Luna was taken aback.
“What do you mean? You left because of my sister?”
Sunset gave a harsh laugh.
“I may as well tell you the whole story.”
Luna looked expectantly as Sunset gathered her thoughts. It was hard to think back on her life in Equestria, but if Luna could share what she had gone through, Sunset owed it to her to share her story as well.
“Before Twilight Sparkle came into the picture, I was Celestia's prized pupil. Very much like Twilight, I was a bit of a prodigy. I got my cutie mark early, excelled in magical studies. The princess took notice, of course, and came personally to offer her mentorship. My parents were beside themselves with happiness. And rightfully so. It had been years since Celestia took someone as her personal student. They saw it as a chance to climb the social ladder and use my name to better themselves in Canterlot society.
“After studying under Celestia for nearly five years, I started to develop my own magical style. I started to do more research into forgotten spells, look into magical theory that had been forgotten. I wanted to be the best. My goal was to become the next Starswirl the Bearded, and write my name across magical history.
“To that end, I decided to create a way for a sufficiently powerful unicorn to ascend and become an alicorn.”
Luna cocked her head in confusion.
“I don’t understand. Is that forbidden?”
“Not exactly. Before Twilight was granted the power of an Alicorn, there were only five known of in the history of Equestria. The princesses Luna and Celestia, their parents, and their niece Princess Cadence. Nobody's quite sure how Cadence became an alicorn, but the fact remains that she is. To normal ponies, an alicorn is essentially the equivalent of a god. They are powerful enough that once they make a decision, it is treated as law without a second thought. I wanted to change that.
“I couldn’t imagine a world where ponies were subjects to the same monarch for over a thousand years without a second thought. It felt wrong to me, like the world was created to be their plaything instead of a functioning society.
“When celestia found my research, she was more angry than I have ever heard of her being. You have to understand that Celestia is famous for being calm, even under pressure. Nobody has ever seen anything but the cool and collected Princess of the Sun, and if they have, they don’t speak of it. She accused me of trying to overthrow her, and trying to stir Equestria into revolt against her rule.”
Luna looked shocked. That was not the Celestia that she knew. Though thinking about it, one could see the parallels.
“The princess banished me from Equestria. I was never allowed to set hoof within it’s borders again. I spent several years wandering through other nations, studying the magic found there, until I eventually came to the Crystal Empire, and found the mirror that delivered me to Canterlot High.”
Luna nonned. She knew the rest.
Sunset became quiet, watching as the sky burst into the orange hues of the setting daystar. It seemed fitting that this conversation was happening now, between the two of them.
As the sky became darker, Sunset spoke up again.
“Luna… I…”
She sighed. Thinking through her own feelings. If Sunset were being honest with herself, she would admit that she had a crush on Luna since her first day at CHS. Now, with the intimacy of the day, and where they had come from the original intent of the morning, Sunset felt that being honest about everything was the right thing.
Another sigh.
“Luna, I’m not great at this kind of thing…”
Luna’s eyes widened. This conversation was heading down a dangerous path.
“Sunset no. You are a student. I know where you are going with this.”
“I’m an adult pretending to be a student, Luna. This isn’t exactly a normal situation here.”
-------------------------------
Luna was taken aback. Sunset was right of course. This was not a normal situation under any circumstances. Normal didn’t even come close to the facts.
“Luna, you came to my house, passed out in my kitchen, and shared details of your life that your own sister doesn’t even know. I want to think that there might be something more than the typical teacher/student relationship there. I want to know more about you, as Luna. Not the cold vice-principal of Canterlot High, but as a woman.”
Luna's heart skipped a beat. Sunset was an adult. In equestria, she would have been considered an adult for many years already. Even by the standards of this world, Sunset had her life more together than most people twice her age. It didn’t hurt that Luna did find her to be highly intelligent, and attractive.
“Sunset, I don’t know. If I allow my mind to look at it, I do wonder if this could work. But what would it mean? What would the school say? What about my sister? Your friends? I want to jump at this chance, but is it right for us to do that?”
