12 - That Guy vs Rule Zero (Part 13.8x10⁵⁶)
Vinyl Scratch - Day 5
Chateau of the Colossus - Mount Mercy, Wieav
Vinyl had a very difficult time imagining what a village-sized dragon’s home might look like. After all, it was quite clear that she was large enough to count a mountaintop as a bed, of the round pet bed variety. The sheer size of any singular enclosed space needed to contain Maru the Colossus truly boggles the mind which attempted to imagine such a space.
Airship hangers tend to be quite large. Airship factory hangers even more so, to the point where it’s not uncommon for such large rooms to have their own weather. Even a room that large, a room built for constructing a three hundred person passenger airship, with all of the luxury of a cruise ship, would not be large enough for Maru to enter.
If, by some miracle, an existing hanger was large enough for the dragoness to squeeze herself into, it would be but one room. Or rather, one box. It’s not a room if you can’t move around in it.
That is where Vinyl had been half an hour before. Meekly following along after Lyra and Veena, silently pretending to follow their conversation while desperately trying to envision where they could possibly be going which would be big enough for Maru to have made several rooms into which she could comfortably fit and utilize for her own purposes.
And also why she wasn’t sleeping in it.
In the end, Vinyl’s first guess had turned out to be partially true. Maru’s home was within Mount Mercy, but it wasn’t ALL of mount Mercy. Rather, it was a quiet normal sized home, carved from stone, located a small distance inside a natural cave, with the home’s door and front wall being set into the cave’s rearmost wall.
A row of stalagmites had been carefully cultivated over the years to form a shape akin to a picket fence, into which a wrought iron gate had been expertly installed, forming a nice little front garden of a size just big enough for a filly to have a blast playing in. It was even covered in a plush, green moss which felt quite a bit like grass.
The mossy ground cover wasn’t the only “greenery” to decorate the underground garden. Beds of colorful mushrooms stood in for flower beds, and some large boulders had been placed in the yard then covered in a different more fluffy moss to create the illusion of a hedge behind the stalagmite fence.
The fence was whitewashed, rather than being properly painted, in order to give it an old-fashioned, homey feel and to help it complement the house’s front wall. Whoever had made the house had gone through painstaking effort to create a wonderful facade which mimicked the appearance of a Late Renaissance period Manor House.
The single smooth stone slab was expertly carved to give the appearance and texture of brickwork for the bottom layers, namely the foundation, porch, steps, and first floor. Windows had been cut into the stone, and each arched opening had been filled with thick chunks of glass held in place by thin iron webs in a manner not dissimilar to stained glass.
The layer above, which vanished into the cave’s ceiling just above its own windows, had been textured to resemble wooden timber framework and plaster. The false support beams had visible wood grain to them, but were clearly stone due to the paint on them being obviously paint meant to resemble dark-stained wood.
All in all, at first glance, it was as if someone had taken a mansion and stuffed it inside the cave. But the longer you looked at it, the more the masterpiece of sculpture revealed itself.
Vinyl blinked, realizing she had been staring at the cave-house’s facade for at least an entire minute.
“Who carved this?!” She asked allowed, her jaw hanging open as she realized each fake brick had its own unique color and texture, just like a real red-clay brick wall would have looked.
“Mom did,” Veena replied simply. “Weren't you listening?”
Lyra looked back at Vinyl and snickered. “Nope. She’s definitely been gawking at this place the whole time. Can’t blame you, Vi! This is really cool. So uh, did she live here before growing too big?”
Vinyl shook herself and focused her attention on the black iron door leading into the home. It was slightly taller and quite a bit wider than a normal door, approaching the size of a double door.
This place is big enough for Celestia to walk inside if she reared up, Vinyl noted. If that dragon used to live here, it had to be thousands of years ago.
“On the contrary,” a voice which could only be described as perfectly motherly said. “I live here when I feel like expending the immense amount of arcane energy to make myself small.”
Vinyl spun on her heel. Standing behind her nearly filling the entire tunnel, was Maru. Vinyl didn’t need anyone to explain to her that an ancient dragon could possess the magical know how to do something as simple as change their size. However, the way the large, red scaled dragoness looked… Well…
“Wh- Uhm, m-may I ask why you look swollen?” Lyra asked for Vinyl.
Vi smiled to herself Thanks, Ly. You probably just saved me from angering the wizard.
Maru carefuly ducked under the final row of stalactites lining the space before the cave’s tunnel widened into the front yard’s chamber, and began to walk through the garden to her front door. Vinyl bit her lip, expecting the footsteps to shake the earth, but of course, at Maru’s reduced size, she merely made stomping noises.
