*Audience applause*
*warbling arcane humming*
“Nevermind what I just said. Especially you, me. Your hypothesis is obviously entirely wrong, you’ll learn why in about two decades.”
“You… You overturn our own work, then travel years into the past in order to embarrass your past self in front of thousands? Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize. I appear to be a gong-farmer!”
“Ouch, that slang is extremely out of date. Well, this should be more than enough to cause whatever paradoxes might arise from proper time travel. Want me to come back in a bit to let you know if the Self-Consistency of Time applies to long distance temporal displacement?”
“No!”
“Understood, and farewell! Oh! You should think twice about having dinner at our cousin’s house next month.”
*warbling arcane humming*
“Ahem… Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the interruption. I propose we turn this convention into a think tank focused on discovering the mechanism to allow for long range temporal displacement. There’s a particular nose I would like to punch.”
*warbling arcane humming*
“That plan fails, by the-”
*meaty thwack*
- Partial transcript of Hawking Brown’s State of Applied Arcana speech in 1023
Vinyl Scratch - Day 1
The Dark Fortress - Wieav
“Sounds like fun! Can I lend a hand?” A mysterious woman asked from behind the three.
Vinyl reacted instantly, but out of panic. Her sword flew from its scabbard while she spun around as Vinyl performed a flawless iaijutsu strike by pure chance. The end of her blade sliced cleany through the speaker without a single ounce of resistance, leaving behind only a gray smoky-rift in the woman’s face.
An impressive feat considering the humanoid stood two feet taller than Vinyl. One which was made much less impressive by the way the cut didn’t phase her in the least. And completely reduced to nothing when the gray smoke oozing wound simply closed even as the woman’s clothing knitted itself back together slightly behind her “flesh”.
“HOLY SHIT!” Sky swore, sweeping his rifle up into the firing position, his finger hovering over the trigger but not pulling it. Not yet.
Terror still firmly gripping her mind, Vinyl took a few steps back, her sword held in front of her as she tried to take in exactly what they were facing.
The terror stood just over five feet tall, with a body one could best describe as remarkably human in general appearance. Two arms, two legs, one head, a curvy torso, small but noticeable breasts, visibly toned muscles giving an athletic look. Even the proportions were close, though she was over all much thinner than would be healthy for a human of her height, her fingers and arms were slightly longer than they would be for a human woman. She even had hair.
That’s where the similarities ended. The most noticeable difference was her skin. While not metallic or reflective in any way, it resembled gold if that gold was covered by a thin layer of brownish grime. Then of course there was her face. A tiny nose, thin lips, large slanted purely black eyes like pools of crude oil.
If it hadn't been for the way she was dressed, she would have been terrifying.
The alien woman was dressed in a pair of oil stained denim overalls and once-white-now-gray t-shirt, along with a pair of brown leather work boots. Not one piece of her outfit was clean, every inch of it was stained with grease, oil, metal dust, soot, or small flecks of sawdust.
Her hair wasn’t any better off, in cleanliness or style. The raven strands had clearly been grabbed, bunched into a bun, then pinned in place with a pair of carpenter’s pencils with absolutely no care for how it looked. Then buried under a purple newsboy cap, leaving some bangs poking out in a way which while cute, was clearly accidental.
The handle of a wrench protruded from her overalls left hand pocket, a few screwdrivers were tucked into her breast pocket, and her left hand held a beat up, slightly rusty, red toolbox marked with a silver logo consisting of the word PROTO in bold letters.
“YOU JUST ATTACKED-” Orchid squeaked, trembling mid air.
The woman waved a hand dismissively. “Hey, no harm no foul. This happens more than you’d think, what with appearing out of thin air and all,” the woman interrupted, offering the three an amused grin. “I’m guessing you’ve never built anything before, eh? Adventurers. Heh, you'll need my help if you want to get that thing working. By the way, I’m diggin those brass balls of yours! Coming to the Dark Fortress for an adventure. Who does that?”
“T-they’re aliens, ma’am,” Orchid informed before Sky or Vi could do anything.
“Who is this random greasemonkey and how the FUCK does she have a goddamn Proto toolbox?!” Sky demanded dropping is rifle throwing his hands up in a mixture of surprise, distress, and adrenaline.
“I’m so happy I have a sling,” Sheila said quietly as she swung from Sky’s shoulder.
The woman lifted her toolbox slightly. “This? A friend of mine picked it up in a town called Roswell a long time ago. He knew I liked tools so he grabbed me a souvenir. More importantly, you’re clearly an enginerd. How come you don’t know me?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “Please tell me you’re not about to fix a fusion reactor as your first tool using task, EVER.”
“They're actually sort of, um, aliens,” Orchid said quietly.
The woman groaned and ran a hand down her face, wiping off enough shop grime and dirt to show her skin was in fact just normal gold in color.
“Oh, fer fack’s sake…” She moaned. “Look, we’re fine with offwolders who want to have a little fun on our rock, but you gotta go through my sister. She’s the head honcho here. You can’t just land any place you like, whip up some disguises, and wander around looking for adventure. She has rules!”
W-wait. That’s a thing that happens here? Vinyl thought to herself. Lyra would LOVE this!
“I’ve had this same what the fuck moment before!” Sky exclaimed in shock, still focusing on the woman’s toolbox. “With the same toolbox!”
“What?” Vi, Orchid, and the woman asked in unison, each of them also sprouting identical confused frowns.
A most impressive feat, considering their entirely different species.
Sky looked the woman dead in her eyes. “Your name is NaN. Derpy introduced you to me thirty years go. You brought that toolbox with you. I’m Sky Trigger. You helped my sister and I fix a porta-” Sky’s half astonished half accusatory ramble mutated into an incredulous yelp. “- You picked it up in ROSWELL and look exactly like a Gray. WHAT?!”
Derpy… Knows someone from… Another universe? HUH!? Vinyl silently asked, her brain shutting down slightly. I know she can get lost delivering mail but this is ridiculous!
