A Few Bits Short

by RazBro

The Bill

~A Few Bits Short~

Chapter One: The Bill

A quickly stifled yet noticeable belch suddenly announced itself over the quiet chatter of the dinner table. Orange cheeks grew a little rosier as the offender tipped her hat.

“Heh heh, pardon me.”

Rarity shot the cowpony a cool glare before collecting herself to speak.

“Really, Applejack. You’re already lucky they allowed you inside after you refused to check your hat at the door. You can’t at least act with some civility for a couple of hours?”

“Pfft. Like they’re going to turn away the Element of Honesty just to maintain the atmosphere?” Rainbow Dash chirped up from across the table, speaking over the last remnants of her meal before swallowing and leaning back contentedly.

Rarity’s eyes narrowed dangerously as she watched a piece of stray food fly from Rainbow’s mouth as she spoke. Her eyebrow twitched but she bit her tongue and refrained from speaking out again and saying something most unbecoming of a lady.

Fortunately, Twilight took up the task for her, although in a more diplomatic fashion.

“She does have a point. We are in one of the fanciest restaurants in Canterlot after all and- Rainbow! Are you even listening?”

The pegasus froze as she tried to pick a rogue piece of vegetation from her teeth. Smiling sheepishly, she closed her mouth and sat upright again.

“Well I think it was just wonderful of Princess Celestia to invite us to dinner…Even if she didn’t show up, that is.” Fluttershy commented, “I’m sure she was just busy…”

“At least I’ve been spared the embarrassment of dining with royalty alongside those who are more…inexperienced with proper dinner etiquette,” Rarity said, giving Applejack and Rainbow Dash a deadpan stare. Rainbow stuck her tongue out in response while Pinkie Pie giggled.

“What happened to the Princess anyway? Oh! Maybe a servant was bringing her tea only they tripped and spilled it and then slipped into one of the stained glass windows and shattered it then got really really hurt and the doctors couldn’t save him so Celestia had to come in and use her magic sun powers to bring him back to life and make sure he was okay?” Pinkie thought aloud, imagining the scenario.

“I’m…not sure,” Twilight said, trying to hide her disappointment at being stood up by her mentor. “Whatever it is, it must have been important.”

Suddenly, a very poignant belch interrupted their thoughts once again. Rarity’s head whipped around, a fierce glare and the sound of the straw breaking the mule’s back almost audible in the air after the shockwave of the burp. Several of the other dinner patrons by now were also giving ugly looks towards the party.

A sheaf of paper plopped down onto the table immediately afterward, bearing the royal seal. Spike, the perpetrator of the pervasive plague of gastrointestinal passed gas that was afflicting the party smiled sheepishly. Rarity huffed and turned her head, seeing no way she could really scold the baby dragon for involuntarily receiving a letter.

Twilight dutifully retrieved the scroll with her magic and unfurled it, beginning to read aloud.

Dear Twilight Sparkle and friends,

I sincerely apologize for missing our planned dinner together. Trust me when I say I would have much preferred spending the evening with you all! However, an urgent matter concerning the glass portrait of Starswirl the Bearded and a servant of mine demanded my attention for the entire evening. I do hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your evening and perhaps we can make plans for tomorrow.

Yours truly,

Princess Celestia

“Well…I guess it can’t be helped. We can stop by the castle tomorrow,” Twilight said in resignation.

“Oh! Oh! How about we go to Pony Joe’s since we have the rest of the night?” Spike said, standing up on his booster seat.

“That sounds like a great idea, Spike! Can we Twilight? Canwecanwecanwecanwe?” Pinkie said, siding with Spike as they both looked at her expectantly.

“Shoot, I’ve been wantin’ to talk ta Joe about a new business venture Applebloom thought of,” Applejack said, stroking her chin. “She reckons there’s money to be made in apple doughnuts to go with our cider.”

“That sounds delicious, Applejack,” Fluttershy

“Sounds fine to me. Dessert here is kind of…expensive…” Twilight trailed off as something occurred to her. Applejack looked concerned.

“Something wrong, sugarcube?” she said as the waiter came around, satisfied that they had all finished their meals. He gracefully set a black leather binder in the middle of the table and went on his way.

Seven pairs of eyes stared at the ominous black book nervously, Twilight’s realization suddenly apparent to all. Seeing as they were expecting to dine with Princess Celestia, none of them had brought any substantial amount of bits with them to the restaurant. Twilight had said it was going to be on the Princess’ tab.

“Oh-“ Applejack finally said.

“-Ponyfeathers.” Rainbow Dash finished.

Another few moments of uncomfortable silence passed as no one was willing to brave the check.

“Well…It can’t be…that bad, right?” Twilight laughed nervously, tentatively taking the book in her magic and opening to the bill.