“Magic has its limits. I doubt I will be able to make myself small enough to fit inside my home in another thousand years. Not without another caster’s help, at least,” Maru answered as she stepped up to her home’s front door and unlocked it with a talon before opening the door for everyone.
“Please, come inside and make yourself at home,” the dragoness asked with a polite and welcoming smile. “The circumstances involved in our meeting are very unusual, and I--”
“MOM!” Veena blurted, her eyes widening in fear.
Maru rolled her eyes once. “I don’t care what your superiors say, Veena. Your rider must know that you’re not a typical dragon. It’s obvious you're not from your implants. She’s entitled to know, and would know from the moment you two first share minds. I will not delay the inevitable when two lives are at stake if there’s any… Shall we say, shenanigans. Especially not when I can solve that potential problem myself. Here and now.”
Vinyl frowned, her hand reached for her sword, moving a few centimeters before she stopped.
If she meant to trap us, she wouldn’t have said that. She also could have just squished us a while ago… I’ll trust her for now. Vi decided, nodding to herself.
“Okay, but before we go inside, why is it unusual?” Vinyl asked.
“Because under normal circumstances agents of any threat to the peace would not be allowed to apply to be a Rider, much less actually be chosen. I’m certain you know that already, and are likely wondering why we assigned you a Ranger, assuming you even know about Draconic Rangers.” Maru said simply.
“Mom…” Veena said quietly. “National. Security.”
The younger dragon spat her words like a nail gun fastening plywood to a wall, her eyes narrowed.
Maru sighed. “Let’s have this conversation in the living room.” She said, gesturing for everyone to enter with her left claw.
Lyra turned to look at Vinyl, concern and curiosity mixing within her golden eyes. The silent exchange lasted for two seconds, and communicated everything I needed too.
Lyra cleared her throat and turned to face Maru, adopting a serious expression
“We’re not actually Dark Lord Minions, Ma’am,” Lyra said as politely as she could.
Vinyl nodded in agreement. “My brother is being framed by a wizard capable of time travel. It's complicated.”
Veena raised an eyebrow and looked Vinyl over from head to toe. Maru hummed curiously.
“Interesting, and terrible if true. But please, come inside. We will discuss this like civilized people,” she insisted.
When a giant dragoness insists on something, people agree.
The four entered the manor, and it was a proper manor. Maru’s home had been carved and painted, inside and out, to form a very cozy and contemporary building. The inside was decorated as one would expect. With paintings, plants, tapestries, carpets, and of course, tables and shelves covered in all manner of nicknacks.
The nicknacks were the most interesting part. Many of them obviously didn’t originate from this universe. Maru’s livingroom was perhaps the best example of this.
Her living room was large, spacious, and had a large gold elaborate sculpted wood framed mirror hung on the wall as one might expect a TV to be. All of the furniture faced it, both of the large brown leather brass trimmed couches, both armchairs, and even the ottoman.
The nicknacks lined the bookcases, shelves, end tables, and coffee table. While some of the items were just, items, most things were covered by glass display cases, and labeled with a brass nameplate.
Each nameplate described what the item was, where it had come from, and featured a number on it which was most likely a date.
The largest of the nicknacks was displayed in the middle of the coffee table. A pink skateboard-like board, decorated with yellow and green zigzags, suspended in mid air by two large black disks attached to the bottom. The nameplate read: “Hoverboard. Earth-B22, gift from a friend. 22-04-13,902 SR.”
Another kickback on display was a very simple cruciform sword, which just so happened to be made entirely out of a single blue diamond. While very plain in shape, the way the blade twinkled and gleamed in the living room's warm light was beyond such a simple concept as beauty (where the light came from was a mystery). It’s nameplate read: “Diamond Sword. Fallen Kingdom, made at a table of crafting. 09-01-13,745 SR.
Another prominent item was a photograph. It was set into a silver frame which rested atop one of the end tables. The picture was of Derpy, smiling happily at the camera, which she was holding in her own hoof while hugging someone closely with her other hoof in the generic selfie pose.
Her friend was some sort of undead creature, or a very very ill human, clad in a thick black robe who had pale white skin, eyes which glowed a dull yellow, and two very distinctive green check marks tattooed over his left eye. He looked happy, and like he was uncomfortable being happy, all at once.
The nameplate read, “Derpy and a friend. Ashendale. 14-12-13,738 SR.”
Why am I not surprised that Derpy befriended the obvious necromancer? Vinyl thought to herself with a smile.