NaN’s eyes brightened in recognition, or at least, they became more glossy. “Yeah! I remember that. It was about a century ago on this side. Anyways, I didn’t get this. A friend of mine got it for me. More importantly, that didn’t happen in a parallel universe.
“What are the odds of two disconnected universes having planets with towns called Roswell and tool manufactures called Proto who both presumably experienced a spacecraft crash?”
“Really, really, REALLY low!” Sky snapped, shaking his head for a moment before holding it. “Well, I mean, technically they are a hundred percent because infinite universes. But the odds of a given instance of yourself encountering one are astronomically im-fucking-possible!”
NaN shrugged dismissively. “It happened. Doesn't really matter how unlikely it is, does it?” She asked rhetorically. “Sooo, you guys here to visit Derpy? There’s two problems with that. First, she’s not home. I’d know. Trust me. Second, you’re WAY out in the sticks if you were looking for her mom’s place. Want directions?”
“Excuse me,” Vinyl said, her head finally clearing. “But why does Derpy’s mom live in another dimension?”
And how does she get here? Can we evacuate Equestria if it comes to that? Vinyl wondered, her officer's mind quickly formulating several possible backup plans.
“Lyra didn’t tell you?” Sky asked as he gave Vinyl a surprised look.
Vi shook her head. “Nooooope!”
“She got lost as a filly, breached the universal barrier, somehow, and was adopted by a dragoness. Spent years of her adult life hopping from universe to universe trying to find her homeworld,” Sky informed quickly. “More importantly we can trust NaN here to help! She helped Lyra and I rescue Twilight.”
“Oh, well great!” Vi said with a relieved smile as she returned her sword to its scabbard. “We need all the help we can get.
“Uh, anywho, NaN,” Sky continued, turning to face the newly apperated woman, “We’re NOT here to visit Derps, and I am COMPLETELY sure that a certain enemy of ours has no idea that this world is connected to our own. We wouldn’t be here if he did.”
“Then what’s the situation?” NaN asked with a frown, setting her toolbox down on a computer console within her arms’ reach. “I’ll help if I can, but um… You remember me bitching about my sister never letting me do jack shit? About all I’m allowed to do is help folks build things.”
Sky opened his mouth to reply, and a jolt of fear raced down Vi’s spine clean down to her tail tip.
If Sky tells her the EXACT reason we're here Orchid will find out we’re lying and probably have her swarm kill us all!
“We’re in the middle of a challenge forced on us by an Old One,” Vinyl blurted out, the nature of her statement likely the only thing hiding the true reasons for her fear. “If we can find out who he is in this world and kill him, he has to leave our world alone. If we die for any reason, he gets to have his way with the place.
“We have no idea who he is, and if he dies any way other than if someone kills him knowing he’s actually an Old One and is in on the quote unquote game, he’ll respawn as someone else.”
NaN groaned sympathetically and yet also irritably as she pulled herself up onto the console to sit beside her toolbox.
“Well, shit,” NaN said grimly. “Mar’rath is a really big rock floating in space covered in billions of people. Do you have ANY leads? Is it just you two? How totally screwed are we talking here?”
Vinyl nodded, looking up at NaN with an apologetic scrunch of her face. “We know he’s somewhere in Wieav, but that’s like, it. As for other people, we have three. Twilight and Lyra, and my little brother. Who apparently made this fort a long time ago,” she answered deciding to be completely honest.
NaN frowned, her thin lips parting enough to reveal small tombstone shaped teeth. “Come again?”
Sky cleared his throat. “Vinyl is his Lordship’s sister. That is to say, the owner of this fortress. Although, he’s not quite sure as to exactly what he was doing here all those years ago. Or if he was even really here. Though, you know, it seems like he was.”
Orchid twitched mid air at Sky’s words. “His memory is that damaged? Poor guy…”
NaN took a deep breath. “Oooohhhkay… And that’s a big ol pile of frozen shit right in the cunning linguals. Upside, my sister will be PISSED that her usual formula of ‘seal the evil away’ failed.”
Vi’s brow furrowed angrily. “He’s not evil! He just pretends to be so hero's come to fight him. He’s just a bord dork who likes to play the hammy villain.”
NaN waved a hand in an odd rolling gesture. It took a moment for Sky and Vi to realize the gesture was equivalent to rolling one’s eyes.
“Oh yeah, the supermage who almost manages to kill me was just playing. Mmmmmhm… Weird that he was an Equestrian, though.” NaN muttered angrily before looking Vinyl dead in her eyes. “Usually I don’t mind when evil fight’s evil, but this is personal. So. Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t have you thrown off my rock right into deep space?”
Sky looked over at Vinyl uncertainty. “Just how certain are you that he’s not actually evil?” Sky asked skeptically.
“Completely,” Vinyl answered with sincerity. “I’ve seen what he tried to get Lyra, Sherbert and I to play. I saw what he played with Twilight. He does to the villain stuff, yeah. But he PLAYS. Chem doesn't really hurt anything. He doesn't want to. If he did he would have the moment we set him free.”
Vinyl looked back at NaN and took a deep nervous breath. “If he tried to kill you, then it was in a simulated reality. There’s no way he’d really kill a uh… Teleporting mechanic? What are you?”
NaN slid her lips across each other for a moment then nodded. “Well, you believe what you’re saying is true. I’ll give you that. I’ll tell you something else, though. If that really is how your brother operates, then someone was impersonating him. Because I’d know if I were being fed false data. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeves.”
“Like what?” Sky asked curiously, stroking his chin in thought. “By the way, you never answered Vi’s question. What are you?”
“Be polite!” Orchid hissed urgently. “You’re talking to Her Divine Grace’s own sister!”
Sky blinked in surprise. “The Space Pope’s sister is a mechanic? That’s random,” he exclaimed with a snicker.
NaN smirked, shaking her head slowly. “Space Pope. That’s great! Pope. Love it! Silly sounding word. Ima steal it. Please tell me it means,” NaN paused for a moment to take a deep breath. “The First Divine, Mother of the Goddesses, Goddesses of Passion, The Great Bard, She Who Delights In Strangers, The Guide on the Path of Love, The World’s Creator, Her Divine Grace, Null.”