The bill suddenly fell unceremoniously to the table, revealing a horrified Twilight as she stared blankly ahead, her right eye twitching. Spike cringed. All eyes viewed the detailed list of orders now visible to all.

“Oh…dear… I knew I should have just gotten soup…” Fluttershy said quietly, tucking herself behind her mane.

“60 bits fer a glass of wine?!” Applejack said looking at Rarity accusingly.

“My meal demanded a light and fruity pairing! I won't apologize for exercising my expertise in good cuisine.” Rarity shot back, looking back down at the bill. “Rainbow Dash! You should be ashamed of yourself, that was the most expensive item on the menu!”

“What!? Hey don’t blame me, I thought the Princess would be covering it! I’m allowed to live it up if I have the chance! Besides, look at the cost for those gems!” Raibow said defensively.

“Um… Excuse me...” Fluttershy attempted to take the floor, but was quickly overridden by Spike standing and slamming a fist on the table.

“Hey! You know how tired I am of eating nothing but hay fries and daffodil sandwiches? It’s undragonlike! Besides, I got a doggy bag…Maybe they’ll buy them back.” Spike said, bending over and picking up a box of half-eaten gems.

“Girls?” Fluttershy tried to interject.

“Rainbow Dash, I can’t believe you would try to shift the blame onto poor Spikey-Wikey. He’s a growing dragon and really deserves the proper nutrition,” Rarity said, turning her nose up. Spike’s cheeks grew red, being defended by the white unicorn.

“Yea, life isn’t all cupcakes and frosting. Ooooh but what if it were?” Pinkie Pie said, quickly jetting off towards some distant daydream of sugar and happiness.

“Tha-…That’s more money than the farm takes in inna month!” Applejack said, looking down towards the total.

“Girls, we really shouldn’t be talking so lou-“ Fluttershy said again, only to be cut off by Rainbow Dash. She hid behind her mane, attempting to hide herself from the gathering stares of other patrons.

“What’s the big deal? We’re famous! I say they owe us a lot more for saving their butts from Discord!” the pegasus said leaning back in her chair.

“I don’t feel good about abusing our status like that,” Twilight said, thoughtfully.

“What if we just show them the- Oh, darn it…” Fluttershy began to say, expecting to be cut off again. However this time the table grew silent as her friends stared at her expectantly. “Oh…I was just going to say…What if we show them the letter from the Princess? It does have the royal seal on it after all…and I’m sure they’d take it as an IOU…If you think that’s a good idea, that is.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, looking for the letter on the table. “Wait, where did it go?”

Suddenly their table was cleared of their dishes and unwanted leftovers leaving just the clean white tablecloth. The letter from the Princess was nowhere in sight. In the middle of their somewhat heated discussion over the bill, the waiter had returned and cleared their plates. The letter had been neatly rolled up on Twilight’s dish and taken away.

“Oh no…” Twilight groaned.

Behind her, a stallion cleared his throat obtrusively. He had a dark brown coat and black mane that was neatly styled backwards. Twilight had seen him wandering around talking with a few of the guests from time to time.

“Good evening ladies…And dragon. I’m the manager of this fine establishment. Your waiter told me there may be a…problem with the check?” He said in an even and diplomatic tone, yet in his eyes you could tell that he already regarded them coolly and was planning on how to retrieve his compensation.

“Oh, dear.” Twilight said.

"I didn't eat all my gems! I bet these will cover at least half the bill, right?" Spike said hopefully, holding up the open box of half-eaten rubies, sapphires and emeralds. A bit of dragon slobber was visible on one small piece of ruby that Spike saw and quickly removed, popping it into his mouth. Rainbow Dash face-hoofed.

"Apologies. We don't accept leftovers as payment," the manager said in a dry tone.

“Why, it will be no problem at all, good sir,” Rarity said, batting her eyelashes and taking command of the situation. “You see, we just forgot our pocketbooks. I’m sure a gentleman such as yourself would understand.”

“Ah yes,” the manager said, looking towards Rarity without giving any hint that her subtly flirtatious plea had had any effect. “Six of Equestria’s most well-regarded ponies decided to go out for dinner and conveniently all forgot that doing so requires some coin.”

“Hey now, what’re ye implyin’ there, mister?” Applejack said, taking the condescending tone of the manager as offense.

“Please,” huffed the manager, letting the neutral mask of his face slip as he now openly eyed them all with animosity. “I know your type. You don’t operate Canterlot’s finest dining experience without getting all the most self-important ponies in the land coming in thinking their status will pay for their visit. Frankly, I did not expect it of the Elements of Harmony. But I suppose I was mistaken.”

“You really think we’d come here expecting a free meal?” Twilight said, aghast at the defamation of their character.

“Regardless of whether you did or not, here we are, hm? Quite a tab and no bits between you.”

“Alright, I’ve had enough of this nonsense,” Rainbow said, taking to the air and hovering over the group. By now they were causing quite the scene and the other patrons had exhausted their arsenal of dirty looks and now were just considering it dinner and a show.

