The Janitor of Canterlot Castle

by Lavaman

Silent Lessons with Silent Chuck

As yet another grueling day has ended, I head over to my bed eager to get some sleep. I'm really hungry, but I could give a crap about Bran Crunch again. Today wasn't too bad, at least. I only had one run-in with Princess Butt Cheek, which was in the hallway. She surprisingly was able to get the cup to her mouth this time! I was also able to finish cleaning the stained glass. Luckily, Princess Celestia wasn't there to take away my classical music. So, it was overall a fairly good day.

I lay down in my rock of a bed. As my eye lids start to meet 'n greet the other part of my eye, I hear a loud noise. "Couch Potato..." I whisper. I know I can't do anything about it, because then he'll just scream "I HAVE RIGHTS!!!" and slam the door on me. Thankfully, I was able to buy a pair of high-quality ear muffs. I've been saving up for those just for this moment. I put them on and.... complete silence. I gently fall into a deep sleep.

The same as other mornings, I am awoken by my noisy alarm clock. I do my usual morning routine as I would before I go to work. Right when I am about to try and make my hair look nice, I notice: IT'S SATURDAY!!!! Thank Celestia, heck, maybe even Princess Butt Cheek! I was so happy, that I smiled again. It hurt. I'm usually not this excited about Saturdays, but this week had been really rough on me; four ninja infestations, ninety-two coffee stains, and a whole lot of other duties a custodian must take care of. I head out my door early, knowing Silent Chuck is at the Warehouse all the time.

I head down the street and into the dark alleyway. I tap the door three times and again after five seconds. Silent Chuck slips a note underneath the door saying "McPlooty!" Why McPlooty? That's what he calls me. I have no idea why he does, but that's what he always slips under the door. It's like his version of "Come in!"

I walk into the musty Warehouse filled with cobwebs from head to toe. About a million cardboard boxes are everywhere. "The Warehouse" was a warehouse at some point, until the company went bankrupt or something like that. In the middle of the room is an old computer on top of a cardboard box. Next to it is Silent Chuck, in his Fedora and trench coat. Many of you maybe asking, "What does Silent Chuck look like?" and stuff like that. To be honest, I have no idea. I don't know if he's a unicorn, pegasus, or earth pony. I don't know his cutie mark, his mane color. I do know he has gray fur. I don't know the color of his eyes, as he also wears huge sunglasses.

I sit down in front of the computer. Silent Chuck slips me a note explaining some basic programming for the game we've been working on. I'm not going to explain what it says, because you may not know it. (Also, the author of this story doesn't know any coding) So, I do as the note says following every step. During this entire process, he slips me about three other notes, telling me about mistakes and tips. I do wish he never got his tongue cut off.

I finish the last line of code, and Silent Chuck slips me yet another note. "Alright! Great! We're all finished with the coding for the game! Now, we need to work on graphic..." I forgot about graphics. I know that's usually the designer's job, but Silent Chuck is teaching me both skills. "SC, I don't wanna! You know I can't draw worth a crap!" I say like a two-year old child. I can only assume he looks at me stubbornly and he slips me another note: "Pillows, do the graphics! I mean, I'm not asking you to do 3D graphics or anything, just pixels!" I cross my front legs and look away. Yeah, I can be really stubborn sometimes.

"How 'bout this? If you can beat me in a Kafoodle fight, I'll do the graphics." Challenge accepted. What's a Kafoodle fight? Again, Silent Chuck makes up a lot of stuff. Not just words, but so much stuff as well. So a Kafoodle fight is a one-on-one fight with another pony. You get to choose from two weapons: a potato or a candy cane. Potato is used for long range while a candy cane is used for close combat. The pony who wins is the one who doesn't get hit by the candy cane or potato in one minute.

I choose the candy cane. This isn't your average candy cane. This is possibly the world's longest candy cane. I examine it, making sure it is clean and safe to use. It is always important to examine your candy cane before fighting. One guy lost his eye and ear in one of these fights using an unsafe candy cane. I'll spare you the details. I see that Silent Chuck chose the potato. You have to be a master to use a potato, as you only get one and you have to retrieve it if you miss. SC nods at me, telling me to start the countdown. "3,2,1...GO!!!" I yell. We charge at each other.

He throws the potato at me. I dodge it successfully. And he does the same when I try to strike him. Using his... Silent Chuck powers, I guess, he jumps over me and retrieves his potato. I try to strike again, but he yet again dodges. He then uses a move that can be very effective, but it also costs you: he slices his potato eight times, and throws the slices at me all at once. He's screwed. I dodge all of them. I charge with my candy cane over to him, but he puts a hoof out and stops me. He points at my mane. There's a potato wedge in it. "CRAP!!!" I say.

Well, that's what this day has been like so far. I know it may seem boring for you guys, but I find it really fun. Hey, it's the only happy thing in my life. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to go draw horrible graphics.

Author's Note: The next chapter won't be for a while, so hang tight, guys!
-Freeze

Comments

[Mr Foster]

I was laughing so hard at the potato and candy cane fight, I even fell out of my chair.

[LordGremlin]

how did he cut the potato?

[Gaia]

now i know what i will be doing at work when its slow as molasses!

[Freeze]

889091
With his Silent Chuck powers, of course! :D
893946
Thanks for the feedback! :D

[CanterlotGuardian]

That may have been the funniest pony on pony fight I've ever read. Well done.

[Evil Paladin]

The weaponized candy cane reminded me of a D&D story my DM once told me about. It was a x-mas themed session and there was an enchanted weapon that looked like a candy cane normally, but when licked, it would turn into a +2 longsword (or some sword like that)

[Science-Mare]

ninety-two coffee stains

....damn