She paused a gain, taking a second breath, seemingly to recover from the long list of titles. “Because then I’d actually be allowed to call her that, and it would just be great because HOLY FUCK her insistence on me using her titles every, single, time I want to refer to her by name is just the WORST!”
“It uh, it doesn't,” Sky said blinking twice. “Is this like a Ming the Merciless thing? Because that would SO explain the weird past-future tech and magic.”
Vinyl cringed. “Oh… Oh, Luna… Did she take over the world to go all ‘Space Empress’ or something? You know, so everyone has to wait on her mouth over hoof?”
Orchid flew over to Vinyl, moving down to whisper directly in her ear. “No. You’re talking to an actual deity!”
NaN giggled. “Hehe! Mouth over Hoof. Too bad Lyra never activated that crystal I gave her. I’d love to get to explore Horse World sometime,” she sighed wistfully. “Nah, as your little fae friend said, we’re actually deities. Not the all-powerful kind, that can’t actually exist. They are logically impossible and all that.”
“Uh, no,” Vi said slowly. “Discord’s clearly omnipotent.”
NaN shook her head. “Guarantee he’s not. Have him try making a rock so big he can’t lift it. If he can, then he’s not able to do anything. If he can’t then he’s not able to do anything. Everything has limits. Nothing can truly be all powerful. It’s the same as saying something is more north than north.
“All the omni-powers are paradoxes like that. Except for omnipresence, if and only if you’re talking about a creature that is literally the fabric of existence itself.”
Sky hummed. “Sooo, then what are you? A God of Creation all Greek Style? And for the record, if Discord has limits they hardly matter from the ‘mere mortal’s’ point of view.”
NaN shrugged. “Hey, cool. Maybe you’re world is different and allows for logical paradoxes. This one doesn't. And I’m not a creator-deity. I’m basically just an immortal engineer, because SCREW making people kiss my ass all the time!
“What kind of vapid bitch wants to be worshiped? Oh, right, my sister. Though since she made this world what it is, I guess she kinda does fit the ‘god’ niche.”
Vi raised an eyebrow. “You sound REALLY bitter about that.”
NaN gave Vinyl a simple look. One Vi had seen many times before. The look of an emotionally exhausted person who wanted to scream ‘No bucking horseapples, featherbrain!’ but was holding the outburst in.
“Let me put it this way. I live forever. I am meant to invent, construct, and assist people in making all things technological. I’m immortal, incapable of suicide, and I don't have the authority to override my sister’s will.
“She’s the head honcho and wants this world to be all trapped in medieval stasis forever and ever because that’s her idea of nice home decor. No spacecraft, no internet, no major computing, no Artificial intelligence, and ESPECIALLY no holographic tech. Nothing fun. Let me say it again, my sole purpose is creating machines. I’m in hell!
“I’ve pissed her off so much over the years that all I am allowed to do anymore is hang out with my fellow engineers and talk shop. So, I have friends. People treat me like a fucking PERSON!
“I can’t imagine why she likes having people wait on her hand and foot, so blinded by cultural indoctrination that they’ll go down on her regardless of their own sexual preferences if she so much as vaguely hints she wants them to, cuz ‘we must please her Divine Grace!’ Ugh!”
NaN shivered in much the same way anyone would upon finding out they were swimming in a septic tank for the last half hour.
“She sounds lovely,” Sky said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “But this conversation has gotten WAY off track here. So uh, how can you help us? If you even still want to help us since her little bro tried to kill a goddess. Huh… Did he threaten too, or did he actually physically try? How would you even do that?”
“He tried. Got pretty close to doing it too. Sis stopped him,” NaN clarified, looking away to hide her wishful look, and failing. “And no, it wasn’t in a false reality. I can be in many places at once.
“I’m in three million different workshops in empire of dirt right now. Just hanging out with my fellow enginerds and having a laugh in the shop. That’s why I know he couldn’t have fooled me with illusions or sensory relaying.”
“Because you’ve got more than one body,” Vinyl said with an understanding nod and a horrified frown. “Then he did really try to hurt you.”
“It’s less I have more than one body, and more like I can make an avatar anywhere someone picks up a tool and starts talking shop. I don't have a centralized mind, or body. I’m therefore immune to that sort of deception.” NaN said, looking off into space as if lost in thought. “You really do think he’s innocent. I can tell. Why do you think he’s been here before?”
Orchid cleared her throat. “I identified him, your grace.”
NaN’s left eye twitched. “Don’t call me that,” she instructed. “I’m just an immortal dork who likes to tinker.”
“B-but all of the divines are to be revered as per Her Divine Grace’s wishes!” Orchid protested.
“Then make it a joke. Like, ‘Your Grease’ or something. Damnit, fae. I’m an engineer, not a idol.” NaN griped as she slid off the console and onto her feet. “I assume he’s close by?”
Vinyl nodded. “Yeah, upstairs in a communications room. Please, don’t hurt him!”
“I’m just going to look,” NaN said as she closed her eyes for a moment.
Vinyl and Sky looked sidelong at eachother, each of them fearing what might happen in the next few seconds.
“Good, only one guy up there. I hate having to do remote viewing. This kinda hurts. Always nice to not have to look at everything,” NaN said aloud, but not to anyone in particular.
If she mistakes him for the real evil Equestria is doomed. I know Chem wouldn’t have done this but… She seems like Discord. And he’s not infallible.
NaN nodded to herself and opened her eyes. “Okay. If that is the same person, he’s pulled a total one eighty,” she said half to herself and half to Sky and Vi.
“Meaning?” Sky prompted.
“Meaning he’s not evil,” she answered. “Either he was framed, or he’s completely reformed. Either way, I can’t hate him. Especially if he’s forgotten putting a fist into my metaphorical heart. Everyone deserves a second chance if they turn themselves around… Though admittedly this pushes that notion to its limits.
