Monsters
By Sharpe Quill
Chapter 10.5: Perspective
Brine fumed behind his bar inside The Hole. He hated this waiting, this feeling of helplessness as outside the roars and screams of combat echoed inside the mostly-silent common room. All around him, ponies were huddled in groups as far away from the main doors as they could be. No one spoke, not even to whisper. The only sounds were the occasional whimper. From the smell of it, more than one pony had lost their nerve in a much more literal sense.
How he hated being old! In his prime, he would have been out there now, fighting this monster that had dared to disturb his home. Now he had been shunted aside, forced to hole up with these others, herded into his own place of business like any common dock worker. If his old crew could see him now, how they would mock him. Luna rest their salty souls.
He snorted in frustration. Beside him the mayor lay on the floor, quivering in fear. He couldn’t see, since she was on his blind side, but he suspected that she was crying. A small part of him felt some sympathy for her. She was a fine politician and a decent organizer, perfect for the kind of community that Dock normally was, not to mention amenable to Brine and his business, but this was far beyond her scope of control.
When she had first come to Brine with the news that a zebra historical society would be transporting some kind of magical artifact along with a shipment of gems, she had been slightly frantic about the whole thing. Apparently it was some kind of dangerous, cursed object or some such, not that the mayor believed in such things (Brine knew better of course. He had seen many things in his youth, and knew to not scoff at curses), but the Royal Guard had considered it a rather significant threat or some such, and sent a full contingent of soldiers to escort the object to Canterlot.
The mayor was not as corrupt as many believed her to be, but any politican gets nervous at the presence of Royal Guards. It was a lot of pressure for somepony who usually had little to no pressure on them, and Olive had been showing signs of cracking. Her handling of the fire and in particular the deaths of the fillies had been lackluster at best, and Brine knew for sure that once this all blew over, there would be serious repercussions for the mayor.
'If we live that long,' he thought as a roar reverberated through the building, followed by several whimpers from the terrified ponies inside.
Brine kept sorting through things in his head, trying to remember if there had been any indication of just who had been the one to bring the monster here. It was better than spending time thinking about what would happen to them all if the Guards couldn't stop that creature. He knew the shipment that had brought it of course, but he had been telling Captain Belle the truth, he really didn't know who had arranged for it. Anonymous transactions were common for his kind of work, and Brine hadn't gotten where he was by being nosy. It was not uncommon for rich merchants or nobles from Canterlot to smuggle illegal goods into the city itself, and Brine had spent years building his reputation as a reliable and discreet pony, so when he had received the message detailing the shipment of an exotic animal and instructions for when and how to transport them to Canterlot, he hadn't thought it unusual. Especially considering it had come with double his usual rate fully in advance.
Something must have gone wrong in the warehouse and this creature, this 'Chimera' as Sergeant Emerald had called it, had woken up and gotten loose. And had been causing havoc ever since. Assuming the guards could actually put it down and they didn't all die here today, Brine planned on having a long chat with the merchant that the package was meant to be given to. One way or the other, he was going find out who was responsible for bringing that monster to Dock and he was going to make them pay. He might even bring Captain Belle with him, she had been performing admirably over the last few days. Besides, she might prove useful.
There came a particularly violent roar of fire from outside, but this time, it was suddenly cut off. This was followed immediately by a loud crashing sound, and then silence.
Nopony moved. Nopony made a sound. It seemed like nopony was even breathing. Was it over? Who had won? Were they even now waiting for the approach of imminent doom?
After nearly a minute of absolute silence, a few of the ponies closer to the door began to creep slowly toward it. Some ponies started whispering to each other, and soon the room was full of whispers. Brine focused on the door himself, staring and waiting silently. Next to him, he could hear the mayor shakily rise to her hooves.
Suddenly, the door slammed open. A few ponies gave cries of startled terror but quickly fell silent. Brine stared.