“You gonna stop me if I just fly out of here, buddy? Or if we all just walk out?” Rainbow said angrily.

The manager’s eyes narrowed but his tone remained even.

“You really don’t understand commerce and the concept of precedence do you? This restaurant has the great pleasure of being visited frequently by Canterlot’s elite, all of whom consider themselves your equals whether through true merit or just their own hyper-inflated egos. Were I to let you go without compensation for our services, think of the example that sets. Soon everyone would be willing to walk out on their bills, thinking that they are above the rules of commerce that keep this business afloat,” he said.

Although Twilight less than appreciated the manager’s tone in the conversation thus far, he did have a solid point, and the mare would not feel good about simply walking out on the bill. Rainbow Dash scowled heavily but landed again and remained quiet.

"Let me contact Celestia. I'm sure she'll reply and include enough bits to cover the bill. Spike?" Twilight asked. Spike nodded and produced a sheaf of paper and a quill. Pinkie Pie became curious and looked behind Spike for the source of the writing materials. Then realization struck her.

"Ooooh, paper and quills stashed away in case of a letter emergency! You're good." Pinkie snickered.

Bottom Line watched with a raised eyebrow, ignoring the pink mare's comment. He was debating whether or not to allow them to write their letter, but knowing that the Elements of Harmony did have somewhat of a direct line to the Princess, and it entailed the possibility of compensation for their meal, he allowed it.

"...We are quite sorry to trouble you with this matter, but would appreciate your quick response. Signed, your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle." Twilight finished dictating to Spike. The young dragon dotted his i's and crossed his t's then rolled up the scroll and ignited it, sending it on it's way to the Princess. Twilight closed her eyes contentedly, with a small smile on her face. Any minute now, Spike would once more disturb the peace with a flaming belch that would free them of their predicament.

Any minute.

Rarity bit her lip as time dragged on, and Applejack looked nervous. Bottom Line's scowl deepened with each passing moment. Twilight opened one eye and looked at Spike. The young dragon shrugged in response.

Bottom Line finally cleared his throat, tired of waiting. Twilight smiled weakly. Bottom Line spoke.

“Now, I previously was willing to make a quiet deal with you all, but thanks to your outbursts and general disruption of the atmosphere-“

Rainbow rolled her eyes, while Rarity scowled at her and Applejack.

“-everyone here now knows that you cannot pay and I am left in the afore-mentioned predicament of setting a precedent. Until the Princess replies with compensation - if she even chooses to - my compensation will have to be suitably public so that none of these highbrow foals think they can walk out on a bill,” the manager stated in a quiet tone that, try as they might, the other patrons could not eavesdrop on.

“Uhh…Did’ya have somethin’ in mind?” Applejack asked suspiciously.

The manager smiled.

“Please, walk this way,” the manager said as he turned away and headed towards the back offices of the restaurant.

“I prefer skipping, but if you say so!” Pinkie chimed while copying the manager’s exact gait.

Comments

[Keystroke]

first! I really like this story! faved and watched!

[RazBro]

Thank you! Now that the set up is out of the way, I am quite eager to get into the meat of it where the idea was originally inspired heh heh heh.

[canius]

Oh come on...

Aww this is so sad but funny

[OttOPilot]

Why can't twilight just ask for a paper and pen and have spike take a letter to let the princess know of there situation? Wouldn't that solve everything?

[JetGrey]

"perpetrator of the pervasive plague of gastrointestinal passed gas..."

Cut, pasted, and framed for viewing - I love that line!

Anyway, I can see this becoming adapted into a hilarious radio play or a rare gem of a sit-com. To me, the tone is light, the situation: ironic. Have fun with this!

[ChaoticHarmony]

I... LOVE THIS!

*faves, upvotes, prepares to read more*

[ShadowWing09]

Oooh, I like this, Carefully constructed and well written. Everypony seems in character, and in too many stories to count, the author wouldn't have bothered explaining Celestia's absence, or would have resorted to Trollestia. You clearly thought this one through, thank you!

1902520 Unfortunately, the window for that opportunity seems to have passed, as a scene has already been caused before anypony could think of something like that

Of course, the managers accusations certainly didn't help matters

[SuperChaosKG]

1902520

But... she did.

[nemryn]

"Well, we do have an actual letter from Celestia covering the tab, actually. One of your waiters cleaned it up accidentally, though, so if you'd just let us go get it, we can sort this all out."
"Yes, I've heard that one before. I hardly think--"
"Well, you don't *need* to think, do you, because you can just go and check! And if you do check, then you'll get your money, and we'll be out of your mane! It seems like the only reason you would have for not checking is because you don't want it to be true, so you can continue hassling your patrons! Hardly the behavior I'd expect from the manager of such a classy place as this."