“Right then! I’ll lend you all a hand. It will take me a while to come up with a way to help you find your target. While I think about that one, why were you trying to fix this genny?”
Oh thank goodness! We have some help from someone with real power! Even if she is only able to influence carpenters and machinists and stuff that’s a HUGE deal. Vinyl thought as she sighed in relief.
“We decided to use this fortress as a base of operations, since it appears to be owned by one of us… Though if there is some question about his status as owner I uh, Orchid? I like you. Can we just leave? No violence?”
Orchid shook her head. “You don’t have to. Like Her Grace said, either he’s become a different sort of person, or I was serving someone framing him,” she said calmly. “If the first is true, he’s a much nicer person now and gave me a huge raise. Yay for his Lordship’s new outlook!
“If it’s the other thing, well, my ancestor swore an oath to Lord Zeneanus, the Ever-Living. Who is really this guy, and not the guy she was speaking too when she made the oath I’m abiding by. I’ll have to apologize for serving the wrong person for a while. But that’s it.”
“You’ve got an interesting perspective there,” Sky noted.
Vinyl nodded in agreement. “Yeah,” she said with a relieved smile. “I’m glad we’re not suddenly enemies. I have no idea hwo I’d fight you.”
“Hey, whoever he really is, he’s paying me like, A LOT!” Orchid giggled, her pink glow brightening a good deal.
NaN cleared her throat. “It may not be the best idea to use the Dark Fortress as a base of operations. Buuuut, my sister will force you to take an even dumber choice for her own perverse pleasure and I can’t exactly give you a better place. Your brother will be recognised anywhere he goes here and the joint alliance watching this place probably already know he’s back…”
The goddess hummed, tapping her toe in thought for a long while. “Eh, yeah this will have to do,” she said at long last. “A base of operation is definitely something you need for a nationwide manhunt. You won't find another one that’s up for grabs and might withstand an Old One for a bit either.
“Here’s what I’m going to do for you. I’m going to restore this place to working order. Power, shields, weapons, everything. I’ll even put fresh paint on it. While I’m doing all that, I’ll try and figure out a way for you to find your Old One.
“You get just this one favor though. I’m going to be in deep enough shit for this. Dontcha worry. I won't let a whole world die for the sake of not being yelled at. You guys go upstairs and fill your teammates in on what’s happening. I’ll drop by once I’m done in ‘bout an hour.”
“An hour?” Sky asked skeptically. “To fully overhaul an old fort, fix a reactor, and do whatever else this place needs?”
A dozen new instances of the Goddess of Engineering appeared amid pale shimmering gold sparks and immediately beginning to work on different tasks. Opening computer panels, inspecting the reactor’s components, even cleaning a stain off the floor.
“Yeah,” the collective NaNs answered with various friendly grins.
“Talk to you soon, ol buddy! I’ll have this heap proper skookum in a jiffy,” the original NaN said as she picked up her toolbox and straightened her cap.
Lyra Heartstrings - Day 1
The Dark Fortress - Wieav
“Well, while they attend to that I suppose the three of us should also do something productive,” Chem said as Vinyl, Sky, and Orchid left the communications room.
Twilight nodded in agreement, standing up as she looked around the room thoughtfully, her eyes turning to one of the arcane computers.
“There’s probably quite a lot we could learn about Wieav’s military in these. If we’re going to be hunting down someone in a Kingdom, we should know how it’s warriors do their jobs,” she said quite firmly.
Lyra nodded in agreement. “Yeah. If Vinyl’s sword can be some sort of chainsaw, we need to know, I don’t know… If their arrows have lock-on capabilities,” she said with a worried frown as she turned to look out into the hallway. “I hope there isn’t any goblins Orchid missed. It’s pretty easy to set up ambushes in this kind of darkness.”
Chem curled the fingers on his left hand into his palm, murmuring a quick spell before tossing a still forming ball of yellow energy up into the air. The ball burst like a balloon, bathing the room in a warm yellow light.
“Speaking of Darkness,” he chuckled to himself. “I find it funny that most of the magic I’ve been given is light based.”
Twilight blinked in surprise as the warm steady light breathed life into the room. “Why didn’t you do that when we came inside in the first place?” She asked throwing a slightly upset glare Chem’s way as she switched on one of the computers.
Is she for real?! Lyra exclaimed to herself as her jaw dropped.
“Because if you can see, so can the enemy,” Lyra exclaimed, shaking her head in disbelief. “Twilight, you- I don’t… You’re smarter than this. What’s wrong?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at Lyra. “What’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong! We’re stranded in another universe until we can KILL a particular person. As if that moral issue wasn’t enough, all of Equestria is on the line, we don’t know how long we will be gone from our own world and the disasters that may cause.
“There’s the little thing I happen to know about dimensional travel, namly that you can carry magic across worlds and it works just fine, but none of us can use our natural born powers, implying some very very serious magic is affecting us in unknown ways.
“The odds are stacked against us because local law enforcement is a total unknown and may be allowed to kill us if we ‘Attack a citizen at random’ which is how they will see our mission. It’s not like we can explain our mission to local leaders and be taken seriously. This isn’t Ponyville, they’re not going to find ‘Extradimensional game of O&O for keeps’ to be anything more than an insane person’s dribble.
“There’s more! Want me to continue?” Twilight at last finished, her right eye twitching despie the entirety of the rest of her face remaining eerily calm.
Oohhh, ponyfeathers! She’s barely holding that crazy in and it’s the Late Homework variety. Okay, do NOT poke!
Lyra held up her hands defensively, remembering the time she came to blows with Bonbon thanks to Twilight’s panicking over something as trivial as a homework assignment.
“No! No it’s totally fine. I just meant, you know, that I’m here for you,” Lyra gulped, glancing around the room in search of a distraction.
Her eyes feel upon the map table. One of the sides was pulled away from the map slightly.
“Oh! Hey, guys! The map-table has drawers in it.” Lyra announced.