Vinyl and Lyra took a seat on one couch, continuing to look around while Maru telekinetically lifted the other, and repositioned it so she could sit down and face them.
“You’ve got a lot of decorations,” Vinyl said observantly as she eyed a case containing a seemingly ordinary brown fedora atop a hat stand.
“I've got a daughter who is a Travler,” Maru replied, the couch creaking under her weight as she sat down. “She enjoys sending me letters and packages.”
Lyra nodded eagerly. “Yeah! Veena and I were talking about Derpy. Has she sent you anything from Equestria?”
Good thought! We can use that to prove we’re not from this universe, Vinyl thought to herself, immediately looking around the keepsake filled living room for anything familiar.
Maru raised an eyebrow and looked at Veena who had decided to sit on the floor halfway between the couches to Lyra’s left.
Veena grinned sheepishly at her mother. “They uh, they claim to know her,” Veena elaborated. “Pretty sure that’s true because--”
Vinyl’s eyes fell upon something she recognised. Something she knew intimately. Something which unquestioningly would help her prove to the normally colossal and terrifying dragoness that she was a friend, not food.
Pointing to the Album's abstract white, blue, gray, and black cover Vinyl quickly blurted, “That album's tracks are in order: Filly One More Time, I think You Miss Me, Smile Like the Pink, Mare of the Morning, Bass Cannon, Under Her Sun, DJ Feed the Noise, and the special bonus track is an Electro Rock remix of Octavia Melody’s hit single ‘I’m Too Sleepy to Name This, Please Go Away’.”
Maru’s wings twitched slightly. The dragoness raised her left claw, scribing a quick arcane rune in the air, never taking her eyes off the two kobolds on her couch, even as the album was teleported out of its case with a flash of silver light, appearing again a moment later in front of Veena.
“Ve, is that correct?” Maru asked.
Veena picked up the album carefully and flipped it over, reading the tracklist on the back. “Uh, I think so? She said the names kinda fast. But that IS the bonus track’s name… Who the heck names a song that?” Veena asked herself, her eyes softening as she recieved what she felt was irrefutable proof.
Vinyl’s face split into a grin. “That’s a GREAT story!” Vi said, leaning back against the couch, wishing she had her usual sunglasses so she could look over them while telling her story. “So, this was like, a long long time ago. Before Octy knew I was a vampire.
“Most nights, I would snuggle up with her and wait for her to wake up, but sometimes I’d get up and do work while she was asleep. So one night I’m trying to get a bunch of her songs mixed and printed onto vinyl so I could send them into a contest and surprise her if she won anything, you know? And she had this super awesome haunting but happy single recorded. But you know, it wasn’t named.
“So I trotted into the bedroom, shook her gently and was like, “Hey, Octy? What you gonna call this new song? I wanna get it out like, now." and she just groans and pushes me away all cute-sleepy and mumbles "‘I’m too sleepy to name this, please go away." Sadly for her, I can be a bit stupid when focused on a job. So I was like "Ok, got it." and wrote that down, then sent it off.
“Thing is it’s a really really good song, technically and aesthetically, so it became a HUGE hit. What I didn’t know is that it was Octy’s actual magnum opus, so a few days later she gets a HUGE royalty check because the song’s been sold to nine different record companies. She’s super confused, calls her manager, and learns what song I sent in. So Octy storms up to me all “Vinyl, WHAT DID YOU DO?!" and all I can do is eardroop, wonder why she’s upset and admit "I sent out your new song."
“Then she glares at me with the wrath of a thousand... Then she shouts, "The one I didn't name?!?"
“A thousand what?” Lyra asked as she gave Vinyl a confused look.
Vinyl sighed. “Let me finish, Lyra. So, all I can do is go "But you did..." then I facehoofed hard as I realized that wasn’t actually a name. Unfortunately she couldn’t rename it because the song was already playing on the radio and had hit the top tens overnight. And that’s how I stuck my wife’s greatest work ever with the stupidest name ever.”
Maru hummed idly and leaned back slightly, her large bulk completely obscuring the couch she was sitting on. “Are you saying that you are in fact, Vinyl Scratch?” She asked.
Vinyl nodded. “Yeah,” she said pointing to Lyra. “And she’s Lyra Heartstrings. No way Derpy’s not talked about her. They’re friends.”
Maru nodded. “Yes. They are… And any skilled mage could have easily gathered that information with a few clever spells cast upon my keepsakes. And an exceptional mage could have even pulled information that would allow them to pass a simple test of personal knowledge,” the dragoness added.