Captain Belle stood in the doorway. Something on the pier was on fire and it flickered behind her, casting her shadow along the floor. She wasn't wearing her barding and the silver flower bud on her flank stood out against her dark grey coat. Her mane was dirty and unkempt, and singed badly. Her tinted glasses were down, covering her eyes completely. She stood with her head held high, but there was a weariness about her that was noticeable, even from a distance. Nopony made a sound as she walked into the tavern. She was limping, one of her hind legs dragging slightly. Her hooves echoed on the wooden floor. Everypony there stared at her with a mixture of awe and nervousness as she slowly made her way forward. The crowd of ponies parted for her as she finally reached the bar. She raised her glasses to her forehead and looked Brine straight in his good eye. There was a hardness to her expression that almost made him take a step back.
"Brine," she said, her voice tired, dry, and slightly hoarse, "I think I'll have that drink now."
Wow, this is uncanny! I was JUST thinking about this story yesterday and wondering what had happened to it. Glad to see it back!
I am certainly glad to see this updated (no matter ho short!)
Looking forward to seeing how far down the rabbit hole this conspiracy goes...
discreet
Huh. I could’ve sworn this story was actually complete, last I checked. It’s kinda sad that the initial premise of this story is no longer unique, nor consistent with canon since season 4 screwed you over on both counts and that’ll probably lower the number of people willing to give this excellent story a shot.
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Thanks, fixed. Second time I made that mistake...
Yeah, it's partly my fault for not finishing it sooner. I had planned on finishing it last year, but life sort of happened. S4 certainly had a few things that upended bits and pieces of the story, but nothing really major. The only major change I can see is the confrontation with Discord in the prologue. The chimera in episode 17 worried me for a second, but I specified that there are more common chimeras. The one in this story is The Chimera, the namesake and original.
Glad you're enjoying it.
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“Something escaped from Tartarus during that short window of opportunity when Cerberus wasn’t guarding the gates? Pffft. Season 4 finale rip‐off, anyone? And chimeras being named after the first and most famous one? Puh‐leeease. Like that would’ve gone unmentioned in the show. Blah blah blah—”
After seeing enough terrible stories many people tend to get a little knee‐jerk. It’s mainly a defence mechanism to avoid disappointment after emotionally investing themselves in something. Yeah, the lines of reasoning used often vary from the asinine and ill‐thought‐out (like in the example I gave) to clearly grasping at straws, but most will never voice these doubts and just move on, never to be corrected and never to give something that they’d actually enjoy the shot it deserves.
Yay!
Stoked you managed to update this again, man. Looking forward to the resolution.
This story has been sitting on my "must do" list for a while now, and after finally finding the time to sit down and read it, my only regret is that I didn't do so sooner. All in all, it has been an excellent read.
Your main OCs are well established, personified and distinct - which is no small feat, considering how often I have seen OC heavy fics where all the original characters lack sufficiently distinct voices and seem to blend together in this homogeneous mass that no one really cares about or even remembers the names of. In contrast, most of your characters are crisp and clear and interesting to follow - which is what makes your story work so well, considering how OC heavy it is.
The plot is interesting as well and the mystery aspect of it drew me in straight away - granted, we had some ideas what it ultimately would be about, since the story starts with the ominous flashback, but it was still thrilling to watch Belle (ha, sweet Belle, I can see why that word combination gave Twilight pause) and her guards going through the docks, trying to unravel the mysterious murders and arsons taking place in the Dock.
Your decision to bring in Twilight was a good one as well - the idea that Celestia occasionally entrusts Twilight with discreet tasks is quite reasonable, which goes doubly so in this case - given that Twilight knows about tartarus and is probably more informed than just about anyone else, save the sisters themselves, about what resides there (considering how she both knows where to lead the Cerberus back to during the show, and that she isn't particularly worried about escorting the three-headed hellhound, I imagine the logical answer is that Celestia took her to Tartarus at some point earlier in her studies and introduced the two ... perhaps that's even why Cerberus ended up in Ponyville - if he was galloping to someone he knew, chances are it would be either Twilight or Celestia), she is the natural choice to go and verify the incident.