Chem looked up from the radio he had been examining, pushing the brim of his hat up to see the table more clearly. “So it does! And those drawers look like they are holding files. I’m willing to bet that’s where I kept all the intel on this Kingdom.”
“You read up on that. I’m going to look through these dossiers,” Twilight informed as she sat down once more, her fingers quickly finding the keys and entering commands with sharp metallic clicks.
Lyra frowned as she watched Chem walk around the radio-station’s table to stand next to he map.
“You know, invading a real world doesn't really seem like something you would do. I mean, um, now,” she said as she followed him to the table, wanting to see what was inside the files for herself.
“Well… Yes, that would be,” Chem agreed with a nod as he took a folder from the drawer at random. “But there are two distinct possibilities which I find plusable. This world could be one I visited before, but so long ago that the few structures I created to draw attention to myself and find players have combined with the stories told of my game to make this particular world believe it was all for real.”
“DIdn’t you say you wanted that to happen?” Lyra remade uncertainty. “So there would be heros to inspire future generations?”
Chem nodded and smiled down at Lyra. “That’s right! Did that slip your mind? If true, that means this ‘mission’ was a success. The other possibility is that we are within a world created for one of my games.”
Luna’s mane I hope not! Lyra thought with a shudder. Those giant squid things he made to fight Twilight with… Uuuuuugghhh…
“How could we tell? And isn’t this world supposed to be real? I thought that was part of the contract you signed with Hastur,” Lyra wondered reaching up to stroke her chin with a hand.
This gesture feels much better without hooves.
Chem shruged. “None that I know of,” he answered. “And nothing in the contract would have prevented Hatty from taking a world I had made from illusion, shadows, and potential and breathing true life into it.
“That sort of thing is quite easy, really. I can do it on small scales. A few hundred people, an small island sized area of plants and basic animals. Hatty is far, far more powerful than I am. Older too. He could probably cause a “big bang” if he wanted to. But…”
Lyra tilted her head as Chem trailed off.
“But what?” She asked.
“He’s not the type to create something like that,” Chem said quietly. “We all have our roles. We can’t escape them only twist them. He’s what you would call corporate evil. The sort of evil which comes from cold uncaring callousness and greed. He isn’t enough of an artist to make an entire universe and have it feel, look, or function in a particular way.
“But since he is doing this to mock me for what he finds to be a waste of time and power, using one of my own creations against me, and making me have to destroy things I once created would make perfect sense.”
“That’s what I would do if I were an all powerful evil,” Twilight said in agreement, nodding as she read. “It’s not a good idea to underestimate him like that though.”
“Like what?” Chem asked, turning around. “Oh, saying he’s not creative?”
Twilight nodded again. “Mhm. You don’t need to be creative to be a genius. Some of the greatest minds were great because they put existing pieces together. They saw things others simply didn’t. You also don’t need to be an artist to create things. In fact, I’ll go as far as to say that many artists don’t create useful things.”
Lyra nodded, wincing slightly. “Yeah… What was with that whole Quazi-Solar Realism art movement sixty years ago? Random squares welded together are not art!”
“No, Lyra,” Twilight disagreed, still not looking up from the screen. “They are art. Art is a very broad and vague term. Pretty much anything anyone calls art is art. The real question is: ‘Does this art have value?’ and often enough the answer is no.
“It doesn't say anything about an idea. It doesn't convey an emotion. Perhaps it looks visually interesting to someone, but it’s not a representation of an idea. It doesn't have a cultural impact because it shows something from a perspective unique to a culture. It has no value outside what someone will pay for it.”
“Wouldn’t that be a statement about the nature of societies which are both individualistic and capitalist in and of itself?” Chem wondered allowed as he opened the file he was holding.
“Only if the artist intended it to be, and created something which clearly presents that message to the viewer. We’re getting off topic,” Twilight said with a giggle. “My point is you don’t need to be creative to turn an idea on its head for the purposes of creating a mockery out of something.”
Lyra hummed. “Well, I guess not. I’ve read plenty of badly written parodies which are insulting to the original story. It is definitely better if you were creative about it, though. Sometimes parodies of ideas can be better than the original.”
“It would also be better if we knew one thing about this land,” Chem said as he looked down at the map for a moment before pointing to a small illuminated Hex on the map with one finger. “For instance, that this place is called Lipon Village.”
“Is the entire file system an index?” Lyra and Twilight asked together.
Chem nodded and quickly flipped through the folder in his hands. “Yes. According to this, Lipon is a predominantly Arakan village which sustains itself via hunting. It’s got a pretty high population, but lacks a nearby garrison so it’s not well defended. Officially. Unofficially, it’s a hunting village, and the notes here say some big game hunters are more dangerous than special forces operatives.
“Lipon is mostly known as a major source for exotic meats which the local nobility enjoys. The Kaston Clan has gotten rich off this trade, but the village’s destruction or occupation would do little more than deprive nobles of a treat. It’s not a breadbasket.”
Lyra grinned. “So those papers go into detail about each town in the whole country? Like, enough to tell whether or not a place is of strategic importance, who exactly lives there, everything?”
Chem nodded, grinning behind his mask. “Everything. At least, everything we need to find out how this place works socially and economically. Care to help me read through these?”
“Sure,” Lyra said, reaching into the open drawer to take out a file.
Wait a minute… Lyra thought to herself as an idea began to take form. Twilight’s right! We can’t just say we’re on a quest to save our world. They WILL think that’s crazy. Anypony not from Equestria would find that completely insane, and even in Equestria, the further you go from Ponyville, the less they would be willing to believe you.
“Chem, if you find any small villages that are also remote and of like, no real importance, leave that file on top of the map,” Lyra instructed.
Chem paused for a moment, then nodded understandingly. “Ah! So we can make plausible cover identities. Good call, Lyra.”
“Mmm, I hadn’t thought of that,” Twilight said allowed. “Good idea, Lyra.”