Lyra frowned worriedly. “Uh, so then is there any way we can prove to you who we are?” She asked.
Not if magic here can get that much information by scrying an object’s past. Anything we could say could be faked… Vinyl thought to herself.
Veena shook her head. “Not that I can think of. But if your story adds up that would be something. If you two are transformed Equestrians, why are you here?” She asked adding, “And how did you get here?” after a heartbeat.
Maru nodded and then turned to look at Vinyl. “That’s an excellent question, Veena,” she agreed. “I’m willing to listen to the answer.”
Lyra hummed. “It’s a bit of a long story… Want me to sum it up, Vi?” She asked, looking over to Vinyl for approval.
Vi nodded. “Yeah, go ahead.”
“Okay,” Lyra began. “So it turns out that Vi has a little brother she never knew about. We went to go meet him, and it’s a happy reunion, if a little scary at first. Did Derpy ever tell you about Discord?”
Maru nodded. “Yes, she has. Why is that important?”
“Chem’s like Discord,” Vinyl said with just the slightest of grins. “Only he’s a dork instead of a troll. Meaning he’s really really powerful, if he’s fed properly. Only instead of using his powers to cause chaos he basically uses them to play RPGs with people or do dorky things.”
Veena hummed. “And you have the same power?”
Lyra shook her head. “No. Just Chem. Anyways, I’ve got a curse on me which I think I’ve partially broken. In Equestria we have these magical beings called Nightmares. They are literally your living nightmares, and if they catch you they become true, no matter how impossible. I got caught by mine and lost my wife because it changed her sexual orientation.
“It also made it so that for various bullshit reasons, no one could help me get her back, not that she wanted to be with me anymore… Uh, and it almost definitely compelled me to try and fix things, because until I woke up today there was always an urgent need to fix it in the back of my mind.
“Chem’s important because he claimed he could show me how to build an eldritch machine which would make that nightmare reappear so I could capture and destroy it to break the curse. And he did! But um… Turns out our universe was harboring an Old One who really didn’t like me building a weapon that specifically targets information based life.
“In short, we’re here because he’s trying to kill us.”
Maru nodded once. “You came here to hide, because you knew of my world through my little muffin.”
Vinyl shook her head. “No. It’s worse than that,” she corrected with a sad sigh. “We weren't killed on the spot because Chem tricked Hatty, I um, I’m NOT saying the Old One’s actual name, it will summon him--”
“Yes, please don’t do that,” Maru interrupted with a grateful look on her face.
Vi nodded. “Right, not gonna. Anyways, Chem managed to trick him into a dick measuring contest, and so we’ve got Hatty trying to prove to Chem that the games he likes to play are childish, and worthless. He’s forcing us to LARP. If we kill him, he won't destroy our world. If he kills us, Chem has to personally kill us before he’s executed.
“Hatty feels safe making that bet because, well, he had a really good plan. There’s a whole contract detailing the rules, right? And since he made them he knows how to exploit them. He infiltrated our group, pretending to be Twilight, and then once he’d memorized what our avatars looked like he used time travel to well… The whole Evil Overlord thing?
“That’s Chem’s stick. He likes to play the bad guy in his games. So Hatty set us up as the most genuinely evil people in this world to mock him. And also to ensure he didn't have to do a damn thing because literally everyone wants our heads on pikes.”
“That seems like something you’d want to keep quiet,” Maru said observantly.
Vinyl flinched, a chill running down her spine. Luna… Did I just miscalculate this whole thing? she worried.
“U-um, w-well, I figured, since you didn’t just step on us, you didn’t want to kill us. Right?” VInyl asked, her voice just a little squeaky.
Maru nodded. “That’s right. I don’t. At least not yet. Not ever if you’re telling the truth,” she said calmly.
“Then what DO you want?” Lyra asked.
Veena nodded in agreement. “Yeah!” She exclaimed. “And why did you screw up my entire infiltration mission?”
Vinyl raised an eyebrow. Okay THAT makes sense.
“Maybe because you’re my child,” Maru said to Veena quietly. “Maybe because if Lyra dies, then you die. I can be quite persuasive, and I am not above reshaping the minds of evil people into the minds of good people. My plan was, and is, to eliminate two of the Dark Lord’s agents by bringing them to our side.
“That way, Vee, I won’t lose you. What’s more, you’d have help infiltrating the Dark Lord’s castle.”
Vinyl sighed. “And now that you’ve said that, you’re going to mind control us.”
“Only if I have to,” Maru countered calmly. “I’m quite certain we can work this out diplomatically. If we have to at all. After all, if what you just told me is true, then we are all friends here.”
