The Janitor of Canterlot Castle

by Lavaman

A Basic Day

In the wee hours of the morning, I am rudely awakened by my noisy alarm clock. I hit it lightly; the last one broke when I hit it with my hoof. I slowly but surely get out of bed. I realize this is my life and moan. Trying my best to ignore the many dripping sounds coming from the ceiling, I head towards the kitchen to find something for breakfast. "Just my luck!" I say, opening the cabinet "Bran Crunch! The worst cereal in Equestria!" I take out a bowl and pour the cereal in. As I open the fridge, I find that the milk is spoiled and unusable. This will make the cereal taste even worse.

After my disgusting breakfast, I head over to the bathroom to at least try and look decent for work. That's tough. Whenever I wake up my mane is like a haphazardly thrown-together pile of hair. I do my best to comb it, but to no avail. As I head over to the shower to not smell like barf, the water is as cold as ice. Thanks, Freeze, for making my life the worst.

After my chilling shower, I find it is already time to go to work. I only have five minutes to get there before Celestia has my butt in the streets without a job. I run over to the castle as quickly as I can, with about a minute to spare. Celestia is there waiting for me impatiently. "Late again, are we?" she asks. I take it as a rhetorical question. "Anyway, ninjas have infested the basement, again, and I need you to exterminate them. Also, Luna accidentally spilled her coffee in the hallway outside her room. Clean it up, please. Finally, I need you to clean all the stained glass. All this needs to be done by tomorrow or we'll be looking at some serious issues!" she walks off. I swear, I wanna give her a swift kick in the face sometimes.

I head to my "office", I guess you could call it that. All it is is a small closet with all the crap I need to take care of ninjas, coffee stains, and stained glass. And other stuff too, like my uniform and my headphones. Ugh, I hate my uniform. It smells like mothballs, and I occasionally find a cockroach in there. Also, it chafes me. My headphones do give me some comfort at least. I grab all my gear and head to the basement.

Man, I hate going down there. The basement is like the giant maw of a dragon. It's old, smelly, and dark. I find the light switch after a good minute of wandering aimlessly through the darkness. When I flick it on, I see about ten humanoid creatures in black outfits congregated in a circle. They stop whatever they were doing and look at me. That's when they hide. There's only one way to get ninjas, and that is by letting them come to you. How do you do this? Put out some shurikens in the middle of the floor and they come running to admire the steel. Sometimes, they throw them at me, but not too often. I catch them all after a while and start to wonder if I should put them in Celestia's room.

A huge smile comes over my face. It hurts, because I don't smile very much, but it would be very funny and great revenge. Then I think about what would happen. I can't afford to get fired. So, I chuck them out of a castle window and they hurtle one thousand feet off the mountainside castle. "And stay out!" I scream. Now, to do the next chore. Cleaning out Luna's mistake.

Now, let me tell you something. So Luna seems like she's the one who is kind and all that stuff. Wrong! She's very mean to ponies (especially janitors) and is possibly the only pony not smarter than me. Sorry to Luna fans, but in this story she is. Deal with it. So I head to the hallway, and, speak of the devil, there is her royal butt cheek herself. She's just standing there, I guess waiting for me or something. "I have been waiting all day for you to come and clean this coffee stain!" she yells. I think to myself: What, do you think when I clean the stain, it'll pop back into your cup?. I giggle to myself quietly. So, here I am, cleaning up this coffee stain in this rug with Princess Butt Cheek standing over me with an angry look on her face. After I clean up her entire accident, she walks off, possibly getting another cup of coffee to spill it on the rug again.

Now, for my last task of the day which will take all day and lead into tomorrow: cleaning the stained glass. When I enter the hall, Princess Celestia is in there doing something. I never know what she's up to, but I can only guess that she's plotting to take over the world or something like that with the Elements of Harmony. Anyway, I do what I'm supposed to, cleaning the windows. I turn on my music as I listen to Octavia play her cello. It soothes me, and I notice I start to clean to the music. I guess Princess Celestia noticed, and thought it was a distraction. So guess what? She took away my music and then she started to listen to it. Like I said, sometimes she's a butt like her sister.

When my day has ended, I clock out. Yeah, noticed how I never said anything about lunch? I don't get a lunch break. So by the time I get home, not only am I exhausted from cleaning out coffee mistakes, but am so hungry, I could eat a horse. Wait, cannibalism is illegal. So, I settle with some more delicious Bran Crunch. Yum. After that, I set my alarm again and go to bed in my moldy, uncomfortable bed. The next day, I'll do it all again and I'll probably have to clean out another coffee stain.

Aw well.

Author's Note: Hey guys! Tell me what you think about this story. If you like it, tell me why, and vice versa. I love to hear feedback!
-Freeze

Comments

[RandomUser1]

I like this story already mostly because I've never thought to think about the crappy lives some ponies have to live with. But I don't see in which direction this story is going.

[Mr Foster]

I Loved the Ninja part. I was expecting some type of janitorial work (Is that a word?) like a leak, but instead, you go with ninjas. Just like on Mad TV.

Anyway, I really enjoy the story, and I hope you post more.

Have my like and Favorite, oh, and this too.iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/132603980888s.gif?1327826490

[Freeze]

881838
Thanks for the comment! And sorry if you're confused as to where this story is going. Pretty much every chapter will be a small daily 'adventure' of sorts that Pillows has to go on. That's at least what I'm planning right now.
881885
Thanks for the like and fav! I do plan on continuing this story. Also, please comment on my most recent blog post. I want to see what people think of that story.
882112
Advertising, are we?

[LordGremlin]

heh, ninja infestation.

[Freeze]

882270
I'm writing another chapter, so keep an eye out!

[CanterlotGuardian]

Another good chapter.

[Science-Mare]

Oh....now I can remove that pesky ninja hiding under my bed. Thanks for the instructions.