He was just a driver that promised to take his friends to that convention and while he waited he decided to buy something for his ever growing collection. Then the Merchant displaced him but something caught him before he arrived at his destination.
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UPDATE!!!! There is just to much to like and be intrigued about to be able to say much but good chapter and looking forward to more.
Dear lord! Your wold building is fantastic! Any hint if the equestrians will make an appearance and is so, when?
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Aside from mentions, flashbacks and occasionally spying/scrying, not for a... while.
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If you remember from the earlier chapters this story FOR NOW takes 1 year before the first episode of the show
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More specifically the Summer Sun Celebration —a.k.a. Summer Solstice— on the year before Season 1 starts.
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So at what point in time are we now? So far it seems to have been a few weeks since ole Grogy woke up.
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Right now, around 7 weeks since the start of the story, give or take a day.
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Only that long? In the words of Alucard: Anderson! Its been days but it feels like years!
Yadda yadda yadda, sorry but really just skim the story. Wonder if any of this would be related to take over world or just kill the two sisters and the main/mane six. Got a feeling the main character would turn good or something. Really happens alot. Like really alot. Iike going to a gay club and sex happens in every room alot. Besides that, you Mr author have a awesome imagination and collected process. If that means anything *shrugs*
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I started more to exercise world building than anything else and I'm making up as I go. Also, thanks for the compliment.
The overload that's the villain from Ninjago an evil spirit whith that name
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Really? I never saw ninjago, so I wouldn't know. In this case I just meant the textbook definition of overlord, that being "a ruler of rulers" or "Anyone with overarching power or authority in a given domain".
When Will We Get To Equestria I Want To See Celestia And Luna's Reaction
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It might take a while.
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For this story, I don't know. I'm kinda losing interesting in this story, but I kinda have most of the draft for the next chapter ready, so probably the next month at the earliest.
Hm... To be perfectly honest, it took some 10 chapters for the Universe to take shape enough to get some story going. It was nice and slow there, then it got downright boring. There's only so much information a brain can take in before slowly grinding to a halt and refusing to accept more.
If you introduce characters, do something with them. If you don't, they're going to just vanish in a few chapters - and it's like you haven't introduced them at all. It really feels like I'm expected to memorize an extended pantheon, and I keep looking around for the test on that chart.
It took 10 chapters to bring us to the point where we - only now - get to the realization that there's a story happening in the background, and plot starts to kick in. There's a lot of world-building, sure, but it's happening up-front, and by the time we're expected to be familiar with it (when the action kicks in), most of it will be forgotten.
The story has potential, sure, especially considering that it takes place within the universe but doesn't rightly touch Equestria itself. But even there, I have some issues - most notably with the protagonist: he's clearly level-headed enough to make good, rational decisions... He's clearly capable of joy, love and compassion. Why would he still be bent on revenge? That sort of thing never ends well, and worse - he should be well aware of that, both through his centures and the fact that his new "core spirit" should be genre-savvy enough to see the pitfalls. What's the point? He only stands to destroy all that has grown in his absence...
I think there's a nice story in all of this, but as it is - it needs a lot of rewriting to move information around. It should also get a move on with the plot, and I feel there should be a cut-back on the pop-culture references. If you need to put up an A4 page of explanations for various things after the chapter in question, you're doing it wrong.
Also, it seems the author is aware of the glacial pace, seeing as they've tried to speed things up by magicking up a speedy transportation device. It makes some sense, but completely breaks the atmosphere set up in the previous chapters - the one of leisurely exploration is replaced with purposeful zipping around. And I fear, once this part of the journey is done - this ship will disappear like many other things, never to be mentioned again.
Stick to the story, stick to what the reader can see, and gradually expand their view of the world as they get familiar with already existing elements. There's an interesting story to be told here - one of betrayal, and possibly healing and reconciliation - but right now it's buried under a mountain of facts and exposition.
Stick with it, and good luck - I'd love to read the revised edition!
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Yeah, I just did this story on a whim, it was actually supposed to be a one-shot but I'm kinda treating it like a D&D campaign and just making the world along as I go.
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Well, that does sort of make sense, in that context. But, you know, peeps come in expecting a story, not a play-by-play. :)
But like I said, I'd like to get the chance to read a revised, edited version. There's a fun, original story in there... somewhere. ;]
make more chapters please
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All my stories are on hiatus, for now. I'm focusing on my studies IRL, plus I'm thinking about rewriting this story but I'm not sure about it yet.
Um... whens the next chapter coming up?
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I'm not really sure, IRL stuff happening.