Chem raised an eyebrow. “You hadn’t thought of that? Really? But you made that whole family history for our game,” he said with a frown. “Lyra’s right. You’re definitely stressed out. It’s a shame you didn’t choose to bring Gadget with you. We did design her to help you with exactly these sorts of problems.”
“I figured she would be too anachronistic,” Twilight sighed. “I appear to have been wrong. According to this, even the more ‘primitive’ appearing cultures have powered armor.”
Twilight twisted the arcane computer so Lyra and Chem could see the mirror. The image in the screen showed a full suit of gothic plate armor, with the joints completely covered. No sign of servos or motors cold be seen on the suit, but the text which went along with the armor detailed the environmental protection capabilities, and the strength, speed, and agility boosting capabilities of this and similar suits of armor.
Lyra shook her head slowly. “You know, there’s a saying in the Human Memoirs stories. ‘Magic is technology’s older brother.’ This place looks like that saying is it’s official mot-”
The sound of something scraping against stone came from the doorway, barely managing to make itself heard over the three’s quiet conversation.
Sky couldn’t be back already, coul- I would have heard his boots clicking on the stone.
Lyra wheeled around, looking into the doorway, her hands reaching up for her left shoulder out of reflex, where the railbow she used on her missions normally sat. Horse-apples! You don’t have a bow, Lyra. This sword needs to be put on my other side asap!
Chem looked up in alarm as Lyra wheeled around. Lyra squinted at the doorway, her eyes picking up a faint ripple, as if light bent suddenly.
That’s the same effect as the cloth which hid the rafts… And how our improvised camo cloaks would work too!
“What is-” Chem began, only for Lyra to instantly cut him off.
“Orchid missed a goblin, it’s been listening. I’ll stop it!” Lyra called as she vaulted over.
“Good luck!” Twilight called after her, as Lyra’s bare talons clicked against the stone floor.
“Help her!” Chem called angrily as he began to jog around the table.
“Don’t help her!” Twilight refuted angrily. “She’s special forces! This is her job. You’ll get in her way.”
“Twilight’s right, I got this!” Lyra called as she reached the doorway and turned left, recalling the ripple had moved that way.
We’ll go over Vi’s tactics later so we don't cause each other problems later. Lyra decided as she drew her weapon.
Not wanting to trip on the long weapon while running with it, Lyra swept the spear-like sword up in front of her, holding it diagonally across her chest, the flat facing her.
Sparks flew, metal rang against metal, a jolt rand through Lyra's arms as something smashed into her blade. Lyra barely had the time to register the crossbow bolt bouncing off her weapon before a second whistled past her left ear.
Lyra immediately lunged to her left, moving as far as she could with the single step and crouching down, minimizing her shape. The faint ripple at the end of the hallway parted for a moment, a sliver of black body armor showing in the crack as a hand reached out to slide a rack of bolts into a small black crossbow with vestigial limbs.
He’s reloading! Lyra noted to herself, taking off at a full sprint towards the shooter, lowering her blade to hold it point first like a spear. We can't let him go. Even if he didn’t overhear everything we said, he’ll tell his commander that the wizard is back and a whole army will attack!
Lyra aimed her blade downwards, the point lining up with the goblin’s belly. But there’s no need to kill him.
The blade rushed forwards, the force of lyra’s entire body behind the impossibly sharp point. The goblin rammed his bolts into his hand-crossbow. Lyra’s lunged forwards, putting all of her might into one desperate strike, and missed.
The goblin spun on his heal, Lyra’s blade screaching as it cut a groove into his armor and stuck into his cloak. The goblin turned his upper body with impossible grace, bringing his bow to bear on Lyra even as he dodged. The bow cracked, electromagnets hidden in the vestigial arms blasting the steel bolt out of the barrel
NO! she screamed internally, eyes wide with terror, her stance giving the goblin a clear shot at her heart.
The bolt slammed into Lyra’s ribs, ripping a hole in her tunic and sending a jolt of intense pain through her chest. A pony would have been killed from a shot like that. But Lyra wasn’t a pony, not here. The bolt bounced off Lyra’s dense kobold hide, cracking a rib and ensuring she would have a rather nasty bruise in the morning.
“OW!” Lyra yelped, staggering back from her attacker, barely managing to keep hold of her weapon. “How am I not dead?”
The goblin cursed, the specific word lost as it twisted, pulling away from Lyra’s spear so violently his cloak was ripped in half. The bottom half of the cloak fell to the cold stone floor, revealing a tight black bodysuit with a few armored panels sewn into the garment at the critical spots. As well as a toolbelt festooned with pouches, and a sheathed kilij hanging at the Goblin’s right side.
Lyra didn’t get a close look at the goblin’s equipment. The small creature turned and bolted through a door to his left the instant after his shot failed to have an effect. The sounds of his boots scraping against a staircase echoing down the hallway as he raced to make an escape.
“AP bolts my ass!” The goblin growled to itself as it ran, apparently not caring about giving his opponent critical information.
You’re not getting away from me, Lyra said to herself with a grim frown as she raced up the spiraling staircase after her lone attacker. And now I know your bow can’t kill me… Well, unless you hit me in an eye. How about you don’t do that? Please?
The two sprinted up the staircase, boots and talons thundering throughout the stairwell as the chace led ever higher. The goblin avoided every last landing on his way up, not sparing so much as a glance at the doorways leading off into the keep’s many floors.
Am I too close for him to want to make a break for it? Or is this a trap? Lyra wondered to herself.
Putting on a fresh burst of speed Lyra rounded the next turn in the spiral stairway, the goblin coming back into view. The diminutive creature was sprinting full tilt up the stairs, occasionally glancing at a small metal box held in it’s left hand mumbling something lost amid the clatter of boots on stone.
Straining her ears, Lyra just barely managed to make out what sounded like cursing broken up by ocasional muttered pleas before suddenly the stairs ran out and the goblin ran into the glass walled room atop the keep.
Unlike every other room in the fortress, this one was lit with very dim yellow light, coming from large flat pieces of crystal embedded in the ceiling. The dim light provided just enough light to see the room was filled with desk-like places to sit arranged in a circle with the staircase coming up slightly off center along the north side of the room.
