Rainbow Dash finds herself in quite a pickle when her heat arrives earlier than expected... Unfortunately, a mix-up with her estrus medication kicks things into overdrive: Anon and Rainbow Dash are in for a wild ride!
Damn you, Cutie Map! This is soooo not the right time for a 'Friendship Mission', you time-travelling table!
"Well, shucks Anon, right good drubbin' yah' gave her, dincha'?" She chuckled,
From this line onward, Applejack received the wrong colour for her lines - a colour that seems suspiciously similar to the one Fluttershy received...
AJ chuckled, "just get 'yer beauty sleep and Dashie should be able 'tah 'take care of 'yah' in the mornin'..."
...And yet Applejack received no colour here whatsoever. Huh - a colour-based conspiracy? Maybe we should get Paper Mario on this case; he's been needing some love since 2007 (Super Paper Mario is the best in the series, and there's zero chance of convincing me The Thousand-Year Door or 64 are superior - NONE - due to them having several features I absolutely detest. Not going to go into detail, because this is not a Paper Mario forum), and his latest game involved colours.
Oh, and I would love an epilogue - where Rainbow Dash discovers what she actually swallowed, and that she's now pregnant (and Anon's reaction). Not to mention the reactions of Rainbow's parents and Fluttershy (it was her estrus inducer the blue pegasus took, and she's her best friend since foalhood).
Thank you so much for those edits! Just fixed 'em all on the fly!
Re: the color though, it actually was Fluttershy in an AJ suit! That's why AJ was cleaning up so well... OK, not really...the darn Fluttershy color looks suspiciously orange in the selector tool after 12 AM and a couple drinks
Re: Paper Mario I've actually only played Thousand Year Door... I loved it! But everyone has been telling me that the original is the best, and a must play for any true gamer!
Interesting! I may do just that! Might give me a chance to wrap up the AJ angle I opened at the end too!
≥Dr. Vodka thanks for officially being the first person to use my 3R system! You'll go down in history somewhere, I'm sure!!!
I'm so glad I hit 5 on the raunch scale as that was the original goal of the story!
I'm even happy I managed to pull out a 3.5 from you on romance! I agree with you that true romance takes time to develop. I did everything I could to get a touching moment in a chapter of clop, but that's tough! I want to really earn a good solid 5 in a future story where I let the romance stew and bubble up a bit.
On your readability I feel like you were too kind! I've fixed the little issues you and Lucario pointed out, but I'm still annoyed you had to read with such easy-to-catch-in-edit errors assaulting you! Sorry!
To me, every author should strive for 5 in readability, always!
IS it bad that I really want more of this let alone an extra chapter or two of the aftermath along with a possible our man Anon with Applejack or a threesome of him and RD and AJ.
Readability: 5 out of 5 Raunchiness: 5 out of 5 Romance: 4.5 out of 5
Total Score: 4.8 out of 5 - IGN: Needs more chapters!
8331472 I second this notion, seems like a buncha these 'breeding' stories, especially the other one i know that was written based on the picture used for this one, end after the sex. While that can be ok in others, this story had a HUGE leadup about dash drinking the wrong potion, and that she actually drank a CONCENTRATED fertility potion...honestly I wouldn't be surprized if a few months down the road, dash has to stay at Anon's house due to her womb being so swollen she can't fly, while Twilight and the doctors are fussing over her trying to make sure she doesn't literally pop from the dozen or so foals in her.
Yay, long chapter! And none of it was filler. Woohoo!
That was quite the session those two had. Rainbow will have problems walking, sitting... hell, even flying properly for a while after a treatment like that! Though it'll be totally worth it all. They did have a great time together after all! Both of them got all they wanted and more.
That little scene with AJ at the end though... that was quite amusing. Certainly one way to propose a herd
8333554 Yep, spot on with both of these edits yet again! You have a keen eye for detail, sir! You're doing me a great service! If you don't mind I'm going to throw you a mention on any future chapter for the great editing work you've put in!
That was a awesome beyond awesome I give a 5 out of 5 on all three Readability,Raunchiness and Romance I hope there is a sequel will Applejack or more chapters with getting her turn and getting pregnant to😂😂😁😁😄😄😍😍
8490808 Check the epilogue, there's a bit of fun there... Eventually I'll write the follow up fic about how AJ joins the herd, just need the right inspirational pic.