Lyra looked up at Maru, a nervous frown on her lips. “Um, yeah, but you just said that there’s nothing we could say to prove we are who we are. Because scrying magic.”
Veena raised an eyebrow. “Uh, scrying spells don’t show you the past…”
“Yeah they do,” Vinyl replied with a frown. “I’m not even a mage and I know that.”
Maru reached over and gently set a claw on Veena’s shoulder. “Now, now, dear,” she said calmly. “If they are Equestrians then their entire magic system is completely different from our own.”
Veena blinked, her tail lifting slightly. “Oh yeah! It would be, wouldn’t it. I guess we could ask Derpy if that’s how it works over there, right? I’ll get her journal for you!”
The white dragon stood up, turning to move before, her mother stopped her by simply pushing down on the shoulder she still held.
“No need for that. Besides, there’s no guarantee Derpy is near her copy of the journal. We could be waiting hours for her to reply. Besides, again, they could have learned that information magicly. I have a much more simple way to prove their identities in mind.” Maru said, turning her head to look back at Vinyl and Lyra and offering them a hopeful smile.
Vinyl hummed. “I really don’t know what that would be, but I’m more than happy to prove who I am to you. I mean, I get that your people have linked Lyra and Veena inseparably, but I also would really, really like some help with saving my world. Which is Derpy’s world too… She’ll probably die if we lose.”
Maru chuckled. “No, she would be perfectly fine. She’s escaped dying worlds before… But she would lose her homeworld before finding her true parents. Which is important for her even though she can’t remember them. My little muffin wants them to know she’s okay.
“As for you… The Goddess’s Magic isn’t the only magic in this world. Allow me but a moment and I will clear this all up.”
VInyl looked over at Lyra nervously. “You trust her to not just mind slave us?” Vinyl asked.
Lyra put a hand to her chin in thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah, I do. She could have already done that. Can’t you feel her power, Vi? We couldn’t resist her if we wanted to. Physically or magically. She wants to check, that’s all.”
Lyra’s acting like her old self at the moment… I’ll trust her gut. Vinyl decided. “Okay. Go for it.”
Maru wasted no time. Her kind green eyes clouded over as silver light began to flood her pupils. The light spread down from her face across her body, sinking into small runes carved into her scales so skillfully they hadn’t been visible until her arcane power bleed into their edges.
The living room darkened, it’s unseen lightsource seeming to drain into the ancient dragoness. Silver lightning crackled between Maru’s scales. Her voice reverberated as she spoke, calling upon ancient long dead souls.
“I call upon the souls damned to the Storm!” She cried, turning her luminous gaze to look Vinyl directly in the eye. “I call upon ancient powers eternally forlorn!”
A nebula of silver energy oozed our form under Maru’s scales, forming a cloud which crawled across her scales, lifting tendrils of lightning up into its glowing mass.
This is an attack! Vinyl thought, her eyes shrinking to pinpricks in terror.
Vinyl tried to scrunch her legs to jump, or duck, or otherwise move into cover. But her body wouldn’t respond. Paralyzed. Nicely done, Maru. Too bad your trap’s killing a whole world with us...
Maru leaned forwards, extending her foreclaws, curling all but one talon on each hand indwards. Her magic raced to her talons, the entire charged cloud flowing to her claw tips and pooling into two blinding points of white silver light.
“Those who lay before me: Reveal their true form!” Maru demanded then swiftly tapped her talons against Vinyl and Lyra’s noses.
Her magic vanished with soft pop, the entire room immediately returning to its former brightness. Where two kobolds had sat there were now two unicorns, replaced in exactly the same way a terrible filmmaker would have used a poorly made jumpcut.
Vinyl’s wide terrified eyes widened from pinpricks to incredulous dots. “What the actual buck?!” she demanded. “Why the hay does your magic look that triifying only to have the mother of all anti-climaxes?!”
Lyra nodded in agreement. “Seconded!” She exclaimed pointing at the dragoness with her hoof, fully intent on saying more, only to grin in surprise as she saw her furred foreleg instead of a scaled arm. “YAY! I’m adorable again!”
Veena’s eyes widened, as she underwent the typical reaction of a non-pony seeing a pony for the first time, and fought back the urge to hug the everloving crap out of the adorable little ponies sitting on her mother’s couch.
“Ack!” The dragoness whimpered quietly. “Too adorable! Must.. Not… Glomp…”
Maru’s lips pulled back into a genuinely happy smile. “Well this is a cheerful surprise! I’ll go make us all some te--”
Vinyl frowned and turned to look at Lyra, seeing her returned to her old form, Vinyl then looked down at herself. “Huh… I wonder if this restored our old powers as well as our appearances?”