As Lyra raced into the dark room after him, a light on the goblin’s device lit up green.
“Praise the gods!” The Goblin exclaimed, quickly jumping over a desk in front of him before bringing the device up to his mouth. “Code Brown! Code Brown! The Dark Lord is Risen!”
BUCK! How the hay didn’t I recognise that as a radio?! Lyra screamed at herself.
She shot towards the table, vaulting over it in a fluid motion. The Goblin twisted as he ran, firing two shots widely over his shoulder. The first whistled through the air, bouncing off the wraparound glass with a loud metallic clink. The second hit Lyra in her right hip mid vault.
“OW!” Lyra cried as the bolt managed to stick into her for a moment before bouncing out, a tiny drop of blood bubbling out from the ‘wound’.
Lyra landed on the floor again, a jolt of pain radiating out from her hip and ribs. Oooowww… It’s like that time I taught Big Mac how to box, she silently whimpered.
“Those may not be deadly but they still hurt! Do you really want to make me mad?” She yelled hoping to taunt the goblin into surrendering.
The goblin hopped up onto another desk, turning around to take aim and firing three more shots in rapid succession. Lyra threw an arm up to protect her eyes, feeling three swift ‘punches’ to her gut a heartbeat after.
Urk! Don’t puke, don’t puke, don’t puke, Lyra chanted to herself as her guts screamed in agony.
“We both know you won't let me leave here alive,” the Goblin replied, eerily calm. “I called it in. We all know now. I’m a deadman, but I just might be able to take one of his generals down with me.”
Lyra lowered her arm, and raised her blade cautiously. “You don’t know what’s really happening. None of us want to kill you,” she said hoping she sounded honest.
The goblin dropped his hand crossbow. Lyra’s heart surged with hope.
Hope which was dashed as the goblin withdrew a small potion bottle from a pocket, uncorked it with his needle-like teeth and swallowed the contents. The effect was instantaneous.
The goblin's eyes dilated, the whites turning a bright red as they began to glow. His muscles bulged and rippled, quadrupling in size. Flecks of foam formed at the corners of his mouth as he ripped his curved sword from its scabbard hard enough to slice through it entirely.
“RIP AND TEAR! RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS!” He roared with unnatural amounts of bass for something so small.
Lyra yelped a wordless cry of terror as the goblin jumped towards her, blade slicing downward in a crude but powerful bone crushing chop. She dove to the side. The goblin’s blade hit the stone floor, shattering with an ear-splitting shriek of distressed metal.
Lyra scrambled away on her back, swearing left and right as the Goblin turned and threw his broken hilt at her, laughing uproariously. The hilt smashed into her chest, bone snapping on impact. Lyra gurgled, tasting blood.
The Goblin began to sprint for her again, bellowing a wordless cry of hatred and malice.
Only one chance! Lyra’s pain-filled mind screamed.
Seizing her pole-sword with both hands, Lyra held the blade up and out, bracing the dull end against the floor. The goblin, blinded by its drug fueled rage didn’t care and continued to run forwards, impaling itself with a loud wet squelch.
It’s ov- Lyra began to think only for her eyes to widen in horror as the Goblin simply growled and continued to walk down the length of her blade, hand extended towards her throat as he began to laugh maniacally.
“Luna’s-tits! Please-die!” Lyra shrieked as she began to jerk and twist her blade to no effect.
In desperation, Lyra let go of her blade, and began to feel around herself for absolutely anything she could use to protect herself. Need another weapon, need another weapon, need another- Hello!
Her hand closed around the the discarded crossbow’s grip. The Goblin at last slid free of the blade. His gaping stomach wound semeing to at last register as the weapon’s shaft began to slide through its innards. He growled louder, pain rolling along with his rage.
Lyra whipped the crossbow up, jammed it against the goblin’s head and fired. The bolt impacted with a loud crunch, the goblin wordlessly fell over, thrashing for several seconds before laying still. Leaving Lyra sitting on the floor, eyes wide, hands trembling with panic.
“That… Was the hardest fight ever,” she said to herself after several long moments.
After giving herself another few moments to rest, Lyra stood up, clenched her teeth in pain as her broken ribs protested her movement, then tucked the crossbow into her belt, retrieved her blade, and began to limp back down the stairs.
They need to know, that he called for help, Lyra thought to herself, moaning with each step.
Vinyl Scratch - Day 1
The Dark Fortress - Wieav
Vinyl, Sky, and Orchid returned to the communications room as quickly as they could. The fairly long and gloomy walk did nothing to dampen their good mood. After all, while the mission was nearly impossible, they had at least made good progress in just a few hours.
The three walked through the door, immediately looking around at the now magically illuminated room, taking in details such as the desks gold inlay, and the subtle decorative etchings in the room’s stonework which gave the room an air of aristocracy.
“Oh wow, this place looks great when lit up!” Vinyl couldn’t help but say aloud as she drank everything in.
Chem looked up in surprise at the sound of her voice, his eyes widening substantial. “DId you already fix the generator, or is it completely shot? I’m guessing the latter since the normal lights are- WOAH! What on earth happened to you?!”
Chem’s distressed cry made everyone turn around immediately.
Lyra stood in the doorway, holding her ribs with one hand, and leaning against the doorway with the other, completely drenched in black blood from her chest down.
“Got… The last goblin,” she moaned as she limped over to a chair. “He had a can… Of whoopass.”
The exhausted mare flopped down in the chair, instantly hissing in pain and holding her ribs tighter.
“Medic, please,” Lyra groaned.
“Well, at least you got him,” Twilight said sympathetically. “Now no one will know were here.”
“Actually,” Sky corrected. “Someone does know! But that’s a good thing. We sort of met a local who's currently fixing the reactor downstairs for us. We came up to let you know.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “And you trust them?”
Sky nodded and opened his mouth, but Lyra cut him off with a bitter laugh. “Oh man, it doesn't matter. That goblin had a radio. Got a message off. It’s like your dad said, Twi. ‘Trouble follows… Ah crap. What was the quote?”