With the sky darkening, and the moon on the rise, Luna jumped slightly as Sunset took her hand. The younger woman was warm to the touch.
“Damn the consequences Luna. I have wanted to have this conversation with you for nearly four years now.”
The older woman gasped.
“I want to be a part of your life Luna. I don’t know what that truly entails, but I want to be there in the thick of it.”
Luna looked up to her namesake. The sky was a perfect blend of fading oranges, and deepening blues and purples. She didn’t know much about magic, but the hopeless romantic in her did have a firm grasp of the idea of providence in timing.
“I can’t say that everything will be sunshine and roses Sunset. I don’t even know what my own life or future looks like. I’m not perfect, not even by a long shot. And I can’t promise you the world.”
Luna tried one last push of reason, before her walls crumbled under the heat of Sunset.
“I don’t care about perfection. I want the mess. I want the joy, and pain, and everything that goes with it.”
Luna squeezed the warm hand clasping hers.
“I would… like that very much Sunset Shimmer.”
Interesting take on Sunset and Celestia's falling out. Rare is it I come across one where it is 100% Celestia's fault.
8429347
One could argue that it isn't 100% her fault, but more of an upbringing/social-norm issue. It will be explored further in coming chapters, as that is going to be a big thing to deal with moving forward... after all, you can't really date someone seriously and NOT get their family as well
8429364
Fair enough. Personally restriction of knowledge is anathema to me, so for me Celestia is clearly in the wrong.
Does Princess Twilight know of this at all?!
YES! an update waiting for me when I woke up! I love this story!
Platitudes aside, it was so refreshing to see Celestia at fault in Sunset's backstory. So often it's all on Sunset for leaving. Nice take. Keep up the excellent work!
Disclaimer!! I write this massive wall of text not to hate on the story but to give what I think is constructive criticism on a story i enjoy reading.
-----
This is a unique origin story for the strife between Sunset and Celestia to be sure, but I think it has a few too many holes.
First off overthrow and start a revolt? If the mere research of turning a sufficiently powerful unicorn into an alicorn, not all ponies statistically probably a small amount depending on the requirements, was enough for Celestia to flip her lid I can't imagine how she reacted to Cadence ascending. This seems like Celestia the tyrant stamping out any possible competition, which is contrary to all that we know of her.
Second I don't see an "alternate universe" tag on this story so I'll assume it's attempting to stick to the established canon of at least the movies? If so then this explaination runs directly contrary to the reasoning Celestia gives in the movie for Sunsets decisions. This could be Celestia lying to Twilight in the movie to hide her actual guilt in Sunsets departure, but again that runs against what we know of Celestia.
Third this seems like terrible insufficient reasoning for Sunset to go off and steal Twilights crown like we see in the movie. If her initial research into alicornification was ultimately for the betterment of pomykind like it seems to be for, then her selfish stealing of the crown to give herself power seems contrary to her own stated motives.
I don't think it's a bad backstory overall, just slap an "AU" tag on the story and it'll be fine. Or if you are intent on keeping the story attached to the canon and movies then the backstory needs to at least line up with the information we are given in the movie.
I'm actually really enjoying the writing and the story so far, contrary to what this massive wall of text may give off the impression of. In the end it's your story and may do with it as you wish, but it's just something you should at least keep in mind.
8429622
Not to mention the fact that Sombra's curse over the Crystal Empire wasn't lifted by that point, in other words: How did Sunset found the Crystal Empire in the first place? Didn't Celestia had guards stationed in the artic north to keep track/warn her if the Empire ever returned? If yes, than how they didn't find either Sunset or the Crystal Empire during that time?
The story is indeed good, but I have to agree. There are too many holes in this backstory.
8429590
Currently no. Not yet sure if that is something that matters to the overall story or not though.
8429596
Thank you so much!
8429838
She should find out, Celeastia lying to her and all.
But maybe fo a sequel?
8429622
Thank you for the feedback! I really do like the constructive input.
A couple of things to note -
Traditionally, history is written by the WINNER of any conflict - and there are two sides to the story. In EqG, Sunset doesn't really go into much (if any) detail about the why of her leaving equestria. It creates a big opening for interpretation for sure.
As for the theft of the Element of Magic, the feedback is appreciated and that hole will be patched in a future chapter where I can gracefully do it.
As to the AU tag - we are limited to 6 major tags at the top. I debated using AU, but I felt that I was keeping close enough to canon that it was not as vital as the existing. Especially considering that the character tags, EqG, Human, and SoL tags are all pretty much required because of context, and I think that Dark is more apropos given the history that I wrote for Luna.
Thank you for the feedback, and if you see fit to provide more, I welcome it!!
8429763
Yes, there were guards stationed, that particular point I took a bit of artistic license with.
8429622
Alicornification needs to be a word!
You do raise some good and valid points though. Chief amongst them the Crystal Empire. It wouldn't have been present when Sunset Shimmer was studying under Celestia.
I agree that an AU tag is needed for this fic, but I do want to read more!
8429853
Hum... I see. Well, I am looking forward for the next chapters and I hope that any holes left in the backstory will be patched eventually.
I'm not really liking where you're taking this backstory.
It's not something too specific to this one, it's just that I'm really sick of reading stories that end up blaming things on Celestia or portray her as mostly in the wrong. Sure, she's not perfect, but neither are Luna and Sunset...and taking blame away from them actually weakens their characters a lot.
Both Luna and Sunset's characters revolve around redemption and getting over the fact that they went too far. If they were purely victims that were both screwed over by Celestia, then that part of their personalities just doesn't make sense.
Also, as a sidenote, I'm pretty sure the magic mirror was moved to the Crystal Empire once Cadence took over, while it was in the Royal Palace when Sunset ran off to the human world. The Crystal Empire didn't even exist at that point in time.
If there is some kind of payoff to this, or things are explained properly, then I'm looking forward to that, but as it is, this lore is kinda bothering me.
8430245
I appreciate the feedback! There will be much more to it for sure. Without giving away the major plot points I want to assure you that if you stick around the Celestia issue will be addressed. There is much more story to be had.
8429881
You bring up another point about the mirror as well. While the timeline of MLP is always vague we know Sunset was in the other world for a good chunk of time, cause of all the formals she won, while the crystal empire is barely around for a season before Twilight gets her wings. We also know that the first EQG movie happens sometime around when Twilight became a princess. We also know the mirror only opens every 30 moons. If by Sunsets own admission she only went to the human world once the crystal empire showed up... there just isnt time for all these things to happen. Too much time passed in the human world in the movie with Sunset there to make sense.
Again im not trying to pick the story apart but its just a story plot hole that derails the story for me.
8430865
MLP timeline is pretty vague in any case. We're never told exact dates of things in the show - I suspect this is done on purpose to be vague - but clues can be found. For instance, in season 1 we're told the Grand Galloping Gala happens once every year. We don't see another one till season 5, and that one heavily references the GGG seen in S1. So, little over 1 year has passed in MLP time.
As far as the once every 30 moons for the portal, this could be 2 and a half years, assuming 1 moon per 1 month.
Contrast that though to Equestria. Twilight is a fully grown adult mare when the show starts - 20? ish? - she became Celestia's student when she was very young, younger than the CMC, and she had no knowledge of Sunset Shimmer until EQG1. That means she never saw her in the palace.
Of course, the easy answer to all this is time flows at a different rate depending on what side of the portal you're on. Twenty years in Equestria can be 2 in the human world.
That said, I do eagerly await another chapter!!
8429848
I saw that you're planning on keeping things close to cannon, but if the tag limit rule is limiting you from using the "AU" tag, you don't need to use the "Human" tag. Since this is set in the Equestria Girls world and you have the "Equestria Girls" tag you don't need to use the "Human" tag. Just look it up in "tag information" in the "help" tab.
8480894
actualy some one on the writing staff confirmed she has a motorbike
8480898
Fun fact - Authors are allowed to take a little creative license with extremely minor details .
Additional fun fact - Nobody has ever said that Sunset DOESN'T also have a car.
8556311
I have done my research. I also don't particularly mind this but of adjustment to Canon as it suits my needs for the story. If you insist on picking apart every single detail about a fictional work, based on other fictional work, you are going to have a bad time.
I welcome constructive criticism, but if you are just in the comments section to complain about details, I urge you to read something else.
Know i am doing this more out of asking and not to poke a hole. But wasn't the crystal empire gone while sunset was in equastria? And tho with creative license this can be ignored wasn't the mirror first in canterlot and moved to the empire? I of course could be wrong and it up to you
8583100
Yeah. This falls under a bit of creative licence. I'm the grand scheme of things it's a minor detail to the overall story
Sorry but you lost me at chapter 8, I had no problem with the whole teacher/student thing (its not something I would support like 99% of the time in real life but I live by -never say never-)
But the whole
It feels so forced to me that it ruins all the build up you have put into the story so far.
Good luck with the rest of your story.
8760319
To each their own. I hope you find what you are after in another story
8760929
Yeah, I'll keep reading, but I agree there. This attraction to Luna, long-standing in 'Canon' or not, literally came out of left field. There wasn't even any hint of attraction before this point outside of maybe her rolling with the punches from Rainbow, and that would have only hinted at a physical attraction to Luna. Like, they weren't even thinking about being friends until a couple hours ago, but now suddenly they both get tingly lady boners.
With Luna, her thoughts seem better set, because she's vulnerable and seems to want somebody to trust and confide in, but Sunset has had 0 reason until this conversation to even consider anything more than bumping uglies.
I gotta say the only issue I have with this backstory for Sunset is it does nothing to explain her prior actions such as becoming a bully and stealing Twilight's crown.
8992826
Fair, I figured that that could be left as it already was. There is a somewhat passable explanation as to why she went through the portal, I figured that the EQG canon could keep the rest of that story.
That is a very good point for Sunset to make
Alright. I went and also read the comments, and here's some honest feedback.
You should rework this chapter. Possibly into two.
What you want to achieve here is a turning point for your story, and deserves a lot more attention. I'm not saying you have to rework the rest of the story or anything, but at this point, you change a lot of things and move forward a lot of things that shouldn't happen so quickly and blatantly... especially for a story with deep emotional impact as this one.
Some points:
Sunset's backstory really doesn't ring true to her character or what we know as canonical in the movies/series/comics. While some creative license is of course your prerogative, I do feel you could delve deeper into her reasons for leaving as she actually left originally. There's a lot more freedom with EqD, of course, but the Crystal Empire wasn't even there when Sunset left.
I'm not diminishing where you're going with this, but as someone else pointed out, it is completely at odds with Sunset's behaviour in school. Even if we could argue emotional vengeance is a thing. I feel you are loosing a great opportunity here without making Celestia the main antagonist in all her iterations. Yes, EqD Celestia is understandably in the wrong, but Sunset's actions at home, and the fallout of her decisions doesn't take away the emotional growth and maturity-and trauma-that she has lived through.
Them starting to date is not a problem. Again, just... give yourself time. They're alone in a forest, they went for a car-ride. The had breakfast together and talked about a lot of personal, deep things that require a lot of trust. All the elements are there.
I do feel, that, with a bit of tweaking, and giving yourself the license to really expand on this chapter and pacing, it will greatly improve the whole experience so far.
9062111
I agree with what you are saying in this. I've had some troubles with this chapter as well, and it is one of the major points that I need to resolve.
I don't think that a rewrite of the chapter will happen, as my planned resolution is more important to the overall story. And it the directly into the progression from the new chapter that I posted last night...
9062111
Well that just mean Sunset left later in this universe and also explain how she knew about the elements
Thank you! Being in charge cause of your species!
Now to kick sunbutt in the azz