Holy throne, that went pear shaped in just seconds! Awesome work, can't wait to see the next chapter!

While I'm not the biggest Displaced fan, this has promise

I see a proofreading mistake in the story description itself. That's not a good sign for attracting readers, so I'd suggest re-proofreading all of that, just to make sure.;) Just some advice for ya.^_^

8307690
I actually never proofread, and come up with things on the fly. I plan to rewrite the description, but could you tell me what the mistake is in case I forget to rewrite it?

8307705
You have 'but they know realize' where you mean to have 'but they now realize'.;)

This is a pretty good story. Love how you managed the Blood Ravens' Chapter Master's dialogue, making it feel like this is the real deal.

I Swear there ar to many storys where the human is lawyer to celestia! In the nema of god can some one make somting more original!!! Or better get were the human doesn't like celestia. I mean every time I read a story about a human some how finding himself in equestria he gives his lawyerty to celestia.

8307809

Well, let's see.

In my story, "Piraka Don't Play Fair", the Displaced are, in fact, criminals and on the run, and kinda/sorta help Equestria out, if only to keep their criminal organization running.

Also, I think you are just looking in the wrong places. I know of a few Displaced (not by name, mind you) that have the characters on bad terms with Sun-Princess.

Anyways, I had Gabriel pledge himself to serve Celestia... because it's honestly the only thing I could do. Y'see, in Warhammer 40k (the thing Gabriel's from) the humans there are... well, zealous is putting it mildly. They destroy entire planets for a small rumor of heresy.

So if Gabriel had arrived there, and seen these humans not worshipping the God Emperor... well, Heresy usually leads to the death of all heretics. So Gabriel got a special condition that makes him believe that Celestia is either the Emperor reborn, or his avatar.

So yeah, a Space Marine would look at Equestria and either try to convert them to worship the Emperor, or wipe them out.

Even back when the Imperium was a Materialistic empire, any who didn't serve the Emperor were brought to 'compliance'

8307751

Thanks! I actually went through Dawn of War 2's purity seals and wrote down a few of them in case I'd need them. The speech Gabriel gave was a slightly modified version of the Pilgrim's Pledge.

Glad you enjoyed it! I'll try to keep it as close to the original Gabriel as possible! Which is actually kinda easy, considering Gabriel's one of the most reasonable Space Marines in existence!

8307716
Oh! That was because I rewrote that line and forgot to remove the Word there! I'll fix that right away!

I do intend to readd this, even though it’s DoW III and not Dawn of War. Gabriel is still awesome either way.

8307942

unfourtunately, I was never able to play the original Dawn of War. But I do have the three books for it. Hopefully that'll aid me in writing Gabriel's character.

Besides, who doesn't want to read about a giant, Terminator-Armored badass beat the shit out of people with a Daemonhammer?

All joking aside, I'm glad you are willing to give it a try.

Ssssooooo awesome

8307952
If yo can find a copy of the original, do it. Do not, I repeat, do Not trust the trilogy. It’s,,,, I can’t even begin to express the sheer amount of rage that book gives me.
I know this isn’t the best resource compared to Lexicanum, but here.

8307963
Thank you for letting me know beforehand. I suppose I might as well see if I can trust the version from 3 or the slight appearance of Angelos in 2 and Chaos Rising?

“I am the Raven of Blood, Gabriel Angelos, here to deliver the holy wrath of the Emperor to you, heretics!” Gabriel declared proudly. The remaining Griffonians, which happened to be the few archers, fled, fear evident in their eyes.

Deus Vult, Infidels!

8307979
Well that’s up to you. Canonically he’s a Chapter Master in Terminator armor. Which would make him slow as all hell, but equally as tanky. (Just don’t expect him to be doing any frontflips.) However him in One (My personal favorite) and Two (Not half bad) would be Artificer Armor. A more badass version of standard Power ARmor, with slightly more maneuverability. Either way keep the Daemonhammer, that thing’s awesome. It’s like a amped up version of a Thunderhammer, because screw ranged.

8307979
I personally haven’t played 3 by the way. I’ve just watched absolutely everything I could on it. Compared to 1 and 2 it’s nowhere near as good. One (not counting the expansions) campaign is fabulous.

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Well, there was one scene where he jumped up in the air and did a sort of smash attack, but I probably won't have him jumping around like a rabbit. Maybe I can just have Celestia decide to help him so he doesn't look like a fool by trying to jump. I mean, she can move the sun. She should be able to levitate a guy in Terminator Armor.

But yeah, no more jumping, unless from a high ledge.

8308027
I applaud you sir. Terminator Armor is physically incapable of certain movements. Front Flipping is one of them That’s why the armor has a built in teleporter. Why jump, when you can go front point A to point B instantly?

Celestia turned away from him, observing her guards recovering from the attack. “While it wasn't quite what I had hoped for, you have given me a great weapon, dear sister.” She said, looking at the fleeing moon as she brought the sun up. “For that, I thank you.”

I already don't like her

8307926
That's good, and pretty true. I always did seem to like Gabriel.

I believe this is bound to happen at some point in this story:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR7az78kUmM

8307954
*sighs* Just why ARE YOU EVERYWHERE!!! Are you apart of my imagination?

8308183
NNNOOPPEE

Well.... At least he is not a smurf...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

8307979
If you want the original then it and all it's expansions are available on steam:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/4570/Warhammer_40000_Dawn_of_War__Game_of_the_Year_Edition/

I honestly recommend it.

And on the matter of Terminator Armour jumping. That is a clear sign of the heresy running rampant at the game developers studio. Heck, one of the names for that armour is Tactical Dreadnought Armour. It is in no way agile enough for any jumping. In the current edition of the tabletop game Terminator Armour actually slows the wearer down. It slows down 8-10 foot tall Super Human soldiers strong enough to rip holes through steel plate with their bare hands.

Actually I think ArchWarhammer is far better at explaining this than I am:

EDIT: Don't take me wrong. I'm interested in where you'll take the story. I just tend to get emotional about the hobby seeing as I have played Warhammer 40k for over a decade.

I do love Warhammer this is a great story well done keep it up

For the emperor!!

YESSSSS BLOOD RAVENS

Chapter master Gabriel Angelos I look forward to seeing where this all seems to go.

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/193/719/637.png

Before I read this, what is the Gore tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

8370008
pretty bad bro XD

Are they meant to be Anthro or Humanized Ponies?

8463922
Humanized. It’s meant to make it easier for the Displaced to blend in.

Empress? HERESY!

9772300
We have arrived, and it is now that we perform our charge, in fealty of the Gob Emperor, our undying Lord and by the grace of a Golden throne I declare exterminatus upon the heretical planet equus, I hereby sign the death warrant of an entire world and cosign a million souls to Oblivion, May imperial Justice be right in all balance, the emperor protects