Then a chilling though thit her. Wait! Is this legal within the rules of the--
The world screeched to a halt around the two ponies. All motion ceased with a deep pained metallic moan. Terror stabbed at Vinyl’s heart even before mocking laughter filled her ears.
“HAHAHAHA! F̩͠o̝̝o̼̹̹̣̕l̖̙̝̦̥͔͚s̥̙̀!̴̺̻” Hastur spat mockingly, his voice coming from everywhere and nowhere. “Did you not think I would watch you from afar? Why am I asking, of course you didn’t. I’ve seen everything you’ve done. You didn’t even think about blocking magical viewing, and now I’ve caught you cheating.”
Lyra’s ears drooped. “But we didn’t do it!” She protested.
Vinyl’s terror churned within her as hope began to bubble up through it. “Hey, that’s right. We didn’t cast that spell, or even ask for it. In game terms an NPC did it. Not us. It’s not cheating.”
“I think our referee will disagree,” Hastur said icily. “Y̞̗ò̖̰̪͈̙̙̺g͍̖͖̰̩-̪̟͡S̟̻͇͉͉o̻̜̖̝t͝h̛̭͓̲o̰̝̳̲̰t̫̩̮̬͎̟̱͢h͓͙̞́ͅ! They have broken our agreement, end this game so their world may burn!”
The frozen reality around the two began to peel away as if someone were chipping old paint off a wall. The space behind was nothing, not blackness, not emptiness, not the void, nothing. Amid the nothing, one thing became visible a slender faceless figure in a pale yellow tattered cloak which seemed to flow and meld with the writhing mass of tentacles which writhed on the ground beneath the fabric like a sea of squids.
Vinyl didn’t need to be told who it was.
A large oak dinner table rose up out of the nothing beneath the three, along with a set of chairs. The chairs faced a fourth chair which contained the hazy outline of a figure, as if something was sitting in the seat, but also not sitting in the seat, it’s true shape concealed not only by its apparent existence across many different places, but also a Dungeon Master’s screen.
An unseen force seized Hastur tightly enough to squish his robes and threw him into one of the three chairs. Vinyl flinched, awaiting the same treatment, only for the remaining two chairs to slide back as if someone had pulled them out in the usual polite manner.
“Have a seat,” Yog sighed. “Must we do this? Waste even more of my time?”
Vinyl trotted forwards, quietly sitting down at the table. Lyra on the other hoof trotted forwards and plopped down in the seat, immediately looking around the table.
“Could I see my character sheet while we’re here, please?” Lyra asked politely.
Three sheets of paper and a pencil grew out of the wooden tabletop in front of Lyra.
“Thanks,” she said imminently inspecting the pages, searching for anything related to the extent of their current transformation.
“Why are you letting her see that?” Hastur demanded angrily. “The game is over. I won. They forsook their avatars, the rules require you use one!”
“No they have not,” Yog said irritably, his unseeable form pointing off to the side. “Their true bodies lay within the void where you dumped them.”
Hastur clenched unseen teath, a fact made evident only by the sound of the jagged things scraping against each other.
“I know. But, rule number THREE is All players must use corporeal avatars, and may not assume their true forms for the length of the game. It’s not even a subrule. They broke the game’s rules. They have forfeit.” Hastur insisted, slamming a coiled tentacle down on the table violently.
VInyl gulped nervously. That does seem rather open and shut, but maybe… “But we didn’t do it, or ask for it to be done! It just happened to us,” Vinyl exclaimed.
“Accidentally breaking a rule is still breaking a rule!” Hastur spat.
Yog leaned forwards, seemingly growing larger as he did so. “If I felt they had broken the rules, you would not have had to summon me. In so doing, you used power not native to the world in which you are playing. You too, have forfeit. Under your interpretation of the rules. But you are not in charge of this game. I am. Your opinions regarding the rules do not matter. Only mine do, and insisting you get your way is NOT going to sway me to your side.”
Vinyl’s lips pursed in surprise. “Wait, then, we won?” She asked incredulously.
“No,” Yog answered.
“Then you agree that they broke the rules first, and therefore, I won,” Hastur said confidently. “Good. You can put us all back on Equestria now. It’s time for them to die.”
Yog’s formless shape seemed to boil for a moment. “NO ONE BROKE ANY RULES!” The Old One bellowed, a wave of pure hatred blasting out from the ancient being.