I will also commend you for not bringing the rest of the mane 6 in to this (though I suspect that might change now, if they are going to need the Elements, but that's reasonable post this point) - many stories do this, and rarely does it make sense. Yes, Twilight needs her friends to wield the elements, but a simple investigation and information gathering mission from Celestia? That's mostly a task for Twilight herself, since she alone of the bunch can be considered an agent of Celestia, with the appropriate skillset and know-how to be realistically useful in such a situation. Probably wouldn't do much for her image of authority either, if Celestia's student turned up with a bunch of her friends in a tow, none of which would know how to contribute anything to a legitimate investigation, as if she was coming to a picnic of sorts.
Not to mention that if it IS a creature from Tartarus (and that was a legitimate concern, else Twilight wouldn't be there in the first place), Twilight has a much better chance of getting herself out of any trouble if she doesn't have to worry about her friend's safety as well, and worst come worst can simply teleport away with her cross-country ranges, straight back to Celestia in Canterlot, if she doesn't have carry half a dozen ponies with her - never mind that she would need them all in one spot to do so, further increasing potential danger.
So .. yeah, it makes a lot of sense for Twilight to undertake this task alone, at least to start with, before the need for Elements is established. Speaking of Twilight, you have done a pretty good job with her personality and portrayal. She resembles her canon self quite accurately ... right down to her moments of anxiety in social situations with the gruff Belle, to her being (ironically enough) pretty non-pulsed about jumping in front of fires and dragons that in turn leave the guard quaking and almost wetting herself. Yeah, it's an amusing (and somewhat sad) fact of Twilight's life that confronting monster is less stressful for her than dealing with ponies that she has nothing to fear from :P
And the final fight wit the Chimera was pretty good, and the way the thing was brought down pretty ingenious ... though I imagine it won't last forever. Either way, I'm very much looking towards both the aftermath of the battle, and what other issues might be awaiting in the future. After all, if the person who lured Cerberus away and seems to be in contact wit the Chimera was also savvy enough to trick Tartarus' magical prisoner list, there is no telling what else might be loose without venturing in and taking a look in person.
I just hope this story isn't considered dead, seeing as it has been quite some time since the last update, which would be a real shame, since this has been a very promising read thus far.
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Wow, thank you SO much for your comments and feedback. It's always nice to know that someone else has enjoyed your work. I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far.
You really hit the nail on the head with my decision to include only Twilight and not the rest of the Mane Six, it just made the most sense to have Twilight there on her own.
I can definitely say that this story is NOT dead, and I have every intention of finishing it soon. The last chapter has really been giving me fits, and I've had to rewrite it multiple times already. Partly I'm afraid that I've built things up too much and the resolution will be a disappointment to some, especially after the big fight, but ultimately I have to just write the ending that I have and hope for the best.
Thanks for reading and commenting! I hope you enjoy the ending, when I finally finish it.
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Indeed, that's what you should aim to do - without second guessing yourself too much. If there is one thing I have noticed over the years, it's that problems often start when an author finds himself rewriting something over and over again (or rewriting a story in general) in search of that ultimate perfection.
It's a completely understandable desire of course, but often seems to lead to the inevitable burnout and loss of momentum and excitement for the work, turning it in frustration and eventually leading to the story dying off. It's good to hear you aren't there yet, but perhaps it's worth considering that good enough can be exactly that - perfectly good enough, and it doesn't need to be immaculately perfect to be immensely enjoyable.
And from the sounds of it, unless I am mistaken, you are somewhat close to the end? If that's the case, do you mind if I ask if there is a sequel planned? Because you have a good setup here that I could easily see turning in to a series, where we follow Twilight (sort-of) as she turns up in various cities/towns/villages of Equestria, right on heels of all sorts of monster sightings and troubles, as she is trying to help locate and deal with all the other potential nasties that might have escaped from Tartarus besides the Chimera, perhaps even unrelated to this villain's plans specifically.
Or so I hope :P
That was a nice little chapter, and did some good work in fleshing out Brine some more.
"Brine," she said, her voice tired, dry, and slightly hoarse, "I think I'll have that drink now."
Oh PERFECT!