"H-hey, enough *huf*, enough with the talk... I'm not some animal for you to tame Anon... *ummnnnf*" Dash complained, even as Anon's fingers stroked through her delicate primaries and then down her barrel making her rear leg muscles tighten and quiver as her body reacted with waves of sensational pleasure. "S-stop messing *unf*... stop messing around and just buck me already!" Rainbow spat out, stomping one of her powerful forehoofs.
Hey Dash, it's your fault. Remember that you undisciplined, sexist lout.
8534590 8534579 Hey thanks for the comments! Always love feedback!
Alternating caps is meant to be a bit of a visceral way to intimate that the character's voice is breaking without just writing that out descriptively. For some readers the caps will help to put the 'visual' into their mind, but I can see how you may find it a bit off.
As to the name, it's sort of a convention, at first I thought it was lazy compared to having an actual character... Until I've realized that Anon is himself a character, not a placeholder. He's an Everyman with a history, built up through tons of artwork, writing, comics... and he's my favorite human character to play with. I may do name HiE at some point in the future, but for light-clop Anon is a perfect foil!
Anyway, thanks for the read, hope you enjoyed, it was very insightful commentary!
Great story! I like the interactions and all i just think the clop could have been handled better it seemed to drag on for a bit too much to the point where it was a grind to read past it lol. Overall great though!
Now a quick word about Anon (and little Anon). It is a little known fact of the magic that transports Anons to Equestria has a few interesting quirks. For instance, when an Anon is drawn into the world of Equestria, he can choose from among the best physical and mental characteristics of the various Anon's online (on particular boards and websites) at the time of his transportation.
Now a quick word about Anon (and little Anon). It is a little known fact of the magic that transports Anons to Equestria has a few interesting quirks. For instance, when an Anon is drawn into the world of Equestria, he can choose from among the best physical and mental characteristics of the various Anon's online (on particular boards and websites) at the time of his transportation.
In this case, there happened to be one particularly well endowed Anon online who could attain a throbbing, wrist-thick, uncircumcised 9-inch erection along with a pair of heavy low-hanging balls. As such, our current Anon found himself very much in the well-endowed department. With his rugged, frankly slightly intimidating, human cock he could compete with some of the largest earth-pony stallions, and would easily put unicorn and pegasus stallions to shame...
Okay, one, this is so fucking meta, it hurts. Two, remember to wash yer foreskin. Three, this is a very good way of explaining this type of shit.
Wrong colour used here, by the way - not shown in the quote, but Control+F (or Command+F if using Mac) for it, and you'll see what I mean.
Same thing here.
No space between 'who' and 'was'.
No colour.
Same here.
Damn you, Cutie Map! This is soooo not the right time for a 'Friendship Mission', you time-travelling table!
From this line onward, Applejack received the wrong colour for her lines - a colour that seems suspiciously similar to the one Fluttershy received...
...And yet Applejack received no colour here whatsoever. Huh - a colour-based conspiracy? Maybe we should get Paper Mario on this case; he's been needing some love since 2007 (Super Paper Mario is the best in the series, and there's zero chance of convincing me The Thousand-Year Door or 64 are superior - NONE - due to them having several features I absolutely detest. Not going to go into detail, because this is not a Paper Mario forum), and his latest game involved colours.
Oh, and I would love an epilogue - where Rainbow Dash discovers what she actually swallowed, and that she's now pregnant (and Anon's reaction).
Not to mention the reactions of Rainbow's parents and Fluttershy (it was her estrus inducer the blue pegasus took, and she's her best friend since foalhood).
8331437
Dude, you are freakin' awesome!!!!!
Thank you so much for those edits! Just fixed 'em all on the fly!
Re: the color though, it actually was Fluttershy in an AJ suit! That's why AJ was cleaning up so well... OK, not really...the darn Fluttershy color looks suspiciously orange in the selector tool after 12 AM and a couple drinks
Re: Paper Mario I've actually only played Thousand Year Door... I loved it! But everyone has been telling me that the original is the best, and a must play for any true gamer!
8331445
8331472
Interesting! I may do just that! Might give me a chance to wrap up the AJ angle I opened at the end too!
≥Dr. Vodka thanks for officially being the first person to use my 3R system! You'll go down in history somewhere, I'm sure!!!
I'm so glad I hit 5 on the raunch scale as that was the original goal of the story!