Twilight frowned, her lips pursing slightly. “I don't recall dad having any sayings about trouble.”
Vinyl’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Um, yeah he does. It’s ‘Trouble follows fortune two fold.’” She said, watching Twilight suspiciously. “How do YOU forget your dad’s most famous quote?”
“Um, that’s not something my dad said,” Twilight replied with a concerned frown.
“Oh!” Lyra said with a wince. “I get it, you’re confused by wording. We mean Starswirl, not your adopted dad.”
“Twilight’s” perplexed face said it all.
Vinyl whipped her sword from its scabbard and pointed the gleaming blade at the deertaur’s throat. Sky followed suit, aiming Sheila dead between her eyes.
Emotional distress or not, Twilight wouldn’t EVER forget a Starswirl quote. Not one the general public knows.
“Hi, Hatty,” Vi said with a grim smile.
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FFS! DON'T SAY HI, JUST STRIKE! YOU COULD HAVE ENDED THIS ALREADY!
YOU ARE THE WORST SPECIAL FORCES IN HISTORY, AND EVERY BAD THING THAT HAPPENS FROM HERE ON OUT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT FOR TIPPING YOUR HAND!
Also: Meep, you misspelled "trouble" in the chapter name.
8618667 Sorry, I'll do better next time.
squeeeee
seriously though i think everyone who has been reading Meepworks since catalyst saw this coming a mile away
8618761 Well yeah! "Twi" was REALY ooc :P
I'll agree, they should have struck immediately. However, that would make the story entirely too short. And even if they do manage to kill him, I have a feeling that the adventure still wouldn't be over either way. Not with the introduction of Nan. And we still have no idea where the real Twilight is. Despite what Hatty said about Gadget, the real Twilight wouldn't have skimped out on her tech armor in a world threatening situation, especially if given explicit permission to take along the armor in the first place. And although I could be potentially wrong, I'm still convinced the real Twilight is here somewhere. Not having her along is a breach in Hatty's written and signed contract, which means he should have automatically lost if he figured he just wouldn't bring her so he could impersonate her.
I do feel kind of bat for Hatty, in a way. He has no clue exactly how crazy Twilight's recent life has been, but it was still awesome justice that Starswirl is the thing that reveals him.
8618761
I didn't
Still an awesome turn taken
I wonder, was it even Twilight in the character creation? She didn't have the armour with her, so I'll guess not. They don't even know her species, then! Rescue Princess Twilight will be more of a quest than killing the big bad, it seems.
Ouch NaN, your sister is evil. Who locks their own sibling in hell? No matter her intentions for this world, she should have at least let the Grease monkey free
I rather like that action scene. Those fumbles, who never rolled them? Suicide berserker was unexpected and awesome, as in something spec ops goblins would do. And damn, those kobolds are TOUGH!
I can see hatty dying at the beginning, but they getting stranded in this realm for as long as it takes to clean their names/rescue book horse. But I imagine the purple yellow one has some tricks down his sleeves
8618954 To be fair, Vinyl and her Knights almost always ARREST enemy commanders. It wouldn't occur to her to strike first in a surprise situation like this. She'd fall back on training.
100% right. It saved her plot last time she had an extradimentional adventure, after all :P
It's also good that Twilight's true lineage is classified for national security reasons.
8618988
Nope!
People who fear what they might do... (Een if the worst case scenario is "People, I bring you good tidings of robots, and beer!"
Actually I roll all my action scenes :3
+2 Natural Armor, DR 5/p
Does he have sleves? /me checkes. "Yes. He does. He was wearing a suit! Well done, Neece!"
8619025
If you fear what they might bring, you put them in a guilded cage. Torturing them before any crime is cruel for the sake of cruelty. Made only worse by being caused by misguided good intentions.
Still a shitty sister, though.
DR? Daaaaamn. Cutebolds are hardbolds. Are they burnybolds, though?
I'm curious about Twily's char, now. What race did she become? And her armor, became a golem, since weird species or kept as badass armor? Will she freak out due to "oh my goddess I'M FULL OF BLOOD AND GUTS AND EVEN MORE DISGUSTING THINGS!! HAAAAALP!!" While Twilight rediscovers the joys of the facepalm?
8619192 And what might that be? Where is the real one?
Until the end, I thought it was Lyra, because she actually said Hatty’s full name once, and the world didn’t explode.
8620348 That was a redherring :3 Of course it didn't explode because youknow, he's right there allready :P
It's the little things in life.
Oooo, so this is Derpy's home universe. That's an interesting advantage, and feels like another indication that the GM was pretty pissed at Hatty.
This NaN takes relative omnipresence to a pretty serious level. Talk about a God that is personally well known to her world.
Nice!
Also a pretty good development. Much less of a chance Orchid will suddenly decide it's Death Time out of the blue if she decides that stuff doesn't add up.
Galaxy Quest is one of the best Star Trek movies, after all.
I feel like they should have sent someone along with just Lyra. I'm not sure who, but Lyra by herself clearly wasn't enough.
This is too quick and easy, something else must be going on. Plus it seems like a pretty terrible way to play the game for Hatty to infiltrate the party as one of its members but fail to learn enough background details to properly pretend for the long term. My first thought was it was another Twilight from another dimension, but she knew about Gadget so that doesn't seem right. Original model Twilight from another part of the timeline fails for the same reason.
8620763
Yes there are several advantages.
Yep. She's the reason that particular pantheon is a global religion. The others stick to their home cities or occasional jounries, but NaN is EVERYWHERE and ALWAYS. She likes to help.
Fae take oaths VERY seriously, but also VERY specifically. If the oath is sworn to a person, it's to that person. Deals they keep/compleate are a source of scocial standing in their rare encoutners with other swarms.
Especially since she's their sniper and got involved in melee... Why she picked a melee class is unknown XD
This depends on what his goal for infiltrating them was, actually.
Aloud