“But they are in their true forms!” Hastur shouted back.
“H-he used foreign magic…” Vinyl said quietly as she recoiled in her chair, slumping down into a small ball.
“I was asked to run this little annoyance like a tabletop roleplaying game. That is not a rule, it’s the premise the contract I am enforcing revolves around.” Yog said, his voice like iron. “Role Playing Games have one universal rule. A zero-th rule, as most mortals call it. Because of that rule, nothing anyone has done just now is wrong. Go back to your game and finish it.”
“I demand to know what rule could possibly allow them to blatantly violate my contract!” Hastur screeched, his tentacles thrashing with rage.
Yog stood up, his chair scraping back across the nothingness, throwing a trail of sparks into the air. “The Dungeon Master can ignore any rule he likes, and make up his own, because the object of the game is to have fun,” he answered. “Everything in a tabletop game is based on this singular concept. My job is to ensure this game is fair, because when it’s unfair, no one will have fun. Punishing players for the actions of an NPC they did not entice into performing is unfair.
“Therefore, as Dungeon Master, I say Lyra and Vinyl did not break rule three, and may continue playing despite their altered avatars. And as for what you did, players are allowed to speak to the Dungeon Master, even if he would rather you did not. Therefore, your summoning me doesn't violate rule five-b, as there is no other way to do so.
“No one broke any rule. You are wasting my time. Go and finish playing.”
“B͓̜̺̠͈U̟̝̹̣̺̕T̪̪̫͙ ͞TH̘̘͡E͖Y̪͔ ̬̣̀B͈R̤͘O͉̥̮̦͟ͅͅK̨̟̪̦͎̩E̮ ̙̣̞̹͇̦͝A̡̭̤ ̳̙͖̦̼̰̣́R̨̯̞̘̘̝̰U͎͓̤̮͍͇͢L͏̱̩̝̫͚̻̣E̫̻̣̼͚͞!̪” Hastur bellowed, radiating as much hatred as Yog had moments ago.
Yog took a single deep breath. “Rocks fall, you die.” The Old One said dryly.
“What?” Hastur asked before suddenly screeching in pain, his body shaking and contorting as if he were being crushed beneath tons of falling rock.
Lyra and Vinyl stared at the mangled pile of flesh, crushed beneath a pile of invisible stones.
Holy-bucking-Celestia! Did nopony ever tell him not to anger the DM?! Vinyl asked herself in shock. Or maybe they did, and he didn’t listen… He’s arrogant. Too arrogant! That’s his weakness. That’s how we’ll beat him!
“Time to roll up a new avatar, Hastur,” Yog said icly. “This time, do not forget that by making me the Dungeon Master of your little game you have made me all powerful in respect to you, this game world, and your opponents. I may do as I please.”
Hastur stood up, the wounds in is flesh melting away. “Fine! If I have to entertain you to win, then I’ll do something more… Interesting,” he growled as a blank character sheet grew from the table in front of him.
“Level twenty. No min-maxing. No special favors. I no longer owe you anything other than a fair match against your chosen victims. Which you agreed to play,” Yog said with adamantine resolve. “I will check once you are done, and if you disobey any of those stipulations, you will play as something of my own design.”
The Old One waved a hand and Hastur vanished from the nothingness.
“Thank you,” Lyra said politely, setting down her character sheet.
Vinyl nodded in agreement. “Yeah! Thanks. I thought we’d just killed the world…”
Yog sighed. “Light, you are not to invite him over to play gain. I forbid it,” the old one grumbled, his chair creaking as he leaned back in it. “Playing with your brother and mortal friends is still alright, but please keep out of my bedroom next time. I just don't have the patience for shenanigans I used to.”
Light? Who is he talking t-- OH! Me! That’s what Chem called me! Vinyl thought, sitting up straight in realization.
“I won’t! I’m sorry, It won't happen again,” Vinyl promised.
“Good,” the Old One said with a hint of happiness. “Now be a good girl and kill that guy, please.”
“Okay!” Vinyl agreed happily as she found herself instantly returned to Maru’s cozy living room.
“I beg your pardon?” The immense dragoness asked, looking over at Vinyl.
Wait, no time passed? Vinyl asked herself, looking around the room with a frown. I guess not.
Vinyl opened her mouth to explain what had just transpired. A distant rumbling boom, like metallic thunder reverberated through the very stone of the mountain.
Maru blinked in surprise. “Cannon fire?” The dragoness exclaimed. “Ohhh, there had better not be an airship full of bandits attacking my little town!”