I'm even happy I managed to pull out a 3.5 from you on romance! I agree with you that true romance takes time to develop. I did everything I could to get a touching moment in a chapter of clop, but that's tough! I want to really earn a good solid 5 in a future story where I let the romance stew and bubble up a bit.
On your readability I feel like you were too kind! I've fixed the little issues you and Lucario pointed out, but I'm still annoyed you had to read with such easy-to-catch-in-edit errors assaulting you! Sorry!
To me, every author should strive for 5 in readability, always!
IS it bad that I really want more of this let alone an extra chapter or two of the aftermath along with a possible our man Anon with Applejack or a threesome of him and RD and AJ.
Readability: 5 out of 5
Raunchiness: 5 out of 5
Romance: 4.5 out of 5
Total Score: 4.8 out of 5 - IGN: Needs more chapters!
8331472
I second this notion, seems like a buncha these 'breeding' stories, especially the other one i know that was written based on the picture used for this one, end after the sex. While that can be ok in others, this story had a HUGE leadup about dash drinking the wrong potion, and that she actually drank a CONCENTRATED fertility potion...honestly I wouldn't be surprized if a few months down the road, dash has to stay at Anon's house due to her womb being so swollen she can't fly, while Twilight and the doctors are fussing over her trying to make sure she doesn't literally pop from the dozen or so foals in her.
fire
it burns
with a vengeance
8331895
I know! I read that other story and wasn't surprised someone else had seen the picture and gotten inspired to write a similar story.
Tell you what, if I get a couple more requests for an epilogue, I'll write one! I'm already at 3 requests to see a preggers RD
8332140
Would recommend you see a doctor,
8332238
ill set ye hose on fier
epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue!!!
epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue epilogue!!!!!!!!!!!!! with an army
Definitely needs an epilogue.
Yay, long chapter! And none of it was filler. Woohoo!
That was quite the session those two had. Rainbow will have problems walking, sitting... hell, even flying properly for a while after a treatment like that!
Though it'll be totally worth it all. They did have a great time together after all!
Both of them got all they wanted and more.
That little scene with AJ at the end though... that was quite amusing. Certainly one way to propose a herd
8333554
Yep, spot on with both of these edits yet again! You have a keen eye for detail, sir! You're doing me a great service! If you don't mind I'm going to throw you a mention on any future chapter for the great editing work you've put in!
That was a awesome beyond awesome I give a 5 out of 5 on all three Readability,Raunchiness and Romance I hope there is a sequel will Applejack or more chapters with getting her turn and getting pregnant to😂😂😁😁😄😄😍😍
8334012
Thank you! Hope you enjoy the epilogue I just added.
Now I wanna see this Anon get it on with Applejack.
8490808
Check the epilogue, there's a bit of fun there... Eventually I'll write the follow up fic about how AJ joins the herd, just need the right inspirational pic.
Hey Dash, it's your fault. Remember that you undisciplined, sexist lout.
I thought about alternating caps like this...but now I never will. It's so cringy
Also, stop cheating with *hiccup*.
"Grippier" Whose phrasing is this, the Author's or Samuel's? (I refuse to use "anon", so cheap and lazy)
8534590
8534579
Hey thanks for the comments! Always love feedback!
Alternating caps is meant to be a bit of a visceral way to intimate that the character's voice is breaking without just writing that out descriptively. For some readers the caps will help to put the 'visual' into their mind, but I can see how you may find it a bit off.
As to the name, it's sort of a convention, at first I thought it was lazy compared to having an actual character... Until I've realized that Anon is himself a character, not a placeholder. He's an Everyman with a history, built up through tons of artwork, writing, comics... and he's my favorite human character to play with. I may do name HiE at some point in the future, but for light-clop Anon is a perfect foil!
Anyway, thanks for the read, hope you enjoyed, it was very insightful commentary!
Great story! I like the interactions and all i just think the clop could have been handled better it seemed to drag on for a bit too much to the point where it was a grind to read past it lol. Overall great though!
Wow. (Lights a cigarette)
8782623
Thanks! I take that as a compliment. :)
Holy shitbiscuit….
everything is 5 and above!
10020730
Thank you!
Interesting fact
Okay, one, this is so fucking meta, it hurts. Two, remember to wash yer foreskin. Three, this is a very good way of explaining this type of shit.
Imma go hide in my hole now...