Maru stood up, her head brushing the roof as she turned around and activated the scrying mirror on her wall with a wave of her claw. The mirror rippled, shimmered, and then showed a view of Roseanger Gorge far far below. Or more precisely, of the Dark Fortress, surrounded by an entire army and being bombarded by cannon fire from a small squadron of airships.
Vinyl jumped to her hooves. “Our friends are in there! We have to help them!”
The ancient red cloud dragon nodded once. “Indeed we do. Everyone outside. I need to lecture some little soldiers about damaging my mountainside,” Maru said icily.
Lyra gave Veena a confused look.
“Mom, likes this mountain. It’s comphy,” the smaller dragon explained with a shrug.
“Enough talk, I’ll teleport us down once we’re outside. This house is warded, don’tcha know,” Maru said as she began to fast-walk towards her front door.
I wonder how Hatty will fare against a big-huge angry dragon mom? Vinyl wondered as she jumped up to follow her friends as everyone headed out, ready to join the battle.
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Looks like Maru might have a little Minnesotan in there, don'tcha know.
It always amuses me when unfathomably old Eldritch Abominations from outside of our multiverse act like little children and get punished for it. I can appreciate much better a lot of the DnD terminology now that I've played it, and I laughed a little when it just seemed so perfectly justified that Hastur died to pissing the DM off. You NEVER piss the DM off. Bad things happen.
First time I played D&D my older brother was my DM, me just asking to join (I was 8 and he 17) aggravated him enough that he made my first game a living Nightmare. So I learned never piss off the DM rather quickly.
Also Derpy's mom is completely awesome!
8749501 A LOT of my stories depend on D&D jokes. The more you play, the more things will stand out to you. The entire idea of a litch that's nice is me making a character out of the old D&D argument "But I want to play a GOOD litch/assasain. Why cant I? Why do they HAVE to be evil?" "It's the rules!"
"Rocks fall. You die."
Godammit, Yog! You're awesome.
So, are Vinyl and Lyra going to play the game as ponies now?
Now they are ponies. This will make everything twice as adorable and with trice the floof!
Octavia's magnum opus name's story is simply golden. As are the punny song names.
Oh Hatty, never piss off the GM. But worse than that, never forget that you agreed to a game whose objective is having fun. Having your players lose everything they hold dear to an asshole that forced them to play is not fun. You lost the moment Chem convinced you to do it, and that's not because narrative laws.
Still, don't anger the DM enough for rocks to fall. Now you lost everything you had and can't break the game again. Unlike Twilight that's still a monster in character flesh. You just got rekt, mate.
Oh, and their fortress being saved by Deus ex Momma will be hilarious
8749810
Yep. They were hit by the spell True Form. The wording is clear, that breaks any transformation effect and returns things to what they realy are.
8749821
I like how this is the 4th time I've mentioned that song. In universe it's been around for nearly 30 years and is still popular. Poor Octy XD
8749938
Well then. I look forward to the effects of survival-cuteness.
Somehow I see someone pointing at Vi'n'Ly and shouting that they're the minions of evil and the subsequent disbelief of the army they brought with, declaring their leader insane, politely asking for forgiveness and a hug and then leaving with their bound and raving leader.
I like the DM.
"Fuck You I do what I waaaaant"
It would be pretty useful to be able to convince the dragons of this.
Oooo, one of Vinyl's albums, that might work.
On the other hand, this really should.
Hatty is really screwing up by rules lawyering so much in front of a GM that is not actually on his side.
I wonder if this will remove the time travel powers Hatty has been using. Since he was using them so freely, surely that means they were an avatar power, correct? And if they weren't then that means he's been cheating this entire time.
Nothing like a big old grammar aneurism to get me laughing. Is it grammeurism?
Also, my personal message to Hatty. NOW YOU FUCKED UP!!! NOW YOU FUCKED UP!!! YOU HAVE FUCKED UP NOW!!!
rip hat man
Level 20? No epic levels? AND it has to pass the DM's smell test?
He is fuuuuuucked.
8749938
Did Yog hand them the charsheets as per when they spawned, or as per True Form?
Vampire Unicorn Specops Knight is prrrooobably a bit game breaking.
8751196 Well, he realy hates hastur, and the specific wording he uses when talking to Vinyl is a bit important. Given those two things, guess :3
I laughed so hard so many times
8751349
I think it would be a bit unsettling to see a charsheet for yourself as made by an Eldritch horror.
8753492 It would be exilerating for me. It would mean I could come to truly understand my limits, strengths, and other such things. Then... I could min-max...